Results 1 to 23 of 23

Thread: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Joined
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
    My Mood
    Crappy

    Default Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    I'm in a very toxic situation as a result of trying to help my ex, seeking advice before i take legal action...
    (Sorry, long post and probably disjointed but it's complicated and I'm so lost)

    My ex recently got out of jail the 2nd time during our relationship (2 years) for drugs. He got kicked out of his halfway house, i let him stay in my home (cuz he knows I'm a push-over) on the agreement that after his 30-day ban is up he returns to the halfway house. Well that was 3 weeks ago and he refuses to leave....

    He made up stories for awhile to placate me, saying he was getting a good job but nothing ever added up, for example his atrocious driving record disqualifying him plus me telling him he would NOT be using my vehicle for any jobs...

    Last weekend we had another huge fight that resulted in the police coming and arresting him. I want him out of my home; i do not want to support a cheater, a user, someone who pissed away the many chances i gave him. However i don't want him going to prison over this if i testify in the domestic case....

    So my dilemma is how to get him out? The cops said since he's been here over a month i need my landlord to evict him, even though he's not on my lease and we have text coversations detailing how he is overstaying our agreement...
    Now here's the nasty shit: he's always been very unstable from his drug addiction, over time he has gone through my phone while high, posted old (pre-relationship) nudes on Facebook, copied the contact information of my customers and friends and periodically threatens to further humiliate me and ruin me financially by harassing my customers. Various other shit. I've always loved him and wanted to help him despite it all, but a big part of it is i feel like I'm being held hostage. (he ALWAYS knew about my job, he only acted ok with him for awhile cuz he knew he could use it as ammo against me in the future and he's been very emotionally abusive about it)

    I know every state has different laws (I'm in Illinois, Cook Count). It seems my only option is have my landlord evict him, which will get me evicted in the process. All the while he's gonna cause massive damage to my personal and professional life and i can't do a damn thing about it except keep supporting him while he waits out his (OUR) 30-day eviction. And his probation case workers don't give a shit, even after the domestic arrest they aren't doing shit to place him elsewhere as far as whatever drug treatment program he's supposed to be in.

    I'm not one to ask for help from anyone about anything, and it's especially hard having to explain my job as a dancer, the damage he's willing to do, and how hard it will be for me to restart my life yet again.
    Looks like the only thing i can do is just abandon my apartment, move in a motel, shut off the untilities in my name and he can just squat there til my landlord can legally evict him.
    FML.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to mimikitty For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Veteran Member NakedNicole's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    239
    Thanks
    245
    Thanked 626 Times in 152 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    The simplest way is to just get him arrested again. I know you said you don't want to do it but he's not respecting your wishes so fuck him. That's what he deserves.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to NakedNicole For This Useful Post:


  5. #3
    Newbie
    Joined
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
    My Mood
    Crappy

    Default Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    I'm in a very toxic situation as a result of trying to help my ex, seeking advice before i take legal action...
    (Sorry, long post and probably disjointed but it's complicated and I'm so lost)

    My ex recently got out of jail the 2nd time during our relationship (2 years) for drugs. He got kicked out of his halfway house, i let him stay in my home (cuz he knows I'm a push-over) on the agreement that after his 30-day ban is up he returns to the halfway house. Well that was 3 weeks ago and he refuses to leave....

    He made up stories for awhile to placate me, saying he was getting a good job but nothing ever added up, for example his atrocious driving record disqualifying him plus me telling him he would NOT be using my vehicle for any jobs...

    Last weekend we had another huge fight that resulted in the police coming and arresting him. I want him out of my home; i do not want to support a cheater, a user, someone who pissed away the many chances i gave him. However i don't want him going to prison over this if i testify in the domestic case....

    So my dilemma is how to get him out? The cops said since he's been here over a month i need my landlord to evict him, even though he's not on my lease and we have text coversations detailing how he is overstaying our agreement...
    Now here's the nasty shit: he's always been very unstable from his drug addiction, over time he has gone through my phone while high, posted old (pre-relationship) nudes on Facebook, copied the contact information of my customers and friends and periodically threatens to further humiliate me and ruin me financially by harassing my customers. Various other shit. I've always loved him and wanted to help him despite it all, but a big part of it is i feel like I'm being held hostage. (he ALWAYS knew about my job, he only acted ok with him for awhile cuz he knew he could use it as ammo against me in the future and he's been very emotionally abusive about it)

    I know every state has different laws (I'm in Illinois, Cook Count). It seems my only option is have my landlord evict him, which will get me evicted in the process. All the while he's gonna cause massive damage to my personal and professional life and i can't do a damn thing about it except keep supporting him while he waits out his (OUR) 30-day eviction. And his probation case workers don't give a shit, even after the domestic arrest they aren't doing shit to place him elsewhere as far as whatever drug treatment program he's supposed to be in.

    I'm not one to ask for help from anyone about anything, and it's especially hard having to explain my job as a dancer, the damage he's willing to do, and how hard it will be for me to restart my life yet again.
    Looks like the only thing i can do is just abandon my apartment, move in a motel, shut off the untilities in my name and he can just squat there til my landlord can legally evict him.
    FML.
    Last edited by mimikitty; 06-25-2016 at 03:31 AM. Reason: This is a duplicate post, need to delete

  6. #4
    Newbie
    Joined
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
    My Mood
    Crappy

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    You're absolutely right. I just wanna add that the reason i stayed with an addict for so long despite prior abusive relationships is he was a Marine and had me believing this story that his drug addiction is due to injuries he sustained from combat over seas...i found out a year into our relationship it was all bullshit he never had PTSD, was never deployed. but i was so invested in the relationship i forgave him. Long story short, he continues to fuck up, cheat, do drugs, etc and i feel I've done enough to help him. He's frankly destroying my life and he's not my responsibility.

    When he was arrested i refused to press charges but the cops did (he's back in my home after the 72 hour ban). He keeps getting the case continued, maybe i should go to the next court case to get a restraining order? Court probably won't take me seriously for not doing it right away

  7. #5
    Moderator
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,508
    Thanks
    4,404
    Thanked 3,977 Times in 1,532 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    You need a lawyer. You need to get a restraining order against him (takes 1 hour). Then tell the police he is there. For your own safety, cry a lot when they take him, and cry when you pack his bags, and say stuff like, "I wish the real you would come back and this violent person would go away". That way, let's hope, he'll place the guilt on himself for being an asshole. There is no non-confrontational way to end this except you moving out, which may cause the landlord to sue you and screw your credit for years. Do NOT do that. You'll need your credit if you have to get a new place.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Bahuba For This Useful Post:


  9. #6
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16,440
    Thanks
    47,042
    Thanked 34,925 Times in 12,871 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    He's probably better off in jail - at least there he will get sober and have 3 hots and cot plus he will be out of your hair and now have structured days that he needs.

    He abused you emotionally, he's a hard core druggie, he's manipulative, he has not cntributed financially, he refused treatment = he needs to be in jail. He should never have been allowed to come into your home after refusing/getting kicked out of treatment. you can't turn back time but he's gotta go asap.

    I'm not sure about the laws but there is no law that says you have to accept abuse in your own home. Like suggest above maybe consult with a lawyer just to make sure there is no squatting law or something that could keep you from giving him the boot he deserves.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 06-25-2016 at 06:52 AM.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to miss.a.p1600 For This Useful Post:


  11. #7
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    571
    Thanks
    107
    Thanked 445 Times in 203 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    The problem is if he's not on the lease, that probably puts him under your Estates is verbal lease statute which is probably a lot harder to evict him that it would be to evict you, so I suggest you get it done without involving your landlord, because when I had that similar thing happened with one of my tenants evicted the tenant shut the unit down using health code violations in order to get rid of the person who was not on my lease. Because the person who is not on my lease could have sat in my unit for up to 6 months without paying rent

  12. #8
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,958
    Thanks
    1,714
    Thanked 3,253 Times in 1,343 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Let him go to jail, that is the best thing for BOTH of you.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

  13. #9
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,028 Times in 13,271 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Ok, I'd def look into getting an attorney, yrs ago I joined a legal grp, it was much less expensive than hiring one directly. There's nolo.com a legal site, or there's a free legal service ( Im in ur gen area) I used it, you leave a voice mail & they call u bk @ a certain time..staffed by volunteers so they don't get bk right away
    Can tou just keep calling the cops ro get him locked up, ASAP, say he's threatening you (he is, really)
    Im going to suggest something else, is there any way you can have (a guy friend ) move in & try tl make his life miserable not letting him sleep, being obnoxious, etc.? I know weird, & a longshot but maybe?"
    Yrs ago when I had a hole roomies, I put in a cl ad for some one to come by & check on me, (of course I'd screen & meet him 1st, I nvr ended up going thru w it, but actually I got some decent responses some were cops, security guys etc)
    Just some ideas, some crazy, but u do have a crazy sitch,
    I wish u the best, u were just trying to be kind & help, u sound like me. Good luck & pks keep us updated.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  14. #10
    Featured Member rareaspasia's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    840
    Thanks
    1,822
    Thanked 1,499 Times in 524 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    First off, don't blame yourself for trying to be a good person. People make mistakes. Can you get your landlord to change your locks while your ex is out of the house? I'd put this guys stuff on the front porch while he's changing the locks, lock yourself inside, and then be ready to call the cops when he shows up and inevitably shows up and freaks out. At that point they can handle him and set you up to get a restraining order.

  15. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to rareaspasia For This Useful Post:


  16. #11
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,028 Times in 13,271 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Quote Originally Posted by rareaspasia View Post
    First off, don't blame yourself for trying to be a good person. People make mistakes. Can you get your landlord to change your locks while your ex is out of the house? I'd put this guys stuff on the front porch while he's changing the locks, lock yourself inside, and then be ready to call the cops when he shows up and inevitably shows up and freaks out. At that point they can handle him and set you up to get a restraining order.
    Right, great idea in theory..but, as outlandish as it sounds, may be illegal, then SHE'S rhe 1 in trouble. This's IL, dear, & to the best of my knowlege the only ppl that can do that, is Cook Cty Sheriff, AFTER a court order for eviction is obtained. Also there may be a long wait for that, due to backlogs of many evictions
    And, the ppl in subsidised housing get evicted before others


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to whirlerz For This Useful Post:


  18. #12
    Featured Member rareaspasia's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    840
    Thanks
    1,822
    Thanked 1,499 Times in 524 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    Right, great idea in theory..but, as outlandish as it sounds, may be illegal, then SHE'S rhe 1 in trouble. This's IL, dear, & to the best of my knowlege the only ppl that can do that, is Cook Cty Sheriff, AFTER a court order for eviction is obtained. Also there may be a long wait for that, due to backlogs of many evictions
    And, the ppl in subsidised housing get evicted before others
    Didn't know all that. I wish there was something else I could think of, laws vary so much state to state or I'd ask one of my cop friends.

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to rareaspasia For This Useful Post:


  20. #13
    Moderator
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,508
    Thanks
    4,404
    Thanked 3,977 Times in 1,532 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    ^^yeah usually not a good idea to do what's called a self-help eviction. The authorities are there for this stuff. Get a restraining order, and tell him honestly you did it.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

  21. The Following User Says Thank You to Bahuba For This Useful Post:


  22. #14
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,028 Times in 13,271 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    ^^yeah usually not a good idea to do what's called a self-help eviction. The authorities are there for this stuff. Get a restraining order, and tell him honestly you did it.
    I agree w/getting the order..but NOT telling him..who knows how he'd react to that. He already knows he's not wanted to stay, & doesn't GAF. This type of action is best dealt in stealth, acting as quickly as possible.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  23. The Following User Says Thank You to whirlerz For This Useful Post:


  24. #15
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Nyc
    Posts
    121
    Thanks
    59
    Thanked 50 Times in 32 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    I'm actually in the process of also leaving a toxic relationship and I know that this won't be an easy solution. Since he isn't going to cooperate you can't play civil with him anymore. You could go to the police and get some sort of restraining order against him, but most likely, you may just need to move out yourself and leave him be. You'll essentially have to cut contact cold turkey since he doesn't seem to be willing to do anything. Best of luck to ya.

  25. #16
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Nyc
    Posts
    121
    Thanks
    59
    Thanked 50 Times in 32 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    This may seem extreme, but when I was moving out of my abusive mother's home, I had the police to escort me through to get stuff, because I didn't feel safe around her. She's bipolar and schizophrenic and had a long history of being physically violent with others, including me. If anything, you may need to do that but it'll have to be done quickly.

  26. The Following User Says Thank You to Rubelle For This Useful Post:


  27. #17
    Featured Member rareaspasia's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    840
    Thanks
    1,822
    Thanked 1,499 Times in 524 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Any updates? If I get a chance I'm going to ask one of my cop friends for advice for you.

  28. The Following User Says Thank You to rareaspasia For This Useful Post:


  29. #18
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    75
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 40 Times in 25 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Even though it might be illegal I would still suggest changing the locks and putting his stuff outside. The chances he is going to call the cops is pretty slim, no? also unless he has your landlords contact number he wont be able to do much? Maybe you could change the locks and head out to a friends place for a few days? I'm sorry you're in such a shit situation, keep us updated!

  30. The Following User Says Thank You to cocoheartt For This Useful Post:


  31. #19
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,028 Times in 13,271 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Quote Originally Posted by cocoheartt View Post
    Even though it might be illegal I would still suggest changing the locks and putting his stuff outside. The chances he is going to call the cops is pretty slim, no? also unless he has your landlords contact number he wont be able to do much? Maybe you could change the locks and head out to a friends place for a few days? I'm sorry you're in such a shit situation, keep us updated!
    You know what, I agree w this^!
    I know when I threw out my ex (had np idea it was illegal & he went w it so it was all good) I put his stuff in storage
    I'd rent a little storage unit, hand him the key (or have w somepne that can give it to him..
    Considering he's a dangerous addict criminal & could potentially caise many serious probs..
    Good luck


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  32. #20
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    She can't just leave because she is the one on the lease. But with his history, a restraining order shouldn't be too hard to get. If she has to goad him a little to get him to act out again in order to justify a call to the police then so be it. The order would be essentially the same thing as an eviction anyway. Then, as someone else suggested, I think the idea of then putting his shit in a storage unit and giving him the key is perfect.

  33. The Following User Says Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  34. #21
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,845
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    Law enforcement is always eager to find a landlord-tenant relationship between the real tenant of premises and some non rent paying deadbeat. Their way of saying "don't bother us".

  35. The Following User Says Thank You to slowpoke For This Useful Post:


  36. #22
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    201
    Thanks
    77
    Thanked 238 Times in 79 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    In most states, anyone who stays on location for 30 days they are considered a "resident". This is why most landlords have something regarding stay of non tenants for more than 2-3 days.

    Id say seek legal advise , get your ducks in a row and then make your move. Keep your communication with the guy to a minimum .


  37. #23
    God/dess Zofia's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Durham, North Carolina
    Posts
    2,417
    Thanks
    2,964
    Thanked 2,371 Times in 935 Posts

    Default Re: Need to evict ex who's not on my lease...

    You are the only one on the lease. He is your guest. He has no rights. You can get a restraining order so the police will do something. (Otherwise they will just look for excuses to do nothing.) If you don't want to get a restraining order, just put his stuff out and tell him to not come back.

  38. The Following User Says Thank You to Zofia For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. how to get out of a 1 yr lease 8 months early?
    By audrey_k in forum Life Support
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 10-14-2014, 12:35 PM
  2. Lease Agreements
    By papillonluvr in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-05-2011, 05:10 AM
  3. Breaking a Lease When You Just Moved In?
    By Lady Xplicit18 in forum Life Support
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-30-2011, 01:29 AM
  4. Roommate/lease help
    By kandie_kitten in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-08-2007, 10:44 PM
  5. Buy Used vs Lease New
    By Lilith in forum Dollar Den
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 09-18-2004, 06:29 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •