




I don't eat properly. i dont eat and if i do eat its always 4am.
the meds force me to eat morning noon and night and gives me appetite. i eat more and eat better onj the meds without waking up at 4am. i think i try to starve myself with the belief i will not gain weight. mind thing.
Psych bumped me up a little this week with vyvanse. ive been on different doses of Vyvanse since 2013 by my request.
I'm scared to change drugs but i think that's anyone with bipolar/adhd that find working drugs. I do wish there was miracle drug make me loose 10lbs weekly for 3 weeks.
i was at a happy weight and was steady losing before the struggle with pain and being handicap, taking pics, proud of myself. . . past 3 years a lot of my weight gain bc of not being active. the pain was unbearable. id scream moving my leg.
that did turn into eating whatever ppl brought me or ordering out and with that comes sodas and that takes no time to pack on. it was happening so fast. bbw guys coming back saying how much they love me fat. (omg go to hell). belly shows helped pay the bills my legs couldn't pay. im anemic eating like that made me feel sick all the time. I was a disaster.
I am losing again but taking forever. it would be great to have a pill burn all fat. this time around my belly is having a hard time getting smaller and maybe its bc im 45 or maybe im still not moving as fast.
it super hard this time around




My amazing discipline and work ethic went out the window this week because my stepdad passed away unexpectedly when we didn't even know he was ill. I'm numb but bills won't wait so I have to get back online next week.
Does anyone have any tips for streaming when you just want to burst into tears every 30 seconds?
Last edited by Teddy_Bear; 03-19-2022 at 02:36 PM.
Earn Today and Get Paid Tomorrow with BoleynModels!
pretend you are an actress pick a storyline make up some crap and go with it . get lost in a role while working . give your alter ego a name and pretend you are her. that’s what i do. this week i just started “spring break “ in “college “
the more time you spend making up crap to clients the less you will think of your rea life. view getting on cam an escape from your problems and a way to make money





I'm sorry to hear about your stepdad, Teddy. I can't imagine what you must feel right now.
I would say don't deny yourself of what you're going through right now. Allow yourself to feel exactly as you do.
I feel if you allow yourself to cry a good cry, that may help not feeling like you have to cry every 30 seconds but it's okay if you do. I remember you said you don't show face in free chat so that's another good thing.
Personally for me, I cannot pretend I'm feeling okay when I'm not. We're humans, we can't just shut down like that.
What works for me is acknowledge whatever it is I'm feeling in that moment no matter how hard and uncomfortable that may be
Sending you lots of love and hugs as you grief. I'm glad you shared and reached out.





I'm very sorry to hear that Teddy. Marina has some good advice. Don't forget to be gentle with yourself and not push yourself too hard.
Last edited by ~Carmen~; 03-19-2022 at 09:05 PM.




Sorry for your loss.
What Marina said is helpful and what bigbum mentioned is also helpful. Last year when the deaths in my family happened- I learned to ride the wave. Shock hit first- I worked as I normally did- took off for funerals and family gatherings, etc. I was on cam when the real tears hit- fortunately a regular was in the room and was understanding. I took time off as I needed to.
This is going to sound weird- but I had a hard to really getting a good cry out, although I could feel it building up my chest.
I wrote a letter to my grandmother and then watched a sappy movie to just get out all the tears. Tears would still creep up sometimes.
Camming when it's decent traffic wise helped me focus on something else- it was a bit of an escape.
Hugs and be gentle with yourself.





I'm so sorry you're going through this. My advice to you is don't log in. I understand that bills need to be paid but is there anyway you can reach out to custies for custom clips? Hit up your regulars for donations but don't mention the actual reason. Live streaming while mourning is fucking brutal. Most of these guys do not care even the ones you may think are cool. I realized after my dad passed it would have been far better if I had just pretended to be a damsel in distress who couldn't pay her rent rather than saying my pops died. Some of my best customers avoided me for a year after that.
Give yourself time to heal and communicate with your landlord, power company etc. They may be willing to work out deferred payments for grievances. Or finesse that shit, tell them you had covid.
taking a week off will help. Cry your eyes out. i took 4 days off for my dad but when the funeral was over i was ready to get back to life.
jump on when you feel like it but don't beat yourself up when you burst into sudden tears and have to log off. it happens.
when my dad died that happened a lot w me and id log off and cry, wiped my tears and went back on w tits in the camera or shaking my ass
i am so sorry for loss
Last edited by Erika_Xstacy; 03-21-2022 at 05:49 PM.



OHHH OHHHH OHHH...IT'S HEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!
BRIGERTON SEASON 22222222!! OMG i'm so excited. I have my wine, pizza, cat dog and knitting. Then on Sunday it's the Oscars! I'm a film and video and tv student and I work in the biz so it's my only award show I ever watch or give a fuk about. So....don't bother me, don't call me and don't text me! I"m busyyyyyyyyy!!!
Let the show begin! oh..and diners, drive ins and dives is also on tonight with a new show. can't miss that....





Why tf did Popeye's stop serving Dirty Rice?




Thank you everyone who offered their advice. I took the week off in the end and came back today, it was a tough start but then a few regs went exclusive and I got back into the groove.
I just wanted to quickly say thank you to everyone who reached out both here and on Twitter, all your words were such a help.
Earn Today and Get Paid Tomorrow with BoleynModels!
^^^ (((hugs)))
I went to the mountains this weekend totally by accident. I'm not a height girl at all.
on the way up the mountain on the highway a truck carrying a small trailer started fishtailing he was next to a 18 wheeler... omg my soul left me. This was the part that has the side road w a sandbar to crash truck when brakes go bad.
Im driving through this highway that goes through the bottom of mountain so all i see is trees and rocks, trees growing out rocks. constant heart drops. telling myself ppl don't just die driving while fanning my face and crying
on the way down the mountains tire lights came on. I stg that was the mountain saying gtfo off me you aint made for this. i went to a corner store off the highway and check my pressure. no issue. and the light went off.
I like to think i conquered a fear, kindaI was 50 miles from the NC/Tennessee border by the time i got to her house.
i did cry but i never stopped going up and got what i was going for. a pedicure spa deal to good to be true. I just had to drive hell for it
next time someone say 4.5 hours Ill ask is that the mountains? lol I thought I was going to the zoo in a different direction.





^^^I cannot do mountain driving. I’m too scared of heights it freaks me the fuck out, plus I know what it’s like to have your power steering go and that’s all I can think about when I’m on some road winding around the face of a mountain.![]()





That convo is gonna get deleted.
^^^ lol Im going to assume its not about mountains
Mountains are scary but looking up the mountains and ppl have homes on the edge like its normal is scarier. who does that?
I get nausea walking on high bridges, my knees buckle
Elevators are hell. 6th floors and up going up skyscrapers is hell.
dear god help me with underground tunnel. i hate the chesapeake bay bridge.





30 lbs away from my original weight loss goal. I'm not gonna stop there however, I'm gonna keep going. I still remember over a year ago a doctor told me that based on my age and height I should weigh 145 lbs. I fell out laughing ☺️
Good for you! Congratulations! It’s work for sure.
I haven’t seen 145 since June 1997
When I weighed 170 the dr told me I was morbidly obese and wouldn’t make it to my 40s
I’m here with extra lbs packed on
I enjoy watching 600, 1000 lbs shows bc it’s a true struggle.
My favorite right now is 1000lbs best friends. I wasn’t digging it to much in the beginning but ended up loving and im rooting for the blonde best friend.
We need more cheerleaders. It’s a struggle





Thank you! But just to be clear I'm not 30lbs away from 145. My goal is to be under 200lbs and stay there! It's been at least 20 years since that's been the case and I'm so so close. I don't want to be a skinny Minnie. All these years I've enjoyed being a big thick juicy b*tch and going forward I just wanna make sure that both my back and my knees can hold up.
Last edited by PhatGirlDynomite!!!; 03-30-2022 at 01:12 PM.





I wonder how many women would feel protected if her man would come to her defense the way Will did for Jada?
I would definitely feel loved and protected that he cares enough to come to my defense. People said that was violent but I disagree.
Probably because I'm a violent Hoe so I have no problem with violence.





We've had some close calls over the years but because we are regular folk and people are always reaching for guns...I shut it down with a quickness.
Although I can recall an incident where I was about to risk it all because someone made my friend cry. She's suffered from acne all her life and I know first hand how painful it has been for her. I was ready to go to jail and or the hospital but she begged me to back down. If I had kept going that may have added to her trauma. I was about to fight a grown man. It's a lot of them out here that really hate seeing us shine. I asked a similar question in my group chat with my cousins and to my surprise two of them fall into that category.





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