11111Hey everyone so as the title implies I have been having this issue for a while but it is now becoming a really big problem for me.
My SO and I have been together for almost 5 years. I have been camming for almost 3 years.
This jealousy while camming issue was pretty bad at first but it seemed to resolve itself after he was able to cam with me and saw that this is a performance rather than a "real" cheating situation.
Well, the past few months the momentum of jealousy has slowly been building up and it is hitting a breaking point.
We live in a 1 bedroom apartment right now so he can usually hear everything I am doing while working. He has been becoming horribly jealous.
I am embarrassed to say this but he has been demeaning me now, calling me a whore, saying I am on my way to being a hooker / prostitute. That I am a bad person, that I "get off" entertaining other men.
The worst is that he has been coming into the room in the middle of my shows flipping out. Sometimes I can hear him listening to my show outside the bedroom door, and it makes me really uncomfortable and unable to be in character when he can hear the things I am saying. I get worried of saying something that would make him jealous, but ANYTHING would in a show. He will literally just barge in MID SHOW and start an argument and force me to stop my show.
Obviously this has caused a lot of tension between us and we are arguing a lot and things seem really tense between us.
I am ashamed to admit this, but I have cheated on him in the past and I feel this is why he feels this way. He constantly brings up my infidelity almost every day.
I don't know what to do, I am asking him to go to counseling but he won't.
I have started therapy and am seeking group therapy in my area to work on my mental health issues and create a more positive outlook for my life.
He doesn't have a job right now but he should in the near future, so we are basically always together and I can't cam while he's not here at the moment.
I feel like a hypocrite because while he was camming briefly I became jealous as well and complained about it. I got over it quickly when I realized it was 100% men who were his customers anyway. I feel like it is different for me since I am attracted to men and men are my customers.
Do any of you have any advice? Have any of you been in or are in the same situation as me?