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Thread: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

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    Default My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    The father of my two toddlers is constantly harassing me and threatening to take our kids away from me whenever he doesn't get what he wants. He's been trying to establish contact because he wants me to give him multiple updates and send pictures and videos of the twins multiple times a day everyday but sends insults, and threatens me saying if I don't do that he'll take away the kids and say I'm committing fraud (complete lies) to put me in jail plus a ton of other terrible threats if I don't agree to his requests. He's a security guard and works almost every single night, and often works over time. I currently don't dance and I'm a stay at home mom and care for our children. He gets them for 3 days out of the week and I get 4, with no overnight stays yet because the girls are still too attached to me and are used to sleeping with me since they were newborns. Now he's requesting that he gets more days than I with them, and it's absolutely ridiculous because he works full time + overtime 6/7 days out of the week, and I'm a stay at home mom. He doesn't support them or give one dime either. Nothing has been done legally yet and I'm really scared that he will take the girls from me out of spite, and I have honestly considering taking this to court, filing for a restraining order, as well as child support, but I've been nervous and scared of him being awarded sole custody or getting more days or unfair bs of that kind, they're all just irrational fears that stem from a really bad anxiety disorder. I'm just so tired of dealing with such an unstable man. There are tons of witnesses that I'm not denying him from seeing his kids, and his own family is witnessing how malicious he's being out of spite. Please help, any advice is appreciated from you ladies. I live in orange, California in case it's relevant to custody laws here, I really don't know much when it comes to those things 😕

    Thanks in advance ladies

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    I'm not a lady but please don't be afraid of court. Start the process now. You'll be surprised at the change in his attitude when he is facing a judge. He will not get more days, and he should be paying child support. He will not get sole custody.
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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    He done f*cked up! He is getting almost half the week so I don't see what his problem is. And no you don't have to send countless pictures and videos he can do that on his parenting time.

    Record everything. Seriously. Audio, video, take notes documenting him acting like a fool and threatening you. Also document your efforts to let him spend time being a parent. And try as hard as it may be to remain calm and mature so this way he will look like the unstable neurotic idiot he is acting like.

    Don't be scared just consult with a good lawyer. Emphasis on the word good.

    Most likely from what you describe he won't be able to get full custody. The reasonable outcome would be joint custody - and you both can decide what that looks like if you stay out of court otherwise the court will determine for you. They are infants and you have the time to devote to raising them while he does not. Also they will put him on child support and take money direct from his paycheck if he does not voluntarily do it on his own.

    If you can avoid court. You literally are at the mercy of a stranger telling your family what to do. First you most likely will have to get a lawyer and the ideal would be you both have lawyers who can work out an agreement. If that doesn't work then try mediation. Then if that doesn't work you'll both have to go to court.

    Hopefully he'll come to his sense so your babies won't see or experience family turmoil.
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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    One word of advice...DO NOT talk with him over the phone. Email or text only so you have a record of what is being said and when. Talk with an attorney about how to go about dealing with this.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Yes, PLEASE get an attorney, and DO NOT be scared to call him on his shit! Seriously! I'm thinking with the level of harassment you are getting from him, you could get a restraining order, or something. At least something to make him STOP calling/texting bother multiple times a day when you have two babies to care for. You are NOT under any obligation to provide multiple pictures/videos/updates. I highly, highly doubt he would get sole custody. I mean, I'm not sure what exactly it's like in your area, but where I live, you would have to be an unfit parent (drinking, drugs, and so on). Not just because he wants to take them away from you-no, its not on his stupid whims and wants.
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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveyDovey View Post
    One word of advice...DO NOT talk with him over the phone. Email or text only so you have a record of what is being said and when. Talk with an attorney about how to go about dealing with this.
    You can record phone convos.

    Now whether it can be used as evidence in court if it comes to that depends on the law in your area but at least your lawyer will be able to hear what a nut job he is acting like.
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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    From what I have read elsewhere, this has been going on for 4 years. This needs to stop. As others have said, it is time for you to hire a lawyer and strike back. Dance for the money if you need to. Dancing for a living is not illegal. It is also long past time that he paid child support, since you have the kids the vast majority of the time.

    If you have texts/emails that hint at him harassing you for romantic reasons, I bet that you could also get the restraining order - but you need to talk to an attorney.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    It appears several years of back child support are in order. The court will probably order him to pay your attorney fees.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    You can record phone convos.

    Now whether it can be used as evidence in court if it comes to that depends on the law in your area but at least your lawyer will be able to hear what a nut job he is acting like.
    I think it's illegal in some states to record phone convos without the other person's consent.

    Also, make sure the attorney is experienced In dealing with high conflict cases like this one.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    ^^^^I always do this. Hey john just so you know you're on speakerphone. So they know off top someone could be listening in/recording. But yeah all things she can ask the lawyer.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    It appears several years of back child support are in order. The court will probably order him to pay your attorney fees.
    bahaha!!!..... hence why i said he done f*cked up.... and opened up a pandora's box thats gonna have him, and his wallet, wishing he would have stayed quiet and appreciated the fact from what you describe is he has it good.

    Yes girl! You can and will get retroactive support PLUS interest. And get his a$$ for those maternity/prenatal expenses too.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    You can schedule an emergency hearing to get child support and a pendente lite custody schedule. If he does not adhere to these he will be jailed for contempt. He has made a grave mistake, unfortunately.
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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveyDovey View Post
    I think it's illegal in some states to record phone convos without the other person's consent.

    Also, make sure the attorney is experienced In dealing with high conflict cases like this one.
    If some jurisdictions it is legal to record your own telephone conversation. Check the law of your jurisdiction.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Thank you so much for all the advice girls/guys. ❤️ I want my daughters to have a relationship with their dad, and I know the importance of children spending time with both parents. There's tons of proof that I've been facilitating him having the girls for 3 days a week (no overnights), and there's messages where he's said he considered suicide for losing my love, then messages of him saying I'm a terrible bitch who is denying him seeing the twins, and tons of threats and insults. He says that he has recordings of our conversations of me talking about having post partum depression and saying how I feel suicidal at times and so on, and he says he will use it against me to prove I'm unfit, however I've taken care of my daughters regardless of my depression and have gotten treatment and therapy and have been doing extremely well. It's also illegal in the state of California to record someone without their consent, from what I've read. I was diagnosed with Sjögren's and skin cancer and was on chemotherapy last year, and my doctor prescribed medical marijuana to help the side effects of the chemo, and he says he's going to also use that against me to say I'm a drug addict. I don't drink, I don't use drugs aside from what's prescribed by my doctors/specialists, and I'm usually always at home with the girls when I'm not running errands. He is trying to twist everything to make me look bad. There's messages of people telling me he's going to put me in jail and that he doesn't even think the twins are his, and messages of his family stating how aggressive and unreasonable/crazy he's acting and how he's trying to use them to get revenge. He lives in a three bedroom household and over 8+ people are living there. He doesn't have a car of his own, and he has a criminal record, even though he's had some things expunged. He's been arrested for fraud and grand theft while working at a car insurance company. I have a two bedroom home, my daughter has her own bedroom, I have my own car, and I've never been arrested/no criminal record. Just writing down whatever I think my be relevant. I'm just sick of his harassment and want him to see his daughters but want him to leave me out of it. I'm going to look up reputable family law attorneys in my area shortly. I'm completely drained, emotionally, physically, and financially.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Him

    Multiple arrests
    Shares a home with 8+ people
    No vehicle
    Security guard (low wage job)
    Recordings of him talking about suicide
    Hasn't paid any child support
    Harassing you after your being very reasonable with the kids time

    You

    Own home
    Vehicle
    Have been taking care of the kids when he hasn't
    Have been reasonable so far with the kids time

    Call his bluff and tell him you can't wait for him to come after custody so you can get all the back support, current support, legal custody rights and only court mandated visitations for him. Sounds like the dipshit needs a wake up call on how good he already has it. I'm all about a fathers rights, but when someone like you who seems to be being very reasonable and understands that he should have a big role in his kids lives, is being threatened with this bulshit I say go for the balls!

    ETA I'm also in SoCal and I can say with near certainty, good luck getting a California court to take away custody from a fit mother.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Sorry to hear about your medical battles but for real he's just being a d*ck. A needle d*ck at that.

    You did marijuana but you have cancer and pain and a legal medical license. You're not a drug addict because drug addicts are out doing illegal sh*t for more drugs. You're not doing it around your kids it shouldnt be an issue. It's legal in CA with a medial card.

    You have or had post partum depression ... So does damn near every other mom. And you are getting treatment. And there is no imminent threat to your kids. If there were you'd be off slitting your wrists not on this forum.

    Hell If I had to deal with health challenges while trying to raise twin infants with an irrational person harassing me when they should be helping, id feel a little depressed too.

    Seriously he is just playing mind games and acting like an infant himself. Don't fall for it. Your lawyer will be able to tell whether or not his complaints about you are something vaild or irrational. I'm thinking he's just irrational. Just do you and take care of yourself and your babies.

    It may be illegal in your area to phone record without consent (even if you record a phone call, and tell him your doing so, he may surprisingly stay on the line) but you can video record - people pull out their phones and video record all the time. I think the key is what you do with the recording. If you archive them for your own reference and / or share with your lawyer I doubt this is illegal. But again check with your lawyer.

    Oh and he recorded your conversations without your consent. Yeah inadmissible c*cksucker lol!

    He needs to get his priorities straight. If he was reasonable he'd know arguing with you over some petty sh*t is not good for y'alls babies. Yeah theyre infants but they can pick up parents stress. He should be getting down on his knees thanking you for birthing and raising infants not acting like a maniac.

    And don't tell him what you're going to do, regarding getting a lawyer etc , just do it.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 07-23-2016 at 03:45 PM.
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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    I have a good friend who is a divorce lawyer. She and I trade "war stories" about business and the law every once in a while. Biggest thing I've learned from her is custody cases are expensive and she gets paid up front. If a non-custodial parent comes in and wants her to file for custody, the retainer is $10,000 and up. The sketchier the guy, the bigger the retainer. Good business by the way. And, she's very good at waging custody battles. Next time some dude threatens to go to court to take your kids away, remind him that you are a stripper and stripping is a very lucrative business. He better bring serious money to play at that table.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    The more people are unreasonable, the more billable time. If things go right the lawyers get everything.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    You should also talk with social services. I think if he gets hit with child-support, his attitude will change. Here's the website for California Child Support Services:

    http://www.childsup.ca.gov/

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    There is that. Depends on whether you want a semi alive bureaucrat or a hungry lawyer on a contingency.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    There is that. Depends on whether you want a semi alive bureaucrat or a hungry lawyer on a contingency.
    Pokey, you keep hittin' 'em outta the park hon!


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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    You can record phone convos.

    Now whether it can be used as evidence in court if it comes to that depends on the law in your area but at least your lawyer will be able to hear what a nut job he is acting like.
    Be knowledgable about your state laws before recording anything

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    In California, it is illegal to record phone convos without the other person's consent. She's better off texting and emailing.

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    Well whether or not you have to get consent to record a phone call --- you'd be surprised at people willing to stay on the line knowing that they're being recorded. Most times we call customer service numbers and they inform we're being recorded, we still stay on the line.

    So if its illegal there and he doesnt agree then if I were you I would not talk to him by phone.


    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telephone_recording_laws

    The California Supreme Court ruled in 2006 that if a caller in a one-party state records a conversation with someone in California, that one-party state caller is subject to the stricter of the laws and must have consent from all callers (cf. Kearney v. Salomon Smith Barney Inc., 39 Cal. 4th 95[38]). However, non-disclosure recordings by one of the parties can legally be made if the other party is threatening kidnapping, extortion, bribery, or other felony violence. Also included is misdemeanor obscenity and threats of injury to persons or property via an electronic communication device (usually a telephone).


    But yeah --- ask the lawyer for the most accurate info on audio/video recording before doing any recording.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 07-24-2016 at 07:19 PM.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: My kids' father won't stop harassing me

    I threatened to take everything to court & filing for child support (in the process), and a few days later I got a text saying he'd be giving me 200$ bi weekly for the twins, so I'm pretty sure that's him trying to avoid me filing, but I'd rather have things legally set in stone because he can't be trusted. His own father and mother have been sending me messages saying how erratic he's acting and how he "poisons everything he is around with hate", so that should say a lot. I've saved every single message/text from him or his parents, there's so much proof I'm not denying him his rights as a father, and that's he's, well, crazy and illogical.

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