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Thread: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

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    Default Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Hey ladies. Have any of you ever had this happen - get ready to cam and something negative comes along and screws up your mood/mojo?

    I got a lecture from my elderly father while trying to get ready for cam. He told me that I take too many baths and use too much electricity (I give him money for bills each month) and that I "needed to get my head on straight and find a real job." I have been there for this man for EVERYTHING since he became ill. I have put my life on hold. I have cooked, cleaned, mowed the lawn, gave medications, check his vital signs and change his IV, etc. My mom has early dementia, and she isn't able to do much either. But hearing that was like having a bucket of ice thrown on me. Moving out is not possible for me at this point, but holy shit I'm at a loss on what to do anymore! Nothing I do is ever good enough. I can't cam feeling like this, but I have no other option. Very frustrated and patience are wearing thin. I can handle all the insults in the world when it comes from complete strangers, but when it comes from someone I care about, it hurts.

    Just wondering how do you deal with things that throw you off of your game? My make-up is now ruined, and I have to start all over again, but I really just feel like crying my sorry ass off all day. I hate being a downer, I'm sorry for the rant

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I'm not sure what makes this not a real job if you are expected to pay the same taxes as everyone else working the system. If someone takes advantage of you while, giving grief over your life choices then I would stop helping him and only those who keep boundaries. You don't owe anyone an explanation or reason for your decisions that don't impact them personally. If someone talks poorly or tries starting drama I instantly shut off listening, not much will be said after. Some older folks tend to get very grouchy, mean, bitter and snarky with their words, it could be just that. (Could fan yourself with 100 bills to show off your terrible..non paying job.) Don't let this ruin you getting on cam, I would put in at least 2 hours if possible and I wish you the best!

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    Senior Member heavymetalgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Thanks for your input, Bambi. I'm going to give it another shot this afternoon after some alone time, and hope for the best.

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I haven't had that happen right before work, but I know what it's like to have an unsupportive dad. When I was younger, I started cocktail waitressing in order to move out of my parents' house. I wound up working two jobs, one being a vanilla job, and going to two schools at the same time (college and cosmetology school). Between working, going to school, and transporting myself to each of these places, I was busy all day every day. My dad still had the nerve to tell me I needed to get a real job. A few years later, I went on to get a master's degree, and my dad said now it was time for me to get a Ph.D. Sometimes you just can't win.

    I don't know what it's like with your family the rest of the time, but personally I have to limit the amount of time I spend with my dad. I only see him when I need to, and I keep it short because he's incapable of being nice for very long. I recently went back to sex work (hopefully temporarily), but I'm not saying a word of it to anyone in my family, just to avoid the headache.

    You don't need to justify your work to anyone, especially someone you're taking care of. I hope things go more smoothly in the future. Don't feel down about it, just remember that it says more about him than it does about you. Best of luck!! <3

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Thanks for sharing your story and your advice, Seashell.

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    A few deep breaths, half an hour of loud music, glass of wine - that usually picks me up from my father's nit picky picky sarcastic facetious put downs. He's always been like it, and now he has nothing in his life apart from TV and illnesses and being housebound, he has time to sit and imagine even more things (like he used to, but it's far worse now) about my life. My mother used to be the same, they used to gossip together (even many years after divorce).

    Sorry, that wasn't much help, but I know what you're going through OP x

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I'm not sure what else to say to cheer you up except breathe. It is not uncommon for people to not take sex workers seriously and see them as someone who doesn't hold a steady job. Fuck I do a lot of audio transcriptions on Mturk on the side and I used to sell on Ebay. My parents and friends knew about that and even then were quick to tell me to look for a job. Society thinks a real job is flipping burgers or working in an office from 9 to 5. Times are changing and a lot of people are working from home. Your father might think like this because he grew up in a different era. People suck.

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Start saving all your extra $$$$ and make plans to move! NO ONE has the fucking right to tell you have to live your life. No one! It's YOUR JOB to not listen to assholes like your dad and tell them to go to hell and live your damn life. As long as you are paying taxes and being a good citizen, you are a good person. Clean up your face, tKe a xanax or glass of wine and get back on cam. GRow a thick skin. You'll need it to make it in this world. You can do this! We are all with you....

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I don't personally know your dad but it seems like he's powerless and detached in some areas of his life so he's lashing out to gain a sense of power and control?!

    A lot of people don't consider sex work as real work. I don't debate or argue with them because I don't need their opinion to validate what I do. I tell them how much I love being a hoe #sexworkiswork #proudsexworker #proudhoe
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    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I agree with above posters about saving up and moving up. I had tried to reconcile with my father after my step father had died when I was 18. I got up every single morning without fail, did my hair and makeup, all my school work, and got pretty good grades. I was a grown ass woman by time I was 15.... One morning after my father moved in... he felt I should be waking up earlier... for whatever odd reason... I got to school on time and did just fine with the routine I had going. He started yelling at the top one of his lungs morning and telling me "to grow up little girl". OKKKKAYY My mother just kicked him out of the house and told him not come back. My dad had put my mother and I through through some shit way before so were both like.... nope... We tried to reconcile and things unfortunately aren't going to work out. My stepfather had been a complete gentlemen and didn't behave like a brute. Behavior like my father was displaying was completely unacceptable. I haven't talked to him in years now.... to be honest... I don't really regret it. I probably won't get my inheritance from my father BUT dealing with ANY kind of abuse is NOT worth the money to me.

    Things weren't going to get any better and I doubt things will get any better with you dad. He sounds super ungrateful and I give you all the credit in the world for even wanting to keep supporting his ass. I'd be OUT. lol

    Take comfort that you're a boss!!! You have a job and are selfless to support someone else. Sometimes when I feel down it's kind of nice to get on cam and have all the guys tell me how wonderful I am... while they're spending $$$$. lol Or even just to get into free chat and start a random discussion with a large group of people... it can help get your mind off things.

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    i went thru the exact same thing growing up with my step dad nothing i did was ever good enuogh for him no matter what i did he was never happy with anything i did and it really fucked with my head and gave me pretty bad self esteem and self confidence issues for years i always wondering if i was doing the right thing and always looking for apporval to someone else for things i did . it wasnt until recently that i got over it i dont even talk to my dad anymore . in all honestly i think my parents are only with each other because theyre comfortable in their routine. my stepfather is such a toxic person i dont how how or why my mom has put up with him for 20 years and counting . i dont talk to my stepdad at all anymore he took me off his fb a few years ago because me and brother agreed on something that he didnt . on his birthday and fathers day i tell my mother to tell him because i dont want to talk to him . you need to take of you u emotionally mentally physically financially if hes causing you greif dont help him anymore it may sound mean but hes going to die eventually (and it sounds like hes on his way) if all hes doing is making u feel like shit stop waiting on him hand and foot all day giving him chances to ruin ur mood pay ur bills and tell him to go fuck himself and fuck off or be nicer or hire someone else to deal with this bullshit and abusive behavior. y cant you move out ? just go on CL and find a place to go that doesnt require a down payment . it may sound mean but if u cant afford even a place with no down payment unless u have mental/emotional issues that make having a vanilla job impossible then i really do think u need one but everybody has opinions and assholes so take mine for what u will.
    Last edited by Snowy0Star; 11-08-2016 at 05:09 PM.
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Quote Originally Posted by sweetandnaughty View Post
    Start saving all your extra $$$$ and make plans to move!
    I agree, your dad sounds like an asshole and because you're living with him you're dependent on him, and being dependent upon an asshole is not a very healthy dynamic. I do think it would help you if you could learn to not let his attitude affect you, I know it's easier said than done but since he's the kind of person where nothing makes him happy, his opinion literally doesn't matter. He's just projecting his issues onto you, don't let it personally affect the way you feel about yourself.

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    Senior Member heavymetalgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Thanks everyone. I appreciate your responses. Some of you may wonder why I can't get a vanilla job. Actually, I did have one for a long time as a medical transcriptionist, at home, until that job was sent overseas. In fact, most of the jobs in that industry are gone. I have always worked at home because I have severe agoraphobia, PTSD, insulin-dependent diabetes just to name a few. That also makes it difficult for me to find my own place (not to mention the ex ruined my credit).

    My dad was fine up until a few months ago when he became ill. Something changed drastically after that. Marina, I think you are right about him feeling powerless. He's probably acting out his own frustration and channeling that on to me.

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Well that explains it! It's still no excuse but an explanation to why he acted out which has nothing to do with you or camming.

    I am sure you will be on your own when the time is right for YOU!
    Quote Originally Posted by heavymetalgirl View Post
    My dad was fine up until a few months ago when he became ill. Something changed drastically after that. Marina, I think you are right about him feeling powerless. He's probably acting out his own frustration and channeling that on to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I just had an incident like this. Woke up all motivated to get on cam and get that $$ and then I googled "new president" #moodruined

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    BB, you have to get yourself out of that situation. The best way to do that I believe (I've been there, was married and wanted OUT, he was the main breadwinner)is to keep yourself glued to the cam/work. Work as much as you can, and push through until you've made enough to leave.

    It ain't gonna be easy, and you can even hustle and save enough to hire a caregiver for your father so you can leave and live your life how YOU see fit. It's possible as my family is spread out and both my grandparents have their caregivers. Look into your parent's options for government caregivers. They will come to your home if they have insurance and cook, clean, and sometimes take them to appointments.

    I know you can do this because all you really need is money and a change of thought. Meditation, exercise, healthy eats, and LOA (just a suggestion)can help you keep inner peace. It helps from burn out as well, and gives you hope to keep pushing.

    I stayed in a relationship way longer than I'd hoped. I dug myself out, saved up while camming, and got out of it. I even had to stay with my grandparents for 4 months. Now, I'm single and free, in my own spot, and much happier. Do not give up, no matter how hard it gets. You do not deserve to be treated poorly by the people who brought you into this life. It's one of the hardest pains. I know, I have two fuck ups for 'rents, but I'm still thriving.

    I'm sure your father loves you deep down, but this is a form of abuse. You are an adult, you have allowed yourself to give to him freely without much reciprocation on his end. Not sure what his deal is, but he might perhaps be envious of you. Perhaps he feels helpless because he's not able to control much of what's going around him. You may be hurting his ego by being the breadwinner, and the care aid, and the fact that he may feel guilty that his daughter is a cammodel. Some fathers feel guilty that maybe they went wrong somewhere with raising you.

    Either way, he should not be belittling you. Is there a way you can have a sit down with him and speak constructively and respectfully? Then you can keep your head down, explain what you've decided to do (care aid, or not- and the gov can pay you to care for them as well)and hustle your ass off until you have enough savings to get a place. You can do this. It just takes time and persistence. You can help your parents and save money. You can hustle enough to save up for your own place. You can do anything you set your mind to if you follow it by action. You deserve to be happy. Good luck!




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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    ^Amen! Abusive relations are always with those you love the most. That is how they get the power over you.

    Great news is once you realize that you need to get out on your own at any cost doors open, opportunities pop up and the feeling of accomplishment is huge. HUGE!

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Being the carer isn't easy! Add to that the battle of the generations lol, there are so many jobs they don't consider jobs! you better talk all that with a grain of salt or you will end up hating him.
    About your father moods, all you can do is agree with him, tell you will do that and right away switch it to ask him stuff from his youth\happy times. Also look for stuff outside he can do with people his age( helps with his frustration). Find yourself some time away from them every now and then ( you need to stay clear ), maybe a support group for carers.
    Don't let anything to put you down.
    About real jobs there is really not much you can do, up to a point we all struggle with that. There are people who only accepts as being a job 1.work for an employer 2.have a business that sells actual things.
    Entertaining service offering is not " a real job" lol like camgirls, columnists, bloggers, vloggers you name it.
    Hope it does help you a bit.
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Lots of things have happened to me too just before I was ready to go online. It is almost impossible to smile when you are crying on the inside. Just give yourself time to heal and forgive. *Hugs*

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Some days you just have to call it a loss. Sometimes I can pick my mood up later in the day and try for something at least.
    It sounds like your dad is lashing out in pain. I see it with older people alot. He's probably really an ok guy. Maybe try letting him know that if you go and get an outside the house job that he will now be getting less from you. As in no " nurse's aid" help. No meals made, no anything like that. As far as using water. Break down that bill. mine's a dollar a day for all the water we use. Including washing. He uses half that most likely. So ask him if it's really worth arguing over 50cents a day or less. Electric- I can't help you on that one. Those fuckos are crooks!!
    It sucks b/c being that it's your dad you might feel an obligation to him for taking care of you when you were younger. So of course help him if you can. But also when he's having some time he's not in pain have the talk with him. The I would love to help you but I cannot if you continue to treat me this way. I cannot make money if I cannot perform. I cannot get a vanilla job b/c of the reasons you listed.

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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Quote Originally Posted by Mare View Post
    Some days you just have to call it a loss. Sometimes I can pick my mood up later in the day and try for something at least.
    It sounds like your dad is lashing out in pain. I see it with older people alot. He's probably really an ok guy. Maybe try letting him know that if you go and get an outside the house job that he will now be getting less from you. As in no " nurse's aid" help. No meals made, no anything like that. As far as using water. Break down that bill. mine's a dollar a day for all the water we use. Including washing. He uses half that most likely. So ask him if it's really worth arguing over 50cents a day or less. Electric- I can't help you on that one. Those fuckos are crooks!!
    It sucks b/c being that it's your dad you might feel an obligation to him for taking care of you when you were younger. So of course help him if you can. But also when he's having some time he's not in pain have the talk with him. The I would love to help you but I cannot if you continue to treat me this way. I cannot make money if I cannot perform. I cannot get a vanilla job b/c of the reasons you listed.
    Thanks so much for this, Mare. Things are better today and he has settled down a bit. I'm thinking about what you said and wait until later in the day or evening to cam. It can't hurt to try it!

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    Senior Member heavymetalgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    Quote Originally Posted by kortneykay View Post
    BB, you have to get yourself out of that situation. The best way to do that I believe (I've been there, was married and wanted OUT, he was the main breadwinner)is to keep yourself glued to the cam/work. Work as much as you can, and push through until you've made enough to leave.

    It ain't gonna be easy, and you can even hustle and save enough to hire a caregiver for your father so you can leave and live your life how YOU see fit. It's possible as my family is spread out and both my grandparents have their caregivers. Look into your parent's options for government caregivers. They will come to your home if they have insurance and cook, clean, and sometimes take them to appointments.

    I know you can do this because all you really need is money and a change of thought. Meditation, exercise, healthy eats, and LOA (just a suggestion)can help you keep inner peace. It helps from burn out as well, and gives you hope to keep pushing.

    I stayed in a relationship way longer than I'd hoped. I dug myself out, saved up while camming, and got out of it. I even had to stay with my grandparents for 4 months. Now, I'm single and free, in my own spot, and much happier. Do not give up, no matter how hard it gets. You do not deserve to be treated poorly by the people who brought you into this life. It's one of the hardest pains. I know, I have two fuck ups for 'rents, but I'm still thriving.

    I'm sure your father loves you deep down, but this is a form of abuse. You are an adult, you have allowed yourself to give to him freely without much reciprocation on his end. Not sure what his deal is, but he might perhaps be envious of you. Perhaps he feels helpless because he's not able to control much of what's going around him. You may be hurting his ego by being the breadwinner, and the care aid, and the fact that he may feel guilty that his daughter is a cammodel. Some fathers feel guilty that maybe they went wrong somewhere with raising you.

    Either way, he should not be belittling you. Is there a way you can have a sit down with him and speak constructively and respectfully? Then you can keep your head down, explain what you've decided to do (care aid, or not- and the gov can pay you to care for them as well)and hustle your ass off until you have enough savings to get a place. You can do this. It just takes time and persistence. You can help your parents and save money. You can hustle enough to save up for your own place. You can do anything you set your mind to if you follow it by action. You deserve to be happy. Good luck!
    Thanks, Kortney. Yes, we are trying to get VA approval for a caretaker. It will probably take a few weeks, but even having someone here 2 days a week would help. Things are better this morning. He's never been like this until he was hospitalized a few months ago. Everything just went to hell from there.

    I'm going to change up a few things and try for more of an evening hustle. I think that would help, and I'm going to follow your advice for meditation and taking better care of myself.

    Thanks again, everyone!

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  42. #23
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I don't have any advice but I hear the same shit from my mom all the time. we've been staying with her for 6 months, maybe longer. and all i hear is how much electric and water we use. we only turn lights on at night, and i shower every other day. she complains about how i cook, wash dishes, how i clean, anything, everything she can complain about...and also goes on about how I need to find a "good job with benefits and pension." yeah okay those hardly exist anymore and no thanks. i don't want some soul sucking desk job like you had. we've tried numerous times to give her money for bills, have bought her a new tv, fix things around the house, fix her computer and help her use it since she doesn't understand technology. she refuses to take money for bills, i think because she loves to complain lol! i think it's just that generation....they don't understand how the world works these days. my solution is moving. we moved here to save money to put down on a house, but she's so hard to live with we're just looking for a cheap apartment. the house can wait if it means i keep my sanity. I love her but arrrrghhh!!!!! believe me I know lol

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  44. #24
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    I need to be in the right mood to cam or film too and I had some crap thrown at me this morning that has affected my whole day...breathing it out helps and trying to gain some perspective on the whole thing.
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  46. #25
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    Default Re: Getting ready to cam and mood was just destroyed

    You are going to have to tell your father that his language is in appropriate and maybe looking into a nursing service that does home visits.

    I am at the point don't care if they are my parents or not they will not talk to me in a way to bully me.

    Being a care giver can be very draining emotionally so you need to take extra time on yourself to recharge.
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