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Thread: At a Crossroads

  1. #1
    Veteran Member lovelydancer's Avatar
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    Default At a Crossroads

    Hi All,

    It's been a while since I've been on this site. I'm coming to you for some advice. For the longest time I felt as though I wanted out of dancing and into my "real career" for good. After dancing for 5.5 years I finally took the leap. I was out of dancing for a little over a year when my employer let me go due to the company downsizing. I immediately took up dancing again for money (my current boyfriend wasn't thrilled by this, but never stood in the way). A few months later I was offered a job back in my industry and I took it. It's incredibly stressful, I don't enjoy the work anymore, but I find myself forcing myself to stay due to the salary, and it's what I think everyone wants me to do. I know all the positives of going back, however I'm scared to go back because 1) I know I can't do dancing long term 2) I can't work when I get pregnant (the club is FILLED by cigarette smoke) 3) I know some family members and friends won't be okay with it 4) Lastly the unknown financially makes me nervous.

    I just want to be happy and make money, my boyfriend just wants to see me be safe and happy. He won't stop or force me not to go back, but I know he won't be okay with it long term. I don't know what I want to do after dancing again, and I don't know how to find that within myself.

    Anyone else been in this position? And please don't bash the boyfriend. This is my internal issue, and ultimately is my decision. I'm just feeling lost, my "real career" was the only thing I've done and ultimately went into financial aid debt for for both of my degrees. I don't know what to do.

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Work your real career until you find something else you're passionate about. Don't dance if you don't have to. Your work is incredibly stressful because it's *work*. Dancing is stressful too but in other ways. You're getting paid a salary / guaranteed money. Dancing is a hustle and I wouldn't dare throw myself into that world or any other form of sex work if i didn't have to. If the only negative about your work is that it is stressful and you're not passionate about it anymore, I would stick with it and pick up a hobby or something. I wouldn't leave my salary work to start dancing just because I didn't feel passionate about it anymore. I was just reading a post by a camgirl the other day saying that she didn't enjoy her work but it's work. She said "as long as the guy thinks I'm enjoying my work, that is all that matters". I would look at things that way. I feel like dancing at this point in your life would be a setback instead of a step forward but take this with a grain of salt as I'm working my way out of the industry this year.

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    God/dess Gia2608's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    I am in the exact same boat as you, well except the fact I need to ht the gym real hard for about 4-6 weeks and could not really just go to a club right this second.. I really miss dancing and am planning to go back to supplement my income and as a hobby. I also know I have a limited time due when I do.


    If I were you I would maintain the vanilla job and dance part time a few nights a week. See if you can find something else in the industry that you like better than the current job? It seems to me like it is the job you are unhappy with and not the field. Is it possible to do the same type of work but on a freelance basis (not sure what type of work it is) so you can start your own company?

    That would give you a little more freedom, hopefully help you to save a little extra money.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"




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    Featured Member ScarletKitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Hi hun! Nice to see you back on SW again.

    Maybe try going back to dance for one night and see how it goes. Taking some time off from dancing might be what you needed, and going back won't be so bad. If you are currently unhappy with your other job, then there is nothing wrong with trying to dance again. Don't quit your job just yet, but dance one night first, and then reassess how you feel about it all afterwards. I quit stripping in 2015 for a year, and I never thought I would go back. I thought I was done. I was burned out with PTS and was so over it. But I ended up returning to stripping, and I love it again. I've learned to deal with things better this time around, and I have a tougher attitude, which helps guys not fuck with me like they used to.

    So, going back might be good for you. It's difficult to say what is long term and what isn't. Anything can change at any time. But if you feel the pull to return, I think you should follow that feeling.

    If you're not pregnant now, I wouldn't worry about the smoke. Also, who cares what family and friends think. Don't tell them you're dancing if they are just going to judge you. As far as not knowing how much you'll make at the club, there is only one way to find out.

    xoxo



    "They say that we got nothing but a dollar for a life of sin." - B

    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils, like a drunk beauty queen." - LDR

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Thank you ScarletKitten! It's nice to be back on Stripperweb. Besides my boyfriend there's no one I can talk to about dancing. And while I love my boyfriend and he won't stand in my way, he's not over the moon about me going back either...I see both sides of the coin.

    I'm totally burnt out in my field, this new employer just happened to be a crazy stressful place in which I figured it out. The problem is I have student loans coming out of forbearance in May, and the payments will be sky high. I feel torn; 1) I either stay in an industry I'm not longer happy in 2) I find a new career but making that transition financially is difficult since I know it won't (more than likely) be able to cover my bills plus student loan payments 3) I go back to dancing which has a time stamp and money isn't secure...but I do enjoy parts of the job...even if temporary...but that's scary too since I don't know what I want to do. I feel like I want to be happy and make money, and it doesn't feel like I can have both.

    I'm not saying dancing is my 100% perfect answer, especially when I know I don't want to do it long term. I keep finding myself being drawn to going back, and I'm just at a loss in my life and it's making me confused and depressed. It's something I've been struggling with daily.

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Honestly stick with the day job or take another equivalent job. I botched up my whole 2016 thinking that going back to stripping would solve all my problems. Nope, it's just made life more complicated.

    The other option is resume school to take advantage of putting off some of the student loan payments.

    I love dancing but the ugly truth is it wears on you more & more the older you get. The annoying people, the aches and pains, the merry-go-round of drama.
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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Hi,

    I can totally relate to your situation. I'm a bone cancer survivor and spent almost 2 years battling the awful disease. As you can imagine that was an extremely depressing and difficult time in my life, and as if that wasn't hard enough I was being buried in debt with each passing month. I met my boyfriend shortly after I was finally done with the osteosarcoma surgery and treatments. When I was ready to work again I started at a clothing store, which was alright but no where near enough to get me out of my financial situation. I then took second job teaching ballet and working in the retail shop at a dance studio that a friend of mine owns, which I really love doing. Once again though, I just wasn't getting myself free of the debt fast enough, so I went back to dancing only part time to keep the pain in my leg to minimum. My boyfriend wasn't supportive at all when I first told him that I was thinking about dancing again, but he knew and understood my financial situation. He knew that I was a dancer before I was diagnosed and acted like he was cool with that, but he figured that I wouldn't want to dance again. It took him a while to be okay with me dancing, but we eventually worked through it.

    Its stressful being a workaholic having 3 jobs, but its been the best solution to my overwhelming debt. I don't really like working at the clothing store especially back between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I've hanged in there until something better comes along that offers more pay. I know your career job might not be ideal for you, but I would definitely keep working there until you find something that you might enjoy doing with equal or a better salary. If your boyfriend is cool with you dancing again, I would try to do both if your schedule allows it just so you have extra income saved up for bills and the student loans. If you get pregnant you can always look at getting a part time job to keep the extra income coming in until your out on maternity leave. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you!

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Maybe taking your entrepreneur skills from dancing and apply them to another business? I know after dancing I could not work for an employer again for any length of time but I could not deal with dancing anymore either. Like Snuffle said, I think I'm just too old to deal with the bullshit or the club culture. Now I cam and sell on ebay and I'm much happier. You could sell on ebay, etsy, amazon, shopify, poshmark, create your own product or resell other products. Or use your skills to freelance online (I don't know what your industry is.)

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Just to clarify for everyone; I'm in the Foodservice Industry as a Restaurant Manager (high volume, tourist location/themed restaurant).

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    I would definitely not dance if I was pregnant. That smoke is so not worth it... and you'll be more expose to alcohol... and one thing leads to another, unless you have a really strong will.

    So take the vanilla job, it may be scary, but you'll get back in the groove of things. Maybe continue to dance on the side until you feel comfortable with your vanilla job, or when you get pregnant. Adjust accordingly... dancing is always there, but the vanilla jobs aren't.

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post

    Maybe try going back to dance for one night and see how it goes.


    xoxo
    Seconding this. I was in a somewhat similar boat as you--used dancing as a way to support myself while I interned in my field, got a stressful job in my field, missed the flexibility and money of dancing...etc. etc. So I went back for one night. Then, all the bullshit came pouring back onto me and I remembered why I had wanted to leave clubs in the first place.

    Your experience might be like mine, or it might be like ScarletKitten's, but either way it should tell you something about the right direction for you right now. That knowledge could help you feel less lost.

    It's also possible you have an emotional attachment to dancing. Leaving can be harder than starting in my experience.

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    Veteran Member lovelydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Winged Dinghy I definitely agree with you that I have an emotional connection to dancing. Yes I like the flexibility and money, but I feel like dancing allows me to be creative and I think part of me misses those freedoms. I also have never been fired/let go from dancing, while jobs in my regular field have (the one was the company downsizing, the other was because I stood up against something totally unethical/immoral and it blew up in my face). Those companies I was let go from I was really emotionally attached to, so when I was let go it shattered me. Dancing in a strange way makes me feel like I have control. Versus a regular job I feel like I'm always at the mercy of others and can potentially suffer whether I do the right thing or not.

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Quote Originally Posted by lovelydancer View Post
    Just to clarify for everyone; I'm in the Foodservice Industry as a Restaurant Manager (high volume, tourist location/themed restaurant).
    I totally believe that's stressful. My manager at the restaurant low-key hated on me for years because she thought I retired off of my sex industry income (not true but I let her think that.) I just don't have what it takes to handle a busy restaurant environment.
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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    When you are working in the job world as an employee or even contractor there is always a risk your job will be downsized or completely eliminated and with the changing times (technology, outsourcing, contract work etc.) it's happening more and more.

    You should never go into something because it is what everyone else thinks you are suppose to do. It's your life - live it and earn a living in a way that makes you fulfilled and hopefully less stressed and of course more happy.

    There is always going to be stress when it comes to work whether it's working in sex work or not. Doesn't mean you should suffer in it any longer then you need to. Stress is pretty much the number one killer in most diseases so if you can keep your stress levels on the lower end with less triggers then things seems to go more on the happy and joyful side.

    I am on a path to leave the sex industry for good, and for me it is not being someone's employer that is something that is really in my core values/beliefs so I am on a path to create my own personal brand. It's not easy but it's my passion I know it will come with it's own level of stress but I am also prepared to handle it and not have it completely effect my total health and well being.

    I stay working as a cam model for the time being because the money earned in it is greater then earning minimum wage and the overall stress level is much lower then when I was working as an escort, stripper, or massage girl. I know based on my "formal education and job experience" my options are minimum wage retail or customer service work.

    I honestly don't have the time and resources to put myself into a college program where there is no solid guarantee of income or career options at the end of it. I got myself in government funded education programs that was enough college experience for me to see what my life would look like If I got into a degree program.

    Something I've accepted when I took on the path of being a sex worker for over a decade. luckily it's not complete gloom and doom there is a path out there for me and I've found it which I am very grateful for.

    Basically working comes down to 3 options.
    1. make your current job/career better find ways to get re-motivated and re-passionate.
    2. find or create a supporting career/job hopefully it's a passion that can be turned into a source of income
    3. Then there is completely start over and find a new career path.

    There is going to be a huge transition and lots feeling like you are lost but it is only until you have figured out what is working for you, then there is the "I found what I am good at or want You to do" so how do You put in action phase. No matter which direction you end up or if you are still in the discovery phase you still need to make a living.

    So having a solid vision of what you want to do and how you are going to get it and also knowing what you need to do to have short sacrifice for long term gain is the way of reaching that blissful life.
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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Sorry, had to..
    Good luck OP




    Quote HK: Remember, dick gets hard, brain shuts off, money flows from the pocket.

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    If you're dying to quit your career job, I would secure a dinky vanilla position elsewhere before leaving your current position for dancing. It's so much easier to find a vanilla job when you already have a vanilla job - you're a million times more attractive to employers. So even if you get a part-time job in a grocery store and then dance part-time, I think it's important to get something before you leave your current position. Steady money so you can comfortably ride the ups and downs of dancing. Especially with your student loans coming up due - having stable partial income will save your mental health, IMO.

    Dancing is fantastic as a side gig and can be an absolute nightmare as your sole source of income. A fucking ​nightmare.

    Also, make sure you work out the stickier details - where you'll be getting your health insurance now that you won't have it through an employer, etc.

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Careers have a habit of changing on us. I've been out in the career world for 12 years. I have my CPA, I got an MBA along the way. I've worked in industry. I've flipped houses. I'm the owner of my own business now. A long way from the grind of accounting and longer from the grind of dancing. Be flexible with your career. No one knows where it will lead. If you had asked me in 2004 if I'd be a CEO by 2014, I'd have said you are crazy. Yet, I'm the CEO. A small company, just 56 FTEs and 2016 sales were $9.8 million. But, still a CEO. Use what you have and go where the money is.
    Last edited by Zofia; 01-14-2017 at 04:09 PM.

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    Default Re: At a Crossroads

    Quote Originally Posted by Zofia View Post
    Careers have a habit of changing on us. I've been out in the career world for 12 years. I have my CPA, I got an MBA along the way. I've worked in industry. I've flipped houses. I'm the owner of my own business now. A long way from the grind of accounting and longer from the grind of dancing. Be flexible with your career. No one knows where it will lead. If you had asked me in 2004 if I'd be a CEO by 2014, I'd have said you are crazy. Yet, I'm the CEO. A small company, just 56 FTEs and 2016 sales were $9.8 million. But, still a CEO. Use what you have and go where the money is.
    That's pretty damn good - sales per employee of 180k is good, but the 56 FTEs in 12 years is awesome. Only a very few businesses ever crack the 10m annual revenue mark.


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