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Thread: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

  1. #1
    God/dess Snowy0Star's Avatar
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    Default Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Since I've been back on SM for the past 2-3 months now I've noticed a rather annoying issue . I've learned how to do fem domme fetishes SHP cockholding JOI and a few others . I am GREAT at it . I have a lot of callers on my NF line for it . But when asked if im dominate on SM and explain to them i do domme fetishes but i dont have a dominate personality they leave. I'm a very nice person i am rarely ever mean to ppl off cam on cam i can be a ruthless bitch if thats what they want to an extent . i do not enjoy it when they do things for me like i dont care u have girls underwear on i dont want u to eat ur cum for me no that wont please me that will just gross me out. you want chores? um ok go do ur dishes i dunno ..... u want to please me um ok just stay in pvt so i can make $20 of this show u have a small dick and u want to be made fun of and humiliated ok i can do that till the cows come home . you want to pretend im ur wife and u have small dick and i want to suck a black and eat me out watch me get fucked by the cock u just sucked and then clean us up ok and they love it . you want to worship my ass and have me about it how u can look at it but ur a worthless piece of shit and cant touch it or fuck it ok i can do that

    so do i need to word it better is simply saying i do domme fetishes but i dont have a donimate personality misleading them and making them think i dont know what im doing or should i just tell them im dominate and ask them what theyre into ? or do i need to educate myself more on fem domme
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    God/dess sexysusie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Turn it round and get them talking about what THEY are into and specifically looking for. Like you, I don't have a dominant personality and am known for being 'cute' more than anything, yet i rock certain types of femdom and can be extremely twisted when in the right kind of custie/camshow situation. I've found it's best not to advertise yourself as something you're not really, just focus on getting them to open up and enjoy the smile on the faces of the ones who realise they discovered a gem I can't cope with the ones that want to do chores or tasks for you.. like wtf, I haven't got the imagination for that ha!
    "If you want to earn more, learn more" ~ Zig Ziglar




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    Featured Member EllieGold's Avatar
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Snowy, if you knew me when i started camming, I wasn't dominate. In 2013, I was a pushover. I took shows just to make money. I let men degrade me and disrespect me. I thought all of camming was like this. Boy was I wrong. I was horrible at domination and honestly, look back and realize that I really sucked bad at it. So laughable to be honest.

    I really think finding your inner domme starts with wanting respect from people in your surroundings. Sounds kinda funny I know. In my personal life I started finally speaking up for myself and one thing kind of led to another. I went through hell to get my inner domme! Believe it or not, but having a "dominant" attitude can help you in your cam career & personal life. People don't push me around like they once did and I realize that life is generally easier because of it. I think men can sense when a woman is truly not dominant in a session. It's purely confidence. When I lack it, it shows. What I did to start for domme shows was offer small penis humiliation. I felt most comfortable doing this because I have a really giggly personality and thought that instead of being mean, throw humor and start laughing. Another domination session to offer as well is CEI. I find this easy to do for me and I kind of branched from there. I also practiced in videos and played myself back to see where I needed room for improvement. I think what really helps when you offer domme cam sessions is your "unique" style. Find something about yourself that stands out and go with it.

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    God/dess Snowy0Star's Avatar
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Quote Originally Posted by sexysusie View Post
    I can't cope with the ones that want to do chores or tasks for you.. like wtf, I haven't got the imagination for that ha!
    Exactly like i know my domme style is more sensual domme like tease and denial and verbal humiliation type stuff but maybe im just not confidant enuogh in my own skills and owning it?
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    You're a sip of fine champagne darling, and the guys who deserve to taste you should be able to buy the whole glass.


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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    I wouldn't tell them that you don't have a dominant personality...we all have in certain circumstances. I don't see myself as dominant but I do some domination and enjoy it. When I first started out and told my ex-husband that I couldn't do domination...he laughed!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Educating yourself! No two doms are the same. Some are brats, aggressive, sultry, manipulative... some almost purr as they tell sissies to slurp up their cum, others bark orders. Once you embrace your own personality and find a style, it's easier to have custies who want a dominant woman leave satisfied. I just pretend i'm talking down to a really obnoxious pin dick ex of mine for sph and it has become one of my most popular fetish markets now. Channelling my anger works well for me, but learning that I get to be the sweet talking brat i've always wanted to be was when i really hit my stride.

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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Snowy0Star View Post
    Exactly like i know my domme style is more sensual domme like tease and denial and verbal humiliation type stuff but maybe im just not confidant enuogh in my own skills and owning it?
    You can stick to sensual domination, I do. You will still get tease and denial, ass worship, joi, sph, cuckolds, even cei, cfnm, foot fetish. Don't tell them your personality is not dominant at all, it's like telling them you are going to provide that thing they are into but with no interest. That's why they leave. Tell them you are more of the sensual type and not the strict one. I am dominant irl and on cam as in I like to be in control but I can not be strict or a total bitch as much as I try. We can't have them all

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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    I love this so much. I am always on 'speak up for yourself' team.
    Quote Originally Posted by EllieGold View Post
    Snowy, if you knew me when i started camming, I wasn't dominate. In 2013, I was a pushover. I took shows just to make money. I let men degrade me and disrespect me. I thought all of camming was like this. Boy was I wrong. I was horrible at domination and honestly, look back and realize that I really sucked bad at it. So laughable to be honest.

    I really think finding your inner domme starts with wanting respect from people in your surroundings. Sounds kinda funny I know. In my personal life I started finally speaking up for myself and one thing kind of led to another. I went through hell to get my inner domme! Believe it or not, but having a "dominant" attitude can help you in your cam career & personal life. People don't push me around like they once did and I realize that life is generally easier because of it. I think men can sense when a woman is truly not dominant in a session. It's purely confidence. When I lack it, it shows. What I did to start for domme shows was offer small penis humiliation. I felt most comfortable doing this because I have a really giggly personality and thought that instead of being mean, throw humor and start laughing. Another domination session to offer as well is CEI. I find this easy to do for me and I kind of branched from there. I also practiced in videos and played myself back to see where I needed room for improvement. I think what really helps when you offer domme cam sessions is your "unique" style. Find something about yourself that stands out and go with it.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Alright, I wasn't going to respond, but here I go.
    I've known you for a few years now, and I hate that you still haven't found your way.
    Domme is NOT your strong suit.
    I told you a long time ago, what character I thought would make you bank, (when you were struggling). Do you remember?
    P.M. me if you forgot.

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    Featured Member Magical_Hoohah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Snowy, I'm kind of like you. I can domme, and it's often fun, although rarely a turn on, and it's not my natural personality. I advertise myself as a switch, which most subs don't see as a problem (if they do, my Domme style probably isn't bitchy enough for them anyway).

    When guys ask whether I'm a Domme, I explain that I normally try to behave myself and be a sweet, agreeable person, so I enjoy domming as a release and a chance to let my dark side out. Most guys find that pretty exciting, and it explains why I can domme even though I seem like such a nice girl in free chat.
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Quote Originally Posted by EllieGold View Post
    Snowy, if you knew me when i started camming, I wasn't dominate. In 2013, I was a pushover. I took shows just to make money. I let men degrade me and disrespect me. I thought all of camming was like this. Boy was I wrong. I was horrible at domination and honestly, look back and realize that I really sucked bad at it. So laughable to be honest.

    I really think finding your inner domme starts with wanting respect from people in your surroundings. Sounds kinda funny I know. In my personal life I started finally speaking up for myself and one thing kind of led to another. I went through hell to get my inner domme! Believe it or not, but having a "dominant" attitude can help you in your cam career & personal life. People don't push me around like they once did and I realize that life is generally easier because of it. I think men can sense when a woman is truly not dominant in a session. It's purely confidence. When I lack it, it shows. What I did to start for domme shows was offer small penis humiliation. I felt most comfortable doing this because I have a really giggly personality and thought that instead of being mean, throw humor and start laughing. Another domination session to offer as well is CEI. I find this easy to do for me and I kind of branched from there. I also practiced in videos and played myself back to see where I needed room for improvement. I think what really helps when you offer domme cam sessions is your "unique" style. Find something about yourself that stands out and go with it.
    Funnily enough i have just had this in reverse today. Anyway been thinking of what i could do with regards to my domme part of my camming and making a plan of action when it all hit the fan in my vanilla work. Thinking that the only way to get through this was to put on my highest pair of heels, my take no shot attitude but with a smile, and walked right into the managing directors office to tell them that at least i need a pay rise and considering that i am hauling their necks out of the cess pit then a promotion should be mine too. Got both agreed there and then! This wouldnt have happened if i hadnt got into camming and develooing a domme part of my persona as surprisingly i am usually very much a yes girl and always want to please someone.

    If you really want to add a domme part of your persona then really practise how you want to do it then put it into action but never say you are not a domme as they will just walk away to find another cam girl. Advise them that youre a bratty domme, a manipulative domme or just love to be sultry in these moments.

    And it would appear that glamourmild has already suggested what you should do to bank so maybe rethink that role and how you can develop that then add in other dimensions to your persona.
    I deserve the life i want. To be adored by men, treated like a princess and to be indulged. I deserve nothing but a life of luxury.

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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    I'm not a domme in my real life but that's the role I play online. I started off being a vanilla camgirl in 2008. Guys kept going private begging me to be a domme. I would tell them I am not, don't know how to do it, what to say and to do a search on the site to find the real dommes. But one day someone cammed with me just talking about his fetishes that were all Bdsm related and the show lasted about an hour with my clothes on, just simply chatting on cam about the fetishes he liked. I just went along with everything he said and just acted like I was interested in his fetishes. I was really excited that I did an hour long show, didn't take off any clothes and we just had a conversation.

    By the way, i hated doing vanilla cam shows using dildos and shit. That also is not my thing in my real life. It's annoying as fuck to me. So this was nice for me and I started researching about being a domme and what bdsm is and all the different topics that the subs would bring up to me. I wanted to do more shows like that. Then all the guys that I was turning down before were excited that I suddenly was being a domme on cam.

    Eventually I joined Niteflirt to do webcam in about 2010 I think. I did pretty well on there for cam but the shows were mostly vanilla and annoying. So I put some effort into domme related phone only listings. Most of my calls are good. Most of the submissive guys love to talk which is great because they are basically guiding the call a lot of times. They give so much important information that they don't even know I used our calls as a way to train myself. A lot of what I know to do now comes from my customers. And I must be good because I have been doing it since around 2010 with a ton of repeat customers and lots of positive feedback. But one of the things that makes these guys keep coming back is that they believe me. For some of them it is a turn on that they think I am a real domme.

    If I told them that I didn't have a dominate personality in my real life they would not call me. In fact they tell me that when they talk to some girls it's frustrating because they can tell they are not into the call and a fake domme. Well, I really am not into either and I too am fake lol. I don't give a shit about you wearing your wifes panties, your chastity device, how much dick you sucked at the glory hole or if you want to be my foot stool. Seriously, I don't care. But I will pretend that I do.

    Being a domme can be difficult at times because it is really not me. So what makes it easier for me is to advertise what I find to be easy to do. I'm more of a sensual domme. I do a lot of joi, tease and denial, sph, sissy training, bbc sucking assignments etc. What I don't do is the yelling, beatings and getting extremely harsh with them. I just can not get into that side of bdsm, and luckily for me most of my customers are also not into that more extreme side either.

    In my opinion it is not good to say you are not dominate, because they think you are. You know by now that talking to these guys they live in an alternate reality. Many are very delusional and have fantasies that may or may never come true. You provide them with a fantasy so just play along. If there is something I don't want to do at all, I will just say no, that's not what I do and it's not even what I advertised.

    What I've learned over the years is I can't do something I absolutely hate in this business. If so, I wont make money because I dread logging on. Find out what you are willing to do and work on that, if it's profitable. And even though I play a domme and very good at it, I still am researching it constantly. I still read other dommes blogs and websites for more ideas because that lifestyle is very complex. Make sure to take time off for yourself too. I don't know about yall but after a few weeks, talking to these guys hurts my head and I'm ready to explode and I have in the past. Now I take time out for myself and do something fun and then get back to work.
    Taking a break from all unproductive shit will prove to be the best choice you can make.

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    Veteran Member Susperia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    When I got into camming in 2013 I had no clue how to dominate men. I never told them that either. I watched videos and took mental notes and educated myself on the many fetishes out there. I am a switch so I love playing both roles. I'm bossy in real life so some aspects of domming came easy to me. I find that most men love being told what to do. Since I have a big butt I took advantage of that and My biggest specialties and most requests are for ass worship and face sitting. I also like being in control of their orgasms and telling them when they can cum. Every dom is different. NEVER tell them you aren't dominant. Educate yourself, you can do it! We all have an inner domme inside of us.

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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    I always was and am submissive IRL, ( haven't had a b/f in several years so maybe that's changed now but I doubt it) I find it difficult to be dominant often times even though they always want me to be one.. I have had many guys told me I should just do DOMME only.. so I must be good at it... but I love being a Jack of all trades.. and I find dominating to wear my energy down way more than just vanilla stuff.. sometimes I want some mind numbing moaning and dildoing so I don't have to think.

    I didn't get why you have to tell guys you are not dominant? I rarely do.. once in awhile I tell them I used to be submissive but not anymore.

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    God/dess DonaDiabla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Snowy, I think that you are being too hard on yourself. Domination can be done many different ways and you can find some self-confident in the domination role. Personally, I am pretty dominated and aggressive both on and offline. I found the domination role to be pretty suitable for my personality. However, it took awhile to learn my domination styles. Personally, I try to be more sensual online but I found that playing both the ice princess and occultist femme fatale really helps me. I would say that I had to really study for certain fetishes such as financial domination, money slavery, and mind control. If I was you, I would advertised as a switch I often play the switch online but I found being a submissive to be very hard. My advice is to market yourself on SM as a switch and studying the different domination styles.

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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    ^ I'm in the same boat haha. I'll try to be dom but i have such a cutesy girly voice that I feel they don't take me seriously lol. My question is mostly what do I fucking say?! I've done shows that involved CEI, slave/humiliiation stuff but i never know what to say unless they guide me somewhat. It just sux when I ask them what they like to be dominated or humiliated about they stop the show. When they want humiliation i gove it to them but I swear I'm saying the wrong shit lol. I'll degrade them & laugh at them for paying me to talk shit etc. Some guys like it othrs don't. I just give it my best shot & go from there.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxGothBarbie View Post
    ^ I'm in the same boat haha. I'll try to be dom but i have such a cutesy girly voice that I feel they don't take me seriously lol. My question is mostly what do I fucking say?! I've done shows that involved CEI, slave/humiliiation stuff but i never know what to say unless they guide me somewhat. It just sux when I ask them what they like to be dominated or humiliated about they stop the show. When they want humiliation i gove it to them but I swear I'm saying the wrong shit lol. I'll degrade them & laugh at them for paying me to talk shit etc. Some guys like it othrs don't. I just give it my best shot & go from there.
    i started doing it on a dispatch PSO lines where the guys and supervisors would help me out one i quit because they repeatedly kept pulling money fropm my account and after they refunded a guy after the cut off that he should have been SOL i stopped logging in and the other one fired me because i had a really rude drunk guy on the phone and i was trying to hold my own . then i took what i learned and started using niteflirt . its more researching the basis of the fetish and doing it in ur own flare dont be worried about doing it 'right' just do what feels right to do . im sure i say different things when i do SPH because it fits me i call guys dick cute little and baby and giggle and laff in the voice i use to talk to babies and animals while someone else would be a more harsh with it and because thats them it might have to do with the fact im a sensual domme and im prety darn cute and i have voice to match too but i hope i made sense .
    Quote Originally Posted by BombshellBelle View Post
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Would you like to try worship attitude probably?
    You are a Princess, a Goddess to spoil, adore and cherish. So they are tu submit and serve you by gifts, by admiring your beauty in private, by dreaming of getting under your heel, etc.

    You don't have to be harsh or strict when you are in this type of thing.
    What pleases you? When you are cherished and served by thoughtful, well-behaving guys.
    Do you have Dominant personality? You are into worship, and things jsut come naturally the way that you get on top while guys admire you.

    Kinda, sorta. Give it a try maybe?

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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    I think you should talk to the cam customers like you talk to your phone customers on nite flirt. If that hustle works on the phone, you just need to bring some of that style in to camming with a few adjustments. Actually what helped me find my way to being a domme was doing phone sex. I found out what men liked about me. They liked me best when I was a sensual domme. I prefer it that way too. I really don't like being submissive. But I really did not know my style right away. It took some time. Customers sometimes put us in the role they most see us in. I am not a stern dominant, but it is in the confidence I show them, attention to detail, learning and knowing what they want, finding fetishes interesting, and my look. I usually talk to them in a sexy, normal tone, confident voice. I show them that I am seductive but always in control. It was easier at first to talk to guys on the phone as a domme than it was to camming customers, but I got used to it with camming customers if I was in a private with them. For me, I feel like fetish work is a specialty and takes more concentration and I personally can only do this on private based sites. I am in the process of buying more fetish clothes and toys/props. It can be expensive thou.
    Last edited by LizzyMe; 11-15-2016 at 01:39 AM.

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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    Quote Originally Posted by KittyCurious View Post
    Would you like to try worship attitude probably?
    You are a Princess, a Goddess to spoil, adore and cherish. So they are tu submit and serve you by gifts, by admiring your beauty in private, by dreaming of getting under your heel, etc.

    You don't have to be harsh or strict when you are in this type of thing.
    What pleases you? When you are cherished and served by thoughtful, well-behaving guys.
    Do you have Dominant personality? You are into worship, and things jsut come naturally the way that you get on top while guys admire you.

    Kinda, sorta. Give it a try maybe?
    thats pretty much what i try to go for on cam now but it never works lol
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    You're a sip of fine champagne darling, and the guys who deserve to taste you should be able to buy the whole glass.


  36. #21
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Providing Domme fetishes but not having a dominant personality

    When Im PMSing I am so fucking good at dom! The rest of the time I want to be submissive and spoiled and treated like a princess. When guys come in and Im a total pms bitch I pretty much dominate them even if its not what they expected. I have had a couple come back and ask for it again and I cant do it cause its only like 2 or 3 days per month I have that mentality

    I dont want to tell guys this though so now I just try to take those days off. Kind of a thread hijack but I dont really have advice it just felt kind of the same issue your having.

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  38. #22
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    Default How did you learn to be a mistress/dominate?

    I've been camming for a year now and I feel like this is one of the things I never mastered. I never know if I'm doing the right thing and he likes it, what to say, and I don't know what commands to give them. I know it differs a lot of member to member but I think you can categorize some of them. So what is the best way to learn? I've watched some videos on pornhub but a lot of the things don't apply to camming. Is there a channel or something or should I read erotica on this subject?

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  40. #23
    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: How did you learn to be a mistress/dominate?

    I honestly just learned from the shows I'd get after they'd tell me what they wanted. I'd tell them upfront that I was new at it & they usually didn't care, same for race play. I am still learning. Write notes or phrases you'd say during & keep them up while camming. I'm sure it takes awhile to learn but it's well worth the wait bc domination seems to really pay well.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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  42. #24
    God/dess NitaBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: How did you learn to be a mistress/dominate?

    Honestly, I'd pay for this info. Because the second I warn a guy that I'm new to something or haven't done xyz before, he leaves. Every time. With no one to practice on I can't even begin to learn based on feedback.

    MY REACTION TO 99% OF FREE CHAT



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  44. #25
    Member Capryce's Avatar
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    Default Re: How did you learn to be a mistress/dominate?

    The first time someone asked me to do a domme show, I warned him I had never done that but we did it anyway, it was very awkward but the guy was pretty nice. At the end of the show, he gave me a feedback of what could be improved, what I should have done differently etc... So, I looked to pornhub and watched several domme videos and I took notes! The next time I did that kind of show I felt more confident. I'm still learning of course, but learning from videos helped me a lot!
    Money Hungry Bitch

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