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Thread: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

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    Default Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Hi Everyone,

    A few of my coworkers as well as myself have noticed that more and more men are not taking dancers seriously as a long term girlfriend or wife. The few guys who do often have women who bring in all the money. I have noticed this with dancers who are in their 20s as well as into their 40s.
    I suppose the answer is to know that if you are in a ltr u may be arm candy or viewed as desirable bc of the income you bring in. But what happens when u age? Or stop bringing in the big bucks?? The men were only with you because of how you look and bc u are an independent bread winner. What happens if that all changes?? I'm sure some men will.leave....
    Yes I am sure there are a few good non judgemental men out there who date Strippers and treat them right. However I am always hearing the fights and the struggles. Often they are dealing with selfish men..men who are prolly only with them for looks and want their way..
    I suppose getting a vanilla job is the only way for a man to have the respect necesary for a healthy relationship to occur. I also do realize there are also the men who make more than their dancer partner...I've seen those types always want to call the shots bc if they make more money they feel they should have more say so.

    What do u all think?

    .

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I know people got angry the last time I mentioned it, but I am very picky with regards to a LTR, starting with looks, attitude, hobbies, intelligence etc. but sex work is just something I just don't care about, I don't know why but I just don't have an insecure bone in my body.

    But I never thought about the male golddigger angle, how common is that? While it could be rare for the woman to earn more, it would just motivate me to make high six figures earlier than planned, I would not really hold it against her.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    There are definitely men who are with dancers bc due to their income they have a sense of security and the dancer actually foots the bill and picks up the slack..I've seen that...male goldiggers..

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I think the women with gold digging bfs who 'don't take them seriously' are with the wrong guys. If all they have to offer a man is looks and $ it's an insecurity issue. Looks and $ don't make a man fall in love or stay

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I wouldn't call them male gold diggers. Male gold diggers date other men. These little boys we are referring to here are pimps. Even if they are wanna be pimps or sneaker pimps. I notice a lot of younger dancers (teens to like 23 or 24) have boyfriends that don't work, smoke weed all day and take their money. If a dancer is a little older (25 plus, not old but not 19) she may make more money than her partner but ime is not being taken advantage of...

    I have known plenty of dancers with decent men but it's cert. not the norm.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I could never do it. I'm hustling men outside the club as well as inside so I've never had a male gold digger. Nothing wrong with giving back financially to your male support systems here and there but every day is overboard (unless they're doing something everyday like helping with your marketing)

    Only way you can assur the guy won't up and leave is to get married. But even that ain't secure nowadays as much as people cheat on their spouse, get divorced, etc.

    Just gotta go in knowing no relationship is permanent
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    ^ I completely agree. Excellent points!

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I could only date a guy who makes less than me if I loved him before he made less than me.

    There's only 2 men in my life I would instantly marry without question, and one is unmarried but he's not sexually into me (I gave him enough clues), and the other is married.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I'm not sure what this thread is asking? It sounds like you are painting everyone with the same brush.

    If a girl is with a guy like that it's her own fault. And as far as "realize you might just be arm candy", well duh any guy who has a beautiful girl is going to love showing her off. That doesn't mean she's JUST arm candy.

    I'm still confused on what you're getting at but its not a lost cause being a dancer and having an LTR. The successful ones are though usually with guys who are extremely open minded and secure with their own life & income, or were friends before dating.

    I would be damned before I got a $12/hour job just to get respect from insecure men.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Also confused about this question. I don't know many civilian women in healthy supportive relationships either. Don't date fuckboys. being arm candy or an independent bread winner isn't exclusive to sex work and neither is dating losers..I find w most of my bad relationships, it was pretty effing clear early on that the guys are using me and didn't love me but I refused to see it. The signs were all there.
    I'm sorry but a man either respects women or he does not. All this "I'll only respect you if you dress a certain way or have the career I want you to have bla bla" is sexist bullshit.so many sex workers have this defeatist attitude of "I'll never get a good guy who respects me and never be happy and nobody will love me so I'll just settle for whoever" and guess what, that's exactly what happens.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    I'm not sure what this thread is asking? It sounds like you are painting everyone with the same brush.

    If a girl is with a guy like that it's her own fault. And as far as "realize you might just be arm candy", well duh any guy who has a beautiful girl is going to love showing her off. That doesn't mean she's JUST arm candy.

    I'm still confused on what you're getting at but its not a lost cause being a dancer and having an LTR. The successful ones are though usually with guys who are extremely open minded and secure with their own life & income, or were friends before dating.

    I would be damned before I got a $12/hour job just to get respect from insecure men.
    I touched on several different ideas. But I don't think you are confused because you answered it when you said ltrs are successful only when the men are open minded. Secure..or were friends before dating. And you don't want to take a low pay job just to supposedly gain respect .

    I kind of left this open ended for everyone to answer as they may..I figured there would be various points of view

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Sorry you guys. I know it may be a sensitive subject.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Quote Originally Posted by dezire View Post
    Sorry you guys. I know it may be a sensitive subject.
    Sorry if it came off like I was cursing at you or bitching you out, it's just something I've dealt with so yeah it can get touchy..I was definitely one of those people who didn't think I deserved any better and it was a self fulfilling prophecy

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    and one is unmarried but he's not sexually into me (I gave him enough clues)
    If there is one thing I know for certain is that male social intelligence is terrible, I know because I have been both: idiot and savant, when I was younger I screwed up big time and missed on great opportunities because I always rationalized any clue as a mistake, an elaborate prank, just plain shyness. Today it would never happen but I pay a ton of attention, for facial cues, hand placements, behavior and can see it coming a mile away.

    Regardless, if you think it will make you happy just be blunt, if you succeed he might be the one, if you fail you will at least have my respect for the cold approach.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    Also confused about this question. I don't know many civilian women in healthy supportive relationships either. Don't date fuckboys. being arm candy or an independent bread winner isn't exclusive to sex work and neither is dating losers..I find w most of my bad relationships, it was pretty effing clear early on that the guys are using me and didn't love me but I refused to see it. The signs were all there.
    I'm sorry but a man either respects women or he does not. All this "I'll only respect you if you dress a certain way or have the career I want you to have bla bla" is sexist bullshit.so many sex workers have this defeatist attitude of "I'll never get a good guy who respects me and never be happy and nobody will love me so I'll just settle for whoever" and guess what, that's exactly what happens.
    I understand.. But some of us remain single until we find a good guy..And then when we find him we appreciate him and vice versa. Men push boundaries. It's up to us to tell them from the beginning where the lines are. If they don't listen well... settling is never the way to go.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    Sorry if it came off like I was cursing at you or bitching you out, it's just something I've dealt with so yeah it can get touchy..I was definitely one of those people who didn't think I deserved any better and it was a self fulfilling prophecy
    It's really ok...I understand. The entire subject of how men are sexist in both sex worker relationships and non sex workers relationships can bring up alot of turmoil. I don't think you were bitching at me...You were just venting...

    It takes a while to get strong and wise in this industry for most..It is a hard one to survive and come out better in the long run. The good thing is that you learned and you definitely deserve to be happy...dancer or not a dancer.

    Dancing is a fantasy it is not the real world nor are we truly real while operating in the world. Once we step foot out of the club that is where our real world begins and where we have to set the standards for how we will be treated. Just like while we are within the club and have the power, we can take that same concept and demand the love and respect we deserve.

    It.doesnt always happen instantaneously but persistence pays off.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    Also confused about this question. I don't know many civilian women in healthy supportive relationships either. Don't date fuckboys. being arm candy or an independent bread winner isn't exclusive to sex work and neither is dating losers..I find w most of my bad relationships, it was pretty effing clear early on that the guys are using me and didn't love me but I refused to see it. The signs were all there.
    I'm sorry but a man either respects women or he does not. All this "I'll only respect you if you dress a certain way or have the career I want you to have bla bla" is sexist bullshit.so many sex workers have this defeatist attitude of "I'll never get a good guy who respects me and never be happy and nobody will love me so I'll just settle for whoever" and guess what, that's exactly what happens.
    I was thinking this too. I hardly know any women with vanilla jobs that have healthy ltr or marriage either. they're dating fuckboys just as much as the strippers. (thanks tinder?) good relationships seem to be rare, period. Even back in the day when people got married more, it was more like a business contract than a love match. how many of our parents are still together, or if they are, how many are actually still in love? not mine.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Only way you can assur the guy won't up and leave is to get married. But even that ain't secure nowadays as much as people cheat on their spouse, get divorced, etc.
    If you earn all of the income in a relationship how would marriage help you? a divorce and he takes half of your worth instead of the allowance you give him.

    The idea that a my LTR partner could earn more than I do is just so foreign lol, even if it just temporary my plan is to earn it all! no way I could ever do male golddigging (as in me contributing nothing and living on an allowance), it would destroy my soul and eat me apart.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Yeah I think the civilian relationships are just as bad... the only added complication of being a stripper is that they can throw the "Go dance naked for other men!" card when they get mad, and I see a lot more of the guy being a freeloader. Can't tell you how many DR conversations I've heard where it's like the guy is sitting on his ass all day & she's gonna get expensive takeout dinner for him, or he's driving her car around and she's gotta wait for him to pick her up... YUCK.

    It's up to the girl if she allows the disrespect. I think a lot of them know they're not being treated well but don't have the self esteem to leave. I was like that a long time ago before full-time dancing, all the red flags were up but I ignored them.

    It was made clear to my fiancé when we started dating that I was not interested in quitting my job, and as such he has kept his mouth shut. The point you mention about the breadwinner having the power has come up though but in reverse (I usually get the final say-so because he literally needs my credit score to rent anywhere or as a cosigner on things). But I'm not using it to exercise 'power' or something, it's just how it is and we feel it's fair as long as his opinion is taken into account. It does bother him that if he got laid off or sick, I could support both of us, but not in reverse... but that's not really dancing specific and more just level of income.

    I agree with setting boundaries about our jobs early. I went on an awful date with an ex-boyfriend at one point; I was in a horrible place emotionally & my sweet regular had spent 3 hours talking to me about it and tipped me $400... The ex started talking shit about how my customers must be pathetic losers. I snapped at him so fast his head spun, and he didn't say one word about strippers the rest of the night. You gotta make sure they know that you will not tolerate any shit from the get-go.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Yes because they will test their boundaries.^

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Marriage makes leaving someone more difficult but won't stop them. Neither will kids or a mortgage. The only sure fire way to make sure your man doesn't leave you is to be next to them. In bed. Naked. Holding a large knife. And when they open their eyes they see you staring at them. And you're naked. Holding a knife. And then you say, without blinking: "I love you. And I will find you. Wherver you go".

    It's why I'm still with my woman! Haha. Love you, Honey! (Help me)

    Meeting people is easier than ever thanks to modern technology and nobody needs anyone to survive - and if they do, it's not an equal relationship - so nobody needs to stay with anyone unless they really wanted to. It's not just men who decide to test just how green the neighbor's grass is.

    This whole "till death do us apart" thing will become the exception, not the norm.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I've met a few dancers who were the sole earners whose husbands played the part of stay at home dads who did all the cooking, cleaning, took the kids to school etc. It seemed to work for them because the guys weren't bringing in money but they were saving on childcare. Me personally I have to be with a guy who will pay his own way. He doesn't have to be a millionaire but I'm not going to babysit someone financially and I wouldn't want to be a kept woman either though I know plenty of girls who are ok with it and that's cool too. I feel like I won the lottery with my partner though. We're not perfect but we're perfect for each other. There's definitely plenty of people in the sex industry with pretty healthy relationships. But the bad ones are so bad that they tend to overshadow that.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    I feel happy. My boyfriend earns a fair living. He also does free lance work for extra cash. I earn a good living. We are happy. He wants me to quit sometimes, when he feels vulnerable and jealous, but he knows I want a nest egg and a job I don't hate, or he can get a fancy job and I'll follow him. It's not that we don't want better, it's that we recognize what we have works well for now and that in this economy you have to put in at least a decade of hard work to be an overnight success.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Quote Originally Posted by victoriavein View Post
    Even back in the day when people got married more, it was more like a business contract than a love match. how many of our parents are still together, or if they are, how many are actually still in love? not mine.
    This makes me think of what I just found out when I went home for the holidays about my parents. They're divorced now but I learned my mom's view on marrying my dad back in the day was she was around 30 and felt 'it was time' lol. So no she wasn't in love and in an amazing relationship with my dad they just felt like they both should be married and did it. Which is slightly depressing to me lol.

    I was in a 4 year relationship while I danced and it was a pretty normal healthy relationship. Yet I have a friend who works a regular vanilla job and she always ends up in fucked up relationships. I remember with one of her ex's she wasn't 'allowed' to wear shorts. I have another friend who isn't a dancer and she always lets guys treat her like shit for whatever reason. I guess it's self esteem issues and maybe feeling desperate to be in a relationship.

    Lately I've felt like the guys I've been meeting have been judging me because of my job. I don't think that means NO guy will ever take me seriously and I'll never be in another LTR though. It's just not my time for a relationship right now and I'm definitely not going to settle for some piece of shit because I'm bored lol.

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    Default Re: Men who Refuse to take Strippers seriously in LTR

    Lately I've felt like the guys I've been meeting have been judging me because of my job.
    Do you tell them upfront or after a while? all judgments come from insecurity but I do wonder if they are just simply wimps or religious.

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