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Thread: Pros and Cons of Marriage

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    Dizzy Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I am trying to figure out more info about marriage. It seems like something most women and even some men want.

    Would life still be fulfilling without the marriage experience?

    What at are the pluses and what are the downsides to marrying someone?
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Featured Member wish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Cons - possibly choosing the wrong person
    Pro - love
    Con- looking at the same person for the rest of forever
    Pro- not being alone
    Con- being responsible to someone else
    Pro- positive family structure


    I could go on all day. Personally I'd love to be one of those ex wives that still gets along with her ex husband.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Would love to be in a marriage like some of my cousins are in. 20+ years and still act like bf/gf. I think it may be a cultural thing tho....

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Are we talking about on paper or going all the way committing?

    If we are talking about legal, on paper, the government says you get these benefits:
    1) you can be under his health insurance if he has it through his work (well even if it's not through work) (this also applies vice-versa)
    2) if there's a medical emergency you can be there and you have a say in things
    3) having a spouse can reduce your taxes

    Cons:
    1) it could reduce financial aid if you are in school
    2) depending on where you are at it can be a pain to get out of if you change your mind
    3) depending on how well you are doing there could be alimony issues if anything does happen in the future

    Other thoughts that are a bit less general:
    1) you have the option of taking his name, which can be a pretty option if you are not on the best terms with your father. You both could also choose to change your last name for kicks and giggles and happiness too
    2) getting married on paper could make it hard to hide your relationship. I'm personally not ready for two people to know. One I know won't take it well because he has held a long term grudge and the other, my dad, I don't know what to expect from.
    3) there was something else I was thinking of during 2 of cons, but I can't remember it...I'll leave this as a placeholder

    Honestly for me I'm thinking about the things above more than the love and commitment aspect. Marriage won't change how I much I love and am committed to him, nor will it change how I act towards him. I also don't think we can see the future and if it turns out the relationship doesn't work, I don't think that marriage should force two people to suffer a miserable life.

    Just my two cents ^_^ No matter what I think you will make the right choice for you and I wish you the best.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    The pros: Fuck yeah, i'm married!

    The cons: Fuck, i'm married.
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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    On the pro side, marriage has a lot of legal benefits. It also is nice to have a companion, and it makes it much harder for your spouse to just leave without warning. It's nice to know that you've got someone who is on your side. Also, there are financial benefits to marriage. Right now I'm building my real estate business and my husband is taking care of most of our expenses while I'm in the building process. When he started his construction company in 2003, I danced my ass off to cover our living expenses until his business was producing income.

    Cons: People change. You may be married to a different person than you thought due to a variety of reasons. You are also marrying their family and any ex's if they have kids. Becoming a step parent is very challenging, especially if you are marrying a father of daughters. The divorce rate of dads with daughters is extremely high for 2nd marriages, something like 93%. It is slightly lower for dads of sons, like 80%. So if you are marrying a man with children from a previous marriage, you will have to work hard to beat the odds.

    Other cons: If you make the wrong decision, and need to divorce later, the financial hit to your credit/lifestyle is enormous. It is similar to going through bankruptcy, and often divorce leads to bankruptcy.

    However, in divorce, if you stayed home to raise kids while your spouse worked full time, you have the legal right to a portion of their retirement income. This is also something to think about before marrying a previously divorced person.

    Being married seems to increase your social standing, more so for men than women, but there is also a reputation bump for married women vs. single women. Single men are discriminated against due to being perceived as suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome, which is unfair but how employers and potential clients view a single man, especially if he is over 30.

    Being single as a career woman may be seen as a positive. There is a perception that single moms are difficult to employ due to erratic schedule needs caring for children alone.

    I don't know how those perceptions play out for same sex couples.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by wish View Post
    Personally I'd love to be one of those ex wives that still gets along with her ex husband.
    He he. That's me. The marriage was a big mistake (together 12 years), but as a friend (and sometimes friend with benefits) he is good.

    He was too much of a Mama's boy, and being married to him, really was marrying into his family. A very close knit "Everybody Loves Raymond" type of family. In addition to other issues....

    I don't think I ever want to marry again (male or female), but that is just me. The legal benefits in my particular case did not help me, and the legal detriments of marriage hurt me. That of course depends on everyone's own circumstances. If I met Miss or Mr right, and the legal benefits of marriage would help both of us, who knows? I might reconsider. I definitely would not jump into it, that is for sure.
    Last edited by PSOcodemonkey; 05-05-2016 at 07:26 PM.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I'm personally getting married because to me it shows real commitment, not that you can't have commitment without marriage but like tour said it makes things a lot harder to just walk out. You're standing in front of everyone and legally being joined as a couple, it's a legal document not a " I feel in love today" thing. I feel more strongly about that part as I have a child. I also like the tax/financial benefits.
    Cons is that,well, it's a helluva lot harder to talk away like I said above. Alimony payments, the money and lawyers,and court dates added to heart ache.

    I think unless you are 100% sure and VERY committed to making things work (both of you) through thick and thin and really up to keeping everything honest, respectful, committed, and keeping communication open..then just don't. Marriage is very serious and long term relationships take work

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I'm a newlywed recently married. But we've been together almost four years now. Its my first and his second. He has a child from the previous relationship that we are now raising together. Getting married for the two of us just made sense because we both have parents that were married 30plus years. As rebellious as I am I need commitment also like someone already said a positive family structure. I've always been a hard worker but from time to time I have fallen off the rails. Spending money on the dumbest shit. Now I have a reason to be held accountable. I started small with a garden, then a dog and now I have a big puppy/husband that follows me around and laughs at my goofy jokes.

    On the practical side of things you are way more attractive to lenders vs being solo. At least for me. remember I've fallen off the rails a few times. We just bought a house near a major city. Own my own...a condo it is!

    For the Con's: I have a big puppy following me around. Lol The plus and negatives are sometimes the same. I have to check in through out the day. No more adventures all over the city with the windows down and the music bumping. I have to go home there are people there who wanna see me. I can't go to my dark places like before. But really these are not con's? More like blessings

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I don't need to marry & I won't. In some states the way the law works can really hurt you if you marry the wrong person.

    IMO people should use marriage for legal/financial advantages.

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I swear I'm not being a troll but I truly feel like the people I've dealt with who really really want to be married are either user personalities or super needy/insecure.

    I just don't understand it.

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    God/dess Zofia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I live with my BF. We aren't married. The main reasons are taxes, and commitment. We are committed, but not fully committed and happy that way.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    I swear I'm not being a troll but I truly feel like the people I've dealt with who really really want to be married are either user personalities or super needy/insecure.

    I just don't understand it.
    Lol. Some parts of the world marriage is seen as some holy grail experience and single people discriminated against because of their marital status. So maybe the people who seems overly needy about wanting to be married really just to have the privileges and the pros that comes along with marriage.

    Maybe Seeing the pros and the cons keeps people more realistic.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Veteran Member LizzyMe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I think that when people get married they have higher expectations of the other person. Also, those things that didn't bother you when you were dating or living with that person somehow drives you crazy now that you have that piece of paper stating that you are married. Sometimes, when you are living with or dating someone, they tend to treat you better because they know it is easier to leave them, than if you two were married.

    The pros to marriage is if with the right partner it is for better and worse. To have a spouse that is totally there for you in sickness and health, shares your sense of humor, supportive, trustworthy and truly loves you is very beautiful, but sometimes it can be hard to find this.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    SnuffleUffleGrass,
    I believe that it is a cultural difference. For me, marriage is apart of my cultural heritage and family traditions. No one in my family marries for romantic love because romantic love is a foreign concept that was not taught nor encourage.Other things were taught about marriage such as commitment or friendship and it seem to work well. Getting married for money, power, property, benefits, comfort, business, cultural reasons,or convenience makes much sense to me. That is how people got married in my family for centuries and it did not change even in America.Personally, I will never understand romantic love nor pretend to. That is a western concept for me that I could not nor would not accept. That why I failed at dating and romantic relationships in the western sense. Until I accepted my family traditions and rules for relationships; I was a romantic failure. Now, Men and I get what we want other of relationships. Of course, they must provide for me financially but we have a good time, great friendship, and wonderful sensual relationship.So, marriage is much more about money, power, culture, and family traditions for me. When I would enter into a marriage with a man; it is about comfort,money ,commitment, culture,great friendship, mutual trust and family traditions. Well that is just my two cents


    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    I swear I'm not being a troll but I truly feel like the people I've dealt with who really really want to be married are either user personalities or super needy/insecure.

    I just don't understand it.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    All I've seen is, whatever you do, make the right choice. I have several divorced friends and their lives are consumed by bitterness and hatred. Most of the married guys I know, they constantly chase tail and have "burner phones" and all that. The only "happily married" fairy tale marriages I know, one the guy won't tell his wife he is gay, and the other they are very rich, he is a judge, they have a beautiful house and basically rule their town, are in church every week, are "respected and loved" and are both gay but playing straight. The rest are, like, they fight a lot but get by.
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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    But how do you know what's "the right choice"? I'm sure some divorced people thought they were making the right choice at the time.

    Are there things that a person would do that would make you not marry them?
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I agree with a lot of the Pros and Cons listed above. This includes the Cons about leaving a marriage, but that is the whole point in a way. Marriage is supposed to be a lasting commitment where two people agree to take care of each other and work together for their mutual benefit. It's a tough gig over the long haul as it requires work and sacrifices, which some people can handle and others simply cannot.

    But with all of that said, I think the single most important part of being married involves children. For a number of economic, social and psychological reasons, on average, children from intact homes tend to fare better in life than those who are from broken homes. Even putting aside the big thing like dual income or one parent always being home for the child, either of which is huge, the snubs, hurts and social challenges that children without married parents face start as soon as they are old enough to understand the dynamics of other kids' households.

    It is not just the direct stuff either, such as the hurt that children face when they see other kids' intact homes and the pain they feel when they believe that one parent did not want them. Parents who are married get a lot more respect from other married parents, schools and other people and organizations, which in turn opens up more doors for their kids - even with stuff as simple as friends, play dates and social circles.

    Would I be married if I did not have kids? It is hard to say for sure. But for me the Pros relating to my children outweigh any Cons imaginable.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I agree with a lot of the Pros and Cons listed above. This includes the Cons about leaving a marriage, but that is the whole point in a way. Marriage is supposed to be a lasting commitment where two people agree to take care of each other and work together for their mutual benefit. It's a tough gig over the long haul as it requires work and sacrifices, which some people can handle and others simply cannot.

    But with all of that said, I think the single most important part of being married involves children. For a number of economic, social and psychological reasons, on average, children from intact homes tend to fare better in life than those who are from broken homes. Even putting aside the big thing like dual income or one parent always being home for the child, either of which is huge, the snubs, hurts and social challenges that children without married parents face start as soon as they are old enough to understand the dynamics of other kids' households.

    It is not just the direct stuff either, such as the hurt that children face when they see other kids' intact homes and the pain they feel when they believe that one parent did not want them. Parents who are married get a lot more respect from other married parents, schools and other people and organizations, which in turn opens up more doors for their kids - even with stuff as simple as friends, play dates and social circles.

    Would I be married if I did not have kids? It is hard to say for sure. But for me the Pros relating to my children outweigh any Cons imaginable.
    Sorry but I do not agree with this at all. Growing up, I lived with my mom and did not even see my dad again til I hit 15. Then they got back together and I hated it. I hate my mom with a guy. She becomes completely inattentive to her children when she's with a guy, versus focusing on my needs when she's single. That's the summary of my childhood. Many if not most parents are more selfish together than as single parents IMO. There's another body to take care of, and lots of energy going into co-household responsibilities. I never felt like one parent didn't want me lol. I felt like both had goals and personalities that did not mesh together so it would be inhibiting to all parties involved, including myself, if they were still together.

    I never felt any hurt even once when I saw other kid's intact families. In fact, those kids were often the ones that had the most problems. The kids always found out about the parent's secrets. The dads sending "sexy" cheating emails and secret dating site profiles, and the moms sending sexy bathtub photos. Those are true stories. Those kids were a mess because the parents forced everyone including the kid to live a lie. My mom on the other hand was upfront and honest. Most of those kids had soooo many problems, I swear. One dad basically hypermonitored the mom's every move and her daughter (my friend) was extremely creeped out by it. Another girl hated her step dad and the step dad baited situations in order to send her off to an institutionalized boarding school for years. Literally all the people I know who had single parent moms had the best time ever. Super lax household, getting what they want, lots of attention (sometimes too much). I much preferred those friends.

    Literally no one cared that I came from a single parent home. This isn't the 1950s. And I'm front the generation that is pushing 30s now. No one cared at all. Income mattered, but it still is irrelevant when comparing single to dual households because if a woman has a baby with a rich husband, she will get a lot of child support. And if a woman has a baby with a poor husband, they are still a poor family. That's really the only thing that did matter, and only to a smaller % of people. And this is coming from me living in a very poor area yet going to a school with a lot of wealthy kids. It probably would have been different if everyone was roughly the same income demographic.
    Last edited by Velveteen.Rabbit; 05-06-2016 at 11:22 AM.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    But how do you know what's "the right choice"? I'm sure some divorced people thought they were making the right choice at the time.

    Are there things that a person would do that would make you not marry them?
    Plan your divorce first. If you can project what it may be like to get divorced from your betrothed, and you think they will treat you and any future children fairly, then go ahead and get married. If you fear your partner will be selfish and petty in a divorce, perhaps taking the plunge is not really the right way to go.

    A lot of people don't like to think about divorce BEFORE they get married, but it's a little like writing your Last Will and Testament. It's a "just in case" scenario. And with something like 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, even if you think yours won't, it is a good exercise to have a plan in place anyway.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by velveteen.rabbit View Post
    sorry but i do not agree with this at all. Growing up, i lived with my mom and did not even see my dad again til i hit 15. Then they got back together and i hated it. I hate my mom with a guy. She becomes completely inattentive to her children when she's with a guy, versus focusing on my needs when she's single. That's the summary of my childhood.
    15? I think you may be confusing being a child with being a teenager.

    But I agree with you, your mom should have known better than to have tried to have a outside life that didn't completely revolve around her teenager daughter. How selfish of her.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    IMO it depends on the type of person you are. There isn't one answer because everybody is different. When you are in relationships do you want(need) them to revolve around you? Then maybe marriage isn't for you. You can semi-seriously date forever, and it would meet your needs perfectly.

    Marriage is more of a partnership, the needs of another person are equal to yours. And if you have kids, their needs trump yours for about 5 years.....

    I think you find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with FIRST. Then you start asking these questions......no need to worry about it until then.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    15? I think you may be confusing being a child with being a teenager.

    But I agree with you, your mom should have known better than to have tried to have a outside life that didn't completely revolve around her teenager daughter. How selfish of her.
    What I wrote is correct. Anything below 18 is a child. And I was referring to ages 7-12 when I mentioned the "summary of my childhood" because my mother dated other men before she got back with my dad when I was 15, but never for long since I hated it so much

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    That being said, unless you and your spouse are bffs and just so happen to always grow in the same direction, you'll probably end up divorced. Marriage was an institution developed before technology. By the time you married, you had met pretty much everyone you were ever going to meet, and that's why it worked. Now, not only do you meet new people constantly for the rest of your life, you are constantly exposed to new interests and hobbies via technological communications via the Internet.

    The dire problem with this is that it is essential for women to have a well paying job, or the ability to get one, before they have kids IMO. Because you never know when your husband will divorce you. If he's wealthy then it doesn't matter as much because you'll get child support money. But if he isn't wealthy, you're fucked. This is why, on other threads, I've argued with women (and men) that a woman's career and earning potential should and does matter regardless if she's hot. It sure as hell should matter if you want kids or have them already.

    I've seen all my mom's friends go from married to money to being poor and not being able to afford basic upkeep on their appearance. They became really bitter and mean. I watched it all firsthand.

    If you think a wife or mother's earning potential doesn't matter, then this is what happens: I've met a lot of husbands who pretend to their wife how great their relationship is, and then bolt the minute the kids turn 18 so they don't have to pay child support. All while secretly dating women on the side and never revealing they are married or seeing other women. Personally, I would not want to be stuck in a situation like that. Regardless, women are getting the short end of the stick. So it's best to hope for the best but be prepared and realistic.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    The pros: Fuck yeah, i'm married!

    The cons: Fuck, i'm married.

    This pretty much sums it up in a nutshell lol

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