Hey all,
I'm not sure this is the right spot to post this....
I just need a little advice. Or just to vent. I was on the phone with my boyfriend before (we've been together for 4+ years) and he started telling me about how his brother was looking for a certain actresses's sex tape on a certain porn site and came across my C4S videos. He says he feels embarrassed, he's not happy about it and doesn't know what to do. When my boyfriend told me I felt bad about his feelings more than the fact that his brother found a lot of my videos. In my mind I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I like what i do. I'm very good at it and I enjoy the money. When my boyfriend and I first got together I was webcamming. Then a couple years later I transitioned into clip making and it was a much better fit for me.
My boyfriend told me he wasn't exactly okay with it but we always kept it under wraps and didn't talk much about my work. Which did seem lonely for me at times. He basically thinks what I do is not a "real" job. Mind you right now I'm making close to what he makes being in the medical field with a college degree. I don't have a college degree but I do wish to go back to school one day. I just procrastinate and have horrible time management but that's a whole other story lol.
I love my boyfriend very much, more than anyone else I've ever been with and I know he loves me too but my line of work really gets in between us sometimes. He doesn't see it the way I do. To me it's about performing to the best of my ability. Yes I'm naked and I come up with taboo scenarios but it's all fantasy. He's never even seen one of my videos but I feel it would make him feel bad or something and he'd hate it.
Now that his brother found my stuff it's taken this to another level. I'm not sure what to do. Right now there's no other vanilla job I can take that would come CLOSE to paying me with what I currently make. I have one income and that's from C4S. It's worked really well for me and it just sucks that my boyfriend isn't semi on board with me. I guess a lot of guys would feel the same way though.
If it came down to choosing between my boyfriend and my work....that's tough. It really is. If I stopped my work and chose my boyfriend, I would end up being so resentful. If I chose my work and left my boyfriend, I'd be devastated and so sad. I'd probably choose my boyfriend. But ugh, then what would I do for money?! We want to buy a house and I'm trying to save up for that too. I wasted a lot of years of my life just fucking up and now I found something I'm good at that I enjoy and where I can make a good amount of money. This is just a sucky situation right now.
What do you guys think? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Thanks for reading..



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Bottom line though, it is more important to him that I be happy than whether or not I take my clothes off at work, and as such he has actually dissuaded me from taking straight jobs because he knows I'd be miserable.



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