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Thread: Being single as an introvert

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    Default Being single as an introvert

    Hey girls, not sure if this is a rant or a question or just to see if I'm not alone in this or if there's any advice out there.

    So basically I've been single for a year and a half, the first year was my choice. I moved around 300 miles from my home town to grab a fresh start. And now I'm actively looking, I cannot find anyone worth managing work (camming) and a relationship for.

    I've tried, there was a couple of guys that I liked, but it fizzled out. Mostly I'm an introvert but when I get into a relationship I'm more extrovert because deep down I want to travel and do spontaneous things and really enjoy life how I want to. I don't have any friends, other than a few online, which suits me fine. I just want a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

    Anyone feel stuck like this? I'm so fussy when it comes to relationships, which I think is a good thing, because of work and morals and I need someone with similar interests as me, which is mainly video gaming. I can't find anyone.

    I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. I don't mean to sound arrogant right now, but I set my sights on someone considerably less attractive than me because he was a really nice guy, we had similar interests and that's what basically attracts me to someone. But he fizzled out, and I can't understand why because I'm kind, and generous, and I would be what my sister said was 'out of his league'. But here I am, still single, with everything fizzing out on me.

    Anyone feel like this? Like they're stuck in a rut, with no where to go, no fun spontaneity, no lover? It's maddening sometimes!

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    What games do you play? and why is it Counter Strike? j/k

    If you are willing to settle there are probably a million potential suitors out there, the only real skill is weeding out those that are sex worker negative. Seriously go to board game conferences, or friday night magic in you local game stores. You will never run out of potential suitors, and if you are shy (initially) take it as slow as you want until you are comfortable enough to go extroverted (when you build rapport), you seriously cannot fail to at least start a relationship.

    But he fizzled out, and I can't understand why because I'm kind, and generous, and I would be what my sister said was 'out of his league'. But here I am, still single, with everything fizzing out on me.

    But he fizzled out, and I can't understand why because I'm kind, and generous, and I would be what my sister said was 'out of his league'. But here I am, still single, with everything fizzing out on me.
    Sometimes relationships don't work out, don't beat yourself up because of one datapoint. Unless you want to date girls then things get flakey

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Things "fizzling" out is part of dating.

    Idk. The info is vague.

    Don't blame yourself. As long as you're not acting clingy / psycho and you have things going for yourself (career, spirituality / religion, passions / hobbies etc), decent communicator then you should eventually find someone compatible.

    Could it be the selection of guys? Where are you finding them? At what point is it fizzling out?
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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Having a healthy relationship while caming/dancing is like winning the relationship lottery. I'm an introvert- diagnosed with aspergers in my early 20's. I think being smart also makes it harder. I don't date casually. It's all or nothing- either Im his everything or I'll be nothing. Meaning I'm not dating just for fun or to hook up. I'm celibate until I feel a guy would make a good life partner and acts committed and loyal. I'm smart, sexy, and refuse to let a fuck boy waste my time. I think therefore I'm single.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Well one of the guys is an old childhood friend, and the other is someone I met within the gaming community. Both have gotten out of serious relationships recently, so I'm gonna guess and say that it's probably the reason why it has fizzled out with each of them. Even though I was very clear that I'm not wanting to rush into anything, but I also don't want to be a booty call. So perhaps they were just respecting the fact that they can't turn into fuck boys around me, and beg for something I'm not willing to give. That's probably the issue there. But I felt like it took me a long time to find them, and actually be interested in someone, and I just feel let down, even though it probably isn't my fault. I feel like I'm not going to find anyone.

    I do have lots to give for sure, I'm funny, smart, sexy, and i totally relate to what you said kamy. There's a lot to me, and I'm certain I am a good catch.

    Does anyone feel like sex work narrows the pool? On one hand I feel empowered, yet at the same time I feel less desirable by 'real life' men. I don't disclose my line of work to anyone unless there is a commitment to be made. Sometimes I feel put off by the modern man. I know not all men are into some of the stuff I deal with on cam, but it makes me wonder. I'd rather have camming and being empowered as a woman, rather than give it up for a man.

    I like girls too, I've been speaking to a girl recently who seems like someone I'd enjoy hanging out with and taking things slow with. So I will be patient, and see where life takes me.

    Even though it's sometimes extremely maddening that I can't do all the things I desire. How do you cope with that? I try and busy myself, work, hobbies, but at the end of the day, someone to text and flirt and cuddle with is still there.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    You are over thinking it. If you are willing to settle (big if, and never ever admit that you did) your dating pool is infinitely larger than you can imagine. Sex work or no sex work. This is a funny info-graphic but it tries to illustrate my point. (I disagree that the hottest women can't find anyone but I digress)



    If you are no longer competing with every other women for the best men (in the age of tinder no less), you literally cannot lose. You have to get out there and meet people, I personally know dozens of fellow gamers who would be lucky to just cuddle and text with you. Granted they will not rock your world, and they are probably more introverted than you... but all you have to do is hangout, build rapport and do it as slowly as you feel comfortable with.

    Of course this is only advice for starting a relationship.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I was going to say, you're a woman gamer who identifies as bisexual? When I was in school that was a whispered fantasy, no one thought someone like that could be real. I'm sure there're more women who game now but still. To a certain extent what DT says above is true, a lot of guys these days won't sack up and ask an attractive woman out.
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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I do know how you feel. I'm separated from someone I was with for 5 years and I'm an introvert, I suck with the opposite sex, or the same sex considering I'm into both, when I'm not at work, and don't know how to begin meeting people or trying to be in a relationship. The separation was his choice, not mine, and I was and still am very in love with him. The only reason I think about wanting another relationship is because I get lonely and I'm not used to being alone. I have been trying to push it out of my mind and focus on things that I like doing myself instead of trying to get into a relationship. Sadly, that's the only thing I can tell you is best based on personal experience.

    I know you want a relationship but if nothing is working right now perhaps take a break, focus on yourself and your own interests and try again? I've seen you can get burned out from dating just like you can get burned out from dancing.

    I also DO agree with the person who posted the funny chart above, I wouldn't really call it lowering your standards as much as I call it changing them. Perhaps look for different qualities than usual?

    Good luck to you <3

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I wouldn't really call it lowering your standards as much as I call it changing them. Perhaps look for different qualities than usual?
    Everybody has different standards, but she did kinda admit she was willing to settle on looks Really she has nothing to worry about, looks are fleeting, money can be made later and sex is a skill that can be improved. If she has this mentality her pool is huge, sex work or no sex work. She can go on a first date a day.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Sorry, DeathAndTaxes, but I believe that people should not settle if they have their hearts set on the best. Sure, she should make friends but she should not settle for any- old body just because she is lonely I am sure she could become friendly with the cute gamer guy or someone like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by DeathAndTaxes View Post
    You are over thinking it. If you are willing to settle (big if, and never ever admit that you did) your dating pool is infinitely larger than you can imagine. Sex work or no sex work. This is a funny info-graphic but it tries to illustrate my point. (I disagree that the hottest women can't find anyone but I digress)



    If you are no longer competing with every other women for the best men (in the age of tinder no less), you literally cannot lose. You have to get out there and meet people, I personally know dozens of fellow gamers who would be lucky to just cuddle and text with you. Granted they will not rock your world, and they are probably more introverted than you... but all you have to do is hangout, build rapport and do it as slowly as you feel comfortable with.

    Of course this is only advice for starting a relationship.
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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Normally I agree, but life is about being happy, if she was happy with somebody when she was clearly outside his league, then why force heartache?

    For guys looks are so ridiculously important (for initial attraction) because we are the ones approaching almost all the time. If we are hesitant about her looks, our body language will betray us, and she will say no.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I feel like it's harder for attractive women than less attractive women to find a relationship. It seems like more guys are interested and see attractive women as a conquest more often than not. I've had guys lie or at least attempt to have a relationship but they fall short because they are truly incapable of possessing the skills and maturity to maintain a healthy relationship. They will say whatever just to have you one way or another. Almost as if attractive women are prizes and they don't care about their core personality.

    I know where you are coming from. I am an INFJ (Meyers Briggs test results) and have been single for over a year. I even had one guy date me for 2 months and as soon as I slept with him his disappeared. Two whole months of dating. My last relationship was a year and a half long. At the end he admitted he never wanted a relationship that he is "too young and dumb" to have one, mind you he is 29. I feel hopeless when it comes to dating because all I can hear is their panting for sex but they do not try to connect on a real level. My suggestion is to work on you. Go to school, take a painting class, etc. As you continue on your personal journey I think the right person will appear.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    First perhaps her definition of what it means to settle would help.

    And second I concur that most times the highly attractive women have it harder when it comes to dating. Men especially in the beginning are all about self preservation and bragging rights so they use women higher on the physical attractiveness scale to accomplish their mission.

    They assume beautiful women have no brains and are easier to use. Plus if you live in a city where lots of highly attractive people live - you're disposable to them.

    Also many men are listening to these pickup artists who tell them to go up and "pull the hottest chicks to bang" (That's why men stay trying to fuck strippers).

    The Attractiveness of the women is only a function of serving the male ego. This is why beautiful women have it harder because they have to get the male to relax the ego in order to get to a deeper meaningful relationship.

    Then if the beautiful woman is single - the world implodes and men assume something must be wrong. She cant just be single cause she wants to she has to either be a lesbian or damaged goods.

    Male ego is powerful in a good way but can be irrational / impulsive / superficial / self serving / domineering
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Well said @miss.a.p1600

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I love you guys, thanks everyone for your responses!

    I'm more the kind of girl to go on how someone stimulates me mentally, I'm not too fussed about looks. I must be attracted to them, and some of my ex's have been lookers, some have not. I'm just really wanting to connect with someone on a spiritual level. I don't like pretty boys, I just don't find them attractive to me. You know the gym goers, with huge muscles and mirror shirtless selfies. I'm more into the average looking man with a deeper soul than looks you know.

    You guys say that many gamer dudes would be all over me, but where are theyyyyyyy! I've met some before gaming, and had a LDR, but he was far too jealous and young for me. I'm waiting on some new games to come out soon so perhaps I could meet someone there. I feel like if I went to a convention or something on that scale then I wouldnt be chatted up, I rarely get chatted up face to face!

    What I meant by the gamer dude that I was speaking to before is that my sister said that I was considerably more attractive looking than he was and it made me wonder why he did not jump on it so to speak. Even some of the things he said to me were along the lines of him feeling that I was marginally more attractive than he was. But I didn't really see it like that, just his soul and his humour and tentative nature really attracted me to him which made him handsome in my eyes! He's still talking to me occasionally, but he just left a significant relationship so he is still healing I guess. I should just be patient on that front and not think it's something to do with me. Rather, just his pace that he is comfortable to go at the moment.

    Agreed, we'll said miss.a.p1600, male ego is a strange wonder.

    And spoon bender, I feel the same, men panting for sex and not wanting to connect on a deeper level. It doesn't have to be serious serious serious, like get married deeper level, but just to connect with someone out of the typical sex infused modern society would be nice you know. I can't even date if it's not there, I have to be slightly emotionally invested to even agree to a date. And I like it this way for me, even if my emotions get burnt if it doesn't go the way I had hoped. I know that it's not the end of the world.

    I have been doing exactly that, working on myself. I've been taking little courses on coursera brushing up some skills and learning new things. I've been working hard, saving money for holidays or things that I need. And now it's just time to have someone to enjoy the other things in life with, like adventure and travel and spontaneous walks or whatever it is that we fancy that day. Cuddles text flirt etc.

    I could probably easily find someone to do these things with but like I said, I have a criteria, and I want a gamer dude! And I can't meet anyone for the life of me that had my criteria even though there are probably millions of suiters out there. Just out of my grasp. You know? There are some new multiplayers coming out soon, perhaps I will find someone then, I don't know!

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I think that's the problem - putting yourself where you'd find lots of guys like you describe.

    I bet there are gaming conventions you could travel to where hundreds of guys will be at your access.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Ouch on the shirtless selfies lol.

    Gaming is a huge hobby of mine and I can guarantee that unless you meet face to face you will be stuck in neutral. There is no guarantee that you will matched up with anyone near you!

    Kinda backtracking a bit on what I said, going to conventions is tricky, because you are not guaranteed to meet the same people again. If you want to date younger hang out in the computer science department of your local university, I guarantee you will find many there. Look for Friday night magic nights, hang out in those stores. There are new boardgame bars that are starting to pop up, lastly try to get a vanilla job in tech. The key is building rapport, that way you can screen easily.

    As for the male ego, it sucks that it is such a big big problem in relationships, I think that having been there done that makes me no longer be interested in one night stands, or arm candy. But I am still very much open to just sex with no strings attached. The former is using someone, but the latter is a valid human interaction.

    I honestly think that the biggest problem the highly attractive women have is that they do not understand the difference between attracting and keeping a guy. For attraction men are almost exclusively interested in looks. After that it is looks, personality, smart, funny, hobbies, income, good in bed, etc. We want the full package too, just like you do.
    Last edited by DeathAndTaxes; 02-02-2017 at 01:43 PM.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    eek! fml lol story of my life, if you cant laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Penny. I'm ive been doing this for over 7 years. I'm not saying to give up hope, but Almost every girl struggles in relationships with sex work. I think you just have to decide if it's worth the stress or risk. For me, it's not worth it. I would think caming would be "easier" to have a relationship.

    Yes I feel the same way as you. I'm so glad I'm empowered by my job, but there's a lot of negative consequences.

    I hope you figure it out (hugs).
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 02-23-2017 at 10:29 PM.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I really feel for you girls, but this is something I tell my buddies as well. Partners don't value pure intelligence. They value what you do with that intelligence. I wish I could talk theoretical physics on the first date but that would just bore her and put her to sleep. But if I use my intelligence to give her mind blowing orgasms, or to provide revenue for luxuries and travel then all of a sudden my intelligence is my most important asset.

    In short learn 'how' to be smart, NOT 'how to show' that you are. Sad but true.

    Does sex work limit your pool? Sure, but if you are willing to date any and all men (avoiding the dark triad personalities please) then your pool is huge and you just have to get out there, screen better, and keep trying.

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  32. #21
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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I don't get your second paragraph. Isn't being intelligent same thing as showing your intelligence? Like if you are going to be something or if you are something - it will show in physical form.

    Do you mean don't just talk about your intelligence but put that talk into some sort of valuable action?
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I interpreted it as make your intelligence into something that is beneficial for your partner instead just showcasing your intelligence.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Yes! nobody, not even your employer, gives a shit about your raw intellect (and they might even be intimidated), it's how you use it that matters. Nobody ever explained that to me, had to learn the hard way.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    I'm ending my sexual relationships this year & planning on being asexual. I'm an introvert & feel this is needed for me to be the best "Me" possible.

    Some introverts literally don't need others aside from social interactions.

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    Default Re: Being single as an introvert

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    I'm ending my sexual relationships this year & planning on being asexual. I'm an introvert & feel this is needed for me to be the best "Me" possible.

    Some introverts literally don't need others aside from social interactions.
    Awe...me too. Yes, I get lonely, even as an introvert, but "casual dating" only makes it worse. I'd rather volunteer or go to church, than waste my time with some fuckboy trying to get in my panties and derail my already derailed life.

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