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Thread: Why are there housemoms?

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    Default Why are there housemoms?

    Two months ago I started my first dancing job in a small neighborhood dive in SoCal. It was a cool, low drama local hangout. Amazing managers and staff. Girls would comfortably leave their work bags (not their money obviously, but costumes, makeup, supplies etc) out on the countertop in the dressing room which was spacious and well lit. I once (idiotically) walked away from my money bag, and one of the other dancers returned it to me with ALL THE MONEY STILL THERE. That's the kind of place it was.

    Now I'm a couple thousand miles across the country looking for my next club, and I'm baffled by the concept of housemoms, which I've never experienced.

    I was rejected from my first audition and I'm sure it was partly because I made some missteps with the housemom:

    *I was very polite to her (and everyone), but I didn't realize she probably had a lot more bearing over my being hired or not than I'd previously thought. I wonder if I unconsciously dismissed her in importance and she picked up on that.

    *She told me to leave my wristlet (which held my debit cards and $120, and which at my first club never left my wrist unless I was onstage or in a booth giving a lapdance, and even then it was in my line of sight at all times) under her desk in an office full of unknown strippers, while she escorted me downstairs to my audition. I was obviously uncomfortable with this, and she acted like I was being rude -- ?!?!?!

    *She watched my audition but I didn't give her a lot of attention during my stage set, thinking I more had to impress the manager (who didn't even bother to watch the whole thing) and the customers (who were too busy eating chicken wings and watching the game to do more than glance at my routine).

    I don't want to go from club to club offending every housemom. Hence these naive newbie questions:

    1. What purpose does the housemom serve???
    2. How much say does the housemom have in whether or not I get hired?
    3. In order of importance, who ELSE needs to be impressed by my audition?
    4. How do I make a housemom like me without kissing her ass?
    5. What else do I need to know about housemoms in general?

    Thanks - feedback is much appreciated!!

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    Veteran Member ShaylaSkates's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    House moms are great and kind of important. They serve as a liason between management and the girls. They have all the junk you forget at home (tampons, wipes, spray, razors, eyelash glue, snacks, whatever), they keep an eye on the really drunk girls, they prevent fights from breaking out in the dressing room, they are a shoulder to cry on and are way cheaper than a therapist. They keep an eye on your stuff and do their best to prevent theft.

    It varies between clubs, but the house mom definitely has input. The final say is to a manager (who probably didn't watch your audition because they've made a decision as soon as they see you naked), but the house mom has a pretty good idea if you'll get hired or not. Sometimes if you're turned down but they think you're worth it, they'll tell you to come back on a different shift and see a different manager or whatever.

    It depends on the club, really. Sometimes you have to impress multiple managers, sometimes you just have to impress the house mom, sometimes you just show up and work, sometimes there's an "amateur night" situation, it varies widely.

    4. Be polite, and do what she tells you to do. You didn't want to leave your wristlet in her desk, but many clubs don't allow purses on the floor. That right away tells her you don't trust her. A better way to handle that would have been to ask her if she has a locked drawer you can put it in, or if she can hang onto it while you are auditioning.

    House moms are the tits, basically. I don't trust clubs that don't have house moms. Moms are the best, they're normally pretty nurturing and lovely, once you get to know them.
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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    A house mom can be your bffl or your worst enemy. I've experienced both. Sometimes they just add drama and cattiness and even MORE club politics, and they are another hand out demanding money from the dancers (cause we don't have enough of that I guess). OR they can bring food and be a great mentor and help the girls out with the stuff they need or might have forgotten. It's really 50/50. Hope you get a sweet natured one who doesn't play favorites and club drama.
    But always be polite because they have a lot of sway w management most of the time. At my first club, if the house mom didn't like you for whatever reason, you were out.
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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    House Mom 8 times out of 10 is a waste of payroll, tip out, and space. Anything she had could be put into a vending machine and purchased from a machine.

    The ones we had literally sat in the corner playing candy crush all night. Other times they would walk around acting like they were busy just so you won't ask them for shit. Just lazy af.

    Maybe 20% of The time she would help count ones (which a machine could do) and give pep talks if you were feeling down (now that I didn't mind paying for).

    I got along with all the house moms cause I'm pretty self sufficient, responsible, and usually didn't need them (so they liked that I didn't disturb them from candy crush, hoard their time, or make them work their ass off for a few measly bucks). But I work a small/mid size club. I could see house House moms playing a more important role in larger clubs.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 01-07-2017 at 12:08 PM.

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    Featured Member LoveyDovey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    I've danced at 5 clubs over 12 years and yet yet to encounter a house mom.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Think of the houseman as the dressing room manager. If you give her the same respect you would give a manager then you should be good. They manage the girls in the dressing room and make sure everything is going in order. At the clubs I've worked at, the housemom plays an important role. They provide all the supplies we leave at home (wipes, eyelash glue, tampons, sprays, deodorant, toothbrushes, shaving cream, razors, regulation panties you can buy, outfits, stockings, snacks, mouthwash, mints, etc.). They also do the orientations and assist with the auditions. They are there to help out the drunk girl that is falling all over themselves and are the eyes and ears of the dressing room (including watching our shit). If you have a complaint that you would like to address with management, the housemom can assist you with that and advise you how to go about it for optimal results. At the clubs I work at the house moms are highly paid individuals and thus do a good job of it. Yes, you will be paying her essentially for her services but she should be treated with respect as you would treat any other authoritative member at the club.
    Goodluck.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    I like the security in the dressing room. And its nice that there is an all female space.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Seems like there was another thread about this? I see some real old ones below but this was more recent..
    Anyway, I haven't really encountered too many, like you I auditioned (not recently) & they watched my stuff, my audition, etc. & I felt made or had a large part (if not all) of the hiring decision.
    The last 3 had attitudes, I'm sorry. I feel I was nice/polite also?
    This one, she asked me like 20+ questions, & I got the idea she didn't think I knew what I was talking about..
    Question, are you supposed to tip HM after an audition? I think I did the last one, but not sure. I know I tipped valet guy, which I expected to.
    I guess I get their role (esp in a larger club as was mentioned), but let's get realistic here..
    Anyway, good luck


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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    ^^^yeah I remember that one too. Everyone was ranting against the house mom lol. About being forced to pay a person who didn't do much.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Thank you all so much - it's very helpful reading a variety of opinions.

    At the moment I must say I'm totally not sold on the house mom concept!!

    Maybe it's my money mindset fears kicking in... it chafes to think of tipping her when I'm so "sure" I'll never forget my wipes or eyelash glue lol. I dunno, maybe one day I'll forget something vital and she'll save the day.

    Either way, this information definitely will affect my attitude (for the better I hope) and presentation at my next audition.

    Thanks -- and if you think of anything else, please keep the responses coming!!

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Give it some more time dancing in different kinds of clubs, you may change your mind. My first club was a dive GA and the housemom there did nothing but add to th drama. It was not a mandatory tip out so I didn't mind so much but then I moved up North to where the house mom was a mandatory $20 tip out and thus it seemed like they tried a little harder and also, large clubs = more need for management in all aspects.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Ugh my first house mom was the bitchy house mom. She disliked me cus I wouldn't tip her unless I used her stuff and one time she accused me not tipping her when I physically handed her her pity $5 for her ritz crackers and pepperoni. But the house mom I have now is awesome!! She cooks homemade food 4/7 nights (when she's there) and always have everything we need but most importantly she's a very down to earth sweet woman. I feel like she would only have influence in whether someone got hired or not if this girl was super ratchet in the DR.

    I'm sorry to anyone who is dealing with a bitchy house mom right now lol

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    It totally depends on the area you're working or the club even. I've seen housemoms who range from completely useless wastes of space to super sweet and helpful. Back home in Socal housemoms were rare but at one club we had one and she was literally a waste of space. And she was rude. A lot of times I would sneak out without tipping her because there was no way she deserved even a dollar from me. But now out here in TX the clubs are huge and the housemoms are usually pretty helpful. They always have a bunch of food out and endless supplies and are there to help when you're a new girl. At my current club they make sure all the dancers know when they're on stage next because so many girls will be on shift and the dayshift housemom will bring you coffee lol. I have no problem tipping them out $10.

    But I don't think any of them had any say in me getting hired anywhere though because I've always dealt with just the managers when getting hired out here. But I have heard one housemom at one of the clubs refer to this girl who auditioned as 'not cute' to the manager when he asked about her after she left so maybe they do have some say in it.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    At the clubs I've been at, the mom signs you in and out for your shift and gives you a breathalyzer before you leave. Some girls buy stuff they need or want from mom and they tip her, but I don't use any of her stuff. There's ones I like and ones I don't care for.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    1. What purpose does the housemom serve???
    It varies by club, but she's usually the lady behind the scenes (stays in the locker room), making sure the dancers have what they need and are prepared for work and are behaving themselves. The good house moms will bring all sorts of stuff the girls might need (tampons, hairspray, baby wipes, first aid kit, listerine, whatever!) and the good ones bring food, as well as water or other drinks to keep girls hydrated. Some house moms do not bring food. I don't prefer this.

    2. How much say does the housemom have in whether or not I get hired?
    Again, totally depends on the club. At most clubs I worked at they had very little participation in the hiring process. At one club I worked at in another state, the house mom was a manager and single handedly did my audition and hired me.

    3. In order of importance, who ELSE needs to be impressed by my audition?
    Whoever is in charge or has a say in the hiring process. No one else matters, unless you want to show off in front of the rest of the girls.

    4. How do I make a housemom like me without kissing her ass?
    Tip well, be respectful, and don't get sloppy drunk.

    5. What else do I need to know about housemoms in general?
    Some can be very gossipy while others are more reserved. So just don't be quick to open up to them and tell them your business.
    Winning.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    1. What purpose does the housemom serve???
    Prevent girls from doing drugs, monitor/stop fights, keeping dancers out of the dressing room/on the floor, having ~everything~ that everyone may need. Some sell outfits and provide food like Nina said.

    2. How much say does the housemom have in whether or not I get hired?
    Depends on the club, can't speak for SoCal. Anywhere I've worked in Detroit, 0. She's never actually on the club floor.

    3. In order of importance, who ELSE needs to be impressed by my audition?
    Manager/owner and whoever he's sitting/standing while doing your audition (in my experience). I once didn't get hired somewhere bc some random dayshift dancer was sitting with the manager and said my tits looked too small. Rejection is normal/common and sometimes for the dumbest reason (we already have 2 redheads...)

    4. How do I make a housemom like me without kissing her ass?
    Always tip above minimum when you can (unless she's lazy/rude), don't spend a lot of time in the dressing room, make small talk (not complaining, just causal like "I love this weather" and whatnot).

    5. What else do I need to know about housemoms in general?
    I've been dancing 2 1/2 years and I have never stayed at a club with a house mom for more than a month at a time. I have severe anxiety, so I sometimes need to spend up to an hour "recharging" in back, and they harass me to get on the floor and make money (even AFTER they have been paid/tipped out by me).

    I find most of them to be middle-aged women who were never pretty/skinny enough to be strippers themselves and live out their dreams through us (similar to dance moms, like the tv show).

    They're petty if you don't tip above minimum, even if you don't use any of their shit (EVER). I've also had some ask "you got my tipout?" When I just paid them less than an hour ago or claim I didn't pay them the day previous, even though I have NEVER skipped on a housemom (I feel bad bc other dancers are shit). A lot of girls stiff them, and depending on the mom, will rack up $50+ debts with girls for not paying them.

    Don't ever bitch to a house mom about dancers, or to dancers about a house mom. Almost got my ass beat in the bathroom (by 5 dancers at once) for saying the house mom was rude for criticizing my hair ("White girl in a wig? You won't make ANY money" as if I hadn't been dancing over a year by then).

    Between 7 clubs I've probably worked with 13 house mom's for 1-4 weeks each (probs 3 decent, 10 I hated). It may have been because I was new/temporary my experience was so poor with them, but in my mind they're just rude wannabe strippers who are trying to capitalize on coked up girls sucking dick. I've had plenty lecture me on how I'll never make it in Detroit "you need to ~at least~ suck, you don't HAVE to fuck" then try to sell me a condom for $5-10.

    They're just as ruthless of hustlers as we are, but instead of draining the wallets of old men, it's young girls. I find most of them to be quite pathetic. I really hope that the housemom's in your area aren't as treacherous. (THEY ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT DEPENDING ON THE AREA/CLUB, don't take my terrible experiences and be afraid of them. I hear many are super motherly.)

    I'm a very easy-going person in the club (until I've worked somewhere 3+ months) and I've always butted heads with housemoms, normally over them being unnecessarily judgmental/passive-aggressive over something minor/stupid. Typically along the lines of "oh, /red/ hair? I mean, I guess that's okay. Most of the girls left that trend in 2014 anyway."

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    The same reason my dogs get fleas. -_-
    "There are no stupid questions, only stupid people. "-Mr. Garrison, South Park.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    From my experience not much LOL. A fucking headache & made me feel like a teenager again that was sneaking out of my house when I didn't wanna tip them bc I'd end up having to run out without them knowing. Most of them were there to get in your business (if you're a talk to strangers kind of dancer) I wasnt. They also like to overcharge on snacks & what not. This one home would bring homecooked dinner to the club like 1 night a week & I took a look bc I was curious as to what she'd made 7 if it looked edible or not & it literally was hamburger helper that she was charging like 5 bucks per plate for LoL ummm no lady. I took my happy ass to Waffle house & never tipped her.
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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    I'm so glad housemoms aren't a thing in LA. Honestly they are more drama than they are worth. They're a huge deal in new york and super annoying to deal with. Glad I don't have to deal with them anymore.

    Good luck girl!

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Ideally the house mom "keeps an eye" on the girls. & Does offer normal services like seamstress work or holding onto valuables.

    I've worked in shitholes where dancers stole from eachother & got into fights so the idea of a person keeping an eye on the dressing room is awesome to me.

    My housemom babysat me when I drank too much & threw up in a champagne bucket. I felt like a total tool & tipped her $5 for watching my sorry ass.

    A good housemom is better than a manager, any day.
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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Who needs pep talk from random women? They're not my mother. I do not like having a daughter-mother type relationship with a woman just because she's 12-40 some years older than me. Like, let's not go there. I worked with older women, and sometimes they think they are like "motherly" to me.... it's kind of annoying, but I don't view older women as my mother. I view them as "their" role, manager, co-worker, or something... anything beyond that, doesn't happen for me.

    I guess some women need it, but that just fuels the whole "dependent" dancer syndrome, like woman get real, McDonald workers don't need pep talks. You're your own person, motivation, whatever... don't need advice from a stranger.

    And that's why GOOGLE EXISTS! All the answers are there, and that's why forums exist if you're unsure of something (I only come here for entertainment or "girl" chat, what that may be).

    You're all grown-*** independent women right? lol

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Quote Originally Posted by StrangeSiren View Post
    Thank you all so much - it's very helpful reading a variety of opinions.

    At the moment I must say I'm totally not sold on the house mom concept!!

    Maybe it's my money mindset fears kicking in... it chafes to think of tipping her when I'm so "sure" I'll never forget my wipes or eyelash glue lol. I dunno, maybe one day I'll forget something vital and she'll save the day.

    Either way, this information definitely will affect my attitude (for the better I hope) and presentation at my next audition.

    Thanks -- and if you think of anything else, please keep the responses coming!!
    You get inventive when you don't have your stuff.... Use what you brought to make it happened. I put sunscreen into my hair to give it shine/shape for example a lot in my personal life *cause I never out of sunscreen/essential item!*.... tanning lotion because hair lotion too. Use lipstick as blush, eyeshadow *smudge it in too*, use body lotion as perfume/essential oils....

    I'm a mastermind of creating beauty products from items not normally used for that reason.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    Quote Originally Posted by DamnJolene View Post
    Who needs pep talk from random women? They're not my mother. I do not like having a daughter-mother type relationship with a woman just because she's 12-40 some years older than me. Like, let's not go there. I worked with older women, and sometimes they think they are like "motherly" to me.... it's kind of annoying, but I don't view older women as my mother. I view them as "their" role, manager, co-worker, or something... anything beyond that, doesn't happen for me.

    I guess some women need it, but that just fuels the whole "dependent" dancer syndrome, like woman get real, McDonald workers don't need pep talks. You're your own person, motivation, whatever... don't need advice from a stranger.

    And that's why GOOGLE EXISTS! All the answers are there, and that's why forums exist if you're unsure of something (I only come here for entertainment or "girl" chat, what that may be).

    You're all grown-*** independent women right? lol
    I know you're not trying to be rude but look, some high end clubs have their M.O.s for a reason.

    There is no way in FUCK I would confide in most of the strippers I work with for obvious reasons. Some younger dancers need that guidance from the house mom.

    Also you know how hard it is to find a seamstress when you work 40 hours a week or more, and commute from city to suburb? Or you forgot to buy breath mints & didn't have time to go to the corner mart?

    You have not been in the business long enough. Wait till someone slashes your tires, steals your favorite dress or tries to mug you outside the club. The support staff is there for those reasons. They make money when you make money. They take care of you so everyone can keep making money.
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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    This thread is becoming quite fascinating!!

    I love hearing the differences in opinion and I really appreciate EVERYONE who has taken the time to comment.

    I am learning a ton from this, thank you so much.

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    Default Re: Why are there housemoms?

    You get inventive when you don't have your stuff.... Use what you brought to make it happened. I put sunscreen into my hair to give it shine/shape for example a lot in my personal life *cause I never out of sunscreen/essential item!*.... tanning lotion because hair lotion too. Use lipstick as blush, eyeshadow *smudge it in too*, use body lotion as perfume/essential oils....

    I'm a mastermind of creating beauty products from items not normally used for that reason.
    Amen!!

    It's funny how easy it is to pigeonhole our beauty products, e.g. "this shimmery product in a gorgeous color can't go on my cheeks because it came in a lipstick tube.

  46. The Following User Says Thank You to StrangeSiren For This Useful Post:


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