
Originally Posted by
Bahuba
When you read this you'll understand why civvies can be such a royal pain, and why we dudes love you guys so much. But, it's about a friend and I need insight. Please.
I have this friend I've had for 14 years. She is attractive and smart, and she is married. We met supporting one of the arts groups I do some volunteer work for, and we hit it off as friends very quickly. The long and short of it is I respect her, and I don't mess around with married women unless they are poly (she isn't), and unlike many poor civvie dudes I don't need to go after every female I deal with.
She is animated and fun, and she does the "little girl prodigy" hustle at her job, and has lots of conservative old dudes wanting to tap her. She tried that shit on me a bit, not for sex, but as a habit. Of course I didn't bite. However, the smart side of her I like, and she's an excellent business contact, so we stay friends and I see her every so often around the country.
Last week a long time mutual friend of ours died. We both flew in for the funeral, and we both wound up at his widowed wife's house. We talked with her late into the night, and finally she stopped crying and went to bed. I went into the music room, and my friend came in with a bottle of wine. We reminisced a bit, then she said, "you know, they were never physical. Her (the widowed wife's) first husband was physical to the point of abuse, and part of her missed that." I asked her, what's more important to a woman, what the marriage looks like from the outside or how it is from the inside?
She poured us both more wine, which I didn't really want, and sat for a bit and then started to cry. She told me her husband had loved another woman for two years, but that she had driven him to it. The pain was coming off her in waves, and she told the story in a weird voice I had never heard her use.
I told her, bullshit,men spend all their time in a quasi-sexual haze. If he had a two year affair it was because of him, not you. She started defending him, and swearing that she had caused it and telling me she'd thrown a knife at him once, was a horrible person, on and on. She said, "you think I'm a good person but you're not listening to me" and she kept this up through two more glasses.
I was was literally at a loss for words. Funerals make me pensive, and my head wasn't in it. Then she said, "a woman wants to be craved". Some part of me knew 100% she wasn't looking for sex. I talked about other stuff for a bit, and then went to bed.
Two days later, when she got back home she changed her Facebook pic to one of her and her husband, and goes on a spree of posting how great he is. I actually want to keep her as a friend. What the hell happened, and what should I do? I'm happy to fill in any gaps if you need more info. Thanks for any thoughts.
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