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Thread: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

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    Default Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    In american society the defining part of a person is their occupation what they do for a living. That the first thing people ask. You in school? You work? What do you do? Outside of the club do you guys tell strangers or random people if they ask. What about friends?

    (Not talking about family)
    only when men and women are equal, will the whore be extinct. #equalpay #freethenipple

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    Honestly, it depends and is situational. I live and dance in Vegas. Here, it is commonplace for a girl to work at one of the strip clubs so it doesnt matter to anyone here. It's like telling someone you're a bartender, that's just what people do for money. I think this changes from city to city, so use your commonsense. Most of my friends that I'm really close to back home who know who I am as a person don't care or judge me, they encourage me. If someone is judging me then they aren't my friends. Most importantly, choose who you share this information with wisely (especially out in public; there are weirdos out there!) It is unlikely to get some guy you meet at a nightclub to come visit you at work to spend money, you're better off making the money in the club and moving about your business. Yes there is a stigma. Surround yourself with people who support you and know you for you and respect you regardless of how you make your money. Think of it as a job where you get paid really well to have fun, it's not who you are; don't get wrapped up in the lifestyle.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    When I first started dancing, I would tell anyone who asked but then it would come with 51 questions, they would think I always had money, they would think I'd foot the bill at dinner, they would tell their friends freely (people I didn't even know yet) and they would formulate opinions on me. I think you should keep it to yourself. The less people that know, the better. Obviously your inner circle should know so they can support you but that's it.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    When I was a baby stripper, I got a naive little kick out of telling people what I did. Then I grew up and realized that the joke was on me all along. People either pretend to be cool with it (but secretly judge you and talk shit about you behind your back), or are openly not cool with it. Lose-lose situation.

    And as arielbriel mentioned, people will "out" you all of the time to their friends, even if they promise to keep it a secret. You will become their new favorite token-stripper friend. They'll either use you in stories to make themselves seem cooler, or use you in stories to get a laugh / guffaw out of their audience.

    ::shudders::

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    OMG!Me too^. They would be like what do u do "oh I'm a stripper" nonchalantly. I loved their reactions. Now, I wish i'd never done that. =[

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I used to be the same way. OP, you can do whatever you want but I also have to advise against it. People always judge and for me in particular, in hindsight I don't think the men I dated while dancing treated me very well, because, stripper.
    Last edited by lynn2009; 05-11-2016 at 04:17 PM.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I actually was going too start doing research on here as well about how and when to tell a man I'm dating that I'm a stripper. Before I was a stripper I actually spent a night at a club testing people's reactions. This was the men's reactions generally (no editing for real) "what do you do?""I'm a stripper" "Oh wow, are you going to take me home and do naughty things too me?" and your name is. .? So the assumption is, free whore!! Which is so confusing to me... I'm paid alot by men who can't touch, so I'm going to sleep with your strange mediocre ass for free?
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    i personally prefer to let people get to know me a bit, and then i tell them once they've already gotten to know me as a human being and not some crazy, stupid bimbo on drugs who's probably out to steal their wallet and/or boyfriend. seems like they judge me less that way. if i tell them right off the bat it feels like i have to work extra hard to prove myself an exception to a shitty stereotype.. instead of the other way around. this only applies to people who's opinions i sort of care about like my boyfriend's friends for example. i don't really care what they think of me but i have to at least try to have them like me, for his sake. we waited several months to tell anyone what i do and i think it worked out ok.


    random people at bars/clubs/the airport/wherever are another story. i actually get a kick out of telling them and seeing their reactions. the shock value is fun. snarky bitches can judge all they want, they're probably just insecure.. and guys can label me a slut all they want.. they're still not getting any. i could care less.

    basically, don't tell anyone if you want them to think highly of you. if you don't give a shit then go for it. some people are completely non judgemental and won't look down on you, but most will.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I went to great lengths to hide it and it was probably the right thing to do ( for me ). It's stressful to hide anything but also stressful to be judged ( inaccurately ) also. Stripping was a business to me but people will fire 20 questions always wanting it to be "more" which is annoying.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I tell more people than I probably should, but I do often just say that I'm a bartender. It explains the night shits, random amounts of cash, and wearing lots of makeup for work (more flirty = more tips!)
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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I certainly dont hide it (unless you're a therapist, or vanilla job prospective employer etc) because I don't honestly care what the average vanilla joe thinks, and if you have a problem PLEASE don't speak to me is my attitude. Im not into shallow social interaction and don't make friends easily.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    Never tell.
    Dress to kill the wallet.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    My fear is, although I don't really care about people knowing NOW, I'm going to school and how could it effect me in the future? How will I feel about people bringing it up long after I'm retired from dancing? I just saw something on Tumblr, an Obituary that read "STRIPPER TURNED JUDGE DIED". Seriously? The woman spend most of her life in law, became an actual Judge, and she's still called by her college job. No one identifies a Barista, or a janitor or a landscaper by their job..
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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    It's sad but true careers like stripper is like the lowest on the totem pole in many conservative areas despite the fact that it takes hard work and discipline to make money stripping in the club and it's better than many alternatives to getting money.

    Like mentioned above if you're in a conservative area keep it to yourself and save your sanity from other people judging you. If you don't gaf then by all means be open with who you are it's a lot easier than having to live a double life.
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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I live in North Carolina, a pretty conservative place. I don't broadcast that I stripped my way through college. My BF knows, I told him early in the relationship. He's cool with it, but probably because we both are pretty kinky. He's the only guy that I've had a long term relationship with whom I have told though. All the other guys, once they found out, the relationship was over pretty soon.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    Even if you're not in a conservative area, keep it to yourself. There's a lot of things in life you should keep to yourself, like having ulcerative colitis or being a trust fund baby. Nothing wrong with those either but people will still form opinions on it, and it's not something they want to hear. If there's nothing to gain by saying something, don't say it.

    Another thing is, if someone doesn't know you're a stripper and they say something about sex workers, you can quickly tell a lot about that person.


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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    Now this is just my opinion...but if you feel like the general response is going to be negative and you can't deal with the judgment, keep it to yourself. I didn't tell my family ever (of course they found out eventually by assumption) because I couldn't deal with their disapproval. But when it came to my friends I had the viewpoint of "if you can't accept me for who I am then you aren't a true friend." So it's really up to you...if you have a thick skin then you shouldn't care what anyone thinks and I would be confident in talking about your occupation. You're asking the question though so that already shows you aren't fully comfortable with it and should wait until you feel strongly either deciding to hide it or telling people.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    Also, factor in what's the chances of those people finding out you're a stripper?

    Better to "out" yourself than have some lowlife people trying to blackmail you or tell everyone before you do.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    How would they even find out unless they go to clubs themselves? I never understood how they think they can blackmail without outing themselves as patrons. You can always look them in the eye and be like "yea sure tell my family, they already know. No one gives a shit" and "you don't point with one hand while jacking off with the other". Or dig up some dirt about them (there are plenty of things people do which are worse than stripping) and blackmail them back. A lot of people who are immature enough to do the whole blackmailing thing usually need a taste of their own medicine.

    The only people in my life who knows that I am a stripper is an ex friend and a cousin, and my ex friend is a junkie that nobody takes seriously anyways who has nothing on me because she has several fuckbuddies she hides behind her parents' backs, and my cousin (who is pretty cool) does drugs and and one night stands so she knows she can't pull anything on me (not that she would). Everyone has something that can be dug up.


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    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    thays the thing that's messed up about our culture though, patrons aren't stigmatized, dancers are.
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    True, they're not stigmatized to the degree that dancers are, but it still leaves scratches and people who blackmail are cowards who shrivel up at even a little bit of inconvenience. They stop if something will hurt them a little bit, even if it means doing massive damage to the other party.

    I don't know what they're thinking. There was a story about that duke university girl who turned out to be a pornstar and got outed by a classmate, and while her side of the story exploded, the classmate's life wasn't dandy either. It's not like people were applauding and praising him, he got a lot of bullying and crap thrown at him too. drama. drama everywhere. I don't know what blackmailers are thinking.

    anyway, the general rule is don't tell people you're a stripper. You can always keep something undercover, but once you say something, you can't take it back.


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    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    Quote Originally Posted by Cashmere Star View Post
    You can always keep something undercover, but once you say something, you can't take it back.
    Dingdingding!!

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I tell people selectively. Most of it depends on age, honestly. Younger people are WAY less weird about it.
    Probably 90% of my friends know, because they're mostly cool, nonjudgmental people that I've known for at least 6-7 years. Yeah, they asked questions at first, but were totally respectful and could tell when I was done talking about it. I'm still "Selina's Real Name" to them.
    My SO has leaked it to pretty much his entire work. The guys do the "BRO where does she work? *high five*" thing, some of the girls are intimidated, some of them treat me like the token stripper and ask stupid questions.

    I do NOT tell most of my family members, for varying reasons, such as they'd be 'disappointed' or would judge my parents for it. Hell, some of them are disappointed enough thinking I'm a bartender 'wasting' 2 college degrees, they don't need the truth. I don't personally care if they wanted to give me crap for it, but my mom doesn't need to hear it.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    Here's a helpful process to go through when you're considering coming out about sex work. Ask yourself, "Why am I considering telling this person about what I do / did?"

    Any time I'd tell someone to get their attention or gain their interest, I regretted it later on. If I told someone because they meant a lot to me and I wanted support, validation, or respect, then I was often disappointed with the result (because I tended to overshare or defend myself, which made me feel exposed and vulnerable). Any time I told someone on an impulse, I later regretted it.

    So my advice would be to keep that information tight to your chest, always ask yourself the question above, and NEVER share on an impulse. It's too easy to share when you've had a glass of wine at night with a new friend or romantic interest and are feeling warm and open. The decision to share should always come from a calm place, from a decision you've put thought into outside of that conversation, with reasonable expectations for the result.

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    Default Re: Can i tell people outside of the club im a stripper

    I also ran around telling everyone under the sun that I was a stripper when I first started. I even did it a lot - with friends - when I first started escorting.

    Overall, I don't... regret telling so many people, but there were definite repercussions. And almost never were those repercussions directly from the person I had told, unless it was a random bartender who wanted to play 20 questions and annoyed me, but that's just some rando I can walk away from and my own damn fault. What I'm really getting at is rest assured: every single person you tell WILL tell someone else. I don't care how much you trust them, how much you stress to them to keep it a secret, or how much they usually are good at keeping secrets or being good friends. Knowing a sex worker becomes one of those things that people, even with the best of intentions, will blurt out at some point.

    Some people do it on purpose - that whole "token stripper/whore friend" that they use to make themselves look cool for knowing you. Every damn person I've ever told who was in a relationship, told every SO they ever had under the defense of "I have to tell them everything." And some people just slip up when they're drunk or the situation seems right for it, only realizing after the fact that maybe that wasn't ok. But they all do it. Every single one. And you never know how that could affect you down the line.

    I have a guy friend, "Bob." I told Bob I was escorting a few months into it. He's mostly ok with it - he has some preconceived notions about sex workers' mental status and babies me sometimes, but he has otherwise been a sex-positive supportive force about it. However, Bob ran off and told his girlfriend "Belinda" without my permission - under that whole "I HAVE to tell my SO everything about my life, even friend's secrets that aren't mine to tell..." Belinda didn't like me - never did. She'd be nice to my face, but it was obviously fake. When they inevitably broke up, she hacked his facebook account, read a conversation where we were planning a totally platonic trip, and gave him crap about how he was "taking his whore friend" there. Overall, bitch, but who cares, right? WELL - a few weeks ago, I got into grad school. When I told Bob what I was studying and where, he was like "That's Belinda's department. She's the dean of that department." I was instantly like "What!? I don't see her name on anything I've gotten." Turns out, Belinda quit that position a little while ago, and I'm currently in contact with the new dean. This story has an ok ending, but it very easily could not have... If Belinda had still been in her position of power, I very well could have been denied entrance to a graduate program that I'm otherwise perfectly qualified for, because THAT PERSON, who I did not choose to tell about my job, knew about it from someone else and hated me for it. You just never fucking know...

    And just last night, I was driving a friend home who suddenly told me that earlier last night, she revealed to some mutual friends (more hers, but I've been getting to know them) that I used to strip at the local club. Only AFTER she had done this, did she tell me and ask if it was ok. Well, it doesn't really fucking matter now, does it? Because even if it wasn't ok, you can't untell them. I'm personally fine with these people knowing, but it's probably not information I ever would have volunteered to them, especially at this stage in our relationship. But because I told a closer friend.... well, I now no longer hold the power to control 100% the decision of who gets to know.

    Bottom line: EVERYONE will run their mouth. It's not just a matter of "do you want this specific person and that specific person to know?" But you need to consider the fact that each one of those people, even if carefully selected, is going to go tell another set of people that you can't control and may not have chosen to share that secret with.

    Overall, I deal with the repercussions of telling people about my adult industry jobs, because I would be extremely lonely and isolated trying to lie to all my friends all the time and not being able to discuss work with people. I need the support of people knowing, so I deal with the fact that more people are going to know, and if it results in something shitty.... I deal with it, I guess. Just something to be aware of.
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