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    Default Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Hey everyone,

    In November I did a porn shoot in another state, made some good cash Canadian, was told that it would be straight to DVD porn, turns out it's online and my ex boyfriend emailed me last night at 1am with the screenshot of the vid and a very rude email. Out of everyone in the world to find it, the guy that wants nothing more than to ruin my life finds it. Awesome lol. I have him blocked on everything. So I don't know if he's shared it or what he's going to do with it, or how he found it. My name isn't attached to it at all, and I've checked the site a few times and there's new videos uploaded every 10 minutes or so. Will it eventually get lost in the mix and be harder to find?

    lol fuck, I had a feeling this was going to happen.

    damage control for handling this? I just de-activated all my social media in a panic. Any tips on how I can view his profile as a Facebook friend to see if he posted it?

    HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE BEFORE? Will I have to move away and start a new life haha. It's only 1 video. I look okay. It's 40 minutes long. Super cheesy. Was worth the $ but the $ is not worth this drama.

    thanks everyone ❤��
    Last edited by blondegirlstrangeworld; 02-06-2017 at 05:42 AM.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    You didn't consider the fact that it would be leaked on the internet before doing it? That's the main reason why I won't do b/g work.
    just surprised you didn't know this was a possibility.

    A boy I used to fuck years ago found my solo camgirl vid and was like WOOOOOW I didn't know you were freaky like that.
    I was like yeah ex boyfriend posted it after an argument. Well, he eventually let it go. We're still friends today. I doubt he shared it
    but as long as my family doesn't see it, I don't care LOL. And if they did, I'd lie my ass off.

    If I were you i'd shake it off, what's done is done. Worrying about it will only make you miserable. Tell him to fuck off.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Hey, thanks for the reply. I appreciate it. I did think about it, but I was told that there are so many hundreds of thousands of videos posted daily that I shouldn't worry about it if it get put on the internet. I was told that the chances of someone finding out especially if I filmed it in another country were slim to none.. Well clearly the world is smaller than I thought.

    Do I reply to him? Or just leave it?
    If this happened to you, and say your ex posted the video on Facebook and hundreds of people in your hometown knew about it, in a town of about 3 million, would you move away? Start a new life, Or stay and deal with it somehow?

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    I would say, deal with it. It could follow you anywhere. If the worst case scenario happened and everyone in your hometown found out, so what? What are they going to do about it? Disown you? Never speak to you again? In that case, they were never really your friends, anyway, and good riddance.

    People get outed all the time and move on with their lives.

    I would ignore the ex-bf, block him from all social media, and distract yourself until the situation blows over.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Thanks a lot I'm grateful for the advice. What would you say in the scenario of your friends asking you about it, do I say the truth, I wanted to do something exciting and I needed some extra cash for school, or do I say I made a mistake and I regret it? If my employer found out - I work for an engineering firm , lol not exactly the most "open-minded" about this sort of thing, I'd lose my job.

    This scenario is also happening at the same time of my lease being up in my condo, and I haven't started the new semester of school yet. My family lives here too, and I have my car here and all my stuff but I could hold off on signing a new lease, stay at my parents' and then start school in a different state/province if I wanted to

    Or is that overreacting?

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Yes, this did happen to me. I am 99.9% sure I posted in another thread by you warning you of a situation like this. This is not a smug "I told you so", so please do not take it that way. If it was another girl from Canada who shot in LA at the same time and I am mistaken I apologize.

    I did maybe like 10 videos in total and this was when things DID go straight to DVD, but people from my small blue-collar (ie judgemental and uneducated) town saw it. I was "outted" by a girl I had been friends with since I was like 9 years old. A lot of people talked shit about me a few creepy ass guys from school would message me on social media about it. I ignored it all. I have pretty thick skin and getting out of that town mattered more to me than their opinions.

    The only time it really bothered me was when I was home for a few weeks cause my Mom died. You don;t really wrap that kind of shit up in 3 days so I was there for I think 3 weeks. Towards the end we went out for a friend's birthday and everyone was acting really weird and standoff-ish to me. I even heard one of the guys say "that's the porn star" when I was getting out of a car. My best friends husband pretty much told them all off and that they were being super low class.

    I was glad that he stood up to them for me. I saw a handful of the same people at a wedding like a year and a half ago and they were all pretty cool that time. I guess it just took some time and for them to be put in their place and also to see it did not bother me what they thought (I hid my emotions pretty well).

    I do not know where this kid found the video, probably on a free porn site. The problem really is what does he plan to do with it? If you guys dating a long time and were serious he probably will not go spreading it around out of fear of making himself look bad. I.e. he was head over heels in love with "a whore". (Believe me, my ex of 7 years also from shit hole town has made a few cutting remarks over the years about my brief stint in porn because I know he is kind of embarrassed/ashamed ((for lack of a better word))that other ppl saw it. If you ended on bad terms or didn't have that great a relationship and you think he is hell bent on shaming you and ruining your life you need to prepare yourself that he may very well out you to friends, the community and even your family.

    It is not the end of the world if people find out they will eventually get over it. The only other piece of advice I can give you; which may not be any help at all is this: you stated that you believed it was going to be straight to DVD. Did they tell you this in person or is it in writing anywhere? If they misrepresented the way the video would be distributed you MAY be able to get them to take it down (not very likely I am afraid). I would look at the release you signed and see what it says about that. It is possible they will claim it was published to the internet by another party... but it might be worth a shot.

    TBH, and for other girls who may come across this- I do not know that straight to DVD is really a thing anymore unless it is a huge Vivid contract (like Back Door Teen Mom); which you can STILL find online and even with that- Vivid attempted to make an unauthorized sequel. So... understand most of the people in porn are either Pimps hiding behind a camera or the title of "Agent" or perverted people there to see the tits and ass; do not trust 99.99% percent of them, and even that is being generous.


    P.S. and as a side note- about your "name not being attached". I was doc'ed and I was a nobody. I only did one movie for an even remotely well known company and some sick fuck who has nothing better to do posted my real name, stage name, the town I grew up and even info about my family on a wiki-style site. The person who posted it claimed they "banged me in high school"; despite the fact I had the same boyfriend from before 9th grade until I was 19-20 and I never hooked up with any boy from my high school (even to this day). It was either a complete stranger or the first "agent" that I fired. This is something else you need to consider.
    XoXo Gia
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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Quote Originally Posted by blondegirlstrangeworld View Post
    Hey, thanks for the reply. I appreciate it. I did think about it, but I was told that there are so many hundreds of thousands of videos posted daily that I shouldn't worry about it if it get put on the internet. I was told that the chances of someone finding out especially if I filmed it in another country were slim to none.. Well clearly the world is smaller than I thought.

    Do I reply to him? Or just leave it?
    If this happened to you, and say your ex posted the video on Facebook and hundreds of people in your hometown knew about it, in a town of about 3 million, would you move away? Start a new life, Or stay and deal with it somehow?
    Girl there is no need to start a new life. Listen, fuck these mothafuckers. What was he doing looking at porn in the first place?
    A family member found my backpage ad years and years ago and the first thing I asked him was "what were you doing there?"
    Move on with your life but don't change a damn thing. It's hard to ignore it because you feel embarrassed but anyone that gives you shit and can't let it go was
    an asshole before you made the video so get out your bitchbegone spray.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Hey, thanks for the reply. Yes it is the same person you replied to before. How soon things change. I'm sorry to hear all of that happened to you. If there's one thing I've learned while being involved with aspects of the sex industry, it's that the girls have this special something about them that allows them to turn off the emotional side and focus on business only. I sold cars for a year at a luxury dealership and the first thing they teach you is to keep your emotions away from business. That's the only way to make money in anything that you do. If you're looking for long term money; then obviously you want to build solid relationships but that takes YEARS to build trust and get to a solid point. So props to you for being strong. I didn't keep a copy of the contract. I read over it but I'm sure it would be impossible to get a copy.

    Back to the first part of your reply. You moved away? Where did you move to? Did you change your name? Did you give up the industry for a while or stay in it?

    Again, thanks

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Why not argue that it was an art project? And immediately change the subject, to art?

    When people are embarrassing you in public they are looking for a reaction, just change the subject and make THEM feel uncomfortable. Art is easy because it can be viewed as empowering and them silly for not getting it. I don't know if this would work to save your job though.

    Porn consumers have the weirdest hangups to it, almost everybody watches, but a few feel the need to shame the performers in order to feel superior about their plain boring lives.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    I had moved away before I made the films. It was that people from my hometown found amateur porn online. My friends here at the time were mostly other dancers and would not have cared or judged me.

    I did not change my name.

    Right now you are feeling really terrible I am sure but it will blow over.

    Like I and others have said, be prepared in case your family finds out, and pray that they do not. I was always terrified my family would find out. As far as I know they never did- my Mom isn't here anymore so I don't need to worry about her- my sister does not really know the people in that clique that were giving me a hard time so I do not think she knows and if she did she never said anything. At this point it has been so long no one really has any business bringing it up or saying anything to me- they would just look foolish. Time will be your best friend but do not dwell on this right now. Try and do things that make you happy and keep your mind off if it.

    Did the ex even say anyhting to you or just kind of throw it in your face that he had found it?
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Quote Originally Posted by DeathAndTaxes View Post
    Why not argue that it was an art project? And immediately change the subject, to art?

    When people are embarrassing you in public they are looking for a reaction, just change the subject and make THEM feel uncomfortable. Art is easy because it can be viewed as empowering and them silly for not getting it. I don't know if this would work to save your job though.

    Porn consumers have the weirdest hangups to it, almost everybody watches, but a few feel the need to shame the performers in order to feel superior about their plain boring lives.
    It was an art project...really? She's better off saying nothing.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    You have to deal with it. It's too late. Once it's online, its out. Moving probably won't solve any problem except add more to your current ones. The simple questions are: Can you afford to move? Do you have other means to earn money after the move? Whatif you establish a new life and this video comes back to you again?

    Saving trouble to point out why girls should not try porn before they fully committed to it. You will have to deal with it now. People will judge you and you need to stay strong. Don't punish yourself for how others treat you. Stay out of facebook and such, save yourself some headache. Find a female best friend or someone who you trust and would support you. confess to her. It helps to have someone to talk to.
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Say nothing, deny it, and it will blow over. In a few years no one will know or care. Tell the asshole "well, you watch so much porn you probably can't see anymore." He is only doing it because he can't have you. Tell him he's a douche and send him a link to porn addicted losers anonymous.
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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Update: my ex shared it with everyone on Facebook and at the gym and everyone of my hometown knows about it. There are a few people who have let me know they've been messaged about it and have said that they have my back and don't worry too much about it, my two best friends know about it and they're upset that I didn't tell him earlier and I could've consulted them and gotten some advice as to whether or not this was the best thing for me to do. I'm not sure if anyone in the other cities surrounding my hometown know about it or if my employer knows about it or my family knows about it but I'm sure that will be coming soon...any advice for damage control please ?

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    I know fbsmgirl mocked my idea but seriously consider trying to tie it somehow as a positive or empowering, don't apologize ever! If your employer is giving you shit make sure to mention that it is part of your racial heritage (if you are a minority), if not... deny if that is what you want, but be aware that people are curious and eventually will want to see the video. You have to make it clear that there will be consequences for discriminating against you, go on the offensive!

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Is what you did somehow illegal?? How can your employer fire you or punish you at all for what you do on your own time?? Do they have some bullshit puritanical morality clause when they hired you?
    Also can anyone prove it's you ?
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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    Is what you did somehow illegal?? How can your employer fire you or punish you at all for what you do on your own time?? Do they have some bullshit puritanical morality clause when they hired you?
    Also can anyone prove it's you ?
    EDIT: BTW I am an idiot for not noticing it was Canada where she was located

    But for anybody else reading this:

    Assuming a lot of things, a ton of states are at will employers, they can fire you for sneezing if they choose to.

    The only thing that can save her is federal protections against racial discrimination, which if she is a minority she can at the very least try to give them pause, they can fire her down the line when they feel they can prove something else (like sneezing sideways) but until by then she should have left that place for another job.

    Yeah I guess the real advice would be to laywer up, but if they can identify you in the video, no "denying" will ever ever help.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Quote Originally Posted by blondegirlstrangeworld View Post
    Update: my ex shared it with everyone on Facebook and at the gym and everyone of my hometown knows about it. There are a few people who have let me know they've been messaged about it and have said that they have my back and don't worry too much about it, my two best friends know about it and they're upset that I didn't tell him earlier and I could've consulted them and gotten some advice as to whether or not this was the best thing for me to do. I'm not sure if anyone in the other cities surrounding my hometown know about it or if my employer knows about it or my family knows about it but I'm sure that will be coming soon...any advice for damage control please ?
    So sorry you have to go through this. Revenge porn is illegal and he can get in trouble for what he is doing.

    As far as I know facebook does not allow adult content and people posting adult content get reported quick.

    If people know it and your face is clearly visible then I'd just own it (like beat him to the punch so he holds no power over you) and then like suggested before hire a lawyer to deal with that creepazoid.

    Try not to freak out. I know easier said than done. But if you suspect your employer is going to find out and fire you over this then better for you to beat them to the punch and resign. You can always start your own business, do consulting, invest, etc
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 01-09-2017 at 08:16 PM.
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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    First off, sorry to hear about this..I don't really have much to add.
    I had some a little similar, it was someone who dj'd & decided to out me @ a vanilla job we both worked @, not nearly what you're going thru, but it really pissed me off. There was no fucking call for that.
    Some lady kept asking me about it that I never knew, spoke to, or worked w/her..I tried to be nice & low key about it, but she would'nt let up so one day I let loose & blasted her verbally, she never bother me again.
    Why people have to be assholes just cause is beyond me.
    In my opinion, I wouldn't up & quit my job, if they let you go maybe you can @ least get a severage &/or a good written reference?
    I wouldn't admit to anything, just saying.
    Good luck


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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    What I do for everything is get a professional on it, a lawyer in this case. Which is why I currently have 5 separate firms on retainer. But hey, who's counting?
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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Everyone already said what needed to be said. Don't be ashamed, we live in the age of the Celeb Sex Tape. So people will get over it/forget about it in time.

    BTW I'm not surprised a crazy ex is doing this. My first boyfriend was a MEGA porn addict & he would be the type of guy to out a girl because of his mental problems.

    You didn't do anything wrong. In fact you did everything perfectly legally. I don't see why someone like Pamela Anderson made millions off of her sex tape but you would be looked at as a villain.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Again, nothing really to add. Happened to a girl who worked for me, was dating a guy, married him, and he released this video to her very religious family, friends etc after they broke up. What I will say is ... the next few days might seem a bit nightmarish if people are contacting you about it, but adopt a "give no fucks" attitude and it'll calm down. You did nothing wrong, he just felt the need to be a dick and draw people's attention to it, he is prob butt hurt he isn't with you also.

    F him. Feel better.

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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    What I do for everything is get a professional on it, a lawyer in this case. Which is why I currently have 5 separate firms on retainer. But hey, who's counting?
    Are you bragging or complaining, lol.


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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    Are you bragging or complaining, lol.
    It sounds like bragging til you get the bill. Then you just feel shock and pain. It's like being tasered and robbed, but legally.
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    Default Re: Ex boyfriend found my porn film

    Yes, if I were you, I'd deactivate social media until it simmers down. In the meantime, don't worry about it, it will all go away. The more you react, the more exciting it will be for him to share it. Act like you don't give a fuck and say you deactivated social media because of a stalker or some lie. DO NOT let him know its effecting you...It would be no fun for him if he doesn't see you squirm.

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