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Last edited by Yggdrasil57; 11-07-2016 at 05:58 PM.





I apologize if my post isn't very organized, but this is a lot of aspects to address.
You do have the right to express to her that you're concerned about her personality change and health. I'm sure you'll have no problem wording it nicely, you seem to do okay on here.
Physical/mental: I don't see where the 'lady bits' problems could be from stripping, quite honestly. The migraines may have to do with her sleeping patterns (personally I get headaches sometimes if I sleep too long). Body aches, definitely from dancing... too much of it, at least, or just not being in shape for it.
Overall it sounds like she is just 'going too hard' and really abusing her body. I don't know how old she is.... for comparison, I am 25 and only do 3 days a week (so 15-17 hours), because that's what I can handle without getting so tired it impacts other parts of life... and I still sleep about 10 hours a night. So yeah, 30 hours is a LOT for a dancer.
Then add in, what is she doing at work? Is she drinking Red Bull or alcohol all night? That will make you feel like a truck hit you in the morning. She may be sleeping so much just to recover. If she's working double my hours, I'm not surprised she's sleeping 16 hours a night.
Behavior: Honestly, a certain amount of "I'm not leaving my house/putting on makeup" is normal. Is she an introverted person normally? Dancing is very draining on those types. If I work 3 days in a row, my first day off is spent posting on SW and maybe doing household stuff, but definitely not putting on makeup or going anywhere that requires socializing. I've been known to make my SO answer the door because I don't even wanna talk to the pizza delivery guy.
So... if she's working 5-6 days, that's not *surprising* that she's using the 1-2 off to recharge and not wanting to go out. But again, it's not *healthy*.
Bottom line: She doesn't seem to have a very healthy grip on this job, or any sort of balance... Is there a reason she's working so much? Or is she just addicted to the new lifestyle?
If she wants to do this long-term with any success, she will need to scale back her hours and start to regain her identity outside of work, because this is a surefire recipe for a permanent burnout. Judging by that she quit her full-time job, she probably thinks she wants to be a full-time dancer... I've seen this too many times though, and then they burn out HARD and have to waste all the money they made spending 3 months not working to recover. The successful full-time dancers I know had school or investments, or something else to focus on when they got home to keep them grounded in the real world.
It's far better to work part-time and spend modestly, so she can work consistently AND have a balance. She needs friends. She needs contact with the outside world. She needs to do things outside of the 7pm-2am world inside a club where she never sees daylight, or she will go stark raving mad.
Edit to add: You can't change people unfortunately. I think your choice is to either wait it out and see if she burns out & quits, or levels out, and regains some semblance of her normal personality. But if she decides she wants to live like this permanently, you may have to walk away.
Last edited by Selina M; 11-06-2016 at 09:51 PM.
"People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."





You sound like a really sweet boyfriend. I know you really want to be with her but between the way she is treating you now and her wanting to be "friends" with people from the club I have to question her motives. I am not sure if you mentioned she was bi-polar before and I missed it or I am only seeing this now- but it seems to me like this is a bigger issue than her dancing. I am not judging anyone, my grandmother was bi-polar and so was my great-grandmother; of course there was not a diagnosis back then.
She is sleeping way too much; Selina is right though if she is dancing that many hours per week her body probably needs it; but if she is working and sleeping and that is her life she has no quality of life. You should try and get her to take a few days off at least to re-set her internal clock. If you care enough to fight for this relationship drag her ass out of the house and be more aggressive sexually, but if I were you I might reconsider a lot of things
Last edited by Gia2608; 11-07-2016 at 08:58 AM. Reason: Rapey typo
XoXo Gia
Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"


It is hard being a boyfriend to a stripper it is something I know I could never do and I admire you for trying to make the relationship work. A few dancers in the club admitted to me they have seen a psychologist or social worker to help the with their problems maybe that would be an option for you to help the relationship? Maybe you should suggest taking her to a very good psychologist or counselor and see if that helps?
I feel sorry for you, with the dancers I see in the club I always think how hard it has to be on the boyfriend. Reading your post pretty much echos changes I see happen in some girls who are new to dancing then a year later I see a huge change in their personality it is like the club transformed her into a different person. Sometimes I do not like to see the change and wish I had her old self back the dancer I really liked when she first started working in the club. Some girls I have noticed the club seems to have very little effect and they can have a life outside work and it doesn't change them, other girls I noticed however the club have a very negative impact on them.
To be honest if dancing is hurting the relationship this much, draining her that much, making these very negative changes in her I question weather dancing really is the right move for her in the long run. The money is good, but if it is doing this much damage to her and the relationship is the money really worth the damage it is causing?
Last edited by November_Scorpio; 11-07-2016 at 07:44 AM.




I don't have a lot of time because I'm at work but as a severely bipolar women it sounds like she is in the depressive stage of the disease and she needs to see her psychiatrist like NOW to get her medication adjusted. This is a very dangerous disease and not to scare you but yes it can be lethal.




And I just saw that you said she's mentioned wanting to die. Please, please get her to a doctor. One out of five people with bipolar disorderwill successfully commit suicide and half will attempt it. You can call 911 if an attempt seems imminent. She may hate you at first but at least she will be alive. I may sound irrational to others but I know what I'm talking about. The disease makes us irrational, that's why it is so dangerous. Ive lived with it for 25 years and I know what I'm talking about. The dancing issue is kind of irrelevant. You won't be able separate it from her issues with bipolar disorder until it's under control. It sounds like really loves you. Please help her get the help she needs. I've been with my partner for eleven years and have nothing but love and gratitude toward him for helping me through episodes because he made me want to live and forced me to seek treatment when I've had my bad periods. You can be that guy, too.
If she wants to commit suicide or is to the point of being near the edge of wanting to live or die, you should have a serious and calm discussion with her. It is very easy to push someone a little too far when they are sensitive in this area. Running to the aid of medical professionals, contacting 911 could land her in an institutional facility that will screen for signs before release. The one thing many suicidal victims yearn for in dark times is love from others. People who attempt to kill themselves will continue to do so if they are serious, even with the help of assistance and medication. You will have to resolve things from the root of this issue, I agree that alcohol and having terrible sleep patterns is bad.




Respectfully, if she is taking lithium then she should already have a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist deals primarily with medication, not therapy. Lithium is not a drug one is likely to get from anyone other than a psychiatrist because it is the only medication approved solely to treat bipolar disorder (all of the others fall into other categories such as anticonvulsants or atypical antipsychotics) and it requires extensive monitoring through blood work. So she must already have a psychiatrist and if she is taking the medication properly then she must be seeing them at least every 3 months, six months at the absolute most. So essentially she needs to go see this psychiatrist because lithium is really an antiquated drug that was the first real treatment available for bipolar disorder back in the seventies. There are other medications available that are far more effective, have fewer side effects, and are faster. Much, much faster. Point is if she really is dealing with the depressed phase of diagnosed bipolar disorder there is no reason for her to suffer like this. She could be on the way to recovery within a week with something like rexulti or abilify. However, I'm not her or him but I hate that someone feels so low when it doesn't have to be that way. I'll shut up now.
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