I started stripping 3 months ago, Im 20 and have aspbergers and mental illness. I started working at stringfellows last week but this week the ambulance got called twice to my student residence cos I went mental, the first time i attempted suicide, went to hospital, told them i was fine, came back then the next night I went back out stripping. But yestoday the ambulance got called again and I kept telling them I was fine, but they still took me to hospital, and I was supposed to be working that night. At the club I was at I was working 3 nights a week, going to uni 5 days a week, and going to mental health and drug appointments several times a week. So while I was sat there in hospital I realised that I was doing too much, my psychosis is allover the place making me believe all sorts of crazy shit, so I phoned up stringfellows and quit. (even though I lost out on being paid last nights money)
But now that Ive done that I feel like Ive made a bad decision, I know that a lot of newbies quit within the first few months because they cant take it, but I did enjoy stripping, and even though Ive made a ton of mistakes while being new I dont think I was too bad at it, but now Ive quit I know everyone will think that I was just another newbie who thought it was easy money and couldnt handle it, and I feel like such a failure and a weak person for quitting.
Im completley not in my right mind at the moment and struggling with drug addiction has made my mental illness a whole lot worse. But a lot of the time Im convincing myself Im fine and I can do anything, and if I cant then it must be laziness, while people in hospital have been saying "No your not fine your really unwell thats why you cant see how ill you are"
I just feel like an utter failure and an idiot for quitting but I realise I cant do any sort of job at the moment in my current state. I probably will go back to stripping at some point, maybe at secrets and try again at stringfellows when Ive finished uni if theyll let me, becuase I really did enjoy it and I feel its something I coulld possibly do well at given time but right now I need to try and get clean, and more mentally stable. But god I feel so worthless for having time off because of my illness for god knows how long, and the possibility that I may never be well enough to go back
(sorry if this didnt make much sense, Im still feeling pretty crap)



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