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Thread: Need Some Bedroom Help

  1. #1
    Newbie AliceHunt's Avatar
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    Duh Need Some Bedroom Help

    I told this guy that I've sorta been seeing that I'd be interested in having sex with him (he lives far away and would have to get a hotel room). A few problems with that (and of course these things don't occur to me until after I said yes) is I have no sex drive. None. It's been dead for years. I can't get my invisible dick up no matter how hard I try. Ugh. I swear my ex stole my libido when he stole my heart. Okay, that sounded cheesier than I intended. But in all honesty, sex just feels like a waste of my time at this point in life. Anyways. My second problem is that it will be our first time. The people I've usually slept with, I've known for years. Like, the last person I slept with I've known for 8 years before we got it on. I've only known this guy for a few months.

    Telling this guy I changed my mind is out of the question. Despite my trepidation and non-existent libido, this is something I want to do. I just need some advice on how to make sex sound a little more interesting/appealing and how to get over my nerves.

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    Consider antidepressants? I know Wellbutrin often boosts sex drive.

    Also honestly the only thing that fixed my sex drive when it straight up DIED was meeting a guy who was really sweet & (really horny) ....I orgasm easily with him & it made me get back to normal. Basically finding a likeable "bed buddy" to tune up your drive. (Can be a woman too, whatever works.)

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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    I'm assuming that you guys like each other and this meeting will be more like a date or a hang out, rather just a hook up. Maybe focus on the aspects that you are looking forward to .. the jokes, the conversation, the process of getting to know someone better etc ... and less on the sex itself. I think it'll help calm your nerve and remind you why you want to meet up with this guy in the first place!

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    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    Many antianxiety/antidepressents kill libido... Did you start one after your last breakup?

    Play with yourself. Make time and space to enjoy your body more leading up to this. Even if your not bringing yourself to orgasm, remembering how good it feels.

    Honestlybi feel like I went dormant after my last ex too. I've gone on a few dates now with someone in excited about and (it's way too early to know if it's anything) but my sex drive is Out Of Control. Its like my body woke up.
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
    -John Maxwell Taylor

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    I had experience with antidepressants and the typical SSRI do kill libido in most women and even men however Wellbutrin is a NDRI and not usually associated with negative side effects to your sex drive. When I used Wellbutrin it increased my sex drive significantly.

    Why can't you change your mind? Well if you told him you're interested in sex with him you technically still have options as there are different types of sex. You could just do oral sex or hand job type sex or even mutual masturbation. So technically you don't have to do penetrative sex if you don't want.

    You could even just do sensual massage and just have foreplay.

    But whatever you do don't have mediocre sex. If after some massage and some foreplay if you're not feeling it just don't feel like you have to have sex just to please him cause you will feel unfulfilled and maybe resentful.

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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    People are going to start thinking my account has been taken over, because this is my third post about it, but maca root (supplement) has varying aphrodisiac effects. I started taking it for energy, and the first time I had any, I was like, "Uhmm... someonefuckmenow." My friend who recommended it said, "Oh, yeah, forgot to mention it sometimes gives me boners like crazy." It tastes like shit, IMO, so I put it in empty gelatin capsules. The gelatinized version is better for your stomach. That + your preferred porn might get you interested.

    But as others have said, I wouldn't go through with it if it's just going to be for him. It'll be unpleasant and set a bad precedent for this relationship or others.

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    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    I started taking it after my IUD was pulled. It balanced hormones.
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
    -John Maxwell Taylor

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    God/dess baer45's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    How about a bottle of good wine and tell him you need a lot of foreplays? Sounds like you don't have any problems with him, just low sex drive.
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    Quote Originally Posted by tuesdaymarie View Post
    People are going to start thinking my account has been taken over, because this is my third post about it, but maca root (supplement) has varying aphrodisiac effects. I started taking it for energy, and the first time I had any, I was like, "Uhmm... someonefuckmenow." My friend who recommended it said, "Oh, yeah, forgot to mention it sometimes gives me boners like crazy." It tastes like shit, IMO, so I put it in empty gelatin capsules. The gelatinized version is better for your stomach. That + your preferred porn might get you interested.
    I tried maca & had no benefit from it. It did kind of hurt my stomach but I've always had a sensitive stomach.

    Honestly time to gift yourself the Hitachi wand & start buzzin the button.

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    Newbie AliceHunt's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    Thanks for all the advice! I'm not on anti-depressants. I do take a lot of other meds because I'm disabled, though. I don't think any of them are killing my sex drive. I do like the tip to find a fwb to get things back to normal. And if we weren't going to see each other mid-morning, I'd definitely suggest we get some drinks first.

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    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    Yeah, when you have already consented, and it's not early, a few drinks or a few puffs really move things along. I myself am a big fan of the phalate-free Rabbit two
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
    -John Maxwell Taylor

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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    Just like any other part of the body, if you stop using it, it gets weak.

    From a strictly biological standpoint, having sex is a good workout for your kegel muscles as well as the pelvic floor muscles. Promoting blood flow to your sex organs will get your libido revved up ahead of your meeting. This will help you lubricate more effectively as well.

    Maybe spend 15 minutes a day working on kegel exercises and see if you aren't feeling a bit more excited about your upcoming date.

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  22. #13
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    How about this, translated into some more girly verbiage:

    I want you
    I want to fuck you, now

    but......


    I need you to seduce me.

    It's been a while, I'm kinda outta practice
    ...................

    Worst case, he is warned and gets what he expects

    Best case, you are not as off as you think you are and he thinks he is the god of sex.

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    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    /\ yes! This all night long.
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
    -John Maxwell Taylor

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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    I'm still confused about why cancelling isn't an option. You're allowed to say no at any point, even if you decide you don't want sex while you're having sex. Consent isn't written in stone. If you don't want to do it, wait until you do. Something is telling you NO, and it's usually a good idea to listen to your intuition.


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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I'm still confused about why cancelling isn't an option. You're allowed to say no at any point, even if you decide you don't want sex while you're having sex. Consent isn't written in stone. If you don't want to do it, wait until you do. Something is telling you NO, and it's usually a good idea to listen to your intuition.

    I think she was saying changing her mind wasn't an option because its something she wants to do. I think she wants to get back on the horse and is just looking for some tips.

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  29. #17
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    Default Re: Need Some Bedroom Help

    If you decide you do want to do it (props for courage) could you be honest with him? No lover worth anything would refuse to connect with you. Just a suggestion, maybe be yourself and make love as you make it. Find some aspect of him that you enjoy and just enjoy it, at your own pace and your own way, even if it means you don't go beyond 1st base. That sort of deep, slow connection is where love comes from. Again, I admire your courage. Best wishes!
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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