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Thread: Family Frustration Urghhh

  1. #1
    Member Caligynephilia's Avatar
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    Angry Family Frustration Urghhh

    Just had a fight with my youngest sister (11) and my mother over comments that my sister (let's call her T) has been making towards and about me. I am out as a stripper to my mother and the immediate family that I am living with, but not my father and step-mother. I refuse to tell my father because he has/is still helping me out financially. Both my father and step-mom have been known to be extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative in the past, and I know something like this would absolutely cause them to lash out at me. This is why I won't tell them about it, especially because I do not want to deal with the constant verbal harassment I would get from them.

    So, the whole source of the fight. I have been living with my mother for about 3 weeks now and everyone here has known from the beginning that I strip. They all have been for the most part supportive but occassionally make comments that are to be expected. T's comments especially get to me, as (since she's 11 and "has no filter" as my mother proudly claims) her comments come out far more harsh. She constantly talks about how my job is nasty and disgusting. How can I get naked? How can I let old "weird" guys touch me? Do they pet me? "YOU'RE NASTY!" It upsets me but I never say anything because she's my sister and I since I have anxiety I don't want to get involved in fights.

    Well tonight it just came to a head. I had taken her out shopping earlier that day as a treat and, while we were shopping I tried on and bought a few bras for work. She kept talking about it at the dinner table and how uncomfortable and weird it was and that it was nasty. Nasty, nasty, nasty. And I was laughing and joking along but then it just kept going and my mom was encouraging it and I just snapped when she said she didn't even want me for a sister. I told her that between her whorephobic comments and attitude I didn't want to be her sister either. She immediately got upset and told me to shut up, and my mom jumped in and began the whole "she's only 11 she doesn't know what she's talking about!"

    That excuse isn't good enough for me because yes she doesn't understand WHY it's wrong but she should understand that making fun of someone for anything is wrong and that my mom is at fault too because she, as a mother, should teach her child things that are not okay to say to someone else. I told her also that T may think it's a joke now but because no one is correcting it and teaching her otherwise she is going to likely grow up and believe these things which just continues the cycle of discrimination against sex workers.

    The fight ended when I excused myself to my room and I listened to her preach about how I'm just ashamed of my job because I won't tell my dad about it, and that people who are ashamed just always look to place that shame on other people. Just...fucking URGHHH

    TLR: The family I live with are whorephobic assholes who think that because I will not let them make fun of and belittle me for my job that I'm actually just ashamed of my job as a stripper. Fuck everything.

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    Default Re: Family Frustration Urghhh

    I get the sense that you're unable to leave or would be very difficult at the moment to do so. I don't see them changing their views, and having to be on the defensive just exasperates it. The next best thing would be setting up boundaries to not discuss it either at all when the negativity comes up. Cut them off when they make you uncomfortable such as "I don't see it that way and I don't feel like talking about my work" and it sounds like you still love them, so if they keep pushing reply "I'll talk to you about anything, as long as it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable"

    Hope that makes sense and I hope you the best. Good luck.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Frustration Urghhh

    She's probably learned that most likely from your mom or close adults - most 11 year olds have no clue what a stripper is but that is the age where they are learning about more adult themes and the adults should be the ones teaching them in a non judgemental manner.

    Most people don't want their daughters, or sons, to grow up to be a stripper so they use fear tactics (like telling them it's a nasty job) to scare them away from doing that.

    Maybe just talk with her and ask her what does she mean regarding the 'nasty' comments. Dig deeper and maybe you will find what makes her so uncomfortable about you being a stripper. She also needs to distinguish that YOU are not your job. So just because you might be doing some sensual acts does not mean you as a person are nasty. Maybe let her know ways that you take care of yourself mentally and physically - so she knows you're safe. And explain to her how those comments hurt your feelings and you'd like her to stop.

    If your conservative family has influenced her to see strippers in a negative light and she's stuck on that viewpoint then you may be going in an uphill battle and rather than argue just keep career topics off limit.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Frustration Urghhh

    I would sit her down and have an age-appropriate discussion with her that there are lots of jobs that involve doing things that you don't neccessarily want to do. Make it clear that people still decide to do them of their own free will, to survive, but that there is choice involved, and that our choices generally include a lot of imperfect options. Nurses clean up pee and puke and poop, garbage men take out trash to earn their living, plumbers, even food preparation can have some icky moments. I don't imagine working in a nursing home would be so much different or less "gross". Try to make her see the nurturing side of the job, like would she think it was "gross" to hug an elderly person if you worked at a nursing home...try to establish a less polarised and more inclusive context in which she can see the job. It's a bit young to get into the sexual side I think, but there are plenty of people where touching, or being touched is part of their job. Masseuses would also be a good one to bring up. I acutally think I remember commenting to an aunt around 11 that I didn't know how she could touch naked strangers for her job and wasn't it gross! She explained that she enjoyed helping people feel betterand that she eventually became a nurse. You could go a similar route.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Default Re: Family Frustration Urghhh

    She's 11 a child.... ignore her she doesn't know any better.Kids are OVEREXPOSED now a days (she shouldn't even know the basics about your job) so things we didn't know at that age is now much more out in the open and in their face in this day an age.She's young & immature don't get so revved up.Your Mom is who you should really be having the serious conversation with.While you're at it I'd take back all the things I brought her too.I think you are being waaaayyy to open with them.I would've never told my mom or 11yr old sister who doesn't have the maturity to process/digest such a thing.

    Although I think she's acting like a child which she is.She does need to be taught about respect and having couth obviously.Everything you think does not need to be said.For goodness sakes just slap the CHEERIOS out of your Mom

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