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Thread: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

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    Default How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    I think this can include any "secret". I don't want to scare people, but lying can also create distrust. Especially since dancers are stereotyped as distrustful. What is the sweet spot timing? I tend to be overly honest because I would rather be rejected right away than build up hope.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    I don't outright lie, but maybe just avoid the question if possible. There isn't really a 'timing' spot I don't think... if someone is so harshly against sex work that they will dump you over it, it won't matter how long they've known you when they find out.

    I have family who don't know just because I don't want the drama... like, I don't care if they stop speaking to me, but I don't need them bothering my poor mother like it's her fault. My friends all know. I don't *volunteer* it to new people, but they are introduced through old friends usually, so they are generally cool enough that they react ok when it does come up.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    When I was 21- like the first day I met them. I thought that shit was Ca-yute! When I got into my mid to later 20's I would not really divulge the information, unless it came up or was pertinent.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    I haven't told my family, but I'm sure they already know. And of course they jealously judge and criticize, especially my twin sister. I won't tell my friends until after I retire. It's going to go down like, " You know how I moved out west and became a brand ambassador /promotions team manager for 12 years? Well, um..there's something I have to tell you, and I hope you'll think this is actually kind of funny..."

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    I avoid the question, but I don't have the energy to keep a secret so I usually am just honest once I know I can't avoid or change the topic any longer.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    I would never tell people about any adult work because at least one of the following is guaranteed to happen:

    - they will think you're lazy and taking the easy way out, so they don't respect you as much
    - they will silently judge you harshly, never say it to your face, yet pretend they don't care
    - they'll tell at least a few people they know (especially whom you both know) who will also tell others
    - their ego will get irrationally angry and jealous that your hourly is much higher than theirs with fewer qualifications
    - guys will assume you're either a slut or have low morals or are just not long term relationship material no matter how much you tell them otherwise or do things to show you aren't that way
    - girls will also assume you're a slut who wants to fuck their boyfriend lmao. Or that you'll have a threesome for free with whomever and it's not a big deal because "you basically do that stuff anyway, you're used to it" (even if you're not an escort)
    - other girls will befriend you for ulterior motivates: so you teach them how to make money in adult and then they cut you off as soon as they learn the basics. But they'll be back when the money gets stagnant and they want to steal more of your hustle tips
    - they will think it's appropriate to ask all sorts of invasive questions pertaining to your occupation (details, profit, etc) that they wouldn't dare ask someone with w different occupation, because they don't respect yours
    - if all of the above aren't true, then they fetishize and exoticize you and force you to become the token bad girl who doesn't follow the rules, and they'll get lowkey annoyed any time you act out of unison with their stereotype
    - they will expect you to pay for things since you make ~soooo much money~
    - you'll end up attracting a lot of people who are criminals or bad personality disorders (sociopaths, narcissists, borderlines, etc) because those types want to be friends with people who hustle and swindle for a living

    A decade in the industry wearing many different hats has taught me the above. It's definitely more trouble than it's worth. It's better to keep it to yourself to remain sane. The perk is that you get all the benefits and none of the downsides!
    Last edited by Velveteen.Rabbit; 10-28-2016 at 08:44 AM.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Velveteen.Rabbit View Post
    I would never tell people about any adult work because at least one of the following is guaranteed to happen:

    - they will think you're lazy and taking the easy way out, so they don't respect you as much
    - they will silently judge you harshly, never say it to your face, yet pretend they don't care
    - they'll tell at least a few people they know (especially whom you both know) who will also tell others
    - their ego will get irrationally angry and jealous that your hourly is much higher than theirs with fewer qualifications
    - guys will assume you're either a slut or have low morals or are just not long term relationship material no matter how much you tell them otherwise or do things to show you aren't that way
    - girls will also assume you're a slut who wants to fuck their boyfriend lmao. Or that you'll have a threesome for free with whomever and it's not a big deal because "you basically do that stuff anyway, you're used to it" (even if you're not an escort)
    - other girls will befriend you for ulterior motivates: so you teach them how to make money in adult and then they cut you off as soon as they learn the basics. But they'll be back when the money gets stagnant and they want to steal more of your hustle tips
    - they will think it's appropriate to ask all sorts of invasive questions pertaining to your occupation (details, profit, etc) that they wouldn't dare ask someone with w different occupation, because they don't respect yours
    - if all of the above aren't true, then they fetishize and exoticize you and force you to become the token bad girl who doesn't follow the rules, and they'll get lowkey annoyed any time you act out of unison with their stereotype
    - they will expect you to pay for things since you make ~soooo much money~
    - you'll end up attracting a lot of people who are criminals or bad personality disorders (sociopaths, narcissists, borderlines, etc) because those types want to be friends with people who hustle and swindle for a living

    A decade in the industry wearing many different hats has taught me the above. It's definitely more trouble than it's worth. It's better to keep it to yourself to remain sane. The perk is that you get all the benefits and none of the downsides!
    This is all why I prefer to keep my mouth shut. At least until further notice.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    If it's a great chance they won't find out.......never.

    if you feel compelled to be one hundred percent honest then tell them only after you have quit dancing.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    So if you don't tell people, you are lying? There's a big difference between honesty and disclosure. That means YOU get to choose what you want to share but that doesn't mean you have to share everything. This is not about secrecy, it's about privacy.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    HI! I am a writer (short stories, poems, am published) so maybe this is different because most of my friends are artists or queer or some combination of those which makes for a non traditional life, but fuck living in secrecy, fuck feeling worried or sure that people will judge you, fuck stigma, fuck shame, fuck fear, fuck all of that. If you're not grown up enough to close your jaw and realize that everyone has to make a living and we've all got different skills and proficiencies, you're not someone I'd want to call a friend. I keep it from my man's bougie friends from high school and both of our parents who are religious but otherwise i try to LIVE MY TRUTH and that gives me energy and confidence.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    I also want to say that IDGAF who knows about my adult work and I genuinely like it or I wouldn't do it. BUT, unfortunately, its way too much drama and unnecessary problems telling anyone (see my list above for the reasons why), so that's why it's better not to.

    Telling everyone Bc you dgaf + drama <<<<<< not telling anyone + zero drama.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    ****i would never tell anyone i escort but to me stripping is ok to disclose under certain circumstances***i would only tell my close friends who are my friends precisely because they would never judge me and my vv best friend danced with me so...i would also tell someone who I wanted to date seriously. I would do this in two steps. First, i would float the idea. Try and gauge how they feel about strippers/stripping in general by bringing it up as a) news related b) my friend does this... make it pretty casual though and neutral and see how they react. If they react in a way that makes you feel comfortable, it might be a good idea to bring it up. I've done this in the past by saying it like its not a big deal (its not!). ex: So this one time my friend and I were dressing up for halloween, I'm a stripper by the way so it was a sexy costume, and blah blah blah.... usually if my demeanor is calm, its a non-issue. I also tend to be friends with super chill nonjudgmental borderline hippy people

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Velveteen.Rabbit View Post
    I would never tell people about any adult work because at least one of the following is guaranteed to happen:

    - they will think you're lazy and taking the easy way out, so they don't respect you as much
    - they will silently judge you harshly, never say it to your face, yet pretend they don't care
    - they'll tell at least a few people they know (especially whom you both know) who will also tell others
    - their ego will get irrationally angry and jealous that your hourly is much higher than theirs with fewer qualifications
    - guys will assume you're either a slut or have low morals or are just not long term relationship material no matter how much you tell them otherwise or do things to show you aren't that way
    - girls will also assume you're a slut who wants to fuck their boyfriend lmao. Or that you'll have a threesome for free with whomever and it's not a big deal because "you basically do that stuff anyway, you're used to it" (even if you're not an escort)
    - other girls will befriend you for ulterior motivates: so you teach them how to make money in adult and then they cut you off as soon as they learn the basics. But they'll be back when the money gets stagnant and they want to steal more of your hustle tips
    - they will think it's appropriate to ask all sorts of invasive questions pertaining to your occupation (details, profit, etc) that they wouldn't dare ask someone with w different occupation, because they don't respect yours
    - if all of the above aren't true, then they fetishize and exoticize you and force you to become the token bad girl who doesn't follow the rules, and they'll get lowkey annoyed any time you act out of unison with their stereotype
    - they will expect you to pay for things since you make ~soooo much money~
    - you'll end up attracting a lot of people who are criminals or bad personality disorders (sociopaths, narcissists, borderlines, etc) because those types want to be friends with people who hustle and swindle for a living

    A decade in the industry wearing many different hats has taught me the above. It's definitely more trouble than it's worth. It's better to keep it to yourself to remain sane. The perk is that you get all the benefits and none of the downsides!


    This is the truest thing I have ever heard!!! When some girls are like "oh well Im just honest about it with people" I always think about how much they are f*cking themselves in the real world. NO ONE will take you seriously if they know you dance. Period. They will lie and tell you otherwise just to get whatever they want from you, but in reality if everyone you know knows your dance (provided they are people outside the industry) they won't take you seriously and they also won't trust you.
    That is a big lesson I have learned.

    The only time people find out I dance is usually if they end up running into me at the club, which has happened unfortunately but then those people end up not being in my personal life in any way. Period. Aside from very rare exception I firmly separate my Professional & Personal lives. I only have 2 other dancers I even speak to outside of work. I just don't have anything incommon with most industry people and don't want the drama.


    Ok, Ill stop rambling... hah
    But at the end of the day it's about your PROTECTION that matters and why some of us have to live completely double lives when dancing.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    It sucks living a double life so extremely. .....But there's honestly too much drama with telling people especially the ones who aren't close with you, there's a complete difference between lying and disclosure. But of course to each her own

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    ^^^ I mean, it makes sense. It's not a very professional thing to ever disclose. Women will automatically assume you're a slut or they think you owe it to them to teach them how to make big easy. Men will automatically think you'll fuck anything that moves.

    And that's the reality. You can't change either party's opinion and 98% of the time they won't state their real opinion out loud.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    If I could go back in time, I would have never told anyone that I danced. That shit will follow you long after you quit dancing. People who you thought were cool with it will throw it in your face when you get into an argument. One person will tell another who will tell another and before long your entire friends list will know you are a stripper. Everyone wants to be like "i have a friend who's a stripper *gasp*" and then they'll be like WHO?! And the friend will show you them on social media. They will try to figure out how much you make a night/year and will tell anyone will listen opening you up to robberies and jealousy. Very few guys will take you seriously or treat you how you deserve to be treated if they know you're a stripper.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    for me it's very simple. if you ain't fucking, feeding, or financing me, it's none of your damn business.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    Very few guys will take you seriously or treat you how you deserve to be treated if they know you're a stripper.
    The way I see it, if you are the kind of person who thinks like this, you have zero place in my life. I'm very open about my job specifically BECAUSE it weeds people out who are not important. I'm not ashamed of my job, and if someone in my life is, it will come out of the woodwork eventually and I will have one less fake person in my life. The quality of my friendships and relatrionships is AMAZING because I am upfront about who I am and what I do for a living. Telling people I'm a stripper has given me a platform from which ti educate and inform people about sex workers and our issues, and has allowed me to form actual genuine relationships with people because I refuse to even entertain "friends" or "boys" who think less of me because of my job.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Velveteen.Rabbit View Post
    I also want to say that IDGAF who knows about my adult work and I genuinely like it or I wouldn't do it. BUT, unfortunately, its way too much drama and unnecessary problems telling anyone (see my list above for the reasons why), so that's why it's better not to.

    Telling everyone Bc you dgaf + drama <<<<<< not telling anyone + zero drama.
    damn i wish i could 'thank' this post... only in my particular situation i would replace the word drama with leeches. i know most people in my life would be accepting, but i also have a habit of attracting leeches to me :/

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    Unfortunately, I really agree with this. Most of my friends know, and I have experienced almost all of the above. I would really love to scream my occupation from the rooftops and raise awareness that yes you can be a human being AND a sex worker....but it is so mentally draining. It sucks not to tell and it also sucks to tell. At the same time, I know I am coming from a place of privilege and am hoping that I can find a way to make a difference in how we're seen somehow. I think it would help me a lot to have more sex worker friends that I could hang out with in my personal life.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    I avoid telling anyone, but it's because I have a vanilla career that makes dancing even more *scandalous.* So, no one needs to know. Thankfully, most of the people who have found out about both my vanilla job and dancing were supportive, because they knew I was trying to support myself and leave sex work. If you're trying to "better yourself" (sigh) people seem to be more accepting.

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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ifyouseekamy View Post
    I think this can include any "secret". I don't want to scare people, but lying can also create distrust. Especially since dancers are stereotyped as distrustful. What is the sweet spot timing? I tend to be overly honest because I would rather be rejected right away than build up hope.
    You tend to figure it out depending on the type of relationships your in. Every person will react differently to the news even if it's someone you have no plans of ever seeing again. So take it by each situation and adjust.

    like its tell everyone or tell no one, tell close friends and my family, see so many ways of doing it that there is no one size fits for anything.
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    Default Re: How and when do you tell people you are a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by vanessa_mtl View Post
    HI! I am a writer (short stories, poems, am published) so maybe this is different because most of my friends are artists or queer or some combination of those which makes for a non traditional life, but fuck living in secrecy, fuck feeling worried or sure that people will judge you, fuck stigma, fuck shame, fuck fear, fuck all of that. If you're not grown up enough to close your jaw and realize that everyone has to make a living and we've all got different skills and proficiencies, you're not someone I'd want to call a friend. I keep it from my man's bougie friends from high school and both of our parents who are religious but otherwise i try to LIVE MY TRUTH and that gives me energy and confidence.
    It's my need to be authentic that gets in the way, I think everyone wants to known and accepted. Yet the reality is most people are unsafe to disclose that to because of their issues or ignorance.

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