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Thread: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

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    Default How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    Perhaps you cam, and your partner does too or is even in the adult biz in some way.

    How do you maintain balance and work through obstacles?

    Slow months, financials, ect?

    Do you fight? What are the most sensitive topics?

    Can you work with other models? Can he/she? Do you have an open relationship?

    Boundaries? Do you set any?

    Can you contact your custies offline? Are there certain sex acts or scenarios you have agreed not to do?

    What at to do when you can't come to an understanding?

    Sensitive topics that don't find resolutions right awat. Ones you will have to agree to disagree on.

    Can't lie. My relationship was easier before I started camming. There were just scenarios I never had to talk about with my partner. Such as "what goes on when you c2c?" "Are you going to do anal?"

    i noticed more models having crushes on other models and it's only inevitable people will date and maybe even who knows? Get married one day. But, the dynamic of the adult industry certainly (for me anyways) changes a relationship and I (although don't like admitting it) have a difficult time with my partner and reaching an understanding about a lot of things work related.

    if there's anyone in a relationship, marriage, share your experiences here. Your partner doesn't have to be in the adult world, but would love your input if they are. If you're thinking of dating someone in this biz it's a cool way to ask questions and gain insight.

    I met my partner when we were both not in the adult biz. Now we are in different avenues. I work purely solo, she is not a model but works with other models. I personally struggle with it, I don't like it when she works with other models. I'm always being told I'm insecure - but in my opinion, I feel strong, open, and honest that im able to admit what bothers me in the first place. Very recently, we were working on a new project together, and I get the vibe she's purposely backing out of it and putting me down so she can start her own project with new models. Her project will likely make great money, and I'm happy for her. But I think the way she's going about it is hurtful and boastful towards me after having 3 very bad months on SM. I've been told I'm past my prime recently, and it was probably one of the biggest blows to me. My partner was really speaking to me as if I'm a porn chick in Spieglers office. I haven't felt right about it since its been said. It's hard to take the "realities of porn" out of a relationship where both people are somehow in it.

    How do you deal with the obstacles the adult industry puts on relationships? How do you overcome?

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    How was your relationship from the very beginning? Were there issues from your past relationships or hers that you two have not individually healed from?
    I strongly believe camming isn't the main cause but it can magnify issues that were not completely dealt with and healed from. If you want to get down to the nitty gritty, you gotta look at the beginning.

    You often hear people say they were fine before marriage then everything changed, things just gone downhill. Not true. There were signs but in order for you to move on and not repeat the same issues, you have to acknowledge and heal from them.
    Perhaps you are in a relationship with the wrong person. It's completely okay to love someone, have them be part of your life and not be romantically involved.

    PS-xCamLovex: I'm gonna start charging you for all this free therapy

    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    I don't really have a whole lot of insight on this since my boo works a vanilla job. But your partner don't know shit if she thinks that there is some sort of "prime" in regards to being successful on cam. At least 50% of the top models on Streamate at any given time are 30+.

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    Quote Originally Posted by xCamLovex View Post
    . But I think the way she's going about it is hurtful and boastful towards me after having 3 very bad months on SM. I've been told I'm past my prime recently, and it was probably one of the biggest blows to me. My partner was really speaking to me as if I'm a porn chick in Spieglers office. I haven't felt right about it since its been said. It's hard to take the "realities of porn" out of a relationship where both people are somehow in it.
    If my partner told me I'm past my prime I'd be doing he or she a favor and moving along. Wouldn't want them stuck with someone past their prime!

    (besides the fact even if they were referring to the adult industry "prime" it's not true, especially in camming. Often older hosts make more than the younger ones - just take a look at the top rows on SM).

    Why stay with someone who could say such a rude hurtful thing to you?


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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    I agree in regards to the prime comment. Sometimes, relationship issues arent due to external factors such as job, money, etc at all. Just the people in them.

    I'm not by nature an insecure person, but I realize that some people may be, so i do make concessions for a few things. Like certain pet names I will never call a customer, stories I'll never tell or use for fodder. One thing that was hard for me to agree to was the no texting/sexting egg. My SO is in the military so that is a large part of our relationship when he is away. I get that he doesnt want me texting other guys from my bed or connecting with them in that way . He'd rather I not cam from it but, well, it is what it is dear. He doesn't harp on it nor dwell on it. Buy mama a cam room or something else or shut the fuck up. He gets that its just work and its never interfered with our amorous interactions in anyway. I make sure to adhere to a schedule, work time is work time. Bae time is bae time.

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    You worth every penny girl!


    Thank you all for your encouraging insight.


    I agree the comment bout my prime made me feel like Shrek. I'm a cam model who knows my prime is what I make it. However in porn, millions are made off of the fresh new face. In our different avenues of the industry, we have different views on what makes more money. After 3 brutal months on SM, I'm on the come up and I'm only living in the positive.


    True @foxy I think its respectful to not text after your broadcast time is over. Esp if it's something intimate you do with your SO.


    Today was a big day for me to put everything on the table and say "WATCH YOSELF. Mama ain't takin this"

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    How does she handle it when u voice the fact u dont really like her working w/ other models? If all she does is brush u off and say ur insecure, Id say thats a huge red flag. Its pretty reasonable to not want ur partner to physically engage with others even if u both are in the adult industry. Would she be cool with u working on projects with other models??

    I also really dont like that shes putting u on the backburner for others so to speak. If she knows ur uncomfortable w the situation but isnt willing to change it, at the VERY least she should be trying to show u that ur her #1 in all ways. Adding other sexual partners to an already troubled relationship, even if solely for the sake of $ is always gonna make things worse.

    I became a camgirl after a year of being with my BF and he couldnt be anymore supportive. We are monogamous and thats the way I like it. He has a vanilla job and whenever I have a really low earning month he is always there to pick up slack. We have made custom vids together and id be up for more. We laugh abt shit that happens to me on cam all the time n he is never jealous, he is proud of me for working so hard and being his lil business woman. I am actually a pretty jealous girl by nature so I feel extremely blessed and amazed hes able to take it all in stride and recognize it as work.






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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    Are you also asking for advice and perspective based on your situation that you laid out, or you just want to see how other people do it?

    If the first, in what capacity does she work with other models (if she's not a model herself); and what about it bothers you?
    n00b extraordinaire


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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    My boyfriend was nerdy in high school and I think he's really pleased to be dating a "camgirl" now ... I think he's happy to have validation that he's with a hot girl. He jokes that I'm so hot I could "make money being naked on the internet."

    We are both polyamorous to start with anyway so I think that makes things easier. But for the time being the only "open" things we do are my online sex work and his making out with guys at parties.

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    My marriage has suffered greatly and has nearly ended because of my camming. I started camming 3 years ago because we were fucking broke and I couldn't get hired full time anywhere in the real world. I try to include my husband so he doesn't feel left out. He reluctantly shoots videos and pics of me. Sometimes he is a willing co star in a video with me....but mainly he isn't happy or supportive of my new career. This makes me extremely sad. He is 51 and I am 41. He is very old school and doesn't believe in sharing his wife. I have to explain and reassure him all the time that he is still my everything and our sex life has suffered. However I love camming and I am not about to give it up. If I didn't cam the bills wouldn't be paid and we'd be in trouble. I wish he was more understanding.....he's trying, but....its hard. Its really hard. We've been married for almost 15 years now. I love him, but I'd love to branch out and shoot videos with other men and women. HOwever he would never approve....therefore he remains my only costar....ugh.

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    susperia i am in a similar ish position. when you were not a cam girl to start with then its not unreasonable to think that they might have a wobble, its not what they signed up for and the reality isnt the same as the fantasy. they get jealous becuase they would love to wank all day and have people throw money at them, with no real understanding of the work that actually goes into making money doing this

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    I guess I am very lucky at this one. Met my husband at the sex industry and because of a unplanned pregnancy, was off for a few months. Unfortunately had a miscarriage, so he was a bit annoyed when I came back to work. I guess I understand cause I'm quite jealous and would be pretty annoyed in his place. But today, he's extremely supportive with me and my job. I guess the best thing about camming is that no one is putting their hands on us so by the end of the way, it's much better

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    If you are both sexworkers, it will be challenging. "normal" jobs make it difficult for some relationships to endure, but anything is possible. You cannot change some situations, but you can change how you react to them. I was very negative and unaware that I could control my emotions and that they were harming me the most and S.O. as well. This went on for many years before I was sick of feeling like shit all the time because of some chemical overreaction inside of me and the resulting anxiety. I did CBT for a bit and it helped, but I still catch myself being negative about things that don't matter occasionally (learned behavior). We rarely see anyone but each other and it gets tough. Since we cam together and make videos together we get overexposure of each other. When it's slow, it feels shitty for both of us but if you don't let something affect you then it's not even a problem in the grand scheme of things. We are each others support system which makes the slow time kind-of better. We got burnout recently from working too much, and I hurt quite a bit after working with husbands penis for hours each day... to be honest I would jump for joy if I learned I'd never have to cam with him again because money wasn't necessary. That is a circumstance that isn't alterable so, we must continue. His poor penis lol. The finances are pretty easy to be agreeable on to be honest, we dont fight about money, maybe it's because we are responsible with it. He gets our camming checks, and I get everything else on my payoneer so if I want or do need something I can buy it without dipping into our rent money. I have worked with one other girl and I'm sure more in the future, he doesn't care. I would not mind sharing him on film with someone I trusted, it just hasn't arisen yet. I would have sex with another man for a video if he were there filming and/or participating, but that has not arisen either.

    The biggest issue is being around each other so much and having our actual sex life suffer, and second biggest issue is guys thinking because I'm a camgirl that I have real desire for other men. In theory, maybe, in reality no. I have several customers I would say I am more adamant about than the rest, and he tends to get jelly when I give them attention when they have not paid for something and set a specific time limit. I'm not quite sure how to let them get close enough but not too close that he gets mad because he feels I'm leading them on. Then again, I have no friends because it's hard to surround myself with people who will be supportive of my work and have a conscious way of thinking instead of just clubbing, being frivolous, and dating losers. Aka my age group and my area are very rat race zombie for the most part. I know I need them, I just don't know how to make them, and being that camgirls hide their locations, I can't seem to find any really close by He doesn't need friends he claims, so he doesn't have any and he's just fine.

    Before camming our relationship was happier but we were so broke that we had to eat things so removed from being whole foods that they couldn't be called foods. We were also pretty new at being adults so the carefree feelings were more abundant before we let earning money become our only priority. I do have days I wish he had a normal job so I could cam alone constantly to see what my potential is but he needs to feel accomplished by earning and he won't stop working to fulfill his actual useful goals on this planet if I ask so I don't ask him to quit anymore. Being married and camming is interesting... I'm almost convinced it causes more of the guys to try harder to be with me IRL. I've not yet figured out how to let them down easy, so I just end up cutting off all communication when they get unreasonable. I just asked dear husband what the worst part is, and he said it has put a damper on our sex life and he hates hurting me with his penis for money lol so he feels the same wayas I do. I doubt he or I would rather be doing any other job because of the freedoms we have when the cameras are off. We just tend to put up with the bad parts and keep on pluggin.


    Good luck to you two

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    Luckily he's not of the sex industry lol, he's a designer. He was a client of mine and that's how we started our relationship. He's okay with my job but we have some rules we stick to.
    First of all, he respects me and he knows I wouldn't like him to keep seeing other girls. Second, we both agreed that I wouldn't be friends with any guy out of work. Business is just business. And I am totally fine with that.
    And third, no way we could ever consider each other having sex with someone else. Unless you have an open relationship...
    I guess that's the wonderful of camming. You show yourself but no one is able to touch you or anything like that.
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Must be tough having to deal with relationship and camming together.
    Have you ever thought about camming by yourself for a while? The money might be pretty good and you can still support your partner without having to be so tough for you both.
    All the best!!
    xxx

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    Hi All,

    I started this thread for anyone whos thinking about, currently, or was previously in a relationship while being in the adult industry.

    Just thought I'd share my current challenge. I think being in the adult biz creates stresses that most relationships might not have to (ever?) sometimes face.

    The last few months have been brutal! Not being able to break minimum goals or stay connected during shows really scared me and financially put me behind the last 3-4 months. Some really shitty things can be said when factors like this come into play. Not making excuses for it, but it's just the reality of arguing with a partner sometimes i guess.

    I've grown from my current situation and can say communication is key. Never be afraid to speak out. Creating boundaries is so needed esp in the adult biz. Putting on the strong "whatever i dont care it doesn't bother me" face is a can of worms....and can lead you into a lot of sexual miscommunication that is sometimes something that can ultimately kill a relationship entirely.

    Some things that really help my relationship is: no communication offline. for me and my partner. texting / emailing custies or casting models while together after hours? no way.

    good luck to you all as well. lots of love.

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    Veteran Member Dorothea's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    I gave up relationships a while ago and am the happiest ever! pure freedom- I have to say that camming allowed me to do that. I hope I will never get involved again. Basically.when I was in a relationship I hid what I do from the guy and actually the members made me happy not him.with cool members and my fans I don't need a relationship and the make believe relationships are so much more pleasant - just better.

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    My boyfriend cams and I am stripper. I think sometimes it makes things difficult at the same time I couldn't imagine being with someone who has no understanding of this type of work now.

    Some of our challenges have been that he has wanted me to cam with him, I have tried and I hate it. I don't like how he can just take his pants off and sit in his boxers and I have to do my hair and make up, wear an outfit... if I'm doing all that I'd rather go to the club and make cash. He makes more by himself than we do together any way. It's also caused problems because he's TOO comfortable with it. Like one night he just started randomly doing it while we were watching TV together, moved to the other end of the couch logged into SM. I wasn't thrilled :/

    On the other side dancing isn't painlesss for him either. My hours are all over the place and my sleep schedule is really annoying to live with, especially since he's sort of a morning person. I have drank too much at work and been an asshole to him when he used to give me a ride home because I didn't have a car... Sometimes when I get home from work I don't want to be touched at all, even hugged, because I'm in the mode of "don't touch me" and I feel bad, I can tell it makes him sad and he doesn't understand it.

    Being with someone who is in the same industry makes me feel like I can be myself and talk about work when I need to. I think it makes him more understanding and open minded. He's all around awesome. I met him when he was a bouncer at a club I worked at on and off. This can also lead him to be a little jealous about work, not usually but every now and then it comes out. I wish it didn't happen like that honestly, but I'm thankful we're in each other's lives.
    Last edited by Aammeelliiaa; 07-12-2016 at 11:08 PM.

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    Senior Member evaeva's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    My BF and I are pretty new to camming - only been working on it for a couple of weeks now - but we have been together for 1.5 years and have a very trusting relationship which I would say is absolutely crucial to doing this kind of work together. If you have any doubts, insecurities, or problems in your relationship I feel this kind of work could shine a very bright light on them so I would definitely consider that before beginning any adult work together.

    We both work day jobs and are camming for two reasons: because we are trying to earn some extra income and because we thought it might be an exciting thing to try together. We did discuss ground rules before ever hitting the broadcast button, but there were a couple unforeseen issues that came up within the first week that we have since addressed and now things are going fairly smoothly. Here are some of the most important things we have learned during our time so far.

    1. Never do anything you are uncomfortable with. During a private session, a customer wanted my BF to spit on me and call me names. I didn't really like that, but I also didn't want the customer to leave and so I gave my BF the go ahead and he went along with it. Afterward, I began crying and felt absolutely miserable about it. My boyfriend felt terrible too because he didn't like treating me that way even in a roleplay scenario. After that we agreed to never do anything that either of us was uncomfortable with and agreed on a discreet signal to use in case we were ever in the middle of a show and got a request that one of us did not want to perform. We also switched to a token-based site for our shows because it was easier for us to set the rules there rather than having to field requests from people in private and have since enjoyed it a lot more.

    2. Set a schedule and stick to it. As I mentioned, we both have full-time day jobs so setting up a realistic schedule was important for us because we can't stay up all night camming and then wake up early for work the next day so we set aside 2-3 hours every weekday evening and a portion of the weekends for work. After realizing the earning potential we had, we clashed over him wanting to work as many hours possible and me needing some time to reset so that I didn't become completely burnt out after just a few weeks. Setting a schedule and knowing it's ok when you need to take a night off is really beneficial.

    3. Recognize that it is a business. We mostly cam together and then will do solo shows when requested. We share all communications we receive from customers (emails/kik messages/etc) but not because there is a lack of trust but because we consider each other business partners as well and feel that receiving each other's feedback is very important. He knows that he is the only person I want to be with and vice versa so there are no worries there and understands that when I oblige a customers request to say their name during a show, I am not actually wishing they were there with me and that I am simply doing my job.

    4. Don't make camming the only thing you do together. Even though it can be enticing to think of how much money you can earn staying online as much as possible, we agreed early on that we stick to the schedule and that's it. We work out together in the mornings, go to our day jobs, eat dinner together, and then cam for a bit before relaxing and going to sleep. On the weekends we both do separate volunteer work so that we have things to talk about together besides just work.

    Anyways, it might be easier for us since we do this part-time at the moment but I hope that it offered a little insight and I would love to hear everyone else's experiences with it too!

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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    Quote Originally Posted by xCamLovex View Post
    Perhaps you cam, and your partner does too or is even in the adult biz in some way.

    How do you maintain balance and work through obstacles?

    Slow months, financials, ect?

    Do you fight? What are the most sensitive topics?

    Can you work with other models? Can he/she? Do you have an open relationship?

    Boundaries? Do you set any?

    Can you contact your custies offline? Are there certain sex acts or scenarios you have agreed not to do?

    What at to do when you can't come to an understanding?

    How do you deal with the obstacles the adult industry puts on relationships? How do you overcome?

    When camming together in the very beginning it was awful, not going to lie. He was a clown and I was very controlling with my show, and the chemistry was horrible on camera. Off camera we fought like cats and dogs about it and after a few weeks and going solo it suddenly became a lot better. He could get them lined up on Skype (he's such a flirt) and I would knock them out back-to-back for a few hours, then we would relax and just NOT TALK ABOUT IT. Our sex life got a lot better too, and that seems to smooth everything over.

    In slow months it was bad because both of us were the scientificky type that wanted to formulate exactly what was going wrong. Why is this month lower than last? What factors? He blamed me, I blamed him. This would last until I had another few good nights and everything was back to normal. Eventually we reached the conclusion that its just a cycle you have to get used to.

    We still have an occasional flare up, the fight mainly revolves around our business and how open we can be about it. We're still closeted to half our family members. He gets a lot of flack because they think we're laundering money for the mob or cooking meth...the things we have to tell to some of our relatives wears both of us out. I just don't think its any of their business to know everything though...and he disagrees.

    Working with other models? He'd love to see that I'm sure

    Skipping to the last question though...working as we do with the adult industry is a strain because we both put high value on a good sexual relationship. Seeing porn, constantly, day in and day out does nothing for our moods. I'm personally completely jaded to it. After seeing body parts all day it (and what people do with them), sexual imagery becomes very clinical. Being naked and being seen naked used to be a thrill...now its like, "Eh, whatever." It takes a lot longer to get the motors running. The good thing is that with both of us working we're at least on the same page most of the time.

    "Daily pay ALL the things!"
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    Default Re: How To Deal With Relationship Stress In The Adult Biz

    Me an my "now" husband were together for 9 years before I started in the "biz"
    I started out doing fetish modeling, with me being the independent model/photographer just for a few extra bucks.
    But I become way more popular as a model then I ever imagined I would and starting making more money then I ever thought I could.
    My fans started asking me to cam, so I started camming part time.


    At first he was NOT okay with it, To be honest, he was upset at the attention I was getting and also to be honest, our relationship was a bit on the rocks, we didn't talk much and he lied a lot to me.

    However, the more I encouraged him to open up and talk about how he felt, encouraged him to participate WITH me in camming and modeling and such the more he enjoyed it and the more he LIKED me doing it.

    We got married on our 10 year anniversary last year and we have been happy ever since, we argue less, talk more and are more honest and open with each other.

    We really do not have any rules, he doesn't want me to work with other men which is fine by me because I dont want to work with other men!

    So, to be honest, Me doing this work fixed our relationship and brought us WAY closer together, we are WAY more open about our own sexual wants and our own needs, this line or work gave us an open line of communication and I am so very happy that it did!

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