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Thread: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

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    Default Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    I told my sister a while ago what my job was in confidence and told her to keep it between us (for obvious reasons). Within 10 minutes, she told my cousin what my job was! Could you imagine doing that to someone?! She has continuously done this to me and told her friends, bf's, and roommates. I get to be judged as the "whore" in the family before they even get a chance to meet me.

    Flash forward to recently, she has decided to marry a man she met only 6 months ago. My dads side of the family would not approve of this and my dad said to not tell anyone on his side of the family. My sister told ME to keep this secret, and I did. A few days before thanksgiving, I asked my sister what the newest member of the family (her fiance) knows what I do for a living. She lied to me and said she doesn't know what I do. Here I have helped her financially when she needed it and even paid for my camera to be fixed for her wedding all to be treated this way again. Like my feelings on keeping things private about what I confided in her don't matter and this guy is here to stay. I now get to share holidays with a guy sitting across the table knowing my job and obviously judging me for it and sharing it with his family/friends.

    I blew up at her over text. She never even apologized and remained silent. She talked to my mother and isn't sorry and feels entitled to tell people. I didn't go to Thanksgiving or her wedding. I made it clear I was done. I now have to miss out on holidays because she will be there and I'm so furious at her, there is nothing to discuss. I already said my part on how this made me feel but she is stubborn in her ways and has no intention of stopping. I honestly don't want to talk to her anymore. But I do want my holiday with the rest of my family and am even considering showing up on Christmas and not talking to her or looking at her at all. I want this to be as awkward as possible for her because it sucks I have to stay alone on holidays while she gets to enjoy hers still.

    I dunno why I wrote this. I just am trying to make sense of this all from others in the industry and what to do.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Did you really think you could trust her? Had she earned your trust? I'm just curious as to why you would indulge this kind of info with someone like that. I wouldn't tell my sister or anyone in my family a damn thing. Blowing up on your sister and everyone around you is only going to make things worse for YOU. Yes, they're talking about you behind your back. If you really want them to stop, you need to start doing something else and make them think you're out of the business. Personally, I wouldn't be mad at her. I'd be mad at myself for not knowing better - but you have to get over it. She can't help who she is.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Quote Originally Posted by fbsmgirl View Post
    Did you really think you could trust her? Had she earned your trust? I'm just curious as to why you would indulge this kind of info with someone like that. I wouldn't tell my sister or anyone in my family a damn thing. Blowing up on your sister and everyone around you is only going to make things worse for YOU. Yes, they're talking about you behind your back. If you really want them to stop, you need to start doing something else and make them think you're out of the business. Personally, I wouldn't be mad at her. I'd be mad at myself for not knowing better - but you have to get over it. She can't help who she is.

    I honestly thought I could trust her. Apparently all this time she could never keep any secrets and just hid that she kept them behind my back. Guess I learned that the hard way that she is like this.They know I am working on starting a new business but she still won't stop telling people. Honestly what a bitch move on my sisters part. I feel like going on facebook and announcing her marriage to my fathers side of the family just like she's done to me just to feel better even though that would be childish on my part lol.
    I knew they were talking about me at thanksgiving. And they all decided that this was my choice to avoid holidays and that was that. Not even considering my feelings about privacy, humiliation, or trust.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Cut her off. If she can't respect you enough not to blab things you told her in confidence all over the place then just don't talk to her anymore. If I find out someone is talking behind my back and spreading things that I told them to keep to themselves I don't talk to them anymore, family or not. Just be more careful about who you divulge this information to in the past. If you don't want anyone to know what to do it's better that you just don't tell anyone about it, even people you think you can trust.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    She is a trouble maker and a fire starter in your Family, try not to reheat things from burning out. This is your life to make those good or bad choices and if people were to find out on their own that would be one thing, instead it makes her look like a rat. She is already getting married and threw you under the bus to make herself appear more glorious..what else would she of gained from mentioning things? If anyone was to do something like this to me it would be completely over. I'd ditch her stupid wedding and have a Christmas of my own without all the drama starting bull crap.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Retaliating in this case will only back fire. You need to exit this situation with dignity because it's already done and over with. My advice to you now is this: Remove the labels like "sister" "brother" "mother" and "father". Treat people the same way they treat you. If not, you'll be one butthurt little girl for the rest of your life. My best friend gave me this advice two years ago and it changed my life. When a family member does something fucked up, i shrug it off because I keep my distance. I hope you have learned and will keep your occupation as a sex worker from now on. If i were you I'd be working to change their perception. Just don't make it obvious.

    *hugs* I know it hurts. Just hang in there. And again, do NOT retaliate.

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    Veteran Member Shannon.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Second the advice to not retaliate. It'll feel good, but prevent you from moving on.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Quote Originally Posted by fbsmgirl View Post
    Retaliating in this case will only back fire. You need to exit this situation with dignity because it's already done and over with. My advice to you now is this: Remove the labels like "sister" "brother" "mother" and "father". Treat people the same way they treat you. If not, you'll be one butthurt little girl for the rest of your life. My best friend gave me this advice two years ago and it changed my life. When a family member does something fucked up, i shrug it off because I keep my distance. I hope you have learned and will keep your occupation as a sex worker from now on. If i were you I'd be working to change their perception. Just don't make it obvious.

    *hugs* I know it hurts. Just hang in there. And again, do NOT retaliate.
    I guess I don't get how to treat others the way they treat me with my sister. She is incredibly selfish, won't print a free simple card online for birthdays or mothers day,not even a single thank you from her when I've given her money when she needed money in the past only to learn she was spilling all I told her in private to everyone. Such a slap to the face. Taking the money I make happily and spreading my information. Hard to recover from that.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    I am sorry if what I am going to say is not what you want to hear. I think you will regret not going to her wedding. I am friends with two sisters and they get into these nasty fights all the time I do not get it. I would never fight with my sister like that. I understand that you feel betrayed by your sister and like she was gossiping about you but maybe she told your cousin because she was concerned about you? Maybe they saw you with extra money and were worried you were doing something bad and are relieved to learn you are getting it safely? You do not really know where she was coming from- it doesn't sound like you gave her a chance to explain herself.

    Also, if you are so embarrassed about what you do for a living you might want to really think about it- granted, I completely understand you don't want your brother in law to picture you naked or judge you but the cat is out of the bag now so you need to own it or at the very least have a family discussion about it. You are not going to go the rest of your life not speaking to your sister over something trivial like this, that would be nonsense.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Quote Originally Posted by indiegirl View Post
    I told my sister a while ago what my job was in confidence and told her to keep it between us (for obvious reasons). Within 10 minutes, she told my cousin what my job was! Could you imagine doing that to someone?! She has continuously done this to me and told her friends, bf's, and roommates. I get to be judged as the "whore" in the family before they even get a chance to meet me.

    Flash forward to recently, she has decided to marry a man she met only 6 months ago. My dads side of the family would not approve of this and my dad said to not tell anyone on his side of the family. My sister told ME to keep this secret, and I did. A few days before thanksgiving, I asked my sister what the newest member of the family (her fiance) knows what I do for a living. She lied to me and said she doesn't know what I do. Here I have helped her financially when she needed it and even paid for my camera to be fixed for her wedding all to be treated this way again. Like my feelings on keeping things private about what I confided in her don't matter and this guy is here to stay. I now get to share holidays with a guy sitting across the table knowing my job and obviously judging me for it and sharing it with his family/friends.

    I blew up at her over text. She never even apologized and remained silent. She talked to my mother and isn't sorry and feels entitled to tell people. I didn't go to Thanksgiving or her wedding. I made it clear I was done. I now have to miss out on holidays because she will be there and I'm so furious at her, there is nothing to discuss. I already said my part on how this made me feel but she is stubborn in her ways and has no intention of stopping. I honestly don't want to talk to her anymore. But I do want my holiday with the rest of my family and am even considering showing up on Christmas and not talking to her or looking at her at all. I want this to be as awkward as possible for her because it sucks I have to stay alone on holidays while she gets to enjoy hers still.

    I dunno why I wrote this. I just am trying to make sense of this all from others in the industry and what to do.
    Ever hear: 2 people can keep a secret, if 1 of them are dead? That comes to mind..Idk why you gave out a stick to beat you w/, but that's out there now so..
    Now you want to retaliate: Here's another: If you want to seek revenge, dig 2 graves..
    As far as what you should do on the next holiday, that's up to you. If want to go, go. Just minimize (as much as possible) & stay a short time? Since you already avoided T'giving.
    Up to you.
    Best of luck to you..


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Idk what your job title is but it's irrelevant as long as its in the adult industry.

    This is why I say to never tell anyone. Everyone you tell will do this.

    At this point, I'd start denying you're in the adult industry and start telling everyone your sister is. Taste of her own medicine. It sounds extreme but that's the only way to get her to stop because you've already talked to her about it to which all she did was tell more people who told even more. This will get her to shut up. She will deny it and you will deny it and there's no proof either of you are or aren't in the adult industry so she literally will be forced to shut her mouth. I wouldn't normally recommend lying, but she could literally destroy your future or put you in danger and she didn't respect your wishes and trust.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    just deny, deny, deny! my sister told my parents i was dancing and whenever anything of that sort comes up, I DENY! tell people she is crazy. She doesn't have proof, does she?

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Quote Originally Posted by Gia2608 View Post
    I am sorry if what I am going to say is not what you want to hear. I think you will regret not going to her wedding. I am friends with two sisters and they get into these nasty fights all the time I do not get it. I would never fight with my sister like that. I understand that you feel betrayed by your sister and like she was gossiping about you but maybe she told your cousin because she was concerned about you? Maybe they saw you with extra money and were worried you were doing something bad and are relieved to learn you are getting it safely? You do not really know where she was coming from- it doesn't sound like you gave her a chance to explain herself.

    Also, if you are so embarrassed about what you do for a living you might want to really think about it- granted, I completely understand you don't want your brother in law to picture you naked or judge you but the cat is out of the bag now so you need to own it or at the very least have a family discussion about it. You are not going to go the rest of your life not speaking to your sister over something trivial like this, that would be nonsense.
    Thank you. You can either deny til you're blue in the face and just pour gasoline on the gosssip fire or you can own it and not act ashamed. Cause if you do this for any length of time your family will find out. Future employers and shit, yeah that's a bigger deal but your family will find out. I come from a backwoods conservative family. They are not into female sexual empowerment let's just say. But once they saw I was happy and stable and I was not embarrassed..it was just like "yeah, AND?" That was kinda the end of it. Blabbing is pretty par for the course in families I'm sorry to say.
    Now as for your sister, family can be real assholes too. Don't trust her with anymore secrets, and you don't have to be besties with her..but take your lesson and move on. That's my vote. Don't get even, and don't ban yourself from holidays or isolate yourself from the family, who does that hurt..YOU. I just had a horrible months-long battle with a sister but we finally made up and it feels better not to be isolated trust me.

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Wow, I thank the high heavens my family is open minded & not too judgemental.I come from a background where we're tight-knit & family is everything!
    Maybe no one is judging you as harshly as you think.If they are they WILL get over it trust me, & it'll be old news.

    I think it's really sad you feel alienated, don't be spiteful or treat your family like crap because they're being crappy.The universe & karma has a weird way of fixing things.Keep your head up, stay positive, & shine bright with inner peace, happiness, & solidarity.When they see you aren't a label or typical stripper they'll get over it.I do think your sister is jealous of you {don't know the whole family history} but don't shy away from family get togethers.You never know when YOU or someone you love, last breath on earth will be Keep your head up girlie sending you hugs

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    Default Re: Sister continues to betray my trust with my job

    Quote Originally Posted by BambiCutie View Post
    She is a trouble maker and a fire starter in your Family, try not to reheat things from burning out. This is your life to make those good or bad choices and if people were to find out on their own that would be one thing, instead it makes her look like a rat. She is already getting married and threw you under the bus to make herself appear more glorious..what else would she of gained from mentioning things? If anyone was to do something like this to me it would be completely over. I'd ditch her stupid wedding and have a Christmas of my own without all the drama starting bull crap.
    I feel the same way about this. All I wanted was an apology and a promise to stop her past mistakes. She refused to and my mother supports it. I am absolutely shocked my mother is supporting this behavior after I told her
    family is who you go to to be supported and confide anything you are going through with without judgment. I am no longer attending christmas and looking to move.There is no compromise and my sister has no interest in speaking about it. She doesn't think she did anything wrong yet we rarely speak.

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