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Thread: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

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    Dizzy Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Hello Ladies, I will make this as brief as I can. I don't have anywhere else to turn. I have a vanilla job and I do cam/PSO work on the side every now and then. My vanilla job takes up all of my time. I work for largest software, app development, IOS provider (keeping it there) and I make 32,000 a year. I used to make 6 figures and now I make this. I get harassed daily (along with a few coworkers by an overbearing manager), I HATE my job and have been looking for many others but can't find anything over $16.00 an hour to pay my rent and bills....

    Anyway I am majorly depressed, when at work and the phone rings, my heart races, I am always shaking, I drink every single day, I barely eat and I am so unhappy with this job. I was admitted to the emergency room and to spend the night in the hospital last year because of it and I've tried thinking "positive" and praying. I am a go-getter, served in the military and all...I have sought every job source and resource possible and I feel hopeless. I just came out of a depression and don't need another one. I even thought about dropping a weight on my hand to break it just to get out of work (yeah I am going fucking crazy). I dream about this company and my manager yelling at me, I've even wet the bed a few times. I am tightly wound up and feel hopeless.

    Would quitting and going PSO/Cam full time be wise? I feel like I don't know how to make a decision. As a grown woman I feel stuck, hurt, angry, anxious and depressed. I just wanted and needed to vent. HR is not an option...tried all of that. Any advise? thanks.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    I remember you posting awhile back about dancing. I am sorry you are going through this. I would not quit a full time job with a guaranteed check so impulsively if you do not have a lot of savings. I WOULD try either dancing or camming or PSO at night or on the weekends PT for a little bit and see how it goes for while.
    XoXo Gia
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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Quote Originally Posted by Gia2608 View Post
    I remember you posting awhile back about dancing. I am sorry you are going through this. I would not quit a full time job with a guaranteed check so impulsively if you do not have a lot of savings. I WOULD try either dancing or camming or PSO at night or on the weekends PT for a little bit and see how it goes for while.
    I am doing that but definitely need to increase. I hate regrets and it is effecting me horribly, even tried metal health leave...Nope, therapist won't approve it (bitch) even though I am crying in her office weekly.

    I have to find a way to make this job work for me...it's kind of crazy because I kind of don't want to...but also don't want to end up homeless.

    Thank you for responding, I really need to get out of my head!!!

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Switch jobs, or if possible re-enlist in the armed services. I think if the day job is that stressful $32K annually is not worth it.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    It sounds like this job is torturing you. It doesn't matter how much you're getting paid there. If it has gotten to the point that this job is making you lose your mind, you need to quit. I'm being straight-up here. You are even having nightmares about it. That's horrible and is a major sign that it's affecting you on all levels. I mean, you've even considered self-harm to get out of your job?? Girl, LEAVE. No amount of money is worth your mental health. Find another job, or do cam/phone sex/stripping until you can land another vanilla job somewhere else. But whatever you do, you need to quit that job. Your sanity will thank you for it. Hell, even the worst days of stripping sounds less traumatic than what you're going through right now.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Actually Scarlett Kitten makes a lot of sense. You do need to leave the job but I think maybe make like a 6 week exit strategy. If you know you have an end date it might be slightly less intolerable.
    XoXo Gia
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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    I work for largest software, app development, IOS provider (keeping it there) and I make 32,000 a year. I used to make 6 figures and now I make this
    You said you were making 6 figures? what happened that your salary was slashed like that? that is not normal, that is extremely abusive towards an employee.

    I work in software development too and you should always be making bank, it is one of the most job secure and lucrative vanilla industry out there, at the very least quit right now and create a startup (potential employers always like this resume hole believe it or not), you have a 10% chance of making millions. You can always cam to foot the bills.

    http://fundersandfounders.com/how-to-start-a-startup/

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    It sounds like this job is torturing you. It doesn't matter how much you're getting paid there. If it has gotten to the point that this job is making you lose your mind, you need to quit. I'm being straight-up here. You are even having nightmares about it. That's horrible and is a major sign that it's affecting you on all levels. I mean, you've even considered self-harm to get out of your job?? Girl, LEAVE. No amount of money is worth your mental health. Find another job, or do cam/phone sex/stripping until you can land another vanilla job somewhere else. But whatever you do, you need to quit that job. Your sanity will thank you for it. Hell, even the worst days of stripping sounds less traumatic than what you're going through right now.
    I have to agree with this. This job is literally driving you mad, to the point of crying in your therapist's office every week and have seriously considered hurting yourself to get out of work. If you were saying this stuff about stripping or camming, the immediate response from pretty much everyone on the planet would be "omg, quit now! This job is obviously destroying your soul - it's not worth it!" Well, that rule applies to other jobs too, guaranteed paycheck and prestigious company, or not. 32k a year is not even close to worth it for what you're putting up with and the effect it's having on you.

    Is your aversion to quitting to go fulltime at pso/cam work because you feel like it would have the same mental health affect to be full time in the adult industry, or is it a notion that you'd be "taking a step backwards" when you think you should be at an age where you're supporting yourself with vanilla work?

    If it's the first, then fbsmgirl had some good ideas for outside-the-box hustles while you look for something else. Also, you say you're only making 32k a year but don't want to take a job that only pay $16/hr? I know it's not rolling in dough or anything, but a full time gig at 16/hr comes out to roughly the same as this 32k salary that is taking up all your time and giving you these kinds of side effects. And if you're getting 16/hr at a better company, you may even have the energy to pick up another part time job for extra financial padding. Right now, you don't seem to have the time or energy to even think about that.

    If it's the second reason, and you just feel like you should be further along by now, don't beat yourself up! There's not wrong with admitting that one particular job in the world is not good for you and doing what you have to have to do while you quit that and look for other options. You will find something else. I don't want to dismiss the struggle you've gone through so far in trying to find a decent job, but a 32k/yr, miserable hellhole that is making you depressed and anxious constantly cannot possibly the only job in the world that you'll ever get. It just realistically cannot be. Once you quit and have more time and mental energy, it will be easier to find other things or consider more "out there" options. If you can mentally handle adult work better until you have a new plan, then don't hold yourself back from quitting the miserable job out of feeling that you shouldn't "have" to at this point. Sometimes you need to backtrack a little to get onto a better path.

    This job is killing you. Please get out of it and take care of yourself. The fact that it's a "normal" job means nothing if it's causing you this level of distress. Like I said, if you were describing an adult industry job with those descriptions, everyone would tell you to quit instantly. No job​ is worth this level of damage to you.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    It sounds like this job is torturing you. It doesn't matter how much you're getting paid there. If it has gotten to the point that this job is making you lose your mind, you need to quit. I'm being straight-up here. You are even having nightmares about it. That's horrible and is a major sign that it's affecting you on all levels. I mean, you've even considered self-harm to get out of your job?? Girl, LEAVE. No amount of money is worth your mental health. Find another job, or do cam/phone sex/stripping until you can land another vanilla job somewhere else. But whatever you do, you need to quit that job. Your sanity will thank you for it. Hell, even the worst days of stripping sounds less traumatic than what you're going through right now.


    You are so right. I am miserable. I am beyond miserable. I am considering hurting myself to get disability. Smdh. I can't join the service again. I am not in the position to quit any job but you are right. This shit is not worth $32,000 and the company is Apple. I am constantly craving to drink just to get me through the day. I'm expected to sound chipper and upbeat but I can't. I want to tell these people to go fucking burn. Smdh. I have prayed and prayed and it's like nothing is being heard. I don't want to end up homeless. That happened before and I am very afraid of it happening again. Deep down I don't let anyone fuck with me but I feel very fearful. I really appreciate the good vibes and keeping it real.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    I have to agree with this. This job is literally driving you mad, to the point of crying in your therapist's office every week and have seriously considered hurting yourself to get out of work. If you were saying this stuff about stripping or camming, the immediate response from pretty much everyone on the planet would be "omg, quit now! This job is obviously destroying your soul - it's not worth it!" Well, that rule applies to other jobs too, guaranteed paycheck and prestigious company, or not. 32k a year is not even close to worth it for what you're putting up with and the effect it's having on you.

    Is your aversion to quitting to go fulltime at pso/cam work because you feel like it would have the same mental health affect to be full time in the adult industry, or is it a notion that you'd be "taking a step backwards" when you think you should be at an age where you're supporting yourself with vanilla work?

    If it's the first, then fbsmgirl had some good ideas for outside-the-box hustles while you look for something else. Also, you say you're only making 32k a year but don't want to take a job that only pay $16/hr? I know it's not rolling in dough or anything, but a full time gig at 16/hr comes out to roughly the same as this 32k salary that is taking up all your time and giving you these kinds of side effects. And if you're getting 16/hr at a better company, you may even have the energy to pick up another part time job for extra financial padding. Right now, you don't seem to have the time or energy to even think about that.

    If it's the second reason, and you just feel like you should be further along by now, don't beat yourself up! There's not wrong with admitting that one particular job in the world is not good for you and doing what you have to have to do while you quit that and look for other options. You will find something else. I don't want to dismiss the struggle you've gone through so far in trying to find a decent job, but a 32k/yr, miserable hellhole that is making you depressed and anxious constantly cannot possibly the only job in the world that you'll ever get. It just realistically cannot be. Once you quit and have more time and mental energy, it will be easier to find other things or consider more "out there" options. If you can mentally handle adult work better until you have a new plan, then don't hold yourself back from quitting the miserable job out of feeling that you shouldn't "have" to at this point. Sometimes you need to backtrack a little to get onto a better path.

    This job is killing you. Please get out of it and take care of yourself. The fact that it's a "normal" job means nothing if it's causing you this level of distress. Like I said, if you were describing an adult industry job with those descriptions, everyone would tell you to quit instantly. No job​ is worth this level of damage to you.


    Thank you so very much for the support. I am just afraid if I go full time PSO AND CAM that I won't make enough for bills since nothing is guaranteed and we can have good weeks and bad weeks. I was looking into another job, even if it pays less and then just doing PSO and Cam along with that one. After speaking with you ladies I really do feel the support and I have to go. My gut and anxiety has been telling me that for a while now and I guess I do have to just take a leap on faith. That fucking therapist had the nerve to say that she is unable to put me on mental health leave or a break because I won't be in a hospital. What a dumb bitch. You can have convalescence at home!! Yes when I think about wanting to drop a weight on my hand or foot just to get a break does seem crazy...but that's how desperate I feel.

    Thank you so much. I'm gonna have to quit. I have to. And I am putting in my notice today. Tired of the harassment, the heart flutters, this shit is crazy. I'm just so afraid of becoming homeless. No family or back up plan.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Honestly even a "Joe job" like working at Target or doing book keeping will keep you afloat.

    I hope this gets sorted out. Life is too short to have a plain job make you miserable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DeathAndTaxes View Post
    You said you were making 6 figures? what happened that your salary was slashed like that? that is not normal, that is extremely abusive towards an employee.

    I work in software development too and you should always be making bank, it is one of the most job secure and lucrative vanilla industry out there, at the very least quit right now and create a startup (potential employers always like this resume hole believe it or not), you have a 10% chance of making millions. You can always cam to foot the bills.

    http://fundersandfounders.com/how-to-start-a-startup/

    I was making 6 figures in Afghanistan as government contractor and am now back in the states. Am even trying to get back over there. It is this civilian job that has me making this low amount.That was over 4 year ago....that money is long gone.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??



    ***Thanks for the positive feedback and the well wishes.


    I am certainly looking into a lower stress job like Target or something and doing more cam/pso....while applying for others. I would like to get back overseas if I can (where I made 6 figures) but that is not an option RIGHT NOW. My mental health is more important and I am gonna put in my notice Monday...I can't do it any more. I let fear and anxiety skew my thinking.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    I was making 6 figures in Afghanistan as government contractor and am now back in the states. Am even trying to get back over there. It is this civilian job that has me making this low amount.That was over 4 year ago....that money is long gone.
    Oh my mistake, since you are quitting Apple at the very least consider getting the hell out of Silicon Valley (assuming you are living there), the cost of living will kill all your earnings.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    If that's you in your profile pic, you're attractive enough to dance on weekends in some major cities, including Vegas. I'm NOT saying that will solve all your problems but once you get ahead on things to where you have good savings & a credit card, you can take trips out of town to dance & build up money that way.

    Though honestly if you could go back to the contract job overseas that would work better, seeing as you already have done it.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Have you danced or cammed before?
    I had to quit my job because of stress as well. I used to dance from age 20-24. I am now 28 and getting back in to it. I have danced in between here and there but never fully committed to it like I am now.
    Camming is just not for me and I have been working on a degree for ten years and am going to school full time and going to dance starting in February.
    I gave my notice to my job; they would not work with my schedule for school and I just can't stand the co-workers/boss/9-5 routine. I may regret it but the way things are going, I think it will improve my life.
    My body is ALWAYS sore from stress. I can't eat also. I iam always tired but can't sleep.
    When I danced I felt freedom, control and power.
    The club I am going to here, most of the girls keep the themselves which is nice.
    I am a little scared but I just feel guided to do this rather than continue the mundane routine I repeat every day which is driving me craazy.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Amy Lee,
    I would like to response to your question about doing pso/camming full time. Actually, I would advise you to look into doing a part-time job and still doing pso/camming work. In fact, I worked at a slaughterhouse for three years while doing pso work part-time and it was not stressful. Then, I started to do pso work full-time and made good money. Maybe you should look into less stressful part-time jobs such as Steakhouse hostess? Also, have you thought about getting back into the construction contractor game?


    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    Hello Ladies, I will make this as brief as I can. I don't have anywhere else to turn. I have a vanilla job and I do cam/PSO work on the side every now and then. My vanilla job takes up all of my time. I work for largest software, app development, IOS provider (keeping it there) and I make 32,000 a year. I used to make 6 figures and now I make this. I get harassed daily (along with a few coworkers by an overbearing manager), I HATE my job and have been looking for many others but can't find anything over $16.00 an hour to pay my rent and bills....

    Anyway I am majorly depressed, when at work and the phone rings, my heart races, I am always shaking, I drink every single day, I barely eat and I am so unhappy with this job. I was admitted to the emergency room and to spend the night in the hospital last year because of it and I've tried thinking "positive" and praying. I am a go-getter, served in the military and all...I have sought every job source and resource possible and I feel hopeless. I just came out of a depression and don't need another one. I even thought about dropping a weight on my hand to break it just to get out of work (yeah I am going fucking crazy). I dream about this company and my manager yelling at me, I've even wet the bed a few times. I am tightly wound up and feel hopeless.

    Would quitting and going PSO/Cam full time be wise? I feel like I don't know how to make a decision. As a grown woman I feel stuck, hurt, angry, anxious and depressed. I just wanted and needed to vent. HR is not an option...tried all of that. Any advise? thanks.
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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Quote Originally Posted by DonaDiabla View Post
    Amy Lee,
    I would like to response to your question about doing pso/camming full time. Actually, I would advise you to look into doing a part-time job and still doing pso/camming work. In fact, I worked at a slaughterhouse for three years while doing pso work part-time and it was not stressful. Then, I started to do pso work full-time and made good money. Maybe you should look into less stressful part-time jobs such as Steakhouse hostess? Also, have you thought about getting back into the construction contractor game?
    Hi DonaDiabla,

    Absolutely. As we speak and over the last few weeks I've been applying like crazy to get back overseas to be a contractor, I don't even care if it is Iraq at this point...I've also been on job sites applying for local jobs as well because your idea really came to me as well. Do something part-time as I do PSO/Cam work and STILL keep applying for the overseas positions in the mean time. They take so long to hire you for security reasons mainly. I had a damn dream about working last night again.

    The thing that just seems "odd" to me is I've never been this afraid to try and make a move or this desperate and it feels so weird. I really am a hustler, something just feels different now. Perhaps I need to stop "feeling" and just do. I appreciate being able to talk to you girls about it because the "friends" that I have just keep saying: "well you have to do what you have to do" (ass*holes).

    Looking into bartending, hostess work too and I am really friendly so I feel I would be great at them, or assisting a bartender. I am thinking waaaaaaay outside the box here because this is ridiculous at this point. I MATTER. MY HAPPINESS MATTERS!

    ***I even went and took the postal exam (and passed with a good score) and have been applying to postal jobs even if they are an hour away...ANYTHING to get away from this current one***

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    Quote Originally Posted by SativaDiva3 View Post
    Have you danced or cammed before?
    I had to quit my job because of stress as well. I used to dance from age 20-24. I am now 28 and getting back in to it. I have danced in between here and there but never fully committed to it like I am now.
    Camming is just not for me and I have been working on a degree for ten years and am going to school full time and going to dance starting in February.
    I gave my notice to my job; they would not work with my schedule for school and I just can't stand the co-workers/boss/9-5 routine. I may regret it but the way things are going, I think it will improve my life.
    My body is ALWAYS sore from stress. I can't eat also. I iam always tired but can't sleep.
    When I danced I felt freedom, control and power.
    The club I am going to here, most of the girls keep the themselves which is nice.
    I am a little scared but I just feel guided to do this rather than continue the mundane routine I repeat every day which is driving me craazy.
    That is the thing about stress...it will literally kill us. I was told that when I was admitted to the hospital: "reduce your stress." I looked at the doctor and just said it is easy to say in your position. I understand exactly what you mean...life is just too short not to be happy. I like to be there for others as well and you sound like your plan is something that will work for you. The reason I want to keep a pert-time vanilla job is because pso and cam are kind of unpredictable for me...I've left and came back and left again so I don't have REGULARS...that can make it hard to anticipate being able to take care of bills.Today I really am deciding to try and stop worrying....it will be what it will be...I just don't want to be homeless because there is no one to fall back on.

    Anyway back to you, I hate the workers and 9 to 5 routine too...now to be honest I would deal with a certain level of stress if the paycheck was about $70,000 or more LOL...then all I would have to think about is my pay, they can do what they want LOL!!! It felt good to laugh out loud at that moment for real! We can do this! I have to believe that, the alternative is not the answer (being miserable and stressed which leads to suicidal thoughts and to some...the actual action).

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    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    Honestly even a "Joe job" like working at Target or doing book keeping will keep you afloat.

    I hope this gets sorted out. Life is too short to have a plain job make you miserable.
    It's not me, but she and I do look a like (hair, skin tone) except I am probably 45 pounds heavier...this is why stripping isn't really an option right now. LOL. as I am applying for contracting I am gonna get a part time position and go really s=full force with camming and pso.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    32K is not a whole lot of money if you're that miserable.

    Maybe become an Uber driver?

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    It's not me, but she and I do look a like (hair, skin tone) except I am probably 45 pounds heavier...this is why stripping isn't really an option right now. LOL. as I am applying for contracting I am gonna get a part time position and go really s=full force with camming and pso.
    If you're drinking every night, then your job is also hurting your beauty too. No job is worth losing looks for.

  39. #23
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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    First thing to do, which will result in immediate improvement, is stop drinking. Go to AA if you need help.

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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    I agree. Ditch Apple. It's not worth it to be this depressed over a job that only pays 32k. I would find a part time vanilla job (like a receptionist at a spa, or somewhere peaceful) and cam until you find something that pays well and doesn't drive you to the brink. Life is too short.

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  42. #25
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    Default Re: Stepping out on Faith or Stupidity??

    LoveyDovey you are correct and I am looking into just that for now until I go back overseas. I appreciate feedback such as yours and a few others in the beginning who read my original post. Have a great night!

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