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Thread: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

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    Default Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    I've noticed a destructive pattern, where when business is slow I seem to have this emotional response:
    1) restlessness
    2) anxiety
    3) decreased happiness and confidence

    My thoughts tend to revolve around me not being hot enough or just frustrated with the market of men, and how I'm no longer the bright and shiny new girl on the scene. I don't really have the option to leave and do other activities that would make me feel better, bc my city is heavily reliant on last minute appointments.

    What do you guys tell yourselves? Any advice for me?

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    I forget "negativity" of the past, it's hard but it's definitely something to do. I recommend reading the 33 laws of war.

    2) Do Not Fight the Last War: The Guerrilla-War-of-the-Mind Strategy.[1] Tactics age, keep tactics fresh and always develop new ones.
    •The Last War. In 1806 Prince Friedrich Ludwig of Hohenlohe-Ingelfingen fought Napoleon, but his strategies were those of Frederick the Great and were old and tired. Napoleon's innovative strategies outwitted him.
    •The Present War. In 1605 Miyamoto Musashi, a samurai, had series of defining duels. He developed a pattern for his fighting, but would regularly change his tactics to confound and confuse his opponents. His continual adaptation of his tactics afforded his opponents no comfort.
    •Keys to Warfare

    •Drop preconceived notions.
    •Forget the last war.
    •Re-examine beliefs and principles.

    •Keep inventing new plans.
    •Adapt to current times.
    •Reverse course doing the opposite of what has been done before.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Maybe change your hair colour, try different makeup, go with a new image.

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    Veteran Member Shannon.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Sorry if there was confusion, I'm not asking about marketing tactics per say, I'm specifically asking about what every tells themselves when business is slow. Bc slow times are inevitable for all of us, not matter how attractive we are and how honed our marketing skills may be. It's very easy to take slow times personally, and feel bad during and after a slow day(s).

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    This is exactly why I personally think every adult worker should also be in school or have a vanilla job at the same time. Just be working on something else concurrently so that you never actually stay in any of those moods when you feel them coming on. I have met far too many sexworkers who are just insanely unstable probably due to repeat exposure to those 3 feelings you listed above, all because they have nothing going on in their life to distract them and offset those feelings.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Velveteen, I had these same feelings while in uni as well!!

    If I was working at a club (only danced at that point), I'd be worried about school, and if I was at school I'd be worrying about if I'd make money later at work.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    ^^^ But the problem with that is that with school in the mix then you know it's only temporary and you'll be working a job you like or a well paid job (depending on what you value) when it's over.

    My next suggestion then would be to get a vanilla job in the day if you are qualified for one.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Why not supplement your income with Webcam and phone sex so that when times are slow you're still making cash?




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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    I've thought about camming and almost started phone sex, but then I always seem to convince myself there won't be as much money there. I just get bogged down w a negative nancy attitude and convince myself not to do it.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    I felt exactly these feelings tonight after coming home after a long commute making what many of us would consider sh*t money at a vanilla service job.

    I tried camming, but when the cagey feeling came over me, so I tried waitressing at a small restaurant and just see a few of my regulars on the side.

    I was really feeling down on myself so I talked to an ex who I'm still friends with and he told me "You are okay. I need you to stay strong." That really helped.

    I also decided to tell affirmations to myself out loud. I say things like "This is only a feeling, and it's temporary. Im strong and I will get through this just as I've always done before."

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    L
    Quote Originally Posted by DamnJolene View Post
    I forget "negativity" of the past, it's hard but it's definitely something to do. I recommend reading the 33 laws of war.

    2) Do Not Fight the Last War: The Guerrilla-War-of-the-Mind Strategy.[1] Tactics age, keep tactics fresh and always develop new ones.
    •The Last War. In 1806 Prince Friedrich Ludwig of Hohenlohe-Ingelfingen fought Napoleon, but his strategies were those of Frederick the Great and were old and tired. Napoleon's innovative strategies outwitted him.
    •The Present War. In 1605 Miyamoto Musashi, a samurai, had series of defining duels. He developed a pattern for his fighting, but would regularly change his tactics to confound and confuse his opponents. His continual adaptation of his tactics afforded his opponents no comfort.
    •Keys to Warfare

    •Drop preconceived notions.
    •Forget the last war.
    •Re-examine beliefs and principles.

    •Keep inventing new plans.
    •Adapt to current times.
    •Reverse course doing the opposite of what has been done before.

    http://www.wikisummaries.org/wiki/Th...ategies_of_War
    Never ever mess with Miyamoto Musashi, the Sword Saint. He beat the second greatest swordsman of the time with a wooden sword.

    OP I think what DJ is trying to tell you is anxiety can be partially caused by fear the past. To remove anxiety, try to change tactics and setting so you create your own context.
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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    First thing is you need to really boost you self-esteem, so how are you adding in personal development into your daily routine.

    If you just sit with your negative thoughts you will only make things worst for yourself.

    Then of course you can also add in other ways to supplement your income.

    but if your not building your self-esteem up any slow time in business will knock you off your ass.
    Last edited by minniesoporno; 12-15-2016 at 09:49 PM.
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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Quote Originally Posted by Velveteen.Rabbit View Post
    This is exactly why I personally think every adult worker should also be in school or have a vanilla job at the same time. Just be working on something else concurrently so that you never actually stay in any of those moods when you feel them coming on. I have met far too many sexworkers who are just insanely unstable probably due to repeat exposure to those 3 feelings you listed above, all because they have nothing going on in their life to distract them and offset those feelings.
    I hate the whole "you should go to school/ have a degree to fall back on" rhetoric. And this is coming from someone with a Masters. I don't regret my education and can't imagine I would be who I am today without it, but I LOVE what I do now and may likely never go back to the corporate world. So maybe my perspective is I paid my dues and aint going back, fuck the American workforce haha

    Anyway, in reality, it seems the average sex worker is in the field because they are not interested in the whole 9-5 corporate life. Which is what most people get a degree for so unless one wants to maybe take 1 or 2 classes in interesting subjects just to learn and grow without so much focused on getting a degree, then by all means, do it.

    Other than that, what would be the point of having a vanilla job? I'm not knocking it but unless one has an opportunity to work somewhere that can benefit them... maybe a prestigious art gallery where they can meet rich men, or real estate firm that can get them started in the market, I think its silly to get some random job at the mall or gym for $9/ hour, especially if it conflicts with your clients trying to schedule time to see you.

    My suggestion is to figure out what you enjoy doing cause it sounds like you may not have figured that out yet. I think its important to have hobbies. I think you're feelings are rooted in the fact that sex work may be all you do to keep you busy.. In that case, nothing wrong with school or a vanilla job. Just be strategic.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Quote Originally Posted by Exxotica View Post
    Other than that, what would be the point of having a vanilla job? I'm not knocking it but unless one has an opportunity to work somewhere that can benefit them... maybe a prestigious art gallery where they can meet rich men, or real estate firm that can get them started in the market, I think its silly to get some random job at the mall or gym for $9/ hour, especially if it conflicts with your clients trying to schedule time to see you.

    My suggestion is to figure out what you enjoy doing cause it sounds like you may not have figured that out yet. I think its important to have hobbies. I think you're feelings are rooted in the fact that sex work may be all you do to keep you busy.. In that case, nothing wrong with school or a vanilla job. Just be strategic.
    The point of having a vanilla job concurrently is this:

    - It's almost impossible to work full time all the time in the adult industry due to slow periods you can't control and burnout, so you might as well fill your time with more money and building something for your future. You should be working as many hours as possible though
    - The more you work in adult each week, the more likely you are to burn out and have nothing to fall back on when you do
    - Being around people that objectify you for money needs to be offset by spending equal time with people who don't objectify or sexualize you for money or you'll eventually burn out when you least expect it
    - if you meet someone you want a real relationship with, you're probably fucked unless you have something to fall back on
    - Whether you like it or not, majority of the world will never be accepting of your adult work so you are isolated out of that world unless you follow the norms (vanilla job or successful proven entrepreneurship you can share with others)
    - The best perk, IMO of vanilla work and adult is that you get twice the income. Imagine 80k vanilla and 80k adult. 160k for full time work and PT sexwork
    - You can often make more in vanilla than you can in adult, in the right careers
    - Trends have shown for a long time that overall profit in sexwork is down and it has also become oversaturated. For example, 10 years ago an escort could easily charge 1k per hour and now she probably charges 300 per hour. She can't charge more if she wants to stay busy because charging more significantly lowers the number of clients she will get because the consumer knows the average going market rate. So in order to maximize profit, she must charge around the going market rate. Example 2, I did extremely well on cam and was easily a top earner per hour and even I know I can make more in the vanilla world if I really try. Example 3, go on over to the stripping sections of the forum and see how pretty much every girl complains they aren't making what they were making 5-10 years ago. Adult isn't a good long term investment without a fallback plan you are putting into action
    - People always counteract the school/vanilla work argument with "the point is that I don't want to work a 40 hour week" but if you are truly trying to maximize profit in adult, you will already be trying to work as many hours as possible so that makes no sense


    I'm not saying go get a $9 per hour job at a gym unless your goal is to open a gym. Im saying that you should be building up a strong vanilla career and if that means working in a gym because you eventually want to open one, then do it. If that means going back to school (public school is super cheap) then I say do it. I'm obviously not saying go get stuck in a $9 per hour mall job lol. I'm saying be strategic.

    I feel like a lot of people think adultwork is the only place you can make good money and it is by far not the case. And also, it's a false sense of security because everyone is like "hehe I am a sexworker so I don't NEED to work full time!!! I beat the system!!!" No. No you did not. You are still working hourly and NEED to put in those hours so you should be working full time anyway! Lol. Even if you do C4S, you're still hourly because it takes time and it's becoming more oversaturated by the day so you'll have to work even harder.
    Last edited by Velveteen.Rabbit; 12-18-2016 at 08:35 AM.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    A vanilla job definitely for me, was positive because it was a guaranteed paycheck to rely on - while banking with adult stuff on the side, it was also good for like socializing ... not that I was friends with my co-workers but I was friendly with them and we did have some nice, normal convos in the office each day which provided me with enough mundane/everyday to cope seamlessly with the crazier stuff that happens in my adult job.

    Different income streams are going to keep you out of that funk when one thing is slow

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    This really set me up for the upcoming week, thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by DamnJolene View Post
    I forget "negativity" of the past, it's hard but it's definitely something to do. I recommend reading the 33 laws of war.

    2) Do Not Fight the Last War: The Guerrilla-War-of-the-Mind Strategy.[1] Tactics age, keep tactics fresh and always develop new ones.
    •The Last War. In 1806 Prince Friedrich Ludwig of Hohenlohe-Ingelfingen fought Napoleon, but his strategies were those of Frederick the Great and were old and tired. Napoleon's innovative strategies outwitted him.
    •The Present War. In 1605 Miyamoto Musashi, a samurai, had series of defining duels. He developed a pattern for his fighting, but would regularly change his tactics to confound and confuse his opponents. His continual adaptation of his tactics afforded his opponents no comfort.
    •Keys to Warfare

    •Drop preconceived notions.
    •Forget the last war.
    •Re-examine beliefs and principles.

    •Keep inventing new plans.
    •Adapt to current times.
    •Reverse course doing the opposite of what has been done before.

    http://www.wikisummaries.org/wiki/Th...ategies_of_War

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Continued (I use talk to text so my posts are always long lol):

    We are living a world that is based on technology now. Anything technology-based will pay big time. Not even specifically computer-related stuff, but anything having to do with technology. That is where there is big money to be made. So basically any STEM career. If you have a degree in English, no, you are not going to get some high paid career that pays better than adult unless you somehow sell that degree to a tech employer or something and they overlook your lack of experience. It doesn't matter if you have a PHD in English, it still wouldn't really pay. It's STEM that has the money.

    If you look at the Bay Area for example, where I have spent many years, there is massive wealth. The newest tech boom has caused SF to surpass NYC as highest cost of living, and this is because they can pay it there because there is massive wealth in STEM.

    I hate to say this, but the more time that I spend in the industry, the more I see parallels between growing up in a low income neighborhood and sexworkers. It seems like most sexworkers view adult work as a gold mine, spending all their money as fast as they make it instead of making good investment choices that will bring them more money later on.

    Like I said, I grew up in a low income neighborhood in an area of massive wealth, so I saw both sides clearly. Basically, anyone who was poor (I'm oversimplifying this but...) lacked the knowledge to make good investment decisions. Whether that's saving the money they do get or investing in going back to school cheaply for STEM. Pretty much anyone with wealth made chunky 6figure money working in a STEM job and then massive money creating their own company related to their previous STEM work experience. That's literally the difference between both groups and I spent 18 years masquerading between the two at the exact same time.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    maybe a prestigious art gallery where they can meet rich men, or real estate firm that can get them started in the market,
    This is a smart idea, make it something fun without stress, there are so many vanilla jobs whose only downside are pay but they still could be fun on their own. I don't need to supplement my steady income, but I am tempted to develop video games after hours, which should be fun.

    Pretty much anyone with wealth made chunky 6figure money working in a STEM job and then massive money creating their own company related to their previous STEM work experience.
    This is true, startups have a 90% failure rate, but successful ones are worth millions for the founders and initial stock holders.

    Just a quick question Are you a software developer or aspiring one?

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Quote Originally Posted by Velveteen.Rabbit View Post
    The point of having a vanilla job concurrently is this:

    - It's almost impossible to work full time all the time in the adult industry due to slow periods you can't control and burnout, so you might as well fill your time with more money and building something for your future. You should be working as many hours as possible though
    - The more you work in adult each week, the more likely you are to burn out and have nothing to fall back on when you do
    - Being around people that objectify you for money needs to be offset by spending equal time with people who don't objectify or sexualize you for money or you'll eventually burn out when you least expect it
    - if you meet someone you want a real relationship with, you're probably fucked unless you have something to fall back on
    - Whether you like it or not, majority of the world will never be accepting of your adult work so you are isolated out of that world unless you follow the norms (vanilla job or successful proven entrepreneurship you can share with others)
    - The best perk, IMO of vanilla work and adult is that you get twice the income. Imagine 80k vanilla and 80k adult. 160k for full time work and PT sexwork
    - You can often make more in vanilla than you can in adult, in the right careers
    - Trends have shown for a long time that overall profit in sexwork is down and it has also become oversaturated. For example, 10 years ago an escort could easily charge 1k per hour and now she probably charges 300 per hour. She can't charge more if she wants to stay busy because charging more significantly lowers the number of clients she will get because the consumer knows the average going market rate. So in order to maximize profit, she must charge around the going market rate. Example 2, I did extremely well on cam and was easily a top earner per hour and even I know I can make more in the vanilla world if I really try. Example 3, go on over to the stripping sections of the forum and see how pretty much every girl complains they aren't making what they were making 5-10 years ago. Adult isn't a good long term investment without a fallback plan you are putting into action
    - People always counteract the school/vanilla work argument with "the point is that I don't want to work a 40 hour week" but if you are truly trying to maximize profit in adult, you will already be trying to work as many hours as possible so that makes no sense


    I'm not saying go get a $9 per hour job at a gym unless your goal is to open a gym. Im saying that you should be building up a strong vanilla career and if that means working in a gym because you eventually want to open one, then do it. If that means going back to school (public school is super cheap) then I say do it. I'm obviously not saying go get stuck in a $9 per hour mall job lol. I'm saying be strategic.

    I feel like a lot of people think adultwork is the only place you can make good money and it is by far not the case. And also, it's a false sense of security because everyone is like "hehe I am a sexworker so I don't NEED to work full time!!! I beat the system!!!" No. No you did not. You are still working hourly and NEED to put in those hours so you should be working full time anyway! Lol. Even if you do C4S, you're still hourly because it takes time and it's becoming more oversaturated by the day so you'll have to work even harder.
    I agree on most of your points. But what people seem to ALWAYS forget: Work Smart NOT Hard.

    -Filling your time with more money can include a slew of things other than a vanilla job. Some people are investing, or have enough saved to just relax during those moments. We handle burn out in different ways.

    -We said the same thing- be strategic. A dead end vanilla job does not equate to "building something for your future." OP would have to figure out what she sees herself doing outside the industry and go from there.

    -If one doesn't have "something to fall back on" then its time for some self reflection on what a person wants to do in life outside of SW. Not to sound snobbish, and perhaps its because I haven't been a SW as long as lots of girls I come across, but I can't imagine being in this industry 5+ years and still freaking out about slow periods where I'm not making money. By then my money should be working for me in other ways: stocks, bonds, investments etc. Living client to client is unacceptable. But I welcome opposing opinions on this. *be nice*

    -Vanilla job= societal norms? Ehhhh... not sure where you're going with that. Plenty of people in the vanilla working world feel just as isolated from society as SW's. Life is too short to give a fuck. Do what you love and keep it moving.

    - If one has the right credentials/ skills/ networks, a career is very possible. If not, she'll get a job. Which could very well be dead end. So once again, be smart!

    -We're all aware that the market is oversaturated and nobody is making what they used too. But I had the same mindset in Corporate America that I do now: save, save, save and figure out ways to make your money work for you. I handle this industry the same way I did back then. I never get too comfortable, I give 100%, I take time for myself, I don't let my work consume me and if I ever, at any time, I no longer enjoy what I do, I'll move on.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Quote Originally Posted by Velveteen.Rabbit View Post

    I hate to say this, but the more time that I spend in the industry, the more I see parallels between growing up in a low income neighborhood and sexworkers. It seems like most sexworkers view adult work as a gold mine, spending all their money as fast as they make it instead of making good investment choices that will bring them more money later on.
    I 100% agree. I also see the parallels with age and where someone is in life when they get started. Most SW's I know began in college during their early 20s. Makes sense. BUT making that much money at such a young age is a mindfuck. Plus you're thinking "well I'll start saving once I start working in my field."

    I can't really blame them. If I was making that kind of money at that age I would've been living it up too. I have one friend so far in debt, I don't know if she'll ever get out. She graduated, worked a little while in her field and decided to be a SW again. I'm sad for her because its no longer fun for her.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Quote Originally Posted by DeathAndTaxes View Post
    Just a quick question Are you a software developer or aspiring one?
    Me? No. I wouldn't hate it, but my area is a different lucrative STEM field that better fits my goals, personality, and interests.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Side note there are so many free educational courses by microsoft etc for women wanting to go into tech - I know NYC has about 3 xo

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Quote Originally Posted by persianprincess View Post
    Side note there are so many free educational courses by microsoft etc for women wanting to go into tech - I know NYC has about 3 xo
    There are also 3 month intensive programs for computer science. Also, associates degrees and certificates go a long way.

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Seems this thread got derailed. Back on topic - I also have wrestled with feeling insecure and anxious during slow times. I tell myself that slow times happen to all sex workers, it's just the nature of being self employed. I do things that make me feel good about myself, like eating healthy/finding new recipes, changing up my workout routine, going to a yoga class (or finding one on youtube), reading some classic literature, etc. I also just try to enjoy the downtime because the r&r is really helpful to prevent burnout. Having some savings helps me to feel less stressed out about money too. The slow period always ends, business picks back up and I'm making money again the feeling passes.

    Just remember that even if you feel like you're not the shiny new girl, your business is still very new and it takes a good couple years to build a solid foundation. Stay proactive and positive, not many people get to have as much "me time" as we do! Make the most of it

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    Default Re: Low self-esteem and anxiety when business is slow

    Thanks Ad, for bringing the thread back on track. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I think in that vein, I need to foster other goals and to build my confidence. I think that's why I had such a big identity crisis when my dancing income went to crap.

    I need more balance. For example, I like going to my Muay Thai classes at noon, but noon is usually the busiest time for work. I've tried looking for other gyms that have early morning classes but to no avail. Ive been considering paying for half hour private lessons so I can go earlier in the day; however, I always seem to make myself feel guilty about spending $150/week on it. I suppose it's a cost vs. Benefit/reward question?

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