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Thread: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

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    Sad My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Hello there fellow cam girls~

    I have been already talking about my muslim best friend before. I have only her as a friend and I'm about to lose her I think. The way she sees sexworkers is just heavy. She would NEVER accept what I do for a living.

    So a bit of storytime...
    We used to work at the same place before, and we both hated it, which is why we became friends in the first place. Now that I got kicked out since months and I'm camming for a living, she always asked what I'm doing for a living. I'm telling her that I'm a bartender in a bar in our small city. I told her the name and now as much as I heard from her and friends, she tried to visit me a few times with her other muslim friends, but of course, since I don't work there, they never found me working there.

    My friend tolerated it, that I was half naked in the newspaper months ago for winning a sexy photoshot, but she wouldn't tolerate what I do now! So she also seems to want to see any proof for my workplace. Tonight she asked me about photos HOW I am working. I told her after ignoring her question for some hours that I can't show her any photos because while work time there's no way I can use my phone and when I have break time I'm in an another room. The thing is even while camming (aka. how I tell her while "my work shedule") I'm texting her sometimes, which she is also suspicious about. My friend even told me once "You know, you sound mysterious about your job and all" which makes me believe she has a tiny clue that I'm lying to her, somehow she probably thinks that I have a reason to lie to her, which is true. But it also seems she wants to know it so bad.

    I tried to talk about my mom about it. She told me to tell my turkish friend that I'm not working there anymore but in another place in a bigger city, where she never goes, which isn't a bad idea after all. But wouldn't it be suspicious to say "oh I got fired there" and to just continue to lie to her?? Also then to tell her another name of another bartender place so she can go there with her friends again "spying" on me? Or she forces me to take her over there?

    My muslim/turkish friend is a kinda control freak also, she even wanted to read my whatsapp messages between my mom and me many times which I think is sick, but she accepts me the way I am with my depression and my mood swings so I suppose I have to accept her controlling problems and sometimes harsh behavior too. She is the first person in my life who I can trust but thanks to her strict beliefs (her parents aren't strict at all, but she is) I absolutely can't talk with her about it. We never talk about sex or anything related to it in general, sometimes we make small jokes, but we just both don't like to talk about sex al all since she also wants to stay a virgin until marriage and I'm accepting that also so I'm not giving her any ideas of how sex could be or masturbation etc. Oh and she also hates on homosexuals while I'm bisexual. I told her once that I was bi and she reacted a bit disgusted but after some time I told her I would never marry a woman and that it was just a phase, which is a total lie again. When I'm out with her I can not wear high heels, because she told me "it's for special things only like a wedding" and that I look slutty in them! Well then are all the other women at night also sluts who wear high heels for going to normal events?! I sometimes don't understand her but as I said I can accept it all and adjust to such special situations with her, but if she would know my job, I know that she wouldn't do the same for me.

    So if you are or were in a similiar situation, what did you say to your friends to not tell them what you really do for a living? My life is difficult enough right now and she just adds more problems on my already big problem list...

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    WOW-you call this a friend?! She sound extremely judgmental. If she was a friend, she would let you tell her what you want to share, when you want to share on your own terms.. You don't owe her an explanation. She has no right to your privacy.

    I've never been in this kind of situation because I don't allow anyone in my life that tolerates what I do or who I am. Surround yourself with people that celebrate you!
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    3 years ago I reunited with a good friend the same time
    I started camming. I told her, and within months her boyfriend left her and she moved across the country. We never talked again. Of course I could say it was a coincidence but how could I ignore the terrible arguments they'd have during and after id come to their home. Or how they were together for 3 years until I started coming around. I don't think she hated me for being a camgirl, but what happened to her relationship because I was too casual with sharing that was honestly not good for any of us.

    This is a very sensitive profession that you want to really think about before sharing with others. There's a lot of judgement and misunderstanding.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    I'm sorry but Ew. "Tolerate"? "Accept"? Wants fucking PICTURES of your work place?? This is NOT behaviour you should accept. Its sick. Tell this manipulative control freak she needs to seriously step off, this is soooo not her place. I can't believe this person, like I'm fuming even thinking about it


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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Your friend's reaction really has nothing to do with religion I think, but more to do with (people's) personality traits, whether they are open to new experiences or not, which your friends don't sound to be (religion is just an excuse). I say this because I have a high school friend who considers herself very religious and is muslim, and I told her years ago that I was working camming, and the money was decent, and I didn't mind doing it like I minded all the regular jobs I had before. Her reaction was kind of like "wow, that's pretty out there, I don't like it that you are a sex worker, but if you are happy, then I support your decisions to do what is best for you and I'm not going to think of you any less", and we continued to be friends happily ever after. Despite her religion, my friend and I always joked about sex and guys, she even did a presentation on kamasutra in college lol, and she waited to have sex till she was married. She always had that open-mindedness streak in her despite her religious upbringing. I'm sorry that you can't be yourself around your friends. I am very antisocial and I read your posts here before; I identify a lot with things you described about yourself, but I hope you can find more open minded friends in the future, because life is too short to spend it with people who don't accept us as we are.


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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Quote Originally Posted by xCamLovex View Post
    3 years ago I reunited with a good friend the same time
    I started camming. I told her, and within months her boyfriend left her and she moved across the country. We never talked again. Of course I could say it was a coincidence but how could I ignore the terrible arguments they'd have during and after id come to their home. Or how they were together for 3 years until I started coming around. I don't think she hated me for being a camgirl, but what happened to her relationship because I was too casual with sharing that was honestly not good for any of us.

    This is a very sensitive profession that you want to really think about before sharing with others. There's a lot of judgement and misunderstanding.
    I really understand you cuz I lost 2 other friends the same way. I told one of them about it, but she was pretty cool about it. She even knew what camming was and that it was easy money. A few weeks later we celebrated my b-day party, a week before the other girl's b-day party. Already then I saw myself as the third wheel, aka. they only talked with each other and basically ignored me. On my b-day party later they gifted me an used lipstick and a b-day card written "We hope you are going the right way in your life", which was already pretty suspicious to me. And yup, right after my birthday party we never saw each other ever again, even if we used to meet each other at least 3-times a week. I suppose the other girl had a problem with what I do and asked my friend to not hang out with the "whore" ever again. Up until now I still stalk their insta accounts. They share so many nice moments together without me and even fly to different countries, as we have planned this to do TOGETHER before. Since then I'm pretty sure that telling anyone about my job is not a good idea. I won't do the same mistake twice, for sure.

    The thing is I have no clue of what to say to my current friend. I don't wanna lose her the same way I lost the two others. I don't want to end up lonely again.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    I know it's hard, but sometimes you need to ditch the toxic friends. There are situations where you can keep not-so-great people around as casual friends/acquaintances, but honestly, it sounds like the girls you're hanging out with are invading your personal life in a weird, hostile way. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a friend wanting to read my text messages, and I don't think it's fair that you had to dismiss bisexuality as a "phase." Some people just do not make good friends. There are better options out there.

    You say you don't want to be lonely, but there's nothing stopping you from meeting new people. There are so many ways to get out and make friends... there are even some apps for women to meet women (Hey Vina and Monarch), as well as websites (Social Jane, and a couple others I can't think of at the moment).

    And as far as telling people what you do for a living... tell them whatever you want. With sex work, sometimes you may need to lie for your own self-preservation. There are several threads on this, if you do a quick search.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    I'm sorry but Ew. "Tolerate"? "Accept"? Wants fucking PICTURES of your work place?? This is NOT behaviour you should accept. Its sick. Tell this manipulative control freak she needs to seriously step off, this is soooo not her place. I can't believe this person, like I'm fuming even thinking about it
    I understand your thinking but I have the feeling that she is too narcistic to see that she's wrong sometimes. She gets spoiled A LOT by her parents and friends, might I say, she always sees herself in the right. I am the one who has to always give in because I want no war between us. Also I had worser cases as her, I can still (somehow) tolerate her.
    I don't think she is very normal in her head, but I'm not either and that's also why we have tons of fun moments all the time where we do insane shit. I have tried to talk to her about it for so many times but then she comes with the excuse "do you have secrets? Because I don't have any in front of you" or we would also just argument about it for no reason, which I'm trying to not let happen most of the times. My mother tells me that she is toxic to me, but how many times have I lost friends before for behaving the same way as a kid/early teen? I'm pretty sure that my friend is innocent and that she actually doesn't wants to behave this way or that she doesn't knows that it hurts me and others. She has also lost friends (I'm not surprised here tbh...) and I don't want to be an asshole too and leave her. I'm sure she can change. After all she only turned 18 recently. I don't want to be like my friend's leaving her because she has a behavior (and possibly mental) problem. But if she continues to behave this way for many more years, I see no hope for our friendship. I CAN tolerate this, but not forever.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueBunny View Post
    Your friend's reaction really has nothing to do with religion I think, but more to do with (people's) personality traits, whether they are open to new experiences or not, which your friends don't sound to be (religion is just an excuse). I say this because I have a high school friend who considers herself very religious and is muslim, and I told her years ago that I was working camming, and the money was decent, and I didn't mind doing it like I minded all the regular jobs I had before. Her reaction was kind of like "wow, that's pretty out there, I don't like it that you are a sex worker, but if you are happy, then I support your decisions to do what is best for you and I'm not going to think of you any less", and we continued to be friends happily ever after. Despite her religion, my friend and I always joked about sex and guys, she even did a presentation on kamasutra in college lol, and she waited to have sex till she was married. She always had that open-mindedness streak in her despite her religious upbringing. I'm sorry that you can't be yourself around your friends. I am very antisocial and I read your posts here before; I identify a lot with things you described about yourself, but I hope you can find more open minded friends in the future, because life is too short to spend it with people who don't accept us as we are.
    We had many disputes because of her religion before. Not because I'm non-religious, it's because she wants to be very strict with it. But I agree with you that it's more of a personality thing tho, but her extreme view on her religion is making her "traits" more extreme. And wow I wish my muslim friend would be more like yours. Everytime I try to just talk a bit into a sexual thing she is just "ewww" and tries to change the subject. But as I said we tend to ignore that subject anyways. My friend is absolutely not open minded at all.
    Yes thank you I have a really big problem with people most of the times but I'm doing my best to get adjusted to situations so ppl won't think I'm an egomanic monster who has no idea how to behave in front of people. And the more I'm trying to adjust, the more I'm losing my anti-social behavior, which started in my early teen years, which I think is a big plus.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    I don't really know the answer - I'm usually honest and cut off people that can't deal with how I live, but my circle is pretty damn small at this point, so maybe that's not the answer.

    If it makes you feel any better, this isn't a Muslim problem. As a group, we get this exact same behavior from Christian friends, too. Also from friends that truly believe in being completely monogamous with your spouse, while raising 2.1 children and a dog, and enjoying your white picket fence. Also from parents and relatives that would like to believe that we are like Barbie and have no genitals, and that their precious little girl should be working 60 hours a week at some "respectable" drudgery that would completely crush her soul. Also from friends that seem like they'd be totally cool and act plenty slutty themselves, and yet turn on you for no obvious reason when they find out what you do for work. Also, from guy friends of pretty much all sorts. Also, from feminists who think we're promoting rape culture. Also from Republicans. Also...

    You get the picture. It's not because she's Muslim. It's because she's nosy as fuck and potentially intolerant of sex work. All sorts of people have those character flaws.


    ETA: BlueBunny beat me to it, but the sentiment could probably stand repeating, given how fucked up the world is getting lately.
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    "so she can go there with her friends again "spying" on me?"
    " she even wanted to read my whatsapp messages between my mom and me"
    "When I'm out with her I can not wear high heels, because she told me "it's for special things only like a wedding" and that I look slutty in them!"

    These are not things that a good friend does to another friend. I'm close friends with some very conservative girls (we never talk about sex/masturbation/men) and some very open-minded girls (who love to talk about sex, etc. and they know what I do) and both types of friends respect my boundaries. Sure, the conservative ones are always curious about what I do for a living, and ask to see photos from the "office" I work at, etc, but after I said no a few times, guess what? They back off and stop prying into my job, because they are my friends and they respect me.

    I know it's hard to deal with the possibility of losing a close friend. I had a muslim friend (he was a guy, and we've been friends since we were 5 years old), and we were super close even though he's very religious and I'm agnostic/atheist. We stayed close friends through college, until the last year when he found out what I do for a living and stopped talking to me and blocked me from all social media. It SUCKS, but it is what it is. Surround yourself with people who love you and respect you regardless of what you choose to do with your body and your life.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    I stayed friends with a nasty, judgemental girl for too many years, I'm sad to say. When I think about the time wasted with this person, I could kick myself.
    My advice is to run like hell. Proof of employment? Unless you're going to be renting from her , it's just none of her goddamned business.


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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Is not a friend is just an acquaintance or a guard dog( not in a good way but a dog that guards your exit and is not your friend). Are you desperate for friends u thinking this is best friend behavior omg find real friend she is out there somewhere dint waste time on THIS

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Omg proof of employment ha ha ha ha

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Please remember, anyone that mistreats you is not a friend because a friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. You don't lose friends, you just find out who your TRUE friends are. Not having people in your life that don't treat you well is a gain not a loss.
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post
    You say you don't want to be lonely, but there's nothing stopping you from meeting new people. There are so many ways to get out and make friends... there are even some apps for women to meet women (Hey Vina and Monarch), as well as websites (Social Jane, and a couple others I can't think of at the moment).
    Off topic, but I feel like we need a "How to STOP Being a Bitch Hermit" thread that includes this sort of info (for those that don't know, we have a thread called A Beginner's Guide To Being A Bitch Hermit which gives info on such topics as ordering everything online and never having to leave your home).
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    I rather have NO friends at all if I have to have friends like them. Just my opinion.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    If she is a true best friend it may be difficult but, she should understand in the end.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    My own mother disowned me the other day. We've never been close anyway, but it's because I've turned away from Christianity and have chosen to live my life on my terms and not everyone else's. She also tried to shame me (says she knew about my work because I had a 'lust spirit') as a child, lol.

    I told my father today, who's suspected it since my ex tried to out me but he accepts me, my decisions, and his love, unlike my mother's is unconditional.

    My point is. If your friend doesn't like it; she can fuck off. end of story. You have one life to live, just like your friend and everyone has their own. Please don't waste another second worrying about what others think about you, or put your true self/feelings on hold in order to keep so.eine in your life. If they can't accept you for yourself (not your profession); she can go kick rocks. Her religion and relationship with her god has nothing to do with you, and since she's not paying your bills, your profession has nothing going to do with her.

    If people minded their business and loved with their hearts, and not their washed brains, the world would have no judgement and would be a much better place for all. Fuck her.

    You do not owe her a friendship and please gain some.self respect in the fact that you do not need her just because you are lonely. So what if your circle is small? Suck it up and make new friends who enjoy your company and like you for you. Please stop making excuses to keep toxic people in your life. She is not a friend.
    Last edited by kortneykay; 10-04-2016 at 07:32 PM.




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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    This isn't called a "best" friend. For sure. If you hang out with her more than with anyone else, that doesn't mean u can call her a best friend.
    Best friend is that one who supports you uncoditionally, no matter that you do and how you live your life.And is waiting to you out there, somehwere in this world. And I am extremely sure you will meet her some day.
    My oppinion is to cut the rope with this person, asap. Her way of seeing the things is abusive. She doesn't respect your privacy at all and the fact that she is asking proof for employment, she definately has some issues.
    Yes, believe me, I only have one best friend in real life, who is a camgirl too. We met a few years ago and we stayed best friends, even we live in different towns, we keep in touch with skype and phone, since we both work on same schedlue . And yes, she helped me when I was in need and I did return that to her as well, we have our secrets that nobody knows about and so on.
    My other friends are the girls here, on the forum. We support each other, anonymously or not. But at least there is someone I can share my thoughts with and I get a response as well.
    As you do now.
    I did have other friends too, in real life, but I can't call them best friends, since we mostly hung out in highschool/ university, had our own circle of "friendship" that was about school and talking shit about other people we didn't like. This circe of friendship ended when we graduated. I did call them best friends at that time, tho.

    I live in Eastern Europe and here, people are extremely judgemental about our jobs. I can't trust anyone to tell what I do, so I lie about my job. In fact, is not their business, since nobody would help me with a single coin if I were in need, but that's another story related to another topic.

    Conclusion? Get rid of her and loose the stress. You don't need this. You didn't do anything wrong in life to deserve someone like her around you.
    It may suck to be alone for a while, till u find a real friend, but you will be better like that, than living in a continuous stress.
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    I honestly read a few lines then read some comments

    You don't owe anyone any explanation about anything you do in your life at all.

    It's pretty simple keep money out of it and work on your friendship on other things.
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    I'm with everyone else here. I have two best friends, one does not approve of what I do and the other one actually just started camming because she was enthralled with the idea when I told her. The point is, my relationships with both of them haven't changed at all. But I also know what it's like to have a judgemental friend like yours, it will hurt, like breakup hurt, but please try to cut her out. You will be much MUCH happier in the long run.

    I also really like what kortney said "If people minded their business and loved with their hearts, and not their washed brains, the world would have no judgement and would be a much better place for all." I think about that all the time.

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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Girl, I would have dumped her because she is not a true friend. Toxic friends will damage your psyche and soul if you keep your friendship with them. Do not worry....you will find great friends one day

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  38. #23
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Why does it matter that she is Muslim? I have many friends of all different religions including Muslims that know 100% who I am and what I do. I always say, If you want to find out who your real friends are become a pornstar!

    Being Muslim doesnt give her a pass for being a judgmental asshole!

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  40. #24
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bananabunny View Post
    So if you are or were in a similiar situation, what did you say to your friends to not tell them what you really do for a living? My life is difficult enough right now and she just adds more problems on my already big problem list...
    I have told my friends what I do for a living and they're fine with it...if they didn't accept what I do or if they judged me and saw me differently, they would no longer be my friend.

    Anything or anyone who adds more problems to your life needs to go...she is not what I would call a friend. There are other people in this world who could be a real friend...create the space for people more like yourself to enter your life.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    Follow me on Twitter @ClassyKatyxxx

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  42. #25
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    Default Re: My best friend is muslim - What do I tell her about my income?

    All the while you are friends with her, you are allowing her to keep the door firmly closed on any other friendships you may potentially have in the future. Trust me, I have watched my sister have a toxic friendship with a woman who was her "best friend forever" - turned my sister into a paranoid anxious panic stricken mess with just ONE friend - the narcissist - because all the other friends believed the spin this woman was telling them. And then...this woman walked away, leaving my sister with no friends at all, people whispering and pointing in the street and at her children's school gates, and in therapy. While this woman bathed in the glow of all my sister's ex friends who were now fawning over her.

    So my advice? Tell your friend what you do for a living, watch her walk away, and embrace your freedom. There is never anything good to come out of a relationship with a narcissist, you are better off without her NOW. Don't let her ruin your youth. This is no different to having a toxic controlling boyfriend. Get away NOW before she can do you any permanant damage.

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