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Thread: Sexually assaulted by club manager

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    Default Sexually assaulted by club manager

    I've been on this site for years as a cam girl and stripper, but I decided to make a throwaway to make this thread to hopefully hide any identifying information.

    Anyway, like the title says i was sexually assaulted by the manager of my club. Obviously I quit dancing right after, but until this i had worked with him for years and we were quite close. He often took me home from work without any propositions or anything. He's looked at very fondly from everyone at the club and before this i wouldn't have easily believed a woman making this claim about him. So I doubt anyone would believe me.

    I've talked to the police already, but it's a slow going process that isn't guaranteed results. It could be months before detectives talk to him, if they ever feel they have the evidence to do so (but it will take months for testing.)

    In the mean time I'm at a loss of what to do with this situation. I feel a responsibility to warn other dancers. At the same time I'm not sure I'm within my legal rights to do so. There's a few dancers who are violently defensive of him so it could even be dangerous for me to try to warn people. I just feel like if I don't do anything then it will be my fault if it happens to someone else.

    Can anyone give me some input, opinions or advice about this situation?

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    "sexually assaulted" is a very vague term, slapping someones butt could be sexual assualt,

    if its only your word against his it will be very difficult to prove, and the police will be hesitant to act upon your claims

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    You could circulate a warning on Facebook anonymously.

    I think these cases depend on the club. One club I worked at co-operated with the prosecuting of an employee who killed a dancer...but it was for the best interest of all.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVsr...k&spfreload=10
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    Smiley Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Don't do anything that is going to hurt you in long-run!

    I recommend ask the moderator to delete this thread until you figure out what to do, maybe get opinions from lawyers.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kesha_v._Dr._Luke

    You could get countersued for defamation.

    -------------------

    Katy Perry, however, has stayed silent on the matter, possibly given Dr. Luke's role in many of her hit recordings. After co-produced "I Kissed a Girl," he collaborated with Kerry on 15 subsequent tracks, according to Vice.....

    *I don't think Katy Perry wants to screw up her career right now, since he was one of the reasons why she is a famous pop superstar...*

    Think about... Katy Perry hasn't release any recent hits since Dark Horse or albums!

    http://www.vanityfair.com/style/2017...a-legal-battle

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Quote Originally Posted by anyacolo22 View Post
    "sexually assaulted" is a very vague term, slapping someones butt could be sexual assualt,

    if its only your word against his it will be very difficult to prove, and the police will be hesitant to act upon your claims
    I left it vague because the actual details of the assault wasn't what I was trying to discuss here. I don't think I could've stripped for years if I panicked over getting my butt slapped. He drugged me and orally and vaginally raped me. Your response was really unhelpful all around. I don't need opinions on how the police will react, just if I should try to warn other girls so that they aren't raped as well.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    I don't think deleting it is necessary since I didn't add any details about the club or who either of us are. I will take your advice and just keep my mouth shut, though. From these responses it seems unlikely even other dancers would take me seriously so I'll just drop it and hope the investigation works out.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Sad because I think women should be warned I know I would want to but they might not believe you (plenty of female misogynists) so unfortunately they have to find out on their own.

    One of the dancers here was like hey girl be careful accepting drinks from $&@". I knew what she was insinuating and whether or not it was true it was a reminder to be wise about accepting drinks of unknown origin from possible shady people. I have to see it being opened and I'll drink it straight out the bottle.

    Sexual assault is anything (of physical sexual nature) that is unwanted. Which i suspect happens a lot in sexually charged environments like strip club.

    Hope you're able to find resolution

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    If it makes you feel any better, I've had a long standing personal policy of not trusting club staff (learned from hard experience.) I've even had customers help me get out of situations where club staff was either not doing their jobs or acting in a way to facilitate a normal work environment.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVsr...k&spfreload=10
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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Quote Originally Posted by DamnJolene View Post
    Don't do anything that is going to hurt you in long-run!

    I recommend ask the moderator to delete this thread until you figure out what to do, maybe get opinions from lawyers.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kesha_v._Dr._Luke

    You could get countersued for defamation.

    -------------------

    Katy Perry, however, has stayed silent on the matter, possibly given Dr. Luke's role in many of her hit recordings. After co-produced "I Kissed a Girl," he collaborated with Kerry on 15 subsequent tracks, according to Vice.....

    *I don't think Katy Perry wants to screw up her career right now, since he was one of the reasons why she is a famous pop superstar...*

    Think about... Katy Perry hasn't release any recent hits since Dark Horse or albums!

    http://www.vanityfair.com/style/2017...a-legal-battle

    Oh pish posh
    A) Katy Perry just put out a new single, ever think that maybe the woman wanted a break? I doubt it had anything to do with the Dr. Luke thing. B) This is a club manager, a veritable 'nobody', whose income does not depend on his image to millions of people. Celebrities are really the only people who ever get anywhere with suing for defamation and it's only because they depend on their image.

    What is going to hurt her in the long run? I doubt she wants to stay at this club now and she shouldn't want to work anywhere that this guy would have any pull (like if this is a chain of clubs), as they probably condone that sort of thing & would hire similar sleaze bags.

    OP, did you tell the police you were raped? Did you do a rape kit?

    I personally would blast his shit everywhere and tell every other girl. If they don't wanna believe you, that's fine, but you might save someone else from a similar outcome. That's just my opinion though, and I know I am a bit more brash and ballsy when it comes to standing up for myself than a lot of girls.
    BUT... you say he knows where you live, so I might be a little more hesitant in that case. Frankly, I would move anyway, in case he still tries to retaliate when he finds out about the police report.
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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. I have been through something similar but with a private party stripper agency. I hate when men take advantage of women and assume that it's okay because they are a stripper or other adult entertainer. You could warn the other dancers but if they have loyalty to him for whatever reason, they may turn around and tell him what you said, causing him to want to retaliate against you for speaking up about it. If he knows where you live, do you have someone you can stay with for a while? I hope that everything works out for you.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that this happened to you and offer you a virtual hug. You are so brave to want to help others not fall victim to this man. Please keep us updated and surround yourself with people who love you.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    deleted
    Last edited by buttonpop; 02-19-2017 at 03:00 AM.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Quote Originally Posted by anyacolo22 View Post
    "sexually assaulted" is a very vague term, slapping someones butt could be sexual assualt,
    This was a perfectly legitimate question/comment.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Quote Originally Posted by fbsmgirl View Post
    This was a perfectly legitimate question/comment.
    i thought so too.....

    no i would not tell other girls about it, they might not even believe you,

    and as far as charges go, that will be very difficult, just being in this industry you already have one or two strikes against you to begin with.....and if your going to pursue charges i hope you know you will have to publically testify in court if it goes that far, if that happens everything will become public including your name and job, it could even be in newpapers....just something to think about,

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    I would, hell yes, this is a full out predator/rapist and I hope he gets his ass nailed to the wall for what he did, I think you should absolutely at least try and warn the other girls. who knows how many others this has happened to cause I can guarantee you aren't the only one and he will do it again!!
    Good luck and I'm really sorry this happened to you, that makes me really angry. It's gunna take courage but these pieces of shit cannot keep getting away w this. *hugs*
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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    i would consult with an attorney first. the only issue i can see here is it can be a problem if this goes to court. sort of like not posting the details of a car accident on social media, as it could work against you. did they do a rape kit? i hope they did.

    as far as you being found out about this, there are laws in place to protect victims of sexual abuse and their identities. you may contact rainn for more details on that.

    while i admire your caring nature regarding others, please look out for your wellbeing. annie sprinkle writes this post on sex worker burnout, but please pay attention to number 9. she talks about boundaries regarding clients, but i like the way she words it. annie realizes that sex workers ARE capable of not wanting to do something, not consenting, etc. that's why i point it out in the hopes that you can know that YES, sex workers CAN say NO to something. please remember this. it's very easy for people in our line of work to forget this or blame ourselves. i really like annie's writings. she addresses staying emotionally healthy regarding being a sex worker or former sex worker, and she's very open-minded.
    http://anniesprinkle.org/how-to-cure...orker-burnout/

    she also mentions finding a sex positive therapist. this is crucial to your healing process, if you choose to get counseling. you do NOT need a therapist who will judge or belittle you for your previous line of work.

    you're one brave woman, and you'll be in my thoughts. *hugs*

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. Whether or not you you choose to try to warn others, remember that anything he did to you or does to anyone else is not your fault. He is the one assaulting women, not you, and he wouldn't stop trying even if you said something. But if you feel the need to take some sort of action, that is also legitimate. Just don't blame yourself for whatever happens, no matter what course you choose.

    Questioning someone's claim of "sexual assault" based on the "level" of assaulting actions is less than helpful. Women get enough of that crap when trying to talk about it and report IRL - let's not bring that "well, was it really that bad" line of questioning here. She's obviously here for support for something that really upset her, regardless of the specific details.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    I'm sorry, but I'm going to the gym so I didn't read through everything. This should never happen! It doesn't matter who you are! No means no! He's a passive-aggressive sexual predator and I'm sure he was playing the nice guy to get you to trust him. Have you talked to anyone? I would suggest going to a women's shelter to get resources and support. No one has the right to touch us if we don't want it.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Quote Originally Posted by KaliBaby View Post
    I left it vague because the actual details of the assault wasn't what I was trying to discuss here. I don't think I could've stripped for years if I panicked over getting my butt slapped. He drugged me and orally and vaginally raped me. Your response was really unhelpful all around. I don't need opinions on how the police will react, just if I should try to warn other girls so that they aren't raped as well.
    I'm sorry, please take care of yourself first before worrying about anyone else. If you felt compelled to warn other girls Can you leak the info to a girl you trust or a regular customer? My heart truly goes out to you. I'll keep you in my prayers tonight.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 02-22-2017 at 05:40 PM.

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    Default Re: Sexually assaulted by club manager

    Take care of yourself and know that you've ALREADY done something helpful for other women by reporting him to the police.

    Even if there isn't enough to prosecute now, your report will probably stay on file and will be re-visited if he does this to someone else.

    Also, it is likely he will have to answer some questions during the investigation which may deter him from assaulting another woman.

    You come first, but if you feel you must warn others, I would suggest speaking to an attorney first. Maybe ask if the club could be held liable for their employee's actions. Get your ducks in a row and find out what your legal rights and responsibilities are.

    Your situation makes me angry because we, the dancers are paying rental fees and that should be respected by owners and their managers.

    You sound like a strong person with a good head. I wish you healing and luck!

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