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Thread: Learning to put yourself first / schedule conflicts in a relationship

  1. #1
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Learning to put yourself first / schedule conflicts in a relationship

    Hey ladies... not really sure where to start this thread.

    I have been in a relationship since last May with an amazing guy. He's everything I've ever wanted and more and never thought I would find someone like him. I really love him a lot and he loves me too. Regardless of all that, I've always found that men always put themselves first. I know relationships are about compromise but I feel like us women are always the ones compromising and the men never do. They do what is best for them and it is up for us to decide if we can deal with it or not.

    My bf works 6 10 hour shifts each week 6 am -4 pm and has his son on weekends (he actually has him for 2 whole weeks right now). When he has his son, half the time they are here at our house, and half the time they go down to his parents house, because they can help watch him while he is at work etc. His son is only 3 years old.

    I of course am a dancer, and my club isn't an independent contractor type club, we are employees and have to make our schedules a month ahead of time. I work 3 shifts a week. 2 of them 3:30 pm to 1 am during the week and 1 of them either 11:30 am - 6 pm or 5:30 pm - 1 am on Fridays. Any other clubs with decent day shifts are over an hour away and I don't know if that would be worth it.

    So not ONLY are our schedules opposite which makes things difficult in our relationship, the added stress of scheduling when he has his son cuts in to our time immensely. He has his son all week so I won't be seeing him until Saturday I'm going to go own to his parents house Wednesday to see them but we all know it's not the same as 1 on 1 time.

    I know his son comes first. I know I could get a different job to make our schedules line up better. But I wouldn't be making a quarter as much as I do dancing, and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy with the lifestyle change.

    I just feel like us women are always the ones having to make sacrifices in the relationship. Like if I want to be a priority at all, I'M THE ONE who always has to compromise, or it's too bad so sad, deal with it.

    I'm half venting and half looking for advice. When we finally get one on one time (maybe an hour a week) we are so happy. He is really a great man. I was single for 3 years because I wasn't going to commit to someone I didn't love and see a future with.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Learning to put yourself first / schedule conflicts in a relationship

    Yea that is a very young child, I'm glad that he's putting in the effort to be a good dad.
    However, I can see your point as well, for me this wouldn't work (dating someone w/a very young child)
    Idk what to tell you except if it were me, I'd be @ least considering keeping my options open.
    Good luck


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: Learning to put yourself first / schedule conflicts in a relationship

    Compromise means that you get something in return. If you are willing to alter your schedule make sure you get some of equal value in return.

    Now sacrificing is something you should not do, and something no man should ever ask. The relationship will fall apart if you resent making the sacrifices all the time.

    Happy wife, happy life as they say.

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    Default Re: Learning to put yourself first / schedule conflicts in a relationship

    Well I guess the bright side is, your man takes his fathering responsibilities seriously (which is not all that common unfortunately) and he's not afraid of hard work. While I agree that men are told to put themselves first while,women are encouraged to be self sacrificing martyers for their kids and boyfriends/husbands..the reasons he has for why he's busy are actual legit reasons and responsibilities. I don't think you should give up your job/responsibilities either. Jobs and kids are pretty much a "come first" kinda deal,but maybe you guys can talk things through and switch some things around?? And not just one person making all the changes either.
    Dating a single parent can be hard, but congrats it sounds like you found a good guy!
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    a motherfukin hustler kamikaze//I used to bus tables but now I sell my body

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    Default Re: Learning to put yourself first / schedule conflicts in a relationship

    It actually sounds like a good time to binge dance to me. It seems like just taking a small break to give him time with his kid would be ideal such as 5-6 days of just not seeing each other and then planning a date night in 7-8 days? It's probably good to keep your earnings consistent because if you start making time sacrifices to " help " more than you are really comfy with it could cause resentment and it sounds like the kid has a great option of staying with grand parents .

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Learning to put yourself first / schedule conflicts in a relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by miss1dancypants View Post
    Hey ladies... not really sure where to start this thread.

    I have been in a relationship since last May with an amazing guy. He's everything I've ever wanted and more and never thought I would find someone like him. I really love him a lot and he loves me too. Regardless of all that, I've always found that men always put themselves first. I know relationships are about compromise but I feel like us women are always the ones compromising and the men never do. They do what is best for them and it is up for us to decide if we can deal with it or not.

    My bf works 6 10 hour shifts each week 6 am -4 pm and has his son on weekends (he actually has him for 2 whole weeks right now). When he has his son, half the time they are here at our house, and half the time they go down to his parents house, because they can help watch him while he is at work etc. His son is only 3 years old.

    I of course am a dancer, and my club isn't an independent contractor type club, we are employees and have to make our schedules a month ahead of time. I work 3 shifts a week. 2 of them 3:30 pm to 1 am during the week and 1 of them either 11:30 am - 6 pm or 5:30 pm - 1 am on Fridays. Any other clubs with decent day shifts are over an hour away and I don't know if that would be worth it.

    So not ONLY are our schedules opposite which makes things difficult in our relationship, the added stress of scheduling when he has his son cuts in to our time immensely. He has his son all week so I won't be seeing him until Saturday I'm going to go own to his parents house Wednesday to see them but we all know it's not the same as 1 on 1 time.

    I know his son comes first. I know I could get a different job to make our schedules line up better. But I wouldn't be making a quarter as much as I do dancing, and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy with the lifestyle change.

    I just feel like us women are always the ones having to make sacrifices in the relationship. Like if I want to be a priority at all, I'M THE ONE who always has to compromise, or it's too bad so sad, deal with it.

    I'm half venting and half looking for advice. When we finally get one on one time (maybe an hour a week) we are so happy. He is really a great man. I was single for 3 years because I wasn't going to commit to someone I didn't love and see a future with.

    Remember the bold parts.....

    He works 60 hours a week and is responsible for his 3 yr old every weekend. He doesn't have a lot of time. And he isn't putting himself 1st.....

    if you work 3 shifts a week, shouldn't both of you be home from 4PM until he goes to sleep on the nights you don't work?

    In any case, a responsible parent with a child under 5 is going to have little to no 'free time.' If you are planning a future with this guy, realize that his child is part of the deal. Its not 'him' its 'them'. So if you see a future with him, it might be a good idea to start looking at his kid as family.

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