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Thread: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

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    Default My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    How is she pulling 1,000$ nights back to back? It's not the greatest club and it's not like we live in some crazy rich city. Maybe I'm being skeptical but is that normal for her, is it. Or al for your dudes to get a little jealous or skeptical? Also any strippers wanna toss in some do's and dont's of dating a dancer?

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Is she perhaps exaggerating her money? Is she maybe very good at bullshitting and selling champagne rooms? All it takes is 1-2 good customers a night. Anything is possible financially.

    Don't start accusing her of anything and do not sit there and make up imaginary scenarios in your head to worry about. If you don't have trust in her that she's telling the truth, you don't have a relationship. She is coming home to YOU at the end of the night.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Yeah I'm not comi at her sideways making accusations at all but naw she comes back to my house with her money. I see it all. But yeah getting in my head about it doesn't help me. I wanna try and talk to her but she gets defensive easily which I understand with the stigma with the job.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    ^ Yeah... I mean, I would get defensive if my SO started asking how I managed to make that much and insinuated I was doing shit behind his back...

    To be honest, this sounds like mostly a 'you' problem and that you don't seem to trust her. Can't help you there, sorry.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Idk. Have you both discussed the boundaries beforehand? Aside from the extra money, Has she given you any other reason to believe more is going on???
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    I can fully agree it's a me problem but due to more past stuff it's hard for me to trust her. But that's not Job stuff so I try not to bleed it into the other, and def don't wanna press her on her past cuz I wanna move passed that shit anyways. Def an inner struggle really looking for advice to makes more comfortable.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Well at first I said I didn't want anything serious but it's starting to turn into that and I'm def open to it cuz she's an amazing person all in all and I can truly say I have feelings for her which I usually don't have.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    So no didn't really discuss boundaries. And the only reason I have to believe more is going on is because she's told me it happens at her club, and that she makes money. That's just the job related stuff, plus past things she's done, I guess that stuff truly bothers me more than job related shit. Like even if she told me she was doing other stuff I feel like it would be less stress than what I'm making up in my head. Idk this relationship is fresh so I'm just tryna figure out where I stand. But how often does stuff go on in VIP? Is it pretty common?

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Either stop worrying about it and trust her or don't be in a relationship with her. I don't think anything we say to you on here will help. Shit happens in VIP at every club but that doesn't mean every dancer is doing it.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    You should read the link on the second post it is pretty good.

    1. Talk about it.

    This is crucial. A lot of guys, when put in the situation of their partner/crush informing them that they do sex work, will instinctively reach towards some agreement like, “Well … okay ... you can do that, just never mention it to me.” This way lies madness. You'll build the sex work up in your head into something far worse than what it is – which is a job – and give your jealousy a virtually infinite amount of tawdry ammunition to work with. Talking about it will probably be awkward at first, but talk about it anyway. When you're able to discuss her day at work openly, it loses its power over your ego. The unspoken always hurts us more than what's said aloud.

    (Note: lots of sex workers might not be immediately keen to volunteer information about their work. Based on prior experience, they may assume that you won't be able to handle it, and frankly, most of the time they'll be right. It will probably be up to you to ask.)

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Mall of this has actually been helpful. Typing out and re reading my dumb thoughts that just like to think worst case scenario all the time, pointing out it's all a self thing helps. You telling me nothing you say will help, helps. But yes I did read that. Def gonna try and bring stuff up. But thanks everyone, this really has helped me realize I'm over reacting. And yes absolutleybread that, it was good forsure and answered a lot of questions I also had.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    First where are you located? $1,000/night is def doable in many places in the US. Secondly, she may she may not but you accusing her of it is only gonna piss her off and push her to do it since you're already accusing her why not just do it and make more money? Get it? Just have a calm conversation with her and ask her what are her boundaries in the VIP as far as touching goes. That should start the conversation.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    First where are you located? $1,000/night is def doable in many places in the US...Just have a calm conversation with her and ask her what are her boundaries in the VIP as far as touching goes. That should start the conversation.
    Very true, and excellent advice. Unless she has had issues in the past with jealous SOs, in which case talking about it could easily make it worse unless he is a master at intimate conversations and intimacy in general--but he is probably fucked whatever he does lol.

    Sorry, I am cynical...16 years in the business, and male staff have the same exact problems dating women outside the industry, trust me. Hell there are hordes of dancers that cannot deal with dating male staff either. This industry is not for weak egos, yet sooo many people of both sexes fall prey to the syndrome.


    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    ...she may she may not but you accusing her of it is only gonna piss her off and push her to do it since you're already accusing her why not just do it and make more money?
    Not the kind of woman I'd want anything to do with, sorry to say. Motivation for having sex with customers is that her SO doesn't like the idea? That's just crazy. Mind you I've known many, many men and women who have that little rationality and self-control.
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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Yeahyeahyeah View Post
    ...plus past things she's done...how often does stuff go on in VIP? Is it pretty common?
    Extremely common, especially in cities like Miami, Detroit, etc. That still doesn't mean she is likely to do it, even in the nasty clubs in nasty cities, but your odds are way worse.

    Not to be pessimistic, but if she has substance abuse issues, and comes home from work fucked up a lot, and she's been promiscuous in the past while intoxicated, your odds are not good. Get the hell away from that shit or get ready for heartbreak.

    If she never comes home fucked up, and her club doesn't have a bad reputation, and she is open & frank with you about these issues, your odds are very good--provided above all you can get a grip on your jealousy. That jealousy will kill the relationship faster than anything else you could possibly do. Women hate jealousy, with good reason. Of course they are usually just as jealous if the tables are turned he he--but so what? That doesn't help you (nor should you EVER try turning it around on her that way--far far better to just walk).

    Also, don't beat yourself up about having had some trouble with this. There are 99% of men out there that are going to have some trouble thinking of 'their' SO grinding on strange men's dicks for several hours a night. It flies in the face of all that romantic crap we are raised--men and women alike--to value above all else in relationships.

    And half of the 1% guys who CAN handle it, are taking the woman's money and buying drugs & lapdances from other women with it. Yes I am cynical, but I've also been in the business 16 years and watched this over and over and over again. The stereotyping is evil and wrong, but the stereotypes emphatically do exist--male and female, in and out of the business.

    All that being said...on the bright side--if you can get a grip on the jealousy, and she is cool--a man with the confidence to trust a woman in the business will really be appreciated by a woman used to most guys being insecure jerks freaking out on them.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    Extremely common, especially in cities like Miami, Detroit, etc. That still doesn't mean she is likely to do it, even in the nasty clubs in nasty cities, but your odds are way worse.

    Not to be pessimistic, but if she has substance abuse issues, and comes home from work fucked up a lot, and she's been promiscuous in the past while intoxicated, your odds are not good. Get the hell away from that shit or get ready for heartbreak.

    If she never comes home fucked up, and her club doesn't have a bad reputation, and she is open & frank with you about these issues, your odds are very good--provided above all you can get a grip on your jealousy. That jealousy will kill the relationship faster than anything else you could possibly do. Women hate jealousy, with good reason. Of course they are usually just as jealous if the tables are turned he he--but so what? That doesn't help you (nor should you EVER try turning it around on her that way--far far better to just walk).

    Also, don't beat yourself up about having had some trouble with this. There are 99% of men out there that are going to have some trouble thinking of 'their' SO grinding on strange men's dicks for several hours a night. It flies in the face of all that romantic crap we are raised--men and women alike--to value above all else in relationships.

    And half of the 1% guys who CAN handle it, are taking the woman's money and buying drugs & lapdances from other women with it. Yes I am cynical, but I've also been in the business 16 years and watched this over and over and over again. The stereotyping is evil and wrong, but the stereotypes emphatically do exist--male and female, in and out of the business.

    All that being said...on the bright side--if you can get a grip on the jealousy, and she is cool--a man with the confidence to trust a woman in the business will really be appreciated by a woman used to most guys being insecure jerks freaking out on them.
    Very interesting.

    I'm also wondering if they know, upfront, the woman is a dancer why they have so much trouble with it? Unrealistic expectations or cool at first then in hindsight not cool?

    Your idea that this situation goes against all the "romantic crap" we've all been brainwashed to believe is interesting. To some extent I think dating someone in adult industry is like having an open relationship.

    A lot of guys will go out looking for hot woman, go to strip club cause that's one place where hot women congregate, fall in love with stripper, try to take stripper out the club and make an "honest" woman of her OR complain incessantly about her job to encourage her to quit. It's like the insecurity or frustration or whatever feeling that comes up because the mind is stuck in rigid monogamy mode. Like they go in trying to conform the women to their ideals rather than accept/embrace what is.

    I realized this because my guy friend, who was in a 2 year relationship with a woman who became a stripper, told him about the .... shall we say grey area tactics she used in VIP. I was like damn! Dude how you not care or be jealous about that? He was unfazed as long as she wasn't doing OTC. Then I was like are yall in an open relationship? He was like I guess so.

    Kinda similar to that one member here who admitted she'd do extras in the club and she was married!!! I was like damn! I can't believe your husband is cool with that but she said as long as she didn't have sex with customers he was okay.

    I'm not inferring op gf is earning in the grey or black market but just saying maybe men have to redefine their idea of relationships and monogamy. And definitely have a discussion about boundaries and then trust she's honest. But like dj Oser said talking about this on the back end might trigger an issue but it's better tackled then left as pink elephant in the room.

    In my mind at least, I'd consider myself in an open relationship if I had a SO while working in adult Industry. Even if the dancer is not fucking/sucking their clients/customers it's still intimate job even if it is "acting" for work.

    Men Getting mad at their stripper gf is like women getting mad at pro athlete bf or male stripper bf (insert high status career where women lust after and throw themselves at men) ---- on some level you share your partner (you know this on the front end). You will be unhappy if you force your partner into a monogamy box or you go in with the wool over your eyes.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 01-27-2017 at 09:03 AM.
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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    fall in love with stripper, try to take stripper out the club and make an "honest" woman of her OR complain incessantly about her job to encourage her to quit.
    ...
    It's like the insecurity or frustration or whatever feeling that comes up because the mind is stuck in rigid monogamy mode. Like they go in trying to conform the women to their ideals rather than accept/embrace what is.
    Yup trophies instead of people.

    In my mind at least, I'd consider myself in an open relationship if I had a SO while working in adult Industry. Even if the dancer is not fucking/sucking their clients/customers it's still intimate job even if it is "acting" for work.

    Men Getting mad at their stripper gf is like women getting mad at pro athlete bf or male stripper bf (insert high status career where women lust after and throw themselves at men) ---- on some level you share your partner (you know this on the front end). You will be unhappy if you force your partner into a monogamy box or you go in with the wool over your eyes.
    The way I have always dealt with my partners being free is just treating safe sex like normal human interaction no different than chatting or flirting. But each relationship is unique some women will have fights over "emotional" cheating, while some men put women in veils. I only criticize the power asymmetries, but sometimes individuals really do practice de facto monogamy in an open relationship.

    If I am happy in a relationship I will damn well do anything in my power to reciprocate that feeling. That is my definition of loyalty.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    To be fair, I wouldn't date someone in the industry. I've seen too much with the male employees in the clubs lol.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    To be fair, I wouldn't date someone in the industry. I've seen too much with the male employees in the clubs lol.
    Yeah me too. So many of these guys seem to view their primary responsibility on the job to be banging as many of the dancers as they can.

    I'm no angel & I suppose it could happen again someday, but it's been a few years since I played where I work, after it contributed to losing a couple gigs--and most of these guys are way, way worse than I was. Really it is SO much wiser to simply wait until they go to another club to date them. Exercise a little restraint, for god's sake...
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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    First where are you located? $1,000/night is def doable in many places in the US. Secondly, she may she may not but you accusing her of it is only gonna piss her off and push her to do it since you're already accusing her why not just do it and make more money? Get it? Just have a calm conversation with her and ask her what are her boundaries in the VIP as far as touching goes. That should start the conversation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post

    Not the kind of woman I'd want anything to do with, sorry to say. Motivation for having sex with customers is that her SO doesn't like the idea? That's just crazy. Mind you I've known many, many men and women who have that little rationality and self-control.
    I kinda see arielbriel's point. Not that your girlfriend would specifically cross boundaries because you don't like the idea and she's doing it out of spite, but there is something to be said for the feeling of "if I'm not gonna be trusted anyway, what does it matter?" I don't not hook up with random guys from bars behind my boyfriend's back purely so I can feel good about my own character or something - I don't do it because he would feel bad if he ever found out and he trusts me not to. But if he was going to not trust me regardless and accuse me no matter what I did or didn't actually do, it's like why not? If you're constantly accusing your girlfriend of doing more in VIP than she says she is, maybe she isn't doing anything right now, not because her own morals are against it but because she wants to maintain your trust, but if she's gonna get accused anyway, she may decide fuck it.

    Obviously, the more mature course of action if there's constant trust issues would be to just break up, but I understand the point of if you want someone to remain trustworthy, you can't wear them down by constantly accusing them regardless of how they act because they may then decide there's no sense in trying to prove themselves anyway at that point.
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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    Obviously, the more mature course of action if there's constant trust issues would be to just break up, but I understand the point of if you want someone to remain trustworthy, you can't wear them down by constantly accusing them regardless of how they act because they may then decide there's no sense in trying to prove themselves anyway at that point.
    Good point. Far better to just walk away from that type. I wasn't sure from the OP's posts what his situation was.

    It's been many years since I've had any sort of 'What's your boundaries?' discussion, and it only happened with one woman, who was really too young anyway at 19, and brand new to the business. The younger & neophyte ones who are still viewing it as a substantial kick when younger guys in good shape get dances--especially if they also drink and/or do drugs at work--are not good SO material. I usually stay away from those--especially in my own club ha ha!

    There's a dancer from Lauderdale who has been sending me messages that she wants to come down & play, who has told me she still gets horny as hell in VIP, and has always been that way--so some experienced girls will just be that way--they really do exist. But even if I do take her up on it, I'd know better than to get emotionally involved!
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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    This is a lesson to not tell your man how much $$ you make.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine22 View Post
    This is a lesson to not tell your man how much $$ you make.
    Ding! It's also nobody's business. Last guy I went on a date with asked me how much I'd make in a night. Was so turned off, I said "no comment". Hate it when ppl ask. It's rude.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    None of us can tell you what she is doing in the back room. Anything we say is pure speculation based upon extremely limited information. Only she knows how she's earning her money. At the end of the day, you either trust her or you don't. This really boils down to whether or not you can handle what she does for work.

    About 15 years ago I found myself in a similar spot. I also thought I could handle it, but barely 3 weeks in I started to feel jealousy and paranoia creeping in. She had her hands full already as the sole provider and caregiver for herself and her young child, so the last thing she needed was additional grief coming from me. So I walked and it was at that moment that I realized that I just couldn't handle dating a dancer.

    Know thyself and be honest enough with yourself to figure out whether this is going to be an ongoing issue for you. If you ultimately figure out that you just can't handle her dancing, then you'd be doing her a favor by cutting her loose before you cause her a lot of unnecessary drama.

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    Default Re: My gf dances and says she doesn't get down in VIP like that but...

    We've talked a bit more, and I'm probably not cut out to date a dancer but I really like her and I've known her since before she danced. She said she's not doing anything, in going to trust her in that. and as far as not telling your man how much you make is up to you, the money isn't the only reason I think like that, mainly because I'm a guy and I know at times I'd have tossed a grand to fuck a stripper. Heard people talking about spending g a couple hundred to get off and shit. Obviously the thought crosses my mind.

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