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Thread: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

  1. #1
    Senior Member FayeValentine's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    I started camming in January and I wasn't sure how it would affect my relationship. It turns out, my boyfriend was excited for me. Really excited. He wanted to know my name so he could find all of my adult work. As soon as I finished a clip, he was all over me trying to get me to let him watch it. I was kind of creeped out by it, so I asked him to cool it. That I wanted sex work to be my thing, and unless I want to film a clip together, to leave me alone about it. He admitted that he was being too excited and he promised to back off. I thought that was the end of it.

    But then I started noticing things. I'd go into the kitchen while taking a break on Streamate and I'd see his laptop out of the corner of my eye and it'd be on SM (and I have my state blocked). Or while I'm online, I can hear him scoot a chair to the air vent to try to hear/see me. Recently, I'd be at my desk and hear a woman moaning that sounds a whole lot like me. Yesterday I shot a clip while he wasn't home but all the stuff was set up so he knew I had filmed. I left the room to eat dinner and when I came back he was acting suspicious. Walking around with his phone cord and pointing out random things in the room. I had been suspecting for a while that he was taking my clips from my computer but I didn't have proof. So I set up a camera to record while I was in the shower. And sure enough, he had been waiting until I showered to go onto my laptop and download the videos to his phone.

    I brushed off the other things, but seeing him in the act just upset me so much. I feel violated and all my trust is gone. I did confront him and he tried to lie and keep bits hidden but once I told him about the camera, he came clean about everything. Even things I didn't know. My boyfriend is incredibly perverted and used to have a porn addiction that caused some problems early in our relationship. I don't know what to do. I believe we can get to a place where I can trust him again, but I don't want to do sex work anymore. I really love it; I'm just so creeped out right now. Should I stop until we get our relationship back on track?

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    Senior Member JessieCox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Oh goodness that is a difficult one. It's great to know he is supportive, but that is too far.

    I wish I had some advice for you, hope it all works out.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    I would get a hold of his phone and delete everything that he has. Everything. Vids nude pics etc. I wouldn't want someone I can't trust having access to that stuff. As for the relationship i dunno. How long have you two been together? Whats it worth to you if you kept doing what you love at the cost of a relationship that's on the rocks. Really take some time and weigh out the pros and cons. And remember he has a problem and people with problems will say anything to cover up. Good luck to you.

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    God/dess hyori's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Why does it bother you that your boyfriend wants to see your work? Most camgirls have the issue of jealous, non-supportive boyfriends/husbands and would kill to have more encouragement from their partners.

    I personally think it is wonderful that he is so excited for you. He obviously is crazy about you and loves watching you in this new, novel way. I don't understand why you would see it as a negative. Maybe try watching your clips together with him?

    It is possible to have a health psyche and still be a sex worker. In fact, statistics indicate that sex workers overall have healthier mental outlooks and they are happier as long as they like their jobs. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...form=hootsuite

    It sounds like this is more of a question of whether or not you like your job and not so much your boyfriend. Hate to tell you this but 99% of men out there consume porn unless they are religious figures or asexual. Even if they are religious, they probably get off on something else more diabolical. In the end, the stigma of sex work is what makes it so profitable.
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    God/dess hyori's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Maybe I'm the weird one, I actually love it and I am flattered that my husband likes to watch my stuff since he has access to me 24/7. Is that fucked up?
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    Senior Member FayeValentine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Deleting the videos is a good start. I won't end the relationship over this. We've been best friends for 10 years, back together for almost 5 years. I've done things way worse to him and he stayed by my side. But at the same time, if I never cam again because I don't trust him, we're doomed. Trust is everything.

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    Senior Member FayeValentine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by hyori View Post
    Why does it bother you that your boyfriend wants to see your work? Most camgirls have the issue of jealous, non-supportive boyfriends/husbands and would kill to have more encouragement from their partners.

    I personally think it is wonderful that he is so excited for you. He obviously is crazy about you and loves watching you in this new, novel way. I don't understand why you would see it as a negative. Maybe try watching your clips together with him?

    It is possible to have a health psyche and still be a sex worker. In fact, statistics indicate that sex workers overall have healthier mental outlooks and they are happier as long as they like their jobs. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...form=hootsuite

    It sounds like this is more of a question of whether or not you like your job and not so much your boyfriend. Hate to tell you this but 99% of men out there consume porn unless they are religious figures or asexual. Even if they are religious, they probably get off on something else more diabolical. In the end, the stigma of sex work is what makes it so profitable.
    The problem is the way he went about it. Lying, sneaking onto my computer, getting around my blocks. It makes me feel like I have no privacy. I had no problem sharing this with him until he went into creepy territory. Nor do I have a problem with porn. I watch it myself. It becomes a problem when you spend more time watching it than being with your significant other. He loves me like crazy but I don't want his affections to be centered around my job.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Trust is critical. Doesn't matter what it's about, if your partner is being sneaky, lying and deceiving then it's a problem. When people start trying to hide their behaviour, it's because they're feeling shame about it. Usually that has nothing to do with what the behaviour actually is or what their partner would think about it, it has to do with what's going on inside them.

    It would be worth trying to share this stuff together if you're comfortable with that, but it's unlikely to solve the problem. The problem is deep in his psyche and the shame isn't coming from outside, it's inside and no amount of reassurance is going to change that until he confronts it.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    I don't know about you but everything he's doing would be a deal breaker for me. You feeling violated is legit and you're entitled to feel whatever you're feeling.
    Another big issue here is he doesn't respect your boundaries. Camming isn't the problem, the relationship is.

    When I do any kind of sex work, I don't want anyone to check it out unless you're a PAID customer. If you're my man, we can fuck when I'm off the clock. This is not about being a bitch, it's about you showing me that you have the maturity and consideration for my wishes.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by FayeValentine View Post
    The problem is the way he went about it. Lying, sneaking onto my computer, getting around my blocks. It makes me feel like I have no privacy. I had no problem sharing this with him until he went into creepy territory. Nor do I have a problem with porn. I watch it myself. It becomes a problem when you spend more time watching it than being with your significant other. He loves me like crazy but I don't want his affections to be centered around my job.
    Have you confronted him about it? Maybe he was just nervous about asking for it, and if you both agree that it's cool, then it's cool. This sounds like a major communication issue. It's a shame he didn't feel comfortable just talking to you about it; it's important to address why that might be.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    I would get a hold of his phone and delete everything that he has. Everything. Vids nude pics etc. I wouldn't want someone I can't trust having access to that stuff. As for the relationship i dunno. How long have you two been together? Whats it worth to you if you kept doing what you love at the cost of a relationship that's on the rocks. Really take some time and weigh out the pros and cons. And remember he has a problem and people with problems will say anything to cover up. Good luck to you.
    I agree with this and would go as far as to say he may end up going nuts on you. Do you want someone you just split up with who has issues having all this material of yours? Crikey I'd be out like a shot! Sorry if that's not what you want to hear. You gotta listen to your intuition and act to protect yourself x
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by hyori View Post
    Maybe I'm the weird one, I actually love it and I am flattered that my husband likes to watch my stuff since he has access to me 24/7. Is that fucked up?
    No, it's not fucked up at all. Everyone's different...some of us have our own reasons for wanting to be able to cam in privacy. I know that for me, the first time he starts saying shit like "Well damn, how come you don't moan like that for me?" or starts to critique me while I'm working, or whatever other self-absorbed remark/behavior, I'd be super annoyed. I'm not saying that's what all the boyfriends/husbands would do, but I can totally see that happening and have heard enough stories of it happening.

    But besides that, I would think that any man who truly cares for his lady would want her to be as comfortable as possible, and if she is a SOLO cam girl (they're not a camming couple), there is no need for him to be in there while she's working...and he should be respectful of her wanting that privacy to work. If I was in a relationship with a man who did one of those work-from-home call center representative jobs, I would be respectful enough to give him his privacy to do his job without nagging him to let me watch him in action. To have a supportive, encouraging boyfriend/husband is wonderful, but he can be all of those things without breathing down your neck while you're working...and respecting a simple request of "Please let me work in private."
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    Senior Member FayeValentine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by Marina Starr View Post
    I don't know about you but everything he's doing would be a deal breaker for me. You feeling violated is legit and you're entitled to feel whatever you're feeling.
    Another big issue here is he doesn't respect your boundaries. Camming isn't the problem, the relationship is.

    When I do any kind of sex work, I don't want anyone to check it out unless you're a PAID customer. If you're my man, we can fuck when I'm off the clock. This is not about being a bitch, it's about you showing me that you have the maturity and consideration for my wishes.
    This is it exactly. And it's reminiscent of a few years ago when my therapist brought up the concept of boundaries. He wasn't respecting my boundaries then and he's not respecting them now. And it's not like I deprive him of sex. We have a lot of sex, even more now that I'm more sexually confident.

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    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    I've learned that you can't expect anyone to treat you how you want to be treated. What you can do is CHOOSE! You get to choose if you want to tolerate, engage or have them in your life or not. When you have options, you are have peace and power.

    Quote Originally Posted by FayeValentine View Post
    This is it exactly. And it's reminiscent of a few years ago when my therapist brought up the concept of boundaries. He wasn't respecting my boundaries then and he's not respecting them now. And it's not like I deprive him of sex. We have a lot of sex, even more now that I'm more sexually confident.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by TheBrownFox View Post
    No, it's not fucked up at all. Everyone's different...some of us have our own reasons for wanting to be able to cam in privacy. I know that for me, the first time he starts saying shit like "Well damn, how come you don't moan like that for me?" or starts to critique me while I'm working, or doing whatever to make it about himself, it would annoy me. Lol. I'm not saying that's what all the boyfriends/husbands would do, but I can totally see that happening, and that would be a huge pain in the ass for me.

    But besides that, I would think that any man who truly cares for his lady would want her to be as comfortable as possible, and if she is a SOLO cam girl (they're not a camming couple), there is no need for him to be in there while she's working...and he should be respectful of her wanting that privacy to work. If I was in a relationship with a man who did one of those work-from-home call center representative jobs, I would be respectful enough to give him his privacy to do his job without nagging him to let me watch him in action. To have a supportive, encouraging boyfriend/husband is wonderful, but he can be all of those things without breathing down your neck while you're working...and respecting a simple request of "Please let me work in private."
    It's like you're in my head lol. I was very nervous to start camming. I wanted to explore, ease into it and make sure I'm okay with it. And from the get go it was, "you don't buss it open like that for me." It excited him because I'm not like this in the bedroom. But it upset me because I'm very submissive. Sexual freedom for me is giving him the reins. He loves watching Faye Valentine because she's dominant and I thought because he was trying to see Faye so much, he wasn't happy with me.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Okay he went behind your back to get your porn and I get it! You specifically explained you werent comfortable with it and asked that he didnt watch it. So yes that is bad but not really the end of the world! I came here to tell you the same thing as Hyori did though.

    Imagine if your boyfriend came to SW and started a thread like; My gf is a cam girl and she does porn clips and I LOVE IT. Its a huge turn on for me but if I try to watch her videos (even when she isnt there) she gets all upset and weirded out by it calling me a pervert and spying on me to make sure Im not watching her videos or live stream. Should I just end this now? I really love her and would like to make things work.

    First of all you would have the most in touch, insightful boyfriend EVER in the history of men and secondly I would advise him to dump your ass.

    Clearly your insecure about something or you havent really gotten in touch with yourself sexually. But dont worry! Oh this was me with my husband when I first got into porn. I grew to understand him and his needs and often I give him blowjobs while he watchs my porn and sometimes I just tell him to watch it alone cause im not in the mood and he is okay with that. Our sex life is amazing since I stopped thinking of him as a perv and started to understand that its just a need for him and we can both enjoy my porn together!

    Also if your clever you can use it to hustle what you want from your bf.........but that is a whole other thread!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    I dunno. I get what people are saying here but you asked your boyfriend to stop watching you doing porn! Most men love sex and they would find it really really hard to tell you that they really really want to watch you cause they know it makes you uncomfortable.

    This isnt going to be popular opinion obviously but I think you made it so he had to sneak behind your back! Like we are cam girls here! A big chunk of income comes from men whos women wont give them what they want and so they go else where to get it. Thats what men do! Your man is really guilty of just being stupid and getting caught!

    I dunno doesnt seem like break up material to me. Open the boards of communication a lot more yes but not break up. Like this guy is clearly really really into you!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Why are you uncomfortable about the one who loves & adores you watching your stuff? You forced him to be sneaky about it.

    So you rather he jacked off to other girls rather than you?

    You are cutting a very big part out of the relationship that can further connect you too. Let him have full access, hell Make him your camera man for pics & videos, his love for you will come throw the camera.
    Teach him how to edit the videos & put him to work. Trust over time he will get board with it, especially if it has to be work for him too. Men for the most part are allergic to work, so when this becomes an actual job in a month or 3 he will be over it.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    To me this is a matter of trust and boundaries. I bet you don't go snooping in his work and spy on him do you? Nope thought not so he shouldn't be doing that with you, whether your cam girl or not! In any walk of life some couples love to share work and go to work together and others don't, you're clearly one that doesn't and he needs to respect that. Tell him straight up that what he is doing with regards to your work is unacceptable and it needs to stop and he can start by deleting everything he has with the cam you. If needs be point out that no still means no when a person is an adult entertainer then compared to anyone else and as it is your business you decide where that goes and to whom.

    Be prepared though this is going to go one of three ways, first he just does as he is told, hangs his head in shame and toes the line for a while as he should. Secondly he is going to admit that his addiction has reared its ugly head again and this time it's you he is addicted too. This you will work through as a couple if you wish to do so. Thirdly the result of you telling him his behaviour is completely unacceptable is going to end in him where ring stalker mode. In this instance it's going to be a case of kick his ass to the curb, change the locks and if needs be change your camming game as well.

    Just as a side note, is it possible that you could cam somewhere else outside the home to try and keep home and camming separate, you can keep all the camming equipment there inc laptop with videos on etc so the bf doesn't know what you have been filming. Also if you really don't want him to having anything of the camming you could you also change elements of your camming business, such as your name, website, alter your niches and your look a little that way it's harder for him to track you down even if you are together?
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    Senior Member FayeValentine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    I wasn't uncomfortable with him being a part of it. I told and showed him everything initially. We had a great laugh about "open boobs bb" and he would tell me how sexy I am. But it got to be too much for me. He was paying more attention to my cam persona than me. I don't see sex work as a part of our relationship. It's solely my job. And it doesn't matter how badly he wants to see it. I find it appalling that I should give him complete access to any and all of his desires at any time because he's a man and that's what they do? It's called self control and respect. If he truly felt like he couldn't listen to my concerns then he should said, "babe, I don't think I can do that." He himself recognized that he has a problem but didn't address it with me. If your significant other has put boundaries on an aspect of your relationship then you either respect them or move on to someone else. Not lie and try to get around it because you think it's bullshit.

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  39. #21
    Senior Member FayeValentine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    He is very much so ashamed. He slept on the living room floor last night (we have no sofa), and I never asked him to do that. And he hasn't spoken to me today, but I see he bought my favorite wine and candy. I know he's sorry, and we're going to talk and work to get to a point where he can participate in cam work again, because it is a lot of fun for me. Not camming isn't an option right now because we need the money.

  40. #22
    Senior Member E.S. Camgirl, Ph.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    I think you're really going to have to figure out his endgame, and his main kinks/fetishes before making a decision.

    From what you've written, I'm inclined to believe that this guy has some sort of cuckold/hot wife and/or exposure fetish. He's getting off not just on you making clips and camming as a business, but on you "whoring around" with other men. I would not be surprised if he's the kind of person who is taking videos of him touching you while you sleep, especially as a "look what I can do to Dominant Faye." There are a lot of men into that stuff, and revenge porn is only illegal in a few places. My gut is telling me that his interests go that way.

    However, I don't know for sure, but even if that is the case, you can probably, like Sam said, recruit him as your cameraman and make him edit your videos. If he's happy to put in the work to help support your business, then I think it's something you can work out. If he realizes how boring it can be, that could take away from some of the salaciousness that makes him so curious in the first place. This is probably the best way to open up communication between the two of you; include him and then you can observe what he likes most about it and make a better decision.

    At the end of the day, however, if you say he had a porn addiction in the past (and the prevailing thought is that addictions don't go away, we simply train ourselves to not partake/moderate our behavior), if you're making porn in the house, it's like a recovering alcoholic trying to live with the brewmaster *in* the local craft brewery. If porn is a real issue for this man, I don't think this situation will play out well.

    Good luck.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by Marina Starr View Post
    I've learned that you can't expect anyone to treat you how you want to be treated. What you can do is CHOOSE! You get to choose if you want to tolerate, engage or have them in your life or not. When you have options, you are have peace and power.
    Holy shit Marina, this is so dead-on. Can I steal this for a siggy? (Threadjack, sorry)
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  44. #24
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Please have at it
    Quote Originally Posted by thatgingercamgirl View Post
    Holy shit Marina, this is so dead-on. Can I steal this for a siggy? (Threadjack, sorry)
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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  46. #25
    Senior Member FayeValentine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming

    Quote Originally Posted by E.S. Camgirl, Ph.D. View Post
    I think you're really going to have to figure out his endgame, and his main kinks/fetishes before making a decision.

    From what you've written, I'm inclined to believe that this guy has some sort of cuckold/hot wife and/or exposure fetish. He's getting off not just on you making clips and camming as a business, but on you "whoring around" with other men. I would not be surprised if he's the kind of person who is taking videos of him touching you while you sleep, especially as a "look what I can do to Dominant Faye." There are a lot of men into that stuff, and revenge porn is only illegal in a few places. My gut is telling me that his interests go that way.
    You're right. He does have a voyeurism fetish. I'm not mad about that at all, and I have my own kinks that go well with that. And thinking about it this way, I realize it's not malicious intent. It's just his fetish, strengthened by his former porn addiction. I would let him be my cameraman, but not edit my videos. I'm a youtuber and I use software that can be difficult to use. All this to say, I'm much more at ease about all of this now. I just needed to look at it from a different perspective.

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