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Thread: haha fuck my life

  1. #1
    Featured Member Cashmere Star's Avatar
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    Default haha fuck my life

    I have only $20 to my name right now not to mention the credit card debt. My savings are gone because I used most of it on a retainer for a lawyer against my father who hired two attorneys in court. I need to make money for next month's rent, food, and pay off credit card debt for my car tire replacement.

    So I am in the club, ok, and it's tough to hustle. idk why. Either I have a bad vibe to me that customers don't like (well no shit I am having PTSD right now from my father who molested me and I have to face him again and being in therapy bringing everything to the surface is just ugh), or I am just shitty at hustling right now. Probably both. Customers just keep saying no, and then go with some other dancer. Everyone's getting dances but me. I haven't gotten any dances the whole week.

    So out of desperation, I try the club closer to home that is picky as hell, and the manager tells me that there's too many Asian girls (which I think is bullshit, I've only seen one other Asian girl since I've been there and she's the southeastern type while I am eastern type). Why did he have to bring up race (he's Asian too)?

    I feel like the manager only brought up the "too many asian girls" thing (he's not the only manager there) because I am ugly or something and just wanted to come up with another reason to tell me not to come back. I know I am crazy right now so I might be seeing things that aren't there. I am coming back for next week's audition anyway because I really don't have much choice right now. At least the other manager (a white guy) came up to me and said he liked my dancing during last week's audition and wanted my name and stuff (but I didn't get chosen so whatever).

    I really hate the whole "omg asian strippers will make so much money!!" trope because it makes like seem like just by being asian, you're going to be making money, and if you don't make money, it must mean you're ugly and undesirable even though you're asian. In my experience that has never been the case. I always had to hustle. I feel like a failure right now, I am already struggling with school and life and now I can't even make it as a stripper.

    I am going to my current club tomorrow and will work every weekday this week because I am so desperate for money even though the club is like an hour away (but its the only club I like). I am also saving up for hair extensions because I want butt-length long black hair, that should help me stand out.

    tldr Only $20 to my name, fighting my father who molested me, nobody getting dances from me, amateur night, I feel ugly


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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  3. #2
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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    I'm so sorry. I hope you make money at work this week. It's actually harder for me to make money at work when I NEED the money. It's just a sales job babe, looks just get you in the door. Take care of yourself and plug into support groups the DV shelter usually has support group for sexual abuse survivors. I like listening to Christain music and Pray even though I don't go to church. I do believe in a higher power and prayer, real or not, is good for my soul. Every morning I wake up, I tell myself 3 things I'm grateful for, 3 things to pray about, 3 things to move my life in a positive direction. I will pray for all the survivors of sexual abuse, including me, you, and my best friend before I go to bed. Please don't give up hope. I've been through hell and back babe. Its not fair. I just hate that I'm a good person and I've suffered so much in life. I'm sorry, it's really shitty for you now, but you'll make it past this.
    Last edited by Overcomer; 09-06-2016 at 01:56 AM.

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    Featured Member Cashmere Star's Avatar
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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Quote Originally Posted by Overcomer View Post
    It's actually harder for me to make money at work when I NEED the money.
    me and another dancer was talking about this. When we need it the most, it's hardest to get.

    I pray to the christian god even though I don't believe that Jesus died for our sins, and one of my biggest prayers is that I don't suffer in vain and that everything I went through, to help me learn from it and become stronger. Right now it's hell and it's hard to think straight when you don't even know if you'll have a roof over your head and you still remember all the horror from the past and get this primitive fear that you will go back to a time and place like that.

    At least I get to bring my own music playlist to the club tomorrow (the DJ recommended I try it out) so I look forward to dancing to that. Imma have to tip everyone big time once I start earning again. Everyone's been real chill so far.

    I need to go to food bank tomorrow.


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    You sound like a survivor. You'll make it! It won't last forever! Focus on your four walls- food, water, transportation, and shelter. Sometimes I use work as an escape- break up with ex- helps me not focus on problems and helps me make money. Your are vulnerable right now so just take care of you and get support from the right people if you can. Gotta go to bed. Praying for you cashmere star.

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Sadly, a lot of why you're struggling at work right now could be because you're so stressed out with a lot on your mind. It's like a double ended sword. I know I always have a lot more trouble hustling and making money when I'm stressed out, it's almost like it creates a negative aura around you that keeps customers away.

    It sucks 10x as hard because it's such a hard thing to avoid. I'm sorry you're having so much trouble right now. I hope things get better for you soon.

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    I wanna say also I am so sorry, & I know things will get better for you, agree w/above, it's harder when you really need something, esp $
    You will prevail!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Veteran Member LilLadyLux's Avatar
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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    You need a way to shift your energy when you get to work- your no longer (your real name), fighting your father, broke, feeling ugly.... you transform into (your stripper name) diva extraordinaire, rich beyond desire, men are expendable, this is all a hobby not a need, your life is that of a seductress, serene but exciting.

    So how? You need to spend a little time meditating on what it feels like in your body to live that idealized life. You need to walk her, talk her, smile like her.

    I really suggest when you can making sure you have a different perfume for work. After you get totally ready spend some time imagining your transformation, and then give yourself some positive affirmations. I like to see money flying at me from all directions and sticking to me. Then you spray yourself down with perfume and you associate that feeling with the smell, it gets easier and easier to mentally "get there".

    I hope everything turns out just the way you need it to, I'm sure it will, because you are a powerful woman who can take on this kind of struggle and win.
    "Used as rocket fuel, sex energy can lift our consciousness to the stars to experience a state of being where love exists in and for itself and has no opposite. On a soul level, this is our natural state."
    -John Maxwell Taylor

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    I'm so sorry for your situation and everyone's already mentioned how for some reason when you need money it doesn't come. There's some great tips in here for changing your energy.

    I just wanted to comment that instead of getting extensions, try half wigs or lace front wigs for work to help you stand out or get hired. When I had super short hair, I would wear lace front wigs and take my baby hair out in the front. Now that my hair is longer I use half wigs to create a layered extension look and it's so much lighter on my head and super quick to put on. It's almost like a huge extension piece and I clip it at the very top of my head so customers would be able to run their fingers through the back of my hair and not feel anything. I currently have hair down to my butt when I work and it made things so much easier. My hair piece is synthetic and I only use it for work and so far it's still going strong after a couple of months

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Try to think if you're doing anything differently from when you where getting dances. Maybe it's just because you're stressed.

    Do you have a decent car? If you do, can you drive for Uber on the side to make some additional money, if things aren't going well at your club?

    I hope things get better for you.

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    You'll get through this!! Difficult times can absolutely affect your hustle/income. It's not your fault and it's temporary.

    Have you thought about doing vanilla work to help with your bills? There are several threads here on vanilla "gigs" to make extra money, and of course you can always apply for a regular job. Or you could sell things on ebay, try out camming, try sugaring, etc.

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Quote Originally Posted by LilLadyLux View Post
    You need a way to shift your energy when you get to work- your no longer (your real name), fighting your father, broke, feeling ugly.... you transform into (your stripper name) diva extraordinaire, rich beyond desire, men are expendable, this is all a hobby not a need, your life is that of a seductress, serene but exciting.

    So how? You need to spend a little time meditating on what it feels like in your body to live that idealized life. You need to walk her, talk her, smile like her.

    I really suggest when you can making sure you have a different perfume for work.
    I really like this last part. It may be easier for you to shift your energy if you come up with a new pre-work routine, something that feels different than what you have been doing before work lately to help you build new patterns and break old associations. Do something different to feel like a different person.

    And I can definitely vouch for the stripper voodoo involving the money drying up as soon as you actually need it. I've been in various forms of this industry for almost a decade now and in every single one of them it's like clockwork; the second I actually need to make money is when it suddenly dries up. Even if I'm like 'Okay I have to make x amount in x days' and it's a completely reasonable goal that I normally make all the time without trying---the second there's that pressure I will start having below average shifts and that simple goal ends up becoming a major challenge. Stress repels abundance.

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    So I spoke to a friend who works at the club I am trying to get hired at about the asian quota, and she agreed that it's total bullshit because she's only seen 3 other asian girls at most at work there and they're not there all the time anyway. she said there's too many blondes there and there's not a lot of black girls at the club either. guess I don't fit the "image" that the club is going for. idk why the asian manager dont just say it to my face. but whatever. I'll keep going anyway, what else can I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by BarbieNYC View Post
    I just wanted to comment that instead of getting extensions, try half wigs or lace front wigs for work to help you stand out or get hired.
    half wig? I am having a hard time googling that. can you post an example?

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post
    Have you thought about doing vanilla work to help with your bills? There are several threads here on vanilla "gigs" to make extra money, and of course you can always apply for a regular job. Or you could sell things on ebay, try out camming, try sugaring, etc.
    Minimum wage jobs are actually hard for me to find, they never call me back. I decided not to bother at all anymore. I used to be a figure drawing model but I stopped until I can get back in shape. I am also in school.
    I don't know if it's just because of the mindset I am in right now, but everything else but stripping is giving me the cringe. I think it's because I actually have to talk to someone face to face, and that's one reason why I am struggling in school. Not because of the subject, but because I have to see people and I hate seeing people. I've thought about being an escort, but I rather be a prostitute than an escort. Having to talk to people and entertain them makes me run the opposite direction. That's why I decided not to be a sugar baby.


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    You sound super-burned out. It sucks because it's the worst time for it. I know that what you need right now is some cold, hard cash so what I am about to say is going to sound counter-productive but trust me ( I have had extreme highs and lows financially and mentally). Take 48 hours, or 24 if you can't really swing 2 days. Really, really decompress and disconnect. Pamper yourself. Don't go on stripperweb or any social media so you can just be with your own calming thoughts. Take advantage of free resources. Stroll local parks or the beach if you can.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Thank you everyone, I definitely think it was the bad vibe that got customers running from me. Today (actually yesterday now that it's 2am right now) I went to the food pantry for the first time and even skipped my physics lab. I was that desperate. I was impressed because they gave me two bags of groceries, which is way more than I can ever afford in a single grocery trip. A volunteer helped carry some bags to my car. They also had deli items from Whole Foods and stuff that just had to be reheated so I able to eat immediately after I arrived home. I skipped school to eat a proper meal for the first time in weeks.

    I brought my own music to the club for the first time so I can just pretend that I am having a workout. A lot of the songs are stuff that my art friends (all guys) recommended to me as stripper songs lol. I focused on dancing to songs I already love (the same songs I draw from) and just practicing my stage move, and it was much better today. Last week I made like $50 for 4 days of work and tonight I made $200, which is much better than last few weeks combined. I am crossing my fingers that this week is good for me.

    I plan on going every day this week, and I am wondering if I should let my teachers know that I might skip lectures sometimes because I am extremely broke and going to court to ensure my own safety. If they will be more understanding and not drop me while I am already struggling to stay afloat? This is community college, I am sure I am not the only one who have to work and go to food pantries and stuff. I study most of my stuff from home and textbook anyway.


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    So sorry for you. I can't imagine what you went through, but I had a bit of a shitty upbringin and I know that all you probably want is to close the door on that.

    It's only me, but when my depression hits me I've discovered that playing harder to get than usual attracts more custies. Unsure if what works on cam will work in the club. Didn't even know this when I danced! But when I'm depressed it's like they can sense the negativity. So I play off it and do a little push-pull to get them hooked on the coldness. It's no bitch or full bitch, lol.

    You work out what works best for you, and stay strong.
    I don't mind talking so much as being spoken to. And I don't mind being spoken to all that much, when the one speaking has a brain.

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Definitely let your professors know what's going on. Some might act like they don't care (they may not know what to say) but you might find some that are very understanding. Do whatever you have to do so you don't waste your tuition money.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Quote Originally Posted by MyRealNameIsWeird View Post
    So sorry for you. I can't imagine what you went through, but I had a bit of a shitty upbringin and I know that all you probably want is to close the door on that.

    It's only me, but when my depression hits me I've discovered that playing harder to get than usual attracts more custies. Unsure if what works on cam will work in the club. Didn't even know this when I danced! But when I'm depressed it's like they can sense the negativity. So I play off it and do a little push-pull to get them hooked on the coldness. It's no bitch or full bitch, lol.

    You work out what works best for you, and stay strong.
    Yeah the semester itself doesn't seem hard, it's that the PTSD makes everything harder and I am just so tired all the time and I need to sleep and make money to get by.

    I tried the bitch thing, doesn't work for me

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    Definitely let your professors know what's going on. Some might act like they don't care (they may not know what to say) but you might find some that are very understanding. Do whatever you have to do so you don't waste your tuition money.
    Ok I am talking to my physics prof tomorrow. Hope he's not an asshole about it. I was going to drop classes this semester but decided to stick with it because there's no guarantee that life will be any easier next semester either. I just hate the mandatory lectures, it makes college feel like one big daycare.


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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  26. #18
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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Sometimes the tough times seem like they'll go on forever and it's a really defeating feeling, but if you look back on everything that seemed like the end of the world it never actually was. So you'll get through this stuff too.

    If you're uncomfortable you're growing. So yeh it all seems a nightmare now but you'll push through and be tougher and smarter and more ingenious than before.

    Totally agree on the half wig option, extensions are just going to be an expensive ongoing expense right now

    http://www.divatress.com/half-wigs.html

    https://www.pinterest.com/explore/half-wigs/

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Occasionally, bad things happen to good people but life has a way of working out, even if it's not the way we hope or want it to be.

    You're just having hard times right now but keep your head up, keep trying and you'll get through it. Concentrate on the positives, instead of the negatives. Any time a negative circumstance comes up, think of something positive to offset it. You don't strike me as the type of person who would just give up and crawl into a corner and wallow in misery. It's obvious from your posts that you're trying to make things better for yourself and it will get better, although it might take a little bit longer than you'd like.

    Think about it: You have a lot to be thankful for as it is. You can walk, you can talk, you're not disfigured, you're not fighting a terminal illness, you're not blind and you're not paralyzed. Imagine how many blind people would trade you for the ability to see, just to be in your current circumstances? There's no doubt in my mind that a quadriplegic would happily trade places with you as well. I could go on and on but you get my point.
    Last edited by incognito1234; 09-14-2016 at 05:16 PM.

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    Default Re: haha fuck my life

    Ok, I know this thread is old, but I put ptsd in the search function and this is one of the posts that came up. I just started on a medication called Minipress for PTSD related nightmares and it's really helped, except when I'm stupidly too lazy to take it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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