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Thread: Pros and Cons of Marriage

  1. #26
    loveshooks
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    never thought I'd get married, let alone to a dude

    I loved being single and figured if I ever ended up with anyone it would be a hard core political chica, instead ended up with a warrior for the status quo with a dick granted, it's a fine one, but still.

    never been happier. together for 10 years, married so far for 2 and change. have had I think 2 fights during our time together, if you and your partner both want to make each other happy it's honestly not all that complicated to share a wicked life together. just don't stop laughing or fucking.

    honestly got married legally for immigration purposes (easier for me to enter the Caribbean being married to a Caribcomm) but it was still pretty awesome. got married in our hoodies and jeans spur of the moment in a minus-20 snowstorm in TO, bunch of LGBT activists at city hall protesting Rob Ford were our witnesses. we got fried chicken grease (his) all over our marriage license and drank champagne in the snow as the sun set, twas awesome.

    he's my best friend, laughs with me every day and we don't get too comfortable with each other so the sexual chemistry is still killer.

    it's the person, not the institution. don't marry for the sake of doing so but if ya find someone you can't live without don't let em go. you don't need a marriage license to do that though.

    either way, just never fall into bullshit marriage husband/wife roles, that's the death of happiness.


  2. #27
    God/dess SimoneGray's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    ^^ that is legit the most romantic wedding and marriage story I have ever read.

    I would never marry for love. I would marry for a better passport though. If I ever do marry, it will be for a business oriented reason, but never for love. It'll be a "name only" marriage that could result in a no contest divorce if need be. I lived with someone for a year and I've never felt more imprisoned or like I couldn't breathe and since marriage involves cohabitation, I don't think its for me.

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  4. #28
    God/dess ScarletKitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I am too terrified to get married. I think I'm too much of a free spirit for that. How the hell do you even know for sure if you want to be with that one person for your entire life? It's crazy to me. I'll be damned if I ever have to go through a divorce. I would rather just be with that person. Marriage is an unnatural concept to me. Animals in the wild don't get married, lol. They just be together and fuck. That's me. I'm too much of a wild animal for that shit.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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  6. #29
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    I am too terrified to get married. I think I'm too much of a free spirit for that. How the hell do you even know for sure if you want to be with that one person for your entire life? It's crazy to me. I'll be damned if I ever have to go through a divorce. I would rather just be with that person. Marriage is an unnatural concept to me. Animals in the wild don't get married, lol. They just be together and fuck. That's me. I'm too much of a wild animal for that shit.
    Pretty much how I feel

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  8. #30
    Senior Member Aammeelliiaa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I actually think it's sort of nice when people were married for a bit, had kids, raise them together, split because forever is a long time... and then still get along.

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  10. #31
    Moderator PhatGirlDynomite!!!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Aammeelliiaa View Post
    I actually think it's sort of nice when people were married for a bit, had kids, raise them together, split because forever is a long time... and then still get along.
    My Husband was married for 9 years before they divorced. And they get along marvelously. His maturity and the way he handles their current relationship is one of the things that I love about him. No baby Mama drama. It's nice when people can be mature about things.

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  12. #32
    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Aammeelliiaa View Post
    I actually think it's sort of nice when people were married for a bit, had kids, raise them together, split because forever is a long time... and then still get along.
    This is my parents. My mom and dad have been divorced for 20+ years and they are best friends.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.

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  14. #33
    God/dess baer45's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    pro: you are married
    con: you are married
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




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  16. #34
    loveshooks
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimoneGray View Post
    ^^ that is legit the most romantic wedding and marriage story I have ever read.

    I would never marry for love. I would marry for a better passport though. If I ever do marry, it will be for a business oriented reason, but never for love. It'll be a "name only" marriage that could result in a no contest divorce if need be. I lived with someone for a year and I've never felt more imprisoned or like I couldn't breathe and since marriage involves cohabitation, I don't think its for me.
    I so missed this, gracias for your words

    in terms of the rest of your post totally inclined to agree in abstract, the bond we created when we created Team Jessen (Steven and Jesse, Stesse is apparently way too feminine for him to rock comfortably) came a few year before our marriage and quite honestly; meant more. Marriage is about docs and legalities, weird to me that some peeps see it as the be all and end all. It's not. The marriage is paper, the real thing is something else entirely

    Marriage and real love/kindness/care/respect may co-exist but the latter elements are not mandatory for the legal framework (and rights/responsibilities therein) to exist. and vice versa. Both are valid, totally. wicked ya see the difference =)

    I love calling him my husband because...hell if I know, just feels awesome. still, but would have never gotten married were it not for the immigration issue. Always used to crack me up when I first said that before we left Canada, and peeps assumed he, the Jamaican living in Canada (with a dual CA/JA passport/citizenship not that they ever asked) was the impetus. As if we were trying to stay in land of ice and snow.

    Marriage is the legal/bureaucratic end of what two people share, it's not the foundation in and of itself. Props to y'all who are wary of buying into that façade

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    I am too terrified to get married. I think I'm too much of a free spirit for that. How the hell do you even know for sure if you want to be with that one person for your entire life? It's crazy to me. I'll be damned if I ever have to go through a divorce. I would rather just be with that person. Marriage is an unnatural concept to me. Animals in the wild don't get married, lol. They just be together and fuck. That's me. I'm too much of a wild animal for that shit.
    I agree 1000% percent. I'm not in a totally monogamous marriage. We always treat each other with kindness and sex/other partners is never weilded as a weapon (and we also take breaks from time to time) but agreed; monogamy for life is not normal. He's never been with anyone without me but I have a few times without him. He knows he's welcome to have fun without me, just has never ended up going for it thus far. Will high five him if ever decides to go there; don't see the need to lay claim to another human being and very thankful he feels the same.

    Trust and transparency go a long way, always remember YOU define your relationship, not obligations/norms into which you were socialized.

    Quote Originally Posted by audritwo View Post
    This is my parents. My mom and dad have been divorced for 20+ years and they are best friends.
    yo también

    my parents had a horrible marriage, when they finally divorced when I was 16 both me and my bro hugged each other with relief. After about 10 years they moved in together and live happily together, go figure. half with me and half in their home in the wilderness with bears in Canada, and happy as hell. Where were these two peeps when I was growing up?!?. Far happier than I ever saw when they still wore their rings.

    So cool you have that too, and yay divorce when needed.
    Last edited by loveshooks; 05-10-2016 at 01:02 AM.

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  18. #35
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    ^^ loveshooks you've clearly made a situation that works for you, and I'm guessing there are many outside the box decisions you've made in addition to the ones you list above.

    Just from what you write above you're a camgirl in an open marriage that began around immigration papers. The profession of camgirl didn't exist in previous generations, and many of your choices would have been stigmatized. You've created a very "new" lifestyle based on the courage to take paths that have no precedent.

    Though more common on this board, that is fairly rare in the general population. Most are bound by tradition, even after the reason for the tradition ceases to exist.

    Do you find you just shoot from the hip, or do you have a method for evaluating your choices?

    "Two roads diverged in the woods, and I -
    Took the one less traveled by
    And that has made all the difference"
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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  20. #36
    loveshooks
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    ^^ loveshooks you've clearly made a situation that works for you, and I'm guessing there are many outside the box decisions you've made in addition to the ones you list above.

    Just from what you write above you're a camgirl in an open marriage that began around immigration papers.
    thanks, I think =) and just to be clear my relationship is very real, simply a matter of the 'paper' not meaning all that much to either of us. Like you wrote 'twas a means to an end. Before we got married spur of the moment we talked for months about how we could do it without changing what we have and who we are. That was a serious concern for both of us.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    The profession of camgirl didn't exist in previous generations, and many of your choices would have been stigmatized. You've created a very "new" lifestyle based on the courage to take paths that have no precedent.

    Though more common on this board, that is fairly rare in the general population. Most are bound by tradition, even after the reason for the tradition ceases to exist.
    back in TO most of my friends are/were first or second generation immigrants. the vast majority had awesome parents who embraced their kids independence and individuality and right to make their own choices, but for some it was a huge struggle to live their lives on their own terms, rather than on the ones imposed by family or tradition. thankfully rare, but I've seen it enough times to know that it does exist. Sure it exists amongst white/richer peeps too, just never got close enough to anyone who fit that description to see it firsthand.

    in my own family, on my mom's side they grew up very poor as a single-parent Indigenous family (my mom, the oldest, was accepted to university at 16 but stayed to help her mom raise her younger sisters) in a very small 'pure laine' town in rural Quebec. Not fun.

    They all got married to gtfo, and only came into their own once they had jobs and social power to faciliate doing so. Point is though, without those marriages that got them out not sure how many of their goals they would have been able to accomplish. Being with white, middle class men gave them access to resources they would have lacked otherwise. They're all still in those marriages btw, except for my mom as explained above. None were marriages of convenience although highly doubt any of them would have gotten married so young were it not for the circumstances. To this day my mom still can't read the first chapters of the AB of Malcolm X, .

    To try to buck 'tradition' under either of the above circumstances would be a stupid choice. Think the same prob holds true for anyone growing up in a small town, anywhere. Resist overtly only when one has the resources to do so.

    My point, peeps have been challenging bullshit norms and traditions since the dawn of time, I'm not special in that regard. our ability to act publicly upon what we really want is determined by access to social/economic resources, sometimes lacking one or both the bravest choice is to put on a front publicly and do one's own thing on the QT. Doesn't get applause as it's hidden but those peeps are so deserving of it. To me that's real bravery.

    I had/have very little to lose in doing my own thing. You're 100% correct in terms of ramifications to me personally. Most of my peeps are artists and academics and they're all pretty weird/extremely open-minded, never felt pressure or a need to do anything other than be as good a person as I can in this world. A lot of my dad's fam thinks I'm a fallen woman and they look upon me with pity, but I think some jealousy too. They could have made braver choices and created the lives they really wanted and had all the resources in the world to do it, just chose not to. They're too afraid of anything that isn't normative, and their lives reflect that. Including the bitterness towards anyone who isn't thrilled with white culture (the nuke family model is extremely Euro-centric), straight and treading the narrow path.

    And yeah, while I've always maintained my vanilla career it's camming that gave me the access to $$$$ to really say fuck y'all to anyone who isn't cool with me.

    This work is . Same day the linked situation was brought to my attention I learned that the body of a friend down here who had gone missing was identified. She was a sex worker who was murdered/body displayed in a manner that made it very clear it was sex-related. Not the first one either, been a few cases like this over the past few years and the police don't do ish. Just another whore. Too many still hate us and kill us, don't think this is something of the past.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    Do you find you just shoot from the hip, or do you have a method for evaluating your choices?
    I think we all have a method of evaluating choices/options, even if unaware of them in some cases.

    logic, reason and ethics are what I try to live by. grew up in a family with no rules (my FIL is still baffled by that, Caribbean parenting is VERY different) but my mom & dad always drilled into my head that I have to be ok with the person I see in the mirror, whatever I do. If I want to make a choice and it's something I can be proud of it's always been 'go for it', both in my head and from my people. I'm highly neurotic so I tend to mull over options/ideas for months quietly before doing something, but obligation has never been a factor in that. I'm very fortunate in that regard, totally realize that.

    just doesn't make me unique.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    "Two roads diverged in the woods, and I -
    Took the one less traveled by
    And that has made all the difference"
    preach son

    feel like I've totally jacked this thread so will bow out now.

    peace and $$$$ y'all, and cheers to strong women living life on our own terms
    Last edited by loveshooks; 05-11-2016 at 11:33 AM.

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  22. #37
    God/dess SimoneGray's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I totally agree about how marriage should evolve. The concept of marriage as we know it, originated way back when "til death do us part" meant til next month, or til someone got a cold or got killed...in the form that it exists today, its completely antiquated. People live way too long to be 100% monogamous with each other, yet somehow we raise our kids, particularly our daughters to still want that. That nonsense needs to stop.

    Having said that, its still not for me hehe. I value my freedom and personal space a little too much, and that is not something that can be remedied even if the relationship itself is great and does not conform to societal norms.

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