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Thread: Making friends with a dancer

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    Default Making friends with a dancer

    Hello again. I've posted here before about being a female customer who wants to be friends with the one and only dancer I've ever been private with. Update on the situation: she and I have made a small technological connection outside of the club. She's a great girl. I am truly interested in pursuing a non-romantic friendship. So I want to ask...how do I know when the hustle has ended? Is there a way for me to know she's gotten real with me?

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    How would you feel about asking her directly? Might be hard to word it right so it doesn't sound conversational or paranoid but with some thought maybe it could be asked the right way?

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Like "I want you to know, and no hard feelings if I've got this all wrong, but I'm actually interested in being actual friends. Is that where you're coming from too? No pressure, right! )

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    I'm pretty sure she knows where I am coming from because I've been the clearest of the clear. And she says she knows I would be a good friend. But there are little things that still kind of feel like a hustle. I might be paranoid. I'm just wondering if there is a sign that the wall is down and she's wanting to be a friend too?

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Unfortunately the only way to know for sure is money. If she is still trying to get it from you then you probably are still being hustled. By technological I'm assuming you mean texts or emails. If she is asking you to come see her at the club but not hang out anywhere else she is still hustling.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    That's what I figured. Right now, that's all that has been mentioned. But going back to the club is not going to be a good thing for me and I explained that to her. One lady on this forum said it may not be the place for someone like me who forms attachments to people in that intimate of an atmosphere and they were right. So I guess I just wait, be cool and patient and see if other plans arise on down the road?

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by TheHuntress79 View Post
    That's what I figured. Right now, that's all that has been mentioned. But going back to the club is not going to be a good thing for me and I explained that to her. One lady on this forum said it may not be the place for someone like me who forms attachments to people in that intimate of an atmosphere and they were right. So I guess I just wait, be cool and patient and see if other plans arise on down the road?
    Yes, if you cannot separate the entertainment aspect of a strip club from the intimacy it will only end up hurting you. If going back to the club is not something you want to do then this should play itself out pretty quickly as you probably won't hear from her (other than maybe a random "hey I've missed u / come see me!" text).

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    If someone doesn't want to be your friend, then lay off. Don't want to force friendships because that's awkward as fuck. Gotta let them come naturally.

    Female or not, you are still a customer. Not a lot of strippers are interested in becoming friends OTC. You can be friendly, but that usually ends once you leave.





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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Unfortunately I have fallen into this wanting to make friends with the girls trap too. From my personal experience in the clubs this might cause more problems down the road for you. One dancer I had asked to be friends once told me, "well I don't consider any of the guys who come in here or any of my regulars to be my friends." Think of it this way your spending money on someone to try to influence them to be your friend, it's not hard to see the heartache you could be creating for yourself by doing this in the long run because true friendship isn't something that can be bought. One dancer told me that friendships in the club between customer and dancer usually work out this way, "once the money is gone then the friendship is gone." A dancer I saw made this reality clearly evident to me when she posted on her stripper Facebook page "If you haven't come to the club in the last few months and spent money on me I am removing you from my Facebook friends list if you want remain on my Facebook friends list please come in the club and buy dances from me". I had no spent money on her for many months and so she removed me and about 20+ different guys from her Facebook friends list who no longer were spending money on her in the club. Her actions clearly demonstrated to me neither I nor any of the other 20+ guys she removed from her friends list she never really considered her friends to begin with; once the money was gone the friendship was gone. Also by making friends with the dancers your creating another problem for yourself, making it harder to let go when you need to let go and move on. If you choose to make friends with the dancers that's ok, I did too for a while. Just keep in mind this reality check "that this really was never a true friendship to begin with" so when the friendship ends because of whatever reason: money gone, busy, moved onto other dancers, disagreements with dancers, etc. it won't bother you too much because you really didn't really lose anything besides money. Since the friendship was never really there to begin with, you really didn't lose a friend because this person never really was a true friend to begin with.
    Last edited by November_Scorpio; 10-13-2016 at 07:09 AM.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Man, that's bleak. I'm just naive enough to believe that everyone needs a good person in their lives to care about them. I'm a damn good friend. Would give the shirt off my back. But would not want to be conned or threatened out of it. Thanks for all advice. I'm still going to be kind, generous, giving and friendly. Just on my own terms.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    ok you sound like you mean well... but you have to understand dancers meet a lot of people all the time who are ready to become part of our lives. for most of us, when we leave we don't need a person in our life who was customer at work. dancers are people who have family, friends, school, other jobs, hobbies, and obligations outside of the club. and from your last post, you should really look for friends in other places and just let it go. you're really starting to sound like a regular guy customer. if you're such a "damn good friend" your friendship could happen organically which doesn't seem to be the case at all.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    I will say though the dancers who were willing to become friends with me both inside and outside the club I do tend to feel extremely loyal to them. And I have subjected dancers to a "test" taking the money away on purpose to still see if they stick around as a friend or not, if they jump ship I will never ever come back to them again as a customer guaranteed, if however a very long period of time goes by and they still choose to remain friends then I will come back to them as a customer. I also have been very loyal to dancers who have been so self-sacrificing with their time that they were nice enough to do stuff outside the club for free. I tend to feel extremely loyal to those who treat me kind, are respectful, make sacrifices just for me and do things to show they care. I also have "tested" dancers, just like I put all my friends through a series of "tests" to see what kind of friendship we have. They claim they are my friend time to "test" them and see if their actions match their words. I will say things on purpose to start a fight and see how they react, a true friend in my book stays loyal even through fights and conflicts and doesn't desert someone over an argument. If she decides to be a very emotionally strong and mature person by forgiving me and keeps me as a customer and friend then I know I struck gold and will forever be loyal to her, if she decides to keep a grudge and can't forgive then I tend to see this as a character flaw and a sign of a very emotionally weak person and will stop spending money on her.

    They have the external qualifications, but true beauty comes from a dancers internal qualifications not her external that is what matters most to me. Finding a dancer with the external qualifications is easy, finding a beautiful person on the inside is much more rewarding though and much more of a challenge to find.

    So my point is making true friends with dancers can be very rewarding, but you will have to sift through a lot of them in lots of clubs and put them to the "test" to find them. It is like finding a diamond in the rough. Dancers who I consider true friends I have told them it wouldn't matter if they gained 50 lbs I would still be forever loyal to them and they still would be very beautiful in my eyes, much so more than any of the other girls at the club.
    Last edited by November_Scorpio; 10-17-2016 at 11:31 AM.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    ^^^you don't have any true friends that are dancers, only girls who have passed your "test". You are way too high maintenance for anyone who has to deal with those kinds of people daily to think of as a real friend. A real friend wants their real friends to be someone they can relax and be themselves around. You are not that. Sorry.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    I didn't test anyone. I'm honestly just being who I am no matter who the other person might be. I am just letting things happen. Not forcing anything. Not being high maintenance. I sit back and if she talks to me, great. If not, that's cool too. The original question was just is there a way to tell if she is cool with being a friend. That's all. I'm not sure where we got off track here.

    And to say I'm not a real friend? Was that response to me or to the previous reply? I don't test people. They are who they are and I'm always good with that. Even if who this girl is turns out to be someone who doesn't want a friendship with me, I'm really fine with that. No tears, no gnashing of teeth. No body has time for forcing people to do what they don't want to do.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by TheHuntress79 View Post
    I didn't test anyone. I'm honestly just being who I am no matter who the other person might be. I am just letting things happen. Not forcing anything. Not being high maintenance. I sit back and if she talks to me, great. If not, that's cool too. The original question was just is there a way to tell if she is cool with being a friend. That's all. I'm not sure where we got off track here.

    And to say I'm not a real friend? Was that response to me or to the previous reply? I don't test people. They are who they are and I'm always good with that. Even if who this girl is turns out to be someone who doesn't want a friendship with me, I'm really fine with that. No tears, no gnashing of teeth. No body has time for forcing people to do what they don't want to do.
    I'm not saying you're not a real friend to your actual friends, but to a stripper you got a dance from you're a customer.

    its not off track, I'm being direct and trying to save you frustration... But yeah, good luck with this

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by TheHuntress79 View Post
    I didn't test anyone. I'm honestly just being who I am no matter who the other person might be. I am just letting things happen. Not forcing anything. Not being high maintenance. I sit back and if she talks to me, great. If not, that's cool too. The original question was just is there a way to tell if she is cool with being a friend. That's all. I'm not sure where we got off track here.

    And to say I'm not a real friend? Was that response to me or to the previous reply? I don't test people. They are who they are and I'm always good with that. Even if who this girl is turns out to be someone who doesn't want a friendship with me, I'm really fine with that. No tears, no gnashing of teeth. No body has time for forcing people to do what they don't want to do.
    My response was to the other poster who said he puts girls through his tests, not to you. Don't be him.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    This whole thing seems a bit weird TBH. I would be supremely weirded out in this dancers position. We already dislike female customers in general, now she has one hell bent on being her friend and trying to talk to her outside the club? Saying things like "she's a great girl" and "everyone deserves a friend". Wtf. This sounds like a female Capt Save a Ho.

    Sorry to be blunt or harsh, but that's what I get out of this...
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    LOL! It does sound like a Captain Save a Ho dilemma.I guess everyone must watch out for women putting on their capes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    This whole thing seems a bit weird TBH. I would be supremely weirded out in this dancers position. We already dislike female customers in general, now she has one hell bent on being her friend and trying to talk to her outside the club? Saying things like "she's a great girl" and "everyone deserves a friend". Wtf. This sounds like a female Capt Save a Ho.

    Sorry to be blunt or harsh, but that's what I get out of this...

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Why are people so gung ho to be friends with dancers anyways? Saying she's a great girl and deserves a friend is like saying penny from the Big Bang theory tv show is a great girl and deserves a friend. They are not being themselves, they are playing a role so how do you know they are great girls? Sure they could be but you the customer/viewer doesn't know that and most likely that person only exists in the club or on your tv.

    If I'm looking for a friend number one I want to know the real them to base that on and number two I don't care what they look like so why find them in a club where deception and manipulation is standard on both sides?

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Why not pay for her friendship? Since You want her company that bad

    You do know you can spend money on others and help them financially even if the connection is non romantic.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    I wanted to say thank you for all the advice, in whatever way it was given. You all make excellent points and have helped me put some things into perspective.

    Just want to clarify one big thing: I don't want to save this person from anything. She seems to have it together and seems to be very happy. In no way do I have illusions that I know what's best for anyone other than my own daughter.

    There is so much I "could" say to defend myself, but what it boils down to is that you all are right. I don't know this person other than her club self. So I'm trying to make friends with a fantasy and that's just like an adult imaginary friend.

    So thanks, everyone. I'm sorry that female customers make you hate them. I will try to stop being "that girl".

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by TheHuntress79 View Post
    Man, that's bleak. I'm just naive enough to believe that everyone needs a good person in their lives to care about them. I'm a damn good friend. Would give the shirt off my back. But would not want to be conned or threatened out of it. Thanks for all advice. I'm still going to be kind, generous, giving and friendly. Just on my own terms.
    You sound like a total sweetheart and should avoid the strippy at all cost. Or at least don't go alone. Only go with someone you've known for awhile and can say without a doubt are your friend. This way they can keep you in check and remind you to just tip, nothing more.

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    Default Re: Making friends with a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by November_Scorpio View Post
    I will say though the dancers who were willing to become friends with me both inside and outside the club I do tend to feel extremely loyal to them. And I have subjected dancers to a "test" taking the money away on purpose to still see if they stick around as a friend or not, if they jump ship I will never ever come back to them again as a customer guaranteed, if however a very long period of time goes by and they still choose to remain friends then I will come back to them as a customer. I also have been very loyal to dancers who have been so self-sacrificing with their time that they were nice enough to do stuff outside the club for free. I tend to feel extremely loyal to those who treat me kind, are respectful, make sacrifices just for me and do things to show they care. I also have "tested" dancers, just like I put all my friends through a series of "tests" to see what kind of friendship we have. They claim they are my friend time to "test" them and see if their actions match their words. I will say things on purpose to start a fight and see how they react, a true friend in my book stays loyal even through fights and conflicts and doesn't desert someone over an argument. If she decides to be a very emotionally strong and mature person by forgiving me and keeps me as a customer and friend then I know I struck gold and will forever be loyal to her, if she decides to keep a grudge and can't forgive then I tend to see this as a character flaw and a sign of a very emotionally weak person and will stop spending money on her.

    They have the external qualifications, but true beauty comes from a dancers internal qualifications not her external that is what matters most to me. Finding a dancer with the external qualifications is easy, finding a beautiful person on the inside is much more rewarding though and much more of a challenge to find.

    So my point is making true friends with dancers can be very rewarding, but you will have to sift through a lot of them in lots of clubs and put them to the "test" to find them. It is like finding a diamond in the rough. Dancers who I consider true friends I have told them it wouldn't matter if they gained 50 lbs I would still be forever loyal to them and they still would be very beautiful in my eyes, much so more than any of the other girls at the club.
    Man, judging by your other posts these girls must consider you a real headache to deal with. Not only do they get a "generous" tip of 200 dollars for sitting with you their entire shift they must jump through hoops and not get paid some nights to keep you as a customer. You are another one that does not belong in strip clubs.

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