With the understanding that there are many different possible explanations for the scenario I'm about to describe, I figure people who actually work in the business may have insight I'm not privy to. I'm interested in hearing from dancers what they think probably happened here.
Couple of things to preface this:
- I'm in an open marriage (i.e. each of us has fully cool and unpressured permission to have sex with people other than each other. For the record, this was her idea.)
- I am into some fairly heavy bdsm, but am also perfectly happy with regular old vanilla sex stuff.
So anyway.
I occasionally go to strip clubs. By myself. Because I'm that loser and I don't really have any friends who go.
I am always very respectful of the women who I talk to there. I do touch, but only with explicit permission from them. (And generally I just keep hands off, not even asking permission, unless they have already started physically or verbally indicating to me that they're cool with being touched.)
Alright, so the other night. For the first time ever, I paid for a private dance. We were chatting as she did her thing, and she leaned in and playfully kissed my neck, then bit it. I made an involuntarily little happy noise and she laughed and said "you like that?"
She had already indicated touching was cool. So I asked, very politely, in my no-pressure, we're-just-having-fun way, "Mind if I return the favor?"
She said "go for it" or words to that effect, so I lightly playfully bit her neck as well. This is already a bit unusual--much more intimate than anything I've experienced, or than anything I've ever thought really ever happens in a strip club. She also made, you know, happy "I like it" noises, but it's a strip club so I took it all as fun play, didn't really have an opinion about how into it she really was. I said "Didn't want to bite too hard, didn't want to leave a mark," with a wink, and she said "Yeah that would've been fun but wouldn't be good for my job..." (or words to that effect. I don't really remember exact phrasing for any of this.)
Continuing the conversation, again, still in the realm of "she's working and this is fun play but none of it is real," I asked "So, do you like, er, activities, that leave marks?"
Straight up without hesitation she just said "Yep."
"Like what?"
"Oh," she said, continuing her dancerly functions (lap dancing, smiling, generally almost-sort-of-making-out-without-actually-making-out kind of activities), "Spankings."
"Really?" I asked. "Like, hand spankings or..."
"Belts are nice," she said.
"Belts are nice," I affirmed. "Are you into like bondage and stuff?"
She smiled and said, in an amused matter-of-fact tone, "My ropes are pink."
Somewhere along the way she had directly placed my hands on her breasts so I was, you know, in as polite and gentlemanly a way as possible, groping her. She put her hand up my shirt and began tweaking my nipples so I placed my fingers in the analogous position and looked up at her and asked "Would you enjoy a little of that?"
She smiled and gave the go ahead, and so I pinched a bit. She liked it, or acted like she liked it.
I can't really remember the sequence of events here, but just generally, things escalated. She would lean back on the table behind her and put my hands on her, indicating I was very free to roam. Again, I (probably annoyingly) asked before touching anything new or doing anything different, which she characterized as "adorable." At one point she began rubbing her labia and I said "I'd love to help you out with that," which is when she finally indicated a clear boundary. But scratching her ass and the insides of her legs? Fairly hard? She seemed not just okay with this, she seemed to be into it.
Again, maybe she was just doing her job, I know. But things seemed to be going really far.
And not only that, we were having a great conversation. At one point we were talking about our kids and so I said "speaking of that, I feel like we're getting along pretty well so it may have nothing to do with anything but I wanted to mention that I am married, but it's an open marriage." She just immediately shot back with "I'm married and it's open," and so we had a nice little chat about how awesome open marriages are, how we got into it, and how we don't really understand sexual jealousy, and so on.
All the while, things were continuing to escalate in the "other activities" arena. I was biting her, scratching her, kissing her everywhere but on the mouth--and she was doing all the same things in return.
As she leaned into me at one point I said "Okay listen, I'm going to try a thing, I'm going to bite you right here " (and I indicated her breast--like, serious, this really happened) and I'm going to kind of hold on and ramp up the pain of it until you tell me to stop. Are you cool with that?"
Her reply: "I don't know if I'll be able to stop."
I went for it, biting lightly at first. Then upping the pressure. More and more. Grinding it just a tiny bit. She was pulling me in, physically encouraging me to continue. Eventually (geez it felt like minutes, probably wasn't that long) I was biting so hard I was thinking to myself "Okay, I'm going to stop this is getting to be too much." I was literally just about to stop myself, when she finally whispered "Okay I guess you better stop" or words to that effect. We had a laugh about how far she'd gone with this, and how we hoped this didn't leave a mark for the night. (It didn't--it had completely faded by the time we were done that night.)
So anyway, this kind of thing. Like, this was surprisingly (to me) heavy sado/masochism-themed heavy petting, if you see what I mean. It went on for the whole session. By the end of it I was biting her nipples, directly, teeth on nipples biting, and she was very very much the opposite of saying anything like "no" to this. And like I said, we had a great conversation along with all of these activities!
At the end of the half hour, I said something like "Listen, I know the answer is no, it has to be, but I'd love it if we could keep in touch. Like, can I give you my number? Could we meet up sometime outside of work?" I left it open to chatting over coffee or just going full everything in a hotel room or something.
Her reply was an admittedly distant look, but in the end a smile and a "maybe," and as we re-entered the main dancing area she sat on my lap, took my phone, and entered a phone number into it. "Text me, but don't get mad if I don't respond right away it takes me a while sometimes."
Giving herself an out, of course!
But the thing is, the area code on the number she gave me is not the area code local to where we were and is the area code of the city where she is from. Like, this seems like evidence it was her real number. I mean, she could have made up a whole story about being from there, or made up the number conscious of its area code, or both of those things, but this seems to be going pretty damn far.
That plus the very unusual and intense activities we engaged in, and the actual personal connections we seemed to make in conversation, like, I think this may be her actual number.
So that's the story.
The disappointing ending is I texted her the next morning with something innoccuous, opening up further conversation, and never got a reply. But if it had been a total game, I would expect a text back saying "yeah come on back up to the club let's chat again!" Instead it was nothing. So I think probably, probably she freaked out a bit over the experience (remember the "distant look" before the "maybe.") Not that I think it was an unpleasant experience for her, but I suspect it was a surprising experience for her just as it was for me, and she was not really sure how to feel about it or how to know, really, how safe I am.
So I have not texted her since, and probably won't. I am not sure what would happen if I saw her again at the club. But this is where things stand.
So like I said, I'm just wondering what you think happened. I can think of these options:
A. I completely misunderstood everything, was a total creep, she was terrified, and did everything she could to get me out of there after payment.
B. She was literally and only just doing her job, had no actual feeling that we were making any kind of "connection," and that's it.
C. She found the encounter fun, beyond pure business, but had no intention whatsoever of going beyond that.
D. She thought I was asking for her number for prostitution purposes. I felt I made it clear I was talking about actual like, dates, or making friends, or something along those lines but I know how these things can be unclear even so.
E. She thought maybe we might actually do something for fun outside the club sometime, but changed her mind either because a. There was something dumb about my text, or b. some other reason.
What do you think? One of these? None of these?



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