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Thread: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

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    Senior Member ShaylaSkates's Avatar
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    Question What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Today is a shit day and I could stand to hear some funny stories.

    what is the dumbest, silliest, most ridiculous thing you ever said to a customer that made him spend money? Whether it was a small tip, or he paid for a dance/VIP.

    I e read some stories here (I seem to recall Tempest having a puppet at one point?) that were SO FUNNY.

    A few weeks ago a customer told me he didn't want a dance, that he only liked Spanish girls. I told him I was Spanish, and started quoting shakira lyrics to our bartender. She immediately caught on, and we started throwing in some Enrique and Pitbull. The dude bought a couple of dances and tipped the bartender $40.
    Savannah > Atlanta > Dallas > Austin > New York

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    Veteran Member BarbieNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Aww sorry I'm late to the thread. Sorry I can't remember off the top of my head but a few weeks ago my contact split in my eye so I had to go put my glasses on. I was a little tipsy so I remember going to all the customers with glasses and saying something along the lines of "You have glasses, I have glasses, let's go..." and dragging them to the lapdance. Worked a few times that night although my glasses are super not flattering so I was glad when I got my contacts later on that week.

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    There is this one customer who is a giant PITA, he wants to talk for 20 minutes and then the second time you see him, he will remember every detail you said and think he's "in" and then you have to tell him more personal shit to get him to keep getting dances.

    Interestingly, he wouldn't recognize me if I changed my hair or outfit... so every couple months, I start over and tell him a different name, with a different ridiculous backstory, so I get his money easily because I'm 'new' and 'interesting'
    Got nothing to say... but if you pay me, I can play the fool
    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet Julia
    Sex work is for people who do whatever they want.
    Quote Originally Posted by crystalize View Post
    Ok so i gotta turn up the moronic drunk slut

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    Featured Member LoveyDovey's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    I told him "Don't be such a poop". And then he got dances.

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    Veteran Member fallyn_love's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Me: hey, you got so..... (cust cut me off)
    Cust: (super hood voice) naw, im good im straight
    Me: all this pussy in here and you dont want a dance....oh i understand if your pockets dont permit (evil laugh, while walks away)
    Cust: (grabs my arms and starts throwing ones EVERYWHERE)
    scared money makes no money

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    Senior Member KALIN's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Yesterday, I met a customer who's company has their products in Whole Foods. I used to work full time for Whole Foods. While on stage, I told him my pussy was Whole Foods approved. He bought 3 dances.


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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    These childish guys was being rude to the girl on stage. They threw change at her. Like pennies and nickles. So, bouncer tells them to stop. They come sit near me and try to get me to laugh. I wasn't haven't it. It's not only embarrassing for the girl but it kills self esteem as well. So, I said if you guys are childish I'm going to treat you like a child. I said "duck, duck, duck, goose." He tought he won big. I made him go tip the girl in stage a few dollars and told him he now has to be punished" by going in the vip. He brought 1hr. Whole time I kept calling him Goose.

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    Senior Member ShaylaSkates's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Quote Originally Posted by KALIN View Post
    While on stage, I told him my pussy was Whole Foods approved. He bought 3 dances.
    Savannah > Atlanta > Dallas > Austin > New York

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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    During halloween a customer came in dressed as Ashe Ketchum from Pokemon. I asked him if he was ready to 'catch some of this ass' and he said he had go get a dance after that joke.

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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Last week, was getting annoyed at the 'but what kind of dance are you gonna do' questioning, so I told this guy I'd do the chicken dance...he looked at me like he thought I was really weird, I got ready to walk away... but he ended up doing 3 hours in VIP.

    He was a very weird geeky guy with some unusual fantasies and fetishes, I guess he'd been waiting for someone weird enough to accomodate him, LOL

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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Quote Originally Posted by PrettyPuppet View Post
    During halloween a customer came in dressed as Ashe Ketchum from Pokemon. I asked him if he was ready to 'catch some of this ass' and he said he had go get a dance after that joke.
    LOL i'm dead that was too funny.

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    Featured Member rareaspasia's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    This is really really embarrassing now but back when I was drinking too much all the time I got totally shit faced and was talking with a native customer about our heritage and I said something about how my ancestors used to scalp his. I'm so disgusted with that even now like eight years later. I can't believe he still spent money on me after that, I'd have told me to go to hell. I'm so glad I got my drinking under control.

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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    The club I work at closes at 2 am.
    One Saturday night I went up to a dude around 11 pm feeling lazy. This was our conversation

    Me: "Hey how are you?"
    Him: "I'm drunk"
    Me: "Cool would you like a dance"
    Him: "Not now later"
    Me: "Ok but we're closing a little while don't wait too long"
    Him: "when you guys close?"
    Me: *remembering him telling me he was drunk* "uh in like five minutes honestly"
    Him:: *stands up* "Well shit then lets go!"

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    "Are you the guy....with the big dick?"

    It worked, he bought a dance. He must have thought some other dancers were gossiping about the size of his package.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVsr...k&spfreload=10
    "They're a bit strange in Los Angeles" Duckie, "NCIS"










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    Veteran Member DreamsInDigital's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    "Are you the guy....with the big dick?"

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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    ^^ I know! I almost want to try that approach myself! It's too funny!

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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    "I'm Canadian"

    for some reason in FLorida it's a turn on.

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    Featured Member LoveyDovey's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Hey, you got any money???

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    ^ Similar to that, I've walked up to guys at the ATM and said "Is that for me?!" And it worked
    Got nothing to say... but if you pay me, I can play the fool
    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet Julia
    Sex work is for people who do whatever they want.
    Quote Originally Posted by crystalize View Post
    Ok so i gotta turn up the moronic drunk slut

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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    this wasn't me but i remember this girl i worked with was talking to this guy and it was right at the end of the night so she just thought fuck it
    at this club you were trying to sell champagne along with the private rooms.
    She was like to the customer "heyy! I remember you! yeah you were here before! last time we had this white bottle package dont you remember?!" and he was like "really?" she was like "yeah!! definitely! we should do it again!!!!"
    lmao he actually believed her and bought it!

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's the DUMBEST thing you said to a customer that worked?

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    ^ Similar to that, I've walked up to guys at the ATM and said "Is that for me?!" And it worked
    Done that too! Works surprisingly well in the strip club.

    I can't think of anything right now as far a verbal comments but as soon as they pull out their wallet or bank roll I look out my peripheral vision (cause they try to hide the money if they see me looking) so I know what I'm working with.

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