Before I start telling what happened, I'd like to mention that both my parents are narcissistic and growing up my boundaries were regularly crossed all the time. While I'm much better now about establishing boundaries with people, I'm still bad at it, especially in moments where there's not a lot of time to think about it or if I'm put under pressure. I'm great with physical boundaries regarding customers, but with emotional boundaries and day to day scenarios I often genuinely can't tell when I'm being taken advantage of.
Anyways here's what played out: It's the end of the night and I'm already in my street clothes ready to go home. A customer with another dancer sees me and says he wants me to come back and join them during their dance. Apparently they were going to go with a different girl who then was swooped up by someone else, but then he saw me instead. I say eff it and we go back there, we both make $50 plus tips off him. After the dance he tells me he wants to continue with only me. The other girl is visibly upset by this and when he goes to the atm she tells me this was her first dance all night, and she was mad he wanted only me to continue because they talked for over 45 mins and blahblahblah. I brush it off because not my problem. At this point the club is already closed but they say its ok and we keep going. He spends another $100 solely on me.
After my final dances with him, I'm walking back to the dressing room when the other dancer I joined earlier pulls me aside. She had literally been waiting for me to finish. She tells me that she hates to ask but she really needs $20 to pay her babysitter, and since I joined in on their dance I should give it to her. I told her that made no sense because he asked for me and she did nothing to provide that sale for me. She argued that actually she had been waiting and helping him find another girl (though that's obviously irrelevant to me since he's the one who called me over). She also said "by doing this you're showing me you're a nice person and that in the future I should let you join in on other dances"
First off, I make way more money than she does on a consistent basis. She in no way, shape or form is or was an asset to my money making. However, I stupidly gave it to her. I regretted it as soon as she walked out the door. In the moment I felt like it'd be bitchy not to, then realized I yet again let my boundaries be crossed and was manipulated in a situation I could and should have controlled. After it happened a bouncer who saw pulled me aside and said she was manipulative and it was BS, and that the girl was a bitch and never to let her do that again
At the end of the day it's only $20 and obviously it means more to her than me. However it's the principle that bugs me and part of me wants to let her know that was messed up of her to do and I gave it to her as a donation, not because she's entitled to it. Though I don't know if bringing it up next time I see her would be worth it out of principle or would only start drama. I don't want other dancers thinking I'm a pushover or something though so maybe I should say something?
Just to be clear, this wasn't a situation where I knew in the moment that I was being taken advantage of but was too scared to speak up. When my boundaries are pushed or crossed my body goes into anxiety mode and can't think, and I legitimately won't know the right thing to do until the anxiety attack is over.
I know I messed up, what should I do now? Ask for it back nicely when I see her next? Tell her I don't appreciate it? Forget it and move on?



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