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Thread: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

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    Default Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    I would appreciate feedback on something that has been troubling me.


    I was on a second date with a guy, having a couple of drinks after dinner. We had been out once before on a similar casual dinner date, and got on 'fine'... but actually, while I found him physically attractive and we had things in common, wasn't sure we had much natural chemistry somehow.


    We were chatting about random stuff, and at some point I said something silly, like mispronounced a word or something, and then joked that I was getting tipsy.

    Not long after, he was complimenting me on looking younger than my age, and then he said, "You look like an 11 year-old when you laugh".

    What is your initial reaction to that? I personally found it weird, and told him so. Was he testing my reaction (I'd already told him I was getting drunk) or was it just a very awkward attempt at flattery?

    I won't elaborate any more now as I'm interested in feedback on that specific comment without too much added context to colour things, if that makes any sense.

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    This sounds to me like he may have been trying to "neg" you. A neg is a very subtle insult/backhanded compliment douchey men say to women because pickup artists claim it makes us more likely to sleep with them (the logic is that women seek attention and approval, and really hot women receive this all the time naturally and in excess. By making you feel like you have to earn his approval and not just have it handed over, supposedly you'll try and seek his validation out and will naturally find him more attractive)

    It's ridiculous, but on super insecure girls it might work, who knows. Most people have heard of the book "The Game" and a lot of guys have read it. It explains the concept of negging in detail (actual examples from the book: offering her a stick of gum after she says something, commenting that her outfit is really casual for a certain event, etc)

    I see negging as a huge red flag and immediately run the other way (not sure if that was the case here or not). I'm curious his response when you told him it was a weird comment?
    Last edited by somechick99; 06-07-2016 at 07:02 AM.

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    ^Hmmm. Thank you for your reply, I'm familiar with all the PUA crap but dont think it was in that area...actually I'm good at spotting when guys are trying that type of thing and calling them on it. It annoys and amuses me at the same time. This comment has more disturbed me.

    I realise it's kind of unfair to ask a question about a situation without giving much context, but I wanted to get opinions without putting my possibly OTT hyper suspicious paranoid slant on the whole thing.

    I really don't think he was negging me, he is actually the overly complimentary type and was telling me I was beautiful and had a beautiful smile...that's why I find it weird, does he equate beauty with looking like an 11 year-old then?


    BTW, I've decided already that I don't want to keep seeing him. I just keep wondering about his tastes and it bothers me. I'm going through depression and am aware I'm inclined to see things in a dark, negative way.

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    Oh, his response was...hard to read. He didn't get much chance to say anything straight away so maybe had time to think. I was saying that I found that a weird thing to say...why 11, why not youthful or child-like which would sound more innocuous to me. I told him I had no problem with dark humour but that a comment about an 11 year old bothered me and he was kind of agreeing and saying he'd take that on board.

    We were both a couple of drinks in...he actually doesn't usually drink much so I thought maybe his guard was down and he said too much. I don't know...

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    Respond to it as a compliment and go on.

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    That is awkward, but it doesn't seem like he meant anything by it. I say super awkward shit all the time that I don't necessarily mean anything by. For example, I have a really awkward habit of going "Oh, you smell good" anytime I hug someone or stand next to them and they smell good.... I KNOW how creepy it sounds, because people always act like they don't know how to react, but it's just something that keeps coming out of my stupid mouth, because in my mind, I don't mean anything weird by it.

    If you don't click with him, it's totally fine to move on. But I wouldn't dwell on this one comment and overanalyze it to the point of making you crazy or creeped out.
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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    Yeah, I'm definitely obsessing and spending way too much energy on something I will never be able to fully know about. I just find it hard moving on and ignoring what I see as warning signs of fucked up stuff. I have tried to forget it but couldn't sleep last night and my thoughts were getting dark.

    I should probably have mentioned this other thing earlier too. A week or so after that date we were 'sexting' and describing how a threesome would play out. He described the other girl as blonde and tiny. I thought OK, well I'm tall and dark so maybe that's why...he emphasised she was tiny another couple of times through the conversation, saying she was easy to pick up, easy to dominate etc. It made me uncomfortable at some point and I just left the chat.

    I have issues, I admit it...I am not in the right mind set to be dating as it seems every man is potentially some kind of paedophile in my head. I'm struggling to separate intuition from paranoia quite a lot due to past experiences. Thankfully therapy starts soon.

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    I took it as you have a child like laughter, not child like looks. I didn't see anything creepy here. Maybe I'm missing something?

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    Without knowing his facial expression or tone, to me it sounds like he was saying you look cute when you laugh. 11 year olds are kids, and kids are cute. It's teasing and playful.
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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    I thought the same a didn't read it as creepy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    I took it as you have a child like laughter, not child like looks. I didn't see anything creepy here. Maybe I'm missing something?

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    Sometimes we just pick up on vibes from people...don't be too quick to dismiss it if this guy weirds you out. If a guy gives me creepy vibes more than once, I move on.
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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    ^I think that's what it is, it's vibes/intuition I can't define, mixed with the matter of the comments...it's something that can't be explained on the internet LOL. Even on the first date there was just something stopping me wanting to get too close to him and I didn't know why as he is physically my type and so on. Thanks for the replies.

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    in my humble opinion he said that u looked young, almost childish when u laugh, which in my pinion isnt a bad thig at all. i had the same comments from friends, custies etc and never took it badly. I would take it as a flattery.
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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    I dunno I can see why you have alarm bells ringing, I would too.
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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    I would have replied that he's acting like an 11 year old when he says shit like that.

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    To me the biggest issue is that you stated you weren't sure you "felt the chemistry." I understand it takes time to get to know someone, but once you feel that way, I personally don't think you can (or should) force yourself to try and make it work. It doesn't always make sense, because the person may be nice and attractive but the connection just isn't there. It was a stupid comment, and I doubt it meant anything, but it sounds like you were not "feeling it" to begin with, and your mind is focusing on this to give you an "excuse" not to want to go out again. Just my thoughts!

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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    I would have asked him what he meant.

    The comments sound a bit odd if you're more aware of pedo pervs (and nowadays one can never be too cautious) however people can say some pervy explicit things expressing sexual desires. And Domination is a common fetish as well as being with young slender women.

    Everything he said is grey area to me.

    You know yourself best and if multiple occasions make you have doubts about the guy then maybe slow down and get to know him better (maybe even background check to make sure at the least he doesn't have a record of serious offenses) before going further.

    Or just go with your gut and date other people and tell him you would like to discontinue dating each other.
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    Default Re: Comment made by guy disturbing or just awkward?

    Quote Originally Posted by JessaJade View Post
    ^I think that's what it is, it's vibes/intuition I can't define, mixed with the matter of the comments...it's something that can't be explained on the internet LOL. Even on the first date there was just something stopping me wanting to get too close to him and I didn't know why as he is physically my type and so on. Thanks for the replies.
    Trust your gut. IMHO nature has provided us with instinctual defense mechanisms that often pick up things that our conscious minds miss. If something seems off about him then it probably is, even if you can't quite put your finger on it. If I were you I would just move on to the next contestant, preferably someone who doesn't skeeve you out.

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