So you have this friend who you talk to at a level varying from once or twice a month to almost every day, averaging out to probably a few times a week over the 8 years you have known eachother. You met at university, but between changing schools, jobs, and career paths, you haven't been in the same physical location the rest of the time. Topics of conversation have ranged from your "uni" jobs to the struggles of being new grads, to hating #adulting, various conspiracy theories, philosophy, history, politics, business, organised crime, strip clubs/the sex/drug industry, geopolitics, netflix and TV, animals, dreams for pretty much everything under the sun, the various forays both of us have had into entrepreneurship, and of course, there have been a plethora of both sober and wine-fuelled flirting sessions. He asked me to go on a trip with him a couple years ago and thats where things kind of got interesting...we hung out later that year and it felt so...natural. I've been comparing guys I date to him for years...and have thought I must be delusional or something for entertaining the thought of this guy in my head, he lives LITERALLY on the other side of the country. Like basically in Alaska other side of the country. It's been fucking torture. But at the same time the distance has meant that there has been nothing physical between us...till this weekend. The few times the opportunity has come up before, either me or him has skirted around it in some way, I don't know what his reasonings are for sure but for me it was kind of a "...but if we have sex and it's awesome...then what..." type of logic. It's one thing to compare guys you date to a fantasy version of whoever, but actually KNOWING that someone is more perfect for you than anyone else you've dated is super freakin terrifying. Especially when it's not exactly easy to just try dating them and see how it goes, no concequences to be had that you actually care about.
And yeah, in case you didn't guess, that's exactly where I'm at right now. I want to die and I want to fly at the same time. Feel like puking butterflies and crying at the same time. We had sex for the first time FINALLY, and it was pretty much as perfect as you could get for a first time. Gee I wonder why that might be? Like exceeded my expectations pretty much perfect. Which never happens.
What the fuck now.
I feel like I may have found my lobster...or realised that I had a lobster all along...and he wants to get on a plane to go 5000km away in 5 days. Kiiiillllllll meeeee.
What the hell would you do in this situation.



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done for now lol

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