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Thread: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

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    Default Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    So in a few months (I'm about three months pregnant ) I'll obviously have to quit dancing for awhile and that terrifies me. Only job I've had as an adult that can really pay the bills and then some (over five years), and the thought of being dependent on a man is hair-raising. My husband is amazing and loving but I didn't exactly marry him for his earning ability. He's smart and hard working but the job he was counting on fell through and the job he has now isn't enough to support us by himself. I could do clips but that's going to take awhile to set up and figure out and then get paid for.
    I have a sugar daddy who gives me 1000-1200 monthly for two visits per month. I kinda went over the line w him (no sex, but more than I know my man would be comfortable with) because I have an 8 year old and one on the way depending on me as well and they are my main priority. I grew up poor and know the value of money, I want to sock away as much $ as possible.
    So yeah, am I a piece of shit? I feel extremely guilty, have problem sleeping. But on the other hand I'd also have problems sleeping if I knew we were broke as hell w two kids. I make more and yeah idk I'm torn.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    No, I do NOT think you're a POS..you need/needed $, you got a kid & one on the way..it's very difficult today, job wise as we all know.
    Idk, maybe scale bk a bit w/the sd, but still make him feel wanted/needed/wht/ev.
    Look @ it like a role you're playing, just like if you were a stripper, cammer, actress (which's really what all sex type work entails)
    How about pso, texting? Or, there's legit work frm home phone jobs,(one's called Live Ops I think, there's a few, some have good accounts like AT&T etc) they don't pay a lot, but something extra. Look on backpage, craig's (be careful of course) for focus groups, side jobs etc


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    No you're not a piece of sh*t you did what you felt you had to do at the time. Consider your other options though like whirler z mentioned. And last case scenario government assistance can help you in emergencies and since you're pregnant you'd have an easier time getting it.

    I think you should try camming or clips if you're comfortable - pregnant women and lactation is a fetish you could bank off of.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Veteran Member emma383's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Unless your into fetish..in a few months you will have to quit dancing and sugar daddy meet ups. So save as much as you can now and dont worry about it. Business is business, that's it.

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    God/dess arielbriel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    No you're not, just don't do it again. I would start camming and babysitting while you're pregnant!

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    You didn't do anything wrong, as long as you didn't do anything that was unsafe. You have a child to support. If I was your husband, I would understand. When I met my girlfriend, she was a dancer. It never bothered me what she did for a living because I knew she was doing it to support herself and her child.

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    God/dess SylvySinclair's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    dont feel guilty, u are not a piece of shit at all.
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    Featured Member EastCoastDancer01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    There's nothing wrong with making money to support your family! Just be smart and safe and you wont have anything to worry about. Just do what you gotta do,save your money, and have an exit plan.

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Thanks guys! Yeah I'm really going to make an effort to get my laptop up and running so I can make money a different way, I've just been so tired and it's seemed overwhelming.
    But I'm more encouraged now! Glad I have this place to vent to, any other forum I'd be burned at the stake, most vanilla folks just don't understand

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    Senior Member culitos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    You are not a piece of shit, and I know how you feel! I may/may not've done regrettable things at work, but the way I see it now is, sometimes the only way to learn is from our mistakes! Best of luck to you

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Not at all. It sounds like you have an amazing little family and you're doing what you have to do to provide for your family. I wouldn't volunteer too much info to your SD about your personal life. Don't allow your SD to put you in a position that will hurt your family. He may get you to feel like you need to cross boundaries you're not comfortable with, but will cross for your family. Forgive yourself. I wouldn't tell your husband unless you feel like you need to.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elektra Luxx View Post
    Not at all. It sounds like you have an amazing little family and you're doing what you have to do to provide for your family. I wouldn't volunteer too much info to your SD about your personal life. Don't allow your SD to put you in a position that will hurt your family. He may get you to feel like you need to cross boundaries you're not comfortable with, but will cross for your family. Forgive yourself. I wouldn't tell your husband unless you feel like you need to.
    OP, all of this IMHO. The self righteous types who you refer to in one of your posts don't have to walk in your shoes - they are not the ones who need to provide for your children. If you need the money to take care of your children and your SO just isn't capable of bridging the gap, then you need to do what you need to do. IMHO there is no shame in providing for your children and nothing to forgive.

    Also, there is no upside in telling your husband as it would doubtlessly put your intact home in peril. You are hardly the first woman in history who needed to find a way to quietly make ends meet while keeping things intact on the homefront.

    But with all of that said, I also believe that you need to hold your husband to the fire a little more. "Amazing" and "loving" is not enough for a man with a family. He needs to pick up a spear and learn to hunt. A second job would be a good start, since whatever extra he can bring in relieves pressure on you. But if he is as smart as you say he is, then it is time for him to learn some skills too so that you are not in this position forever, especially since you can only do adult entertainment for so long before you burn out or age out.

    Good luck!

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    God/dess baer45's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    When you have kids to support, you do whatever you need to meet the ends. I think you are already in luck that your sugar daddy didn't ask to have sex with you.
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Oh no I would neverrr tell my husband, no point in hurting him and im only doing it for the money. I'm already starting to show a little so I'm freaking out a bit.
    The SD has asked for sex but that's too far and also he's one of those types who doesn't want to wear a condom so even if I was single that would be out! No way. I'm very safe

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Your kids and you yourself are priorities. Keep it safe and sane, and save money. Wear a garter that would cover your littple bump

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Actually in many ways IMHO your husband is a lucky man. He doesn't know it as much as he should, but you can't have everything in life. What I read is your heart is firmly with him and your family.

    If you see the things some civvies do to their husbands and families...... With nary a thought for anyone's welfare, even their own, you probably wouldn't be so hard on yourself.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    I doubt you are a piece of shit but there really isn't enough information provided to say whether you should feel guilty or not because you didn't say what you did or what your husband knows about. The fact that you do feel guilty and that you know that you did something (not sex) that your husband would be uncomfortable with should be telling though.

    I apologize if you only wanted to hear things to make you feel okay about what happened but anytime someone says they aren't going to tell their spouse or things like that it's fairly obvious they know they did something wrong. Is it the end of the world? No. The fact that you feel guilty about it is a lot more than what others may feel about the situation and speaks to your overall character. However, after reading some of the replies I thought I'd give my (different) opinion on this.

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    In general, a person should be honest. That being said, completely honest = stupid. When the truth serves no purpose other than your conscience and it would do a great deal of harm to your life, other's lives, you should keep your mouth shut.
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    ^^^^that and .0001% chance he'll ever find out.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Quote Originally Posted by BobbleHead View Post
    I doubt you are a piece of shit but there really isn't enough information provided to say whether you should feel guilty or not because you didn't say what you did or what your husband knows about. The fact that you do feel guilty and that you know that you did something (not sex) that your husband would be uncomfortable with should be telling though.

    I apologize if you only wanted to hear things to make you feel okay about what happened but anytime someone says they aren't going to tell their spouse or things like that it's fairly obvious they know they did something wrong. Is it the end of the world? No. The fact that you feel guilty about it is a lot more than what others may feel about the situation and speaks to your overall character. However, after reading some of the replies I thought I'd give my (different) opinion on this.
    Nope not at all I welcome all replies! I certainly don't feel good about it but until I can get a different stream of revenue I feel a bit stuck and like its paying bills or being 100% honest w my husband. It certainly isn't ideal. If it were just us two I would immediately quit.

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    Nope not at all I welcome all replies! I certainly don't feel good about it but until I can get a different stream of revenue I feel a bit stuck and like its paying bills or being 100% honest w my husband. It certainly isn't ideal. If it were just us two I would immediately quit.
    I understand and there is no reason to tell him anything about it at this point. It's a tough situation because living with guilt isn't easy but like you said its that or pay the bills. With something like this I would just say to put the shoe on the other foot for a minute and ask yourself how you would want your husband to handle it if he was in your situation. That question to yourself will usually have a clear answer and that should help you decide how to proceed. Either way you aren't doing anything maliciously so while you may feel guilt you have no reason to feel like a "piece of shit". You're heart is in the right place. Good luck!

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Quote Originally Posted by BobbleHead View Post
    With something like this I would just say to put the shoe on the other foot for a minute and ask yourself how you would want your husband to handle it if he was in your situation. That question to yourself will usually have a clear answer and that should help you decide how to proceed.
    Actually, I don't think that she is under any obligation whatsoever to empathize with him or to seek some deeper answer. I also didn't agree with your previous comment that her guilt should be her guide.

    They are not similarly situated and IMHO there is no reason why she should act as if they are. She is in this position in the first place because she already knows, no doubt through ample experience, that he isn't capable of stepping up while she is sidelined due to pregnancy. I'm also guessing that he is already well accustomed to keeping his head in the sand as she brings in cash for the bills. If further keeping his head in the sand keeps her family intact and her life from getting even more stressful than it already is, then IMHO she has earned the right to do so, at this point and forever if she so chooses.

    Guilt is an expensive luxury when one has a family to raise, especially when one is shouldering the bulk of the burdens in doing so. If he wants a right to object to how she provides for them, then he needs to be part of the answer. Otherwise, she has to do what she has to do, period.

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Actually, I don't think that she is under any obligation whatsoever to empathize with him or to seek some deeper answer. I also didn't agree with your previous comment that her guilt should be her guide.

    They are not similarly situated and IMHO there is no reason why she should act as if they are. She is in this position in the first place because she already knows, no doubt through ample experience, that he isn't capable of stepping up while she is sidelined due to pregnancy. I'm also guessing that he is already well accustomed to keeping his head in the sand as she brings in cash for the bills. If further keeping his head in the sand keeps her family intact and her life from getting even more stressful than it already is, then IMHO she has earned the right to do so, at this point and forever if she so chooses.

    Guilt is an expensive luxury when one has a family to raise, especially when one is shouldering the bulk of the burdens in doing so. If he wants a right to object to how she provides for them, then he needs to be part of the answer. Otherwise, she has to do what she has to do, period.
    I didn't tell her not to do whatever she thinks she needs to do. She asked if she was a piece of shit for doing this and I gave my opinion based on the limited information she provided. Letting her guilt be her guide is up to her and I only addressed it because for her to make a post like this she is obviously weighing the guilt vs the need for the money and that is the point of her post. That is her decision to make.

    I don't think anyone in this thread, myself included, ever advised taking his head out of the sand though.

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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    If you feel bad about what you did, then all you can do is learn from it and not do it again. Don't judge yourself. Forgive yourself! It's not about how we screw up...it's about how we get up again and keep going.

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  49. #25
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I a piece of sh!t or is this understandable?

    It is easy to live in a world of black and white choices when one does not have little ones to provide for, including a baby on the way. Fortune cookie principles like "if it makes you feel bad, don't do it" or "act on how you feel" are much more difficult to live by when the alternatives, such as your kids suffering and/or lacking basic necessities, would probably make her feel even worse.

    Virtually all of my OTC partners have kids and I'm sure that many, if not most, have SOs. Some even talk about their SOs. I'm also sure that most do not disclose what they do with me or others to those SOs and that hiding stuff like this sucks. Yet their kids are fed and provided for. When my phone starts receiving extra texts in a month or so from a couple of girls who do OTC more opportunistically, it will be mothers trying to earn extra money to buy their kids clothes and supplies for school (school starts early in this state). When the same happens in December, it will be mothers trying to give their children a good Christmas. Also, the everyday texts I receive are usually from mothers trying to cover more basic needs, like food, shelter and utilities. And so forth and so on.

    Sometimes we are forced to live in shades of grey, where we make sacrifices and perpetrate acts that loved ones (and perhaps we ourselves) wouldn't approve of in order to avoid larger problems. The women I discussed above definitely fall in this category and IMHO they are good mothers making hard choices to do what they can for their kids, all while trying to maintain stability in their homes (which also helps their kids). I view the OP in the same way. I also suspect that she will continue to collect money from the SD, and perhaps even do more that makes her feel bad before it is all over, and IMHO there is nothing wrong with that if it accomplishes a greater good. While it would be ideal if the husband could step up and alleviate the pressure on her, it sounds like that is not going to happen. So it is what it is and I hope she finds away to push aside the guilt and view herself in the way that she should, which is as a hero for her children.

    Anyway, that will be the last from me in this thread. Good luck OP as you work through all of this!

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