I have only $20 to my name right now not to mention the credit card debt. My savings are gone because I used most of it on a retainer for a lawyer against my father who hired two attorneys in court. I need to make money for next month's rent, food, and pay off credit card debt for my car tire replacement.
So I am in the club, ok, and it's tough to hustle. idk why. Either I have a bad vibe to me that customers don't like (well no shit I am having PTSD right now from my father who molested me and I have to face him again and being in therapy bringing everything to the surface is just ugh), or I am just shitty at hustling right now. Probably both. Customers just keep saying no, and then go with some other dancer. Everyone's getting dances but me. I haven't gotten any dances the whole week.
So out of desperation, I try the club closer to home that is picky as hell, and the manager tells me that there's too many Asian girls (which I think is bullshit, I've only seen one other Asian girl since I've been there and she's the southeastern type while I am eastern type). Why did he have to bring up race (he's Asian too)?
I feel like the manager only brought up the "too many asian girls" thing (he's not the only manager there) because I am ugly or something and just wanted to come up with another reason to tell me not to come back. I know I am crazy right now so I might be seeing things that aren't there. I am coming back for next week's audition anyway because I really don't have much choice right now. At least the other manager (a white guy) came up to me and said he liked my dancing during last week's audition and wanted my name and stuff (but I didn't get chosen so whatever).
I really hate the whole "omg asian strippers will make so much money!!" trope because it makes like seem like just by being asian, you're going to be making money, and if you don't make money, it must mean you're ugly and undesirable even though you're asian. In my experience that has never been the case. I always had to hustle. I feel like a failure right now, I am already struggling with school and life and now I can't even make it as a stripper.
I am going to my current club tomorrow and will work every weekday this week because I am so desperate for money even though the club is like an hour away (but its the only club I like). I am also saving up for hair extensions because I want butt-length long black hair, that should help me stand out.
tldr Only $20 to my name, fighting my father who molested me, nobody getting dances from me, amateur night, I feel ugly![]()





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