Hey babes and babettes
I just got back from another night of failed auditions in Manhattan, and I'm feeling pretty crummy. I know I gotta have a thick skin for this gig, especially in this city, but I'm currently at a small regulars(and extras)-heavy Manhattan club and I desperately want to move into a bigger, busier, more legit club now that I have my papers. My hustle is hard and fast and clean, and my current club fucks with my head too much for too little coin. A couple of weeks ago I tried Rick's, Sapphire's, and Hustler, but I didn't have the right paperwork with me (because I'm a fucking muppet) so no go.
Tonight (a Thursday, about 8pm) I tried Rick's again, did my audition on that weird balcony stage thing after that notoriously strange not-interview in the elevator with the not-manager, I was even tipped(!) during my balcony dancey-dance, but in the end management decided no. Housemum said they didn't give her a reason, and that there's 80-90 girls on the roster and they're trying to hire more girls over at vivid and the soon-to-open hoops, so they've gotten extra strict with hiring at ricks. I asked if it was worth trying again in a couple of weeks, she sort of shrugged "sure" and suggested that I try their other sister clubs too and try to transfer from there. Hoops isn't open yet, so off to vivid I went.
Auditioned at vivid (in my long gown, lolllll), and was told by their Housemum that I'm not quite the right look for them (because gown, lolllllll), and they wanted to send me over to Ricks to audition. I explained that I had just come from there, and I guess I must have looked a bit dejected because she was super lovely and told me to head on over to sapphires instead. She said she used to dance there and it's good, so head there now and she'll text the sapphires Housemum to tell her to expect me. Fucking yay!
So onto the R train I hopped and past a dead rat I walked, and when I arrived at the door they thought I already worked there until I said I'm here to audition. I go through the ID/gown/podium process again. And again I'm told "no". Cue extreme sadface.
I'm at a fucking loss. What am I doing wrong? I'm pretty sure I have the Manhattan look-- tall, thin, long legs, tight stomach, striking face-- but I have small (B-cup) boobs that I grew myself and a standard-issue white girl booty. I often get "wow"s and "what are you doing at *this* club?" from customers, but that's from customers so who the fuck knows. But then again, the vivid Housemum wanted to send me to Ricks and encouraged me to go to sapphires, so that's promising, right? Damnit. I dunno.
I really, really liked the feel of Rick's while I was there-- it felt more suited to my style, but of course there's no knowing that for certain until I actually work a shift. If I can get hired. Gah. Should I try a different day/time? What is the preferred dance style for auditions? I think I may have "performed" too much for a "stand and sway" audition, because I'm a fucking showpony and I can't help myself when Amy Winehouse is jamming. I also touched the stage mirror and held the balcony rail at Ricks, because balance. Whoops. My gown is super flattering and eye-catching, but it's a swishy roman-goddess-inspired style (by Kamala) rather than a tightly-fitted style, and I also noticed all the Sapphires girls were in short dresses. My hair was straight and long, my makeup glam (perhaps my eyes were a smidge too dark?), my heels 7", I just... Le sigh. Is this a bad time for hiring? Am I kidding myself by thinking I have what it takes for Manhattan? Should I just give up on this? Goddamnit I need the big coin so I can pay off this damn debt before I hang up my heels for good.
Four years. Four fucking years I rocked the heels as a top earner in Australia. Now I feel like a rejected babystripper who's trapped in a shitty club that's triggering all my anxiety bullshit and for shitty cash (by Manhattan and my usual standards, anyway). Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.
Okay. Fuck. Time to put on my big-girl panties and HTFU. I guess I'll try hustler next week, maybe scores? And then Ricks again the following week. Anyone have any advice for me? Words of encouragement? Hard truths? I can post photos if that will help.
Fuuuuuuuuuck this is a shitty feeling. Thankyou for letting me vent!
Hugs and kisses xoxo



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