Results 1 to 21 of 21

Thread: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

  1. #1
    Veteran Member persianprincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    703
    Thanks
    605
    Thanked 1,411 Times in 536 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    So, I was dating a guy here in the North East, we were spending a ton of time together, never said it was official but he made some comment "yeh when I'm dating someone I try to focus on just that person and see what happens" ... took it with a grain of salt, because, well ... you kind of have to in my experience.

    So things are cool - good, not much going out but lots of hanging out and I met a couple of his friends etc. Invited me to his families for thanksgiving, though I didn't go being that well, felt a bit soon for all that.

    I sent him a message a week or so ago just saying - look like can we try and go out more like hearing about your job problems etc is kinda depressing and dating is supposed to be fun, like we aren't really in a relationship etc so constantly hearing about the problems is kinda bringing me down a little ... and I'm a positive person we should just focus on the fun and the positive.

    So today I create a Facebook account, I had spoken to him over the past couple of days ... just via text, it's the holidays etc. I go to add him click on his page and see photos posted with some female with the caption "look what santa brought me for Christmas"

    So I sent him a text like damn you could have said something - like why have me texting you looking stupid. So he is saying oh it just happened two days ago, on my father etc etc. And I'm thinking well you don't just throw someones photo on Facebook randomly without good reason.

    So I'm like cool, whatever, best of luck I hope you're happy.

    But it hurt. What irritated me more was, I know after seeing her first name he was texting her while hanging out with me.

    So this self proclaimed loyal guy was in fact a low life ... and idk it just feels like wasted time and I haven't felt hurt in ages, but I'm a combination of pissed and sick right now.

    Any feedback would be appreciated.

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to persianprincess For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Banned
    Joined
    Nov 2016
    Location
    I decided I am going to keep him! Thanks for asking!
    Posts
    461
    Thanks
    508
    Thanked 441 Times in 269 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Facebook is the debil!
    Okay that aside. You are right in your decision to block him, he's a player, if you were in a long relationship he would probably cheat on you.

    I honestly take love with a grain a salt, if I take it seriously, I look like a creeper. You made the right decision. I unfollow someone I really like recently, because I couldn't bare looking at his facebook (although we are still friends on facebook; I know I already cross the lines of friendships).

    You did the right thing! Block his butt, don't think about him again! This will make you just that bit stronger! And emotionally tougher! I can honestly say I wish the holidays were over... this year, I been just dwelling with misery and depression, and it's unhealthy! Our happiness shouldn't depend on no one but ourselves! Friends, boyfriends, lovers will reject us if they don't get their "kick" from us, it's all ego centric, hardly anyone cares about anyone but themselves! It's a sad truth...!


  4. #3
    Veteran Member persianprincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    703
    Thanks
    605
    Thanked 1,411 Times in 536 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Awww the Aguilera helped, love that song. I'm just like idk, like yeh it happens but god damn during the holidays ... what I wasn't giving you an instafamily and an instal-relationship so you decide to go hook up with some random and announce this amazing gift santa brought you. Major side eye.

  5. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to persianprincess For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Banned
    Joined
    Nov 2016
    Location
    I decided I am going to keep him! Thanks for asking!
    Posts
    461
    Thanks
    508
    Thanked 441 Times in 269 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Yep! It's definitely my go-to-song this whole winter holiday. I don't know if he had a physical relationship with Santa's Christmas gift, or what not, it could be a bragging thing like guys brag about women they are with (but really not).

    I am over love, I am so over it, until a guy shows me love through a wedding ring, I take all dating as fickle emotional bullshit. I am tired of letting my heart being abused and used by people who don't get it.

    F him, there's always more guys than him! You can find true love again. 2017 IS AROUND THE CORNER... there's 6 billion people on this world!!! probably a good 1 billion is date-able, but still.

    I know the side eye glance very well....


  7. #5
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    533
    Thanks
    69
    Thanked 486 Times in 269 Posts

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Hugs

    Fish in the sea, fish in the sea, repeat that a million times a day.

    BTW Is there anything a guy can do to not hurt your feelings like that? Being 100% honest is a given, I don't even lie through omission I make it very clear what the relationship boundaries are on day 1, but in the end feelings can get hurt (which I really really hate) even if they agree to polyamory but still deep down want exclusivity. Sorry if this is offtopic I don't want to minimize your pain,I just think both genders need to see the other side more and develop pure empathy.

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to DeathAndTaxes For This Useful Post:


  9. #6
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Yeah I learned guys do this because they can't handle the loneliness of NO female attention so they overlap girls. Which on the bright side frees up women to not just date one guy at a time.

    The older I got I realized I needed to look out for myself & lost the butt hurt feelings about guys playing games. The awful truth is we can be happy with many people, there is no real "one that got away." You have to move on.

  10. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  11. #7
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16,440
    Thanks
    47,042
    Thanked 34,925 Times in 12,871 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    ^^^shes exactly right.

    How long were you dating?

    The risk of dating is that you could and most likely will get emotionally hurt along the way to finding real love. But the more you do it the better you become at sifting through/avoiding the players, narcissist/sociopaths, broke losers, etc

    Guys lie because in a sense they have to. It's a dating "survival" skill for them. If the average dude told the truth all the time he would probably rarely get any action. It takes a strong man to be honest with a woman and his intentions with her knowing it could diminish his ability to get laid.

    This is why you have to be really on point investigating these dudes and what their intentions are before getting attached to them. Pay attention to red flags.

    Like red flags would be
    when he was vague about his stance on commitment
    when he insists on text only and barely calls or barely asks to meet up in person

    Now you must ditch him for good. Delete him from facebook. If he is that callous he does not deserve a second chance. move on to someone who has the balls to be honest with you and won't waste your time.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 12-26-2016 at 10:39 AM.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to miss.a.p1600 For This Useful Post:


  13. #8
    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Don't Bother Me, USA
    Posts
    9,938
    Thanks
    12,138
    Thanked 37,404 Times in 8,667 Posts

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    He is a fuckboy. He doesn't feel the same way about you as you do for him.
    Look at it as a blessing that you know SOONER than later.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



  14. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Marina Starr For This Useful Post:


  15. #9
    Veteran Member persianprincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    703
    Thanks
    605
    Thanked 1,411 Times in 536 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Thank You all - last night I had to take a sleeping pill to rest, today I'm still upset but ok. I think its the time of year also. I really appreciate everyones response xo

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to persianprincess For This Useful Post:


  17. #10
    Banned
    Joined
    Nov 2016
    Location
    I decided I am going to keep him! Thanks for asking!
    Posts
    461
    Thanks
    508
    Thanked 441 Times in 269 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    In November, I gave old friends one chance for reconnection, after I most likely been ignored by 80% of them, I blocked them from my existence. You never want to go into the realms of creeper, and that's why I will never-ever message old friends again for the rest of my life (I did it during the Holidays; one of my life biggest regrets). I am glad I found out now though, after analyzing my mistakes *no one told me I was being creepy, but I thought to myself maybe that's what half the people are thinking about me since its the Holidays*.

    And I'll never-ever post emotional bullshit on my facebook, and I'll never-ever going to pursue men that I work with (unless he pursues me first).

    You seriously need to wipe that guy off your memory, easier said than done, but he would never off you any value.

    I am new to social media, I think most people go through growing pains in their teens about it, but I grown a lot recently because of it.

    Don't be creepy either lol!

    mean-girls-obsessed-gif.gif
    Last edited by DamnJolene; 12-26-2016 at 02:39 PM.

  18. #11
    Veteran Member persianprincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    703
    Thanks
    605
    Thanked 1,411 Times in 536 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by DamnJolene View Post

    You seriously need to wipe that guy off your memory, easier said than done, but he would never off you any value.


    mean-girls-obsessed-gif.gif
    Yeh this 100% he would never offer any value .... I get so pissed sometimes after a break up or whatever and then thinking like oh, what if ... but if he had wanted to do more for me and be of more value, then he would have been. Still can't help wanting to sing "this is halloween" when I saw the photos of them tho.
    GOD.

  19. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to persianprincess For This Useful Post:


  20. #12
    Banned
    Joined
    Nov 2016
    Location
    I decided I am going to keep him! Thanks for asking!
    Posts
    461
    Thanks
    508
    Thanked 441 Times in 269 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    This reminds me of Sailor Jupiter to Sailor Moon (2:01)..... (about more guys to see) This will take a few seconds to get into this, but it was my childhood. Very motivational... I always think of this song when I am going through intense battles in life *and I need to conquer them*. Evil witch could be anything/anyone, and I think about all the people who really care about me while fighting whatever I am fighting (usually a test of some sort)



    You can't find cartoons like that anymore.... I watch this when I was 5-8, this is an epic cartoon. I actually think Serena is my spirit animal lol, someone once told me "OMG YOU HAVE THE SAILOR MOON SYMBOL ON YOU", and it was a scar, but it was true, after that I embrace my scar. It's the crescent moon symbol.

    Yeah, it's the moon behind Sailor Moon. ((only pm for details on why that scar looks like that though))


  21. #13
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2015
    Location
    In your man's arms
    Posts
    429
    Thanks
    215
    Thanked 1,054 Times in 319 Posts
    My Mood
    Happy

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    We've all gotten played - at least once or twice in our lives.
    If you haven't, you're not living. At least you're putting yourself out there
    and not expecting Mr. right to show up at your door. However, You mentioned that he
    talked about his job, depressing stuff...etc. That should have told you right then and there that
    you were not compatible. Unless you're dating because you're bored with no intentions of growing the relationship,
    when you date, you're still dating a human being. Human beings come with real issues. It's not some fantasy reality show.
    He did you a favor by being upfront about his situation because a lot of men pretend that everything is perfect in the beginning only to disappoint you
    months later.

  22. #14
    Newbie
    Joined
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    9
    Thanks
    32
    Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    You got (understandably) excited about him and the prospect of a relationship together, and it sounds like you were pretty intensely focused on what you hoped was a budding relationship.

    And I might be wrong, but I'm guessing you stopped seeing other guys at the point when he gave you the "date one person at a time and see what happens" line. Maybe even sooner.

    It takes three months for a new relationship to turn "real." Anyone can be on their best behavior for that amount of time. After twelve weeks or so, you start to become acquainted with each other's serious flaws and insecurities and red-flags. (I realize you were friends beforehand, but knowing someone as a buddy isn't the same as knowing them as a partner.)

    My opinion might be controversial (forgive me), but here goes...

    During the first three months of dating - focusing exclusively on the person you're dating puts too much pressure on the relationship.

    If someone turns out to be wrong for you three months down the line, it's WAAAAY harder to recognize that and make an appropriate choice if you've been fully invested and "trying to make it work" from the start.

    Therefore, there is no good reason for you to stop seeing other people until a FUTURE TOGETHER is ON THE TABLE!!!

    Even if he's not dating other women - until and unless he CLAIMS you as His Woman, in his mind he's single and so are you.

    You don't have to sleep with other men... but you should be actively flirting and meeting guys and, yes, going to lunch and coffee and on walks with other guys - until HE ASKS YOU for exclusivity and you tell HIM what you require in order to be his girlfriend.

    When you close-down your other options because you're scared of losing him, he can SENSE that you're scared of losing him, which turns him off instantly.

    This sounds cliche but I swear it's true: men have a hunter's instinct.

    They don't value us unless they have to work hard to win us.

    I can't promise you that keeping your options open will work on every guy - but I can promise you it's your best shot.

    If he's so insecure that he can't handle competition, run the other way.

    Because if he's a halfway decent guy who's INTO you, he WILL do what it takes to get you all to himself.

  23. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to StrangeSiren For This Useful Post:


  24. #15
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2015
    Location
    In your man's arms
    Posts
    429
    Thanks
    215
    Thanked 1,054 Times in 319 Posts
    My Mood
    Happy

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    ^ yup. Just can't wait till the day more women start thinking this way

  25. #16
    Banned
    Joined
    Nov 2016
    Location
    I decided I am going to keep him! Thanks for asking!
    Posts
    461
    Thanks
    508
    Thanked 441 Times in 269 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    So true!!!

    I think exactly like that. I think if he wants me he has to fight for it (I will flirt initially to give him the option).

  26. #17
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    533
    Thanks
    69
    Thanked 486 Times in 269 Posts

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Therefore, there is no good reason for you to stop seeing other people until a FUTURE TOGETHER is ON THE TABLE!!!

    Even if he's not dating other women - until and unless he CLAIMS you as His Woman, in his mind he's single and so are you.

    You don't have to sleep with other men... but you should be actively flirting and meeting guys and, yes, going to lunch and coffee and on walks with other guys - until HE ASKS YOU for exclusivity and you tell HIM what you require in order to be his girlfriend.
    This is true but a foreign concept for some reason, yes always keep your options open in a non exclusive relationship, if you do this you are not wasting your time, you are literally just happen to be single, but just sharing time with someone.

    Believe it or not I constantly have to push this (other guys confuse polyamorous with a harem), I have to constantly remind her that so and so looks to be flirting with her, and that she should give it a shot. As long as it is safe sex I don't care what she does because I am not insecure (maybe a little too confident, but I have yet to get burned and regret this).

    When you close-down your other options because you're scared of losing him, he can SENSE that you're scared of losing him, which turns him off instantly.
    True, never be too thirsty, instant turnoff regardless of gender.

    This sounds cliche but I swear it's true: men have a hunter's instinct.

    They don't value us unless they have to work hard to win us.
    Now for the disagreement, I know this will sound counter intuitive, but this is true and this is not true. I am going to catch flak but here is the cold naked truth: men compete, hunt, hustle, risk to have sex for the first time, after that this happens



    If the game got boring (and the game is 99% about sex) they find another girl. Banking on our hunter's instinct is very very risky because our instinct's goals are completely different from yours which is to settle down.

    So is it all doom and gloom for women post tinder? No, we have hunter's instincts but also personal ambitions as well. Long story short you have to seek intimacy and make yourself exceptional so you cannot be easily replaced, I cannot stress this enough before sex do whatever you want you can probably just fall backwards and get a quality man, but after sex immediately start playing hard to replace. The same confidence I have about not losing my partner to the new guy, that same confidence you guys should have as well.

    Go on Netflix and watch House of Cards (just the first season because the show will start intentionally creating drama and screwing up the characters), the character of Claire Underwood is the type of woman the top dogs want to marry and stay married to, she does not give a shit about Frank sleeping around with younger women because she knows how exceptional she is, and cannot be replaced.

  27. The Following User Says Thank You to DeathAndTaxes For This Useful Post:


  28. #18
    Newbie
    Joined
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    9
    Thanks
    32
    Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Death And Taxes, while everything you've said is absolutely true for you (and surely rings-true for other men with similar experience and wants), readers should remember that your attitudes and preferences are your own and not necessarily true of every man out there.

    It's totally great to be polyamorous... IF that's what you're into!

    There's nothing on earth wrong with being a Claire Underwood who truthfully gives zero f#$%'s about your mate's philandering IF, deep down, that's really who you are.

    HOWEVER, it fills me with grief and annoyance when I imagine a woman who's monogamous at heart feeling hopeless that she can keep a good man interested in long-term monogamy with her.

    So lest the women reading this lose hope, let me state for the record that there are ALSO plenty of guys out there who actually prefer long-term monogamy, and who (gasp!) are THRILLED to keep having sex with us.

    Yeah: most every straight guy (and gal too, if we're honest with ourselves) has a built-in desire for sexual occasions with a variety of partners.

    Every guy ALSO has a unique set of influences that determine how he will handle that urge at different seasons of his life.

    Every guy has different priorities, preferences, past experiences, beliefs, attitudes, kinks, comfort zones, family models... all those aspects and more play into his choices about who to bed, who to wed, who to partner with in relationships of every description.

    Telling women that their man is going to get tired of fucking them no matter what... that's just mean.

    It may be true for you, Death & Taxes, but I assure you it's not true for everyone.

    (I have a whole 'nother rant about what it takes to keep a guy sexually and emotionally mesmerized so he's constantly coming back for more and can't think of anyone else... but that will have to be a separate post.)

  29. The Following User Says Thank You to StrangeSiren For This Useful Post:


  30. #19
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    533
    Thanks
    69
    Thanked 486 Times in 269 Posts

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    Telling women that their man is going to get tired of fucking them no matter what... that's just mean.
    StrangeSiren, I know it was, and I tried to be as delicate as possible, but you will have a bad time if you think activating our hunter's instinct in a relationship is going to have a good outcome.

    For the record there are a million things you can do to make sex with a single person exceptional, I know I actually like sexual compatibility more (I don't like one night stands) because it is a chance for her to show how exceptional and irreplaceable she is. None of it, not one in a million has to do with my hunter's instinct. That instinct is telling me every single day: look at the new girl it would be amazing to have that magical moment where we can't take our hands off each other.

  31. #20
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16,440
    Thanks
    47,042
    Thanked 34,925 Times in 12,871 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    I think there is a point in stressing how to interpret this line men use "I want to date you exclusively"

    Me personally after being out the dating game for many years then coming back. I had a short lived relationship which started when the guy told me this. I foolishly jumped to conclusions thinking it meant he wanted to be monogamous with me but in hindsight it was an effort on his part to be controlling - aka easily eliminating his competitors and making me focus only on him/get more easily attached to him.

    Men also do this because some of them are not secure and fear spending their resources (taking woman on expensive dates) if she is possibly fucking other men. They don't want to be the cuckhold. And yes even if you only have non sexual male friends their minds default to them fucking you.

    You still should date other people but be careful how you explain this cause a lot of men especially conservative, controlling, or insecure men automatically assume women should only date one man at a time (hypocritical double standard even though they date multiple women and sleep around) or else they'll view you as a promiscuous woman.

    Lesson learned the hard way - never commit yourself to a guy who you are not absolutely certain is monogamous with you aka you're in an exclusive bf/gf relationship
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

  32. #21
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    533
    Thanks
    69
    Thanked 486 Times in 269 Posts

    Default Re: Ugh Why Do I Feel Like This?! Relationship Thing.

    he wanted to be monogamous with me but in hindsight it was an effort on his part to be controlling - aka easily eliminating his competitors and making me focus only on him/get more easily attached to him.
    Yup that is why in my humble opinion monogamy can be controlling and unethical, creating attachment through by exclusivity (no sex, no flirting, no talking, no thinking of other men). The only goal is to isolate you, and make him the only man in your life.

    You still should date other people but be careful how you explain this cause a lot of men especially conservative, controlling, or insecure men automatically assume women should only date one man at a time (hypocritical double standard even though they date multiple women and sleep around) or else they'll view you as a promiscuous woman.
    Yes, this is unethical polyamory, If you yourself are not free then you are in an unbelievable disadvantage.

  33. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DeathAndTaxes For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Ugh! Got too drunk at work last night. I feel stupid!
    By kitkat824 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 06-08-2009, 11:14 AM
  2. Ugh feel like tard - modeling
    By exotica268 in forum Other Work
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 05-17-2008, 10:33 PM
  3. ugh, i feel so bad.
    By sc0101 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 07-15-2006, 11:12 PM
  4. What is the right thing to do in a relationship with an entertainer?
    By rdknite13 in forum Customer Conversation
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 02-17-2005, 05:41 PM
  5. What is the right thing to do in a relationship with an entertainer?
    By rdknite13 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-13-2005, 08:49 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •