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Thread: Friends in the business ?

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    Veteran Member lady_lazarus's Avatar
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    Default Friends in the business ?

    Just curious how many of your friends are/were in the adult industry. Anyone have a preference either way and why or why not? As for me, my best friend was a dancer and I have a few escort friends as well but none close.

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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    This is a lonely business. I have a lot of people I'm friendly with, that I know from this board, and escorts I've met. But even then, there is a wall between my professional life and friendships and personal life and friendships.

    There is one lady only who I met through an ex who happened to be in the business. She recognized me when I did cam and later I recognized her from her escort ads. I've known her nearly 10yrs now and though we know each other through both worlds, we keep to the personal friendship side... and just kinda give the knowing nod when we post "vacation pics" on fb cause we both know it's business. But like I said, it's not like we're open and talk about it at all. There's a level of being guarded that's hard to let go of even after all this time.

    Like I said, this is a lonely business.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    Over the years I've had friends in the business and outside the business. it tends to rotate a lot. But with building my new business that has nothing to do with sex. I am pretty much down to my last two friends inside the business and they are both are planning or have completely retired from the business.

    There is saying that you become the average of the people you surround yourself with the most. So these days its more important to be around friends and other associates who are going to challenge me and not keep me stuck.

    When I spent my time with mostly only sex working people I can tell you is was a ball of huge negativity and constant drama and fights and It was effecting my health. Now that I have really took the time to evaluate who Ia m spending time with and looking at what they really offer to the relationship things have gotten more on a positive note.

    We all have 24 hours in a day so its actually really important to be spending my time in places where I am the most effective in moving forward in my life.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    I've had a couple close friendships with dancers but overall you have to be your best friend at the end of the day in this business.

    An old Mexican saying about business & friendship is- "If our math is good our friendship is good." Meaning lopsided friendships won't stand the test of time, or anything else, in this business.
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 02-09-2017 at 01:27 PM.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    I hear u, it is a lonely business. I was close with the other strippers I worked with in New Orleans but it did come with drama and the feeling of being stuck. When I moved to finish school, I found that I couldn't be as close with school friends bc I was escorting and didn't want to share my personal business so there was a barrier there. Now I have struck a happy balance being surrounded with my close friends who have not been in the industry themselves but are pro- sex work and respect the insight my experiences have given me. I do find myself missing the unique connections I made as a stripper tho and how much I learned from girls I worked with. Part of why I appreciate this forum so much is because I can still maintain the postives in those connections.

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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    I used to have close dancer friends at my club, but those friendships ended very badly, and I've avoided getting close to people in this industry ever since. But these boards are a different story. I really value the interactions, advice, and support here. It's very positive. Maybe it's because we're not in competition with each other (in the same club), and we come here to socialize instead of just being at work.

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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    There's often a Golden Lining to dumping stripper friendships. The last time I did that I missed my ex-friend's Federal drug trafficking charges & assorted drama.

    I must have wings up my ass or something.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    IDK, I am friends with other sugar babies, escorts, cam models, strippers, burlesque dancers,and other sex industry related professionals. However, many of them have vanilla careers as well I never had any negativity or jealousy with my friends. It helps that we catered to different clientele and are in different markets. We live in different metro areas and my friends always travel.My closest adult industry friend is both a fashion merchandiser/low-volume courtesan. She does her courtesan tours in Italy, France, and Japan. We met at art school and we talked about being apart of this industry. A lot of my sex industry friends often are at a higher income level than myself.I love sex worker related forums like this one because I learn a lot of stuff.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    Glad to read that others describe this business as "lonely". I was in the business and then got out of it. I only had a couple of real friends working, but a larger number of "acquaintances". Now, I'm sort of getting back in the business in a less public way. I really don't know anybody this time around. Hopefully, I may be able to forge a couple of cyber friendships. I don't see the face-to-face, personal thing happening again.

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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    Birds of a feather flock together, at least for me. There's a cadre of us that we jokingly refer to as the "Spinster Stripper Sewing Circle". All of us are in our 30's and up, single or divorced with no children and some on our way to becoming crazy cat/pet ladies. The younger dancers at my other club tend to make me acutely aware of my age when I had to explain who Jenna Jameson was.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    I guess I would call the woman I do escort doubles with sometimes my friend. We've traveled together in a work/play context which was more play than work even though it was being paid for by a mutual client, and we get along fine. We hook up for drinks every few months and follow each other on facebook. But honestly, I feel like the biggest thing we have in common is escorting. I think if we didn't have that to talk about, we really wouldn't be friends in our personal lives due to age difference, lifestyle differences, political/religious differences. Escorting, our mutual clients, and our attempts to navigate "real world" dating around escorting are pretty much the only topics we get on that turn into real conversations without fizzling. So I don't know how much that makes us "real friends" but it is nice to have someone to hook up with from time to time to have those conversations that no one else will really get. Because even though a lot of my close friends know what I do, there is a definite level where I have to stop sharing because they just don't get it.

    When I was still dancing, a lot of my friends had friends who would dabble in stripping for awhile and they were always trying to "talk to me" about it, as though they really wanted tips and insight. But they were all fair-weather strippers - they'd do it for a couple months or just long enough to pay off some debt and then bail. It was always clear to me that they had no interest in being long-term adult industry workers and any time spent "coaching" them would be wasted, so we never became friends.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    I'm probably going to regret posting this here but I had a friend while I was escorting full time who was a total.......user. Like, she would call constantly & bag on some of my tactics for work. She also confessed she just didn't like working & had turned to escorting to do the least amount of work for the most amount of cash (not really the case, but okay.)

    I appreciated our friendship but she quit talking to me when I was going through some stressful times & I kind of welcomed the lack of phone calls & low-key jealousy.

    I guess she was kind of a "frien-emy." Not someone I miss but someone I was in competition with......
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    I have one friend from childhood who is a dancer in another state, and another friend from high school who was a male stripper for a while. That's kind of nice because they are long-time trusted people, even though the guy REALLY hates the industry now. My spouse also spent a period DJing so he 'gets it' a little more than most guys would.
    Then I have a couple of friends from the club (one dancer, one DJ) that I will sometimes get coffee with and we talk about 'real life' stuff, but there is still a bit of a wall up with them.

    I don't really prefer one way or the other. My other friends have gotten used to it & will talk about it like it's a 'normal' job to some degree. The only thing with other dancers is that it takes me quite a bit longer to drop the wall, in case they turn out to be loony.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    All but 1 of my close friends I met in clubs. 10 years in clubs I did not really meet many girls not dancing. We are all mostly in our 30's married retired with just a handful still in the clubs, some are doing other adult stuff too. Most of the ones are only retired because the industry in the UK is dire.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    Interesting.

    My club has younger girls. They are very nice, but I don't relate to them. I'm friendly to everyone, but I've been Burnt too many times to let anyone get close. It's like should I be lonely, but drama free? Or should I have stripper friends and deal with stripper shit? I just don't know

    I was getting ready for work and this girl totally called me out for being quiet. I don't think she meant to call me out- I think she was teasing me. I'm an introverted so being alone is much needed-I felt really violated. If something personal comes up in conversation I might talk about my personal life, but I try to keep a space between my personal life and work. Not that I won't ever grab something after work or go workout with another girl, but that about as deep as I can go without going into panic mode- thinking she's gonna be a crazy a stripper.

    As a rule I don't consider a coworker a friend unless I've known them for over a year. If they are drama free at that point I might talk to them or offer to help if their car breaks down. Until a year, I don't trust people until the mask comes off.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 02-09-2017 at 11:14 PM.

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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ifyouseekamy View Post
    I was getting ready for work and this girl totally called me out for being quiet. I don't think she meant to call me out- I think she was teasing me. I'm an introverted so being alone is much needed-I felt really violated. If something personal comes up in conversation I might talk about my personal life, but I try to keep a space between my personal life and work. Not that I won't ever grab something after work or go workout with another girl, but that about as deep as I can go without going into panic mode- thinking she's gonna be a crazy a stripper.
    Girls at my last clubs teased me for being so quiet but honestly I did not care. I have a hard shell.

    I've worked in too many clubs where the girls are cut throat and will use anything they can to get you fired or run off.

    You don't own them anything.
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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    One of my friends at uni talked very openly about the club she stripped at so it made me go back to stripping and work at her club

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    Default Re: Friends in the business ?

    Quote Originally Posted by ShyStripper View Post
    One of my friends at uni talked very openly about the club she stripped at so it made me go back to stripping and work at her club
    That's a nice happy ending

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