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Thread: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clients.

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    Default My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clients.

    I apologize in advance if this post is not appropriate for this site and completely understand if this is not the place for it.

    I could probably write an entire novel of details but I'll try to keep this short. My girlfriend started stripping a few months ago as a way to get herself in a financially stable place. I support her decision to provide for herself entirely but it's been a very confusing and taxing time for me. I know its all fantasy there and she has expressed that it is simply a job and that she "shuts off" while there in order to do what she has to do. It's just a job. The confusion I am feeling is all on me, not her.


    It's only been a few months though and I'm truly making progress on how I feel about the situation. I believe in her and am so proud that she would have the guts to make a choice that she knows would be viewed as taboo by most, including her family and friends. She kicks ass.


    The question here though is, do you think some of the people she meets there could make good friends for her even if the friendship was sparked through a sex-industry job such as stripping? She has expressed to me that sometimes she meets some cool people there and that she could see herself having a strictly platonic relationship with them. I have been apprehensive of this idea because I feel that the sexual nature of a place like a strip club would cast an inherently sexual nature over the friendship right from the start. It's not her I'm worried about, I trust her completely. It's the intentions of the people she is meeting there that I don't trust. I fear most for her physical safety and that there are so many men out there who use friendship as a way of establishing what they "deserve" or what they are "owed" from a woman, regardless of how they met. She has explained that she simply feels lonely after deciding her previous group of friends were not good for her, that she wants more friends in her life and that she doesn't have enough time or energy outside of her two jobs to make that happen.


    She says she understands that the idea probably makes me uncomfortable and that she won't make any decisions without us coming to an agreement, but I can tell she resents me for it a bit since it has come up in some recent disagreements. I don't at all get to decide who she begins a friendship with, I'm just feeling conflicted. I feel like she is still very new to this and may not have the experience required to recognize the intentions of some of these people.


    So yeah, that's where I'm at. Any advice or opinions would be amazing. I'm not posting this to "hear what I want to hear". Input from people within the industry would be really valuable to me right now.




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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    I don't know many woman on here that take up platonic friendships outside the club for safety reasons. That would make anyone feel unsettled in a relationship/dating.. Is there another reason for her wanting to stay friends with clients who come in the club besides just being cool? You have a right to be uncomfortable with this and obviously have shown your concerns regarding this. I would think there would be sexual tension with clients being friends with woman outside the club after work, given the nature of the job that shouldn't be ignored.

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    Featured Member justsometwat's Avatar
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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    I've never been a stripper, but I've been camming for over 5 years now. I developed platonic relationships with a few of my customers and it did nothing but backfire. They were privy to very personal aspects of my life and ultimately several of them used that against me. They turned on me because they were people with deep seeded issues that I could never have seen. Now I am still friends with one of them and consider him to be one of my best friends even though we have never met. He's also friends with my SO!

    I am not saying that cam customers or strip club patrons are weirdos with issues, but people are and there's a lot of them like that. Sometimes people just get lonely and those places are where they go to not feel that way. I completely understand that! It's the ones that will see her initiating friendship with them that interpret the signals wrong that you need to worry about.

    Pleasure and business generally should not be mixed. As you said their intentions might not be so pure and even if they are you lose the person as a paying customer. Eventually they might show up expecting her to talk to them for free or maybe even get free dances or whatever. It becomes a distraction.

    The ones that misinterpret might think she's teasing and become angry. When people get embarrassed or let down anger usually follows. I think its a dangerous idea to flirt with.

    I suggest that you copy this post in CUSTOMER INSIGHT (I can't link because I'm on mobile). You'll find more accurate opinions from strippers there. I think she should settle in a little more before she makes a decision.

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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    Does she want to have these friendships outside of the club ? If she wants to have them inside of the club ONLY, tell her to get a grip on herself & that these are clients of hers . Nothing more, nothing less . If she can't maintain her business without making it personal, she is not in the right business & her income will be affected . If she wants to have these friendships outside of the club, she is not only naive but not considering you at all in your relationship .

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    No. Business only no friendships. You can be nice and cordial but still gotta remain professional.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    Ditto what everyone else said. This is where boundaries are necessary. Customers should be customers and it should stay in the club. If she wants friends, she can go elsewhere for that.

    I can completely understand where you are coming from and don't blame you for having these feelings one bit. She, on the other hand, is being very naive, sorry to say.

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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    I'm gonna play the devil's advocate here. I have a few customers that became good friends OTC but we have known each other for a LONG time. It is possible but use common sense.
    BTW awesome screen name.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    God/dess LoveyDovey's Avatar
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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    I'm gonna play the devil's advocate here. I have a few customers that became good friends OTC but we have known each other for a LONG time. It is possible but use common sense.
    BTW awesome screen name.
    True. I have 2 friends otc but I have known them now for 12 years and I only saw them otc this year. And thankfully they still buy dances at work. But this is not the norm.
    Last edited by LoveyDovey; 08-04-2016 at 09:21 PM.

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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    A guy you know for a couple months in a strip club is not a friend.

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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    Bad idea. Once a guy comes in those doors, it doesn't matter if he ever gives *you* money or not -- he's a customer, and customers need to be kept in their place. No crossover, or if there ever is, it is ***rare.*** Like, a positive, mutually respectful relationship for *years* where the guy never stops spending money or starts expecting freebies (read: disrespectful of the fact that she's at work and this is her job), where he never crosses lines or pushes her boundaries (read: disrespect for her as a person), etc. Years. Years of that. Usually starting after she's been in the business for a couple years at least herself.

    Definitely not months, and definitely not when she's only a few months into dancing -- she's still a baby stripper. No matter how bomb her hustle and club radar are for her right now, there's something to be said for experience and knowing the game. Part of knowing the game is knowing it takes years before you can think about trusting a guy in the club enough to count him in your friends circle, and even then, *if* it ever happens to her, it'll probably be one, maybe two, maaaybe a few guys in the span of her entire career, tops, after she'd been doing it for a decade+. Trust is not something that exists on its own in the club -- you need to keep the real world/your personal life separate from the fantasy of the club, and trust is part of that. Dancers, management, customers... you always need to be at least half expecting any of them to screw you over at any given time. Which is why it takes *years.* And that's for building trust inside the club. If she wants to pursue a platonic friendship outside of it, she's in for a very nasty and potentially dangerous surprise.

    Meeting customers for lunch/dinner where they pay you exceptionally well for your time = one thing. Hanging out for free as friends = how girls end up raped, cut up, and found dead in a ditch months or years after their disapearance, if they're found at all. Or sold off as a sex slave, or, or, or. No matter how great her "good customer radar" is in the club, actually judging character is something that takes time and experience -- experience in this case that more often than not can only be gleaned after working in the industry for however much time, and let me tell you, "months" is not it.

    She ultimately needs to make her own decisions, but becoming anything more than entertainer/customer, even if it's kept inside the club, is a bad idea. Telling someone your first name and birthday is enough for them to find you and stalk you for the rest of your life. She doesn't need to hang out with them for them to find her and follow her wherever she goes afterwards. She needs to be careful. Dancing doesn't have to be dangerous -- there's always an element of risk or danger present, but if you're careful and you respect the rules, you'll generally be okay and won't have any issues. So I don't want to scare you or her out of the industry/being okay with it. But jeebus, in the interest of keeping herself safe and alive, she needs a reality check. Nothing in the club is real -- not the girls, not the customers. Strippers are easy targets because law enforcement won't try as hard to find them when they go missing, or do justice by them when they turn up dead or raped or both. She has to have her own back, because no one else will. No matter how cool a guy is, he is not her friend. He's just a neat customer she likes to spend time with, provided he's spending money. The moment he's not, she needs to find another customer who is, and odds are he'll be neat to talk to, too.

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    Featured Member Magical_Hoohah's Avatar
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    Default Re: My girlfriend is new to stripping & wants to have platonic friendships with clien

    I'm a cam model, not a stripper, but I think this sort of thing is fairly universal. First, you seem to be handling all of this in a very mature way, and that's commendable. I'm sure you're aware that ultimately this is up to your gf, but if this is something that you two plan to talk over, it's smart for you to try to get info from people that have been there, done that.


    There are a couple angles to think about this issue. You need to consider the potential for these friendships to develop healthfully. In my personal life, when word got out that my ex-husband (then boyfriend) and I had an open relationship, things changed with many of my/our male friends. It was like a switch flipped in their heads, and instead of seeing me as someone off-limits, they were subconsciously thinking, "Hey this girl is semi-available, so I have a shot with her. On top of that, if she's up for more than one sexual relationship at a time, she's basically labelled herself a slut, so why wouldn't she fuck me?" You can imagine how much weirder it got when I became a sex worker. I don't think any of them literally thought "Hey, this girl's a slut, so I deserve a piece of that," but our society instills men with these subconscious thought patterns. As a man, think about yourself and guys you know - I'm sure deep down you recognize that some of them might have similar thoughts in that situation, even if they don't act on them.

    Let me stress that those were pre-existing, totally platonic relationships (or at least I thought they were) with normal, mostly-good-hearted guys. Now imagine how much that phenomenon would be amplified in a friendship where the man and woman met in a highly sexual context. Her customers have already imagined doing sex stuff with her - that is a fact. I don't know that you can put that genie back in the bottle. Chances are very, very slim that she'd be able to have a platonic friendship without the guys always thinking in the back of their minds about how to find a way into her pants. The most likely outcome is that the guys will feel like she gave them sexual encouragement in the club, but then "friend zoned" them. I don't want to make it sound like men are awful, but there are quite a few of them that would feel that they invested money, time, energy, and "friendship" on a stripper (aka slut, in their minds), and the "bitch" just put them in the "friend zone" and won't put out. Guys that get into that butthurt mentality are a hurtful PITA at best, and very dangerous at worst.


    The other consideration is her income. In 99.95% of cases, if a sex worker gives a guy attention outside the normal bounds of their business relationship, he will pursue the free relationship and stop paying for her services. Her bread and butter is going to come from regulars like the guys she's getting to know at work, so it would be financially foolish to throw that away. Some of those guys could spend thousands and thousands of dollars on her, year in and year out!

    If she builds on these types of WORK relationships, she will also get to have an awesome job where a lot of her work time is basically spent hanging out with her paying guy friends (strippers obviously do a lot more than that, but I'm talking about the workplace atmosphere). If she takes all the awesome guys out of the club and turns them into friends, then her job will mostly include trying not to get overly groped by a bunch of strangers that she would never want as friends.


    As an alternative, could you maybe discuss ways to make a little more time for activities? Perhaps you could help her meet friends by taking her on dates where you would meet and interact with other people (in a platonic way, not like swinging, lol!)?
    Quote Originally Posted by temptingmodel
    "dont worry, its slow for other models today"
    I'm not other models, its not slow.

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