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Thread: I don't know how to say NO

  1. #1
    Veteran Member nattyfetish's Avatar
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    Default I don't know how to say NO

    Hey girls.

    There was a thread about having agoraphobia. This is something similar i suppose. I am a sweet kind girl that tends to avoid bad situations so i'd rather please everyone around me so i don't encounter them. I simply don't know how to say NO to something/somebody that makes me feel uncomfortable. Especially if they are some some persons i care about. I tend to lock it in and get angry by myself when nobody watches and do it anyway.

    One good example is one of my few girlfriends is getting married. She wants me to be her bridesmaid. I will do it because I love her, i have no problem with that. But she wants my boyfriend to be the best man evan tough he saw the groom only twice in his life (she finds it easier because we are a couple). So the best man has to do all this personal stuff for the groom in my countries traditons. Like the bachelor party. I feel bad for putting my boyfriend trough this because i am simply afraid to say NO to my girlfriend (or don't know how to say NO in a way that won't upset her).

    Anyway, that is just an example of me not beeing able to say NO.

    Is this thing weird? Or do you encounter it yourself aswell sometimes? How do you make yourself say it ? I feel like such a freaking weirdo, i think it's just anxiety & i do stuff that don't make me happy because i can't say no.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    Honestly... same, and I wouldn't have ever admitted it either, until I saw this post and know I'm not alone now

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    Newbie HoneyMama's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    Same here. It has landed me in a lot of bad situations in the past :/ Still gives me trouble to this day!

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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    Why hasnt your boyfriend said no

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    Veteran Member nattyfetish's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    Why hasnt your boyfriend said no
    because he wasn't formally asked. It was sort of decided already. He does it for me mostly but I think that i am going to tell him that he can say no if he feels bad about it (when we meet up with the couple). His connection with them is me. So I will have to set up a meeting to talk about the details and tell him he can say no if he doesn't like what he hears. Also, it is pretty rational, my girlfriend is a bridezzila, i should tell her: girlit is a bad idea, the guy has other good guy friends. But i feel like a coward. The idea tough was that this isn't the only situation when i can't say no.

    I am so reliefed i am not the only one (evan tough i wish i was the only one and you girls to kick ass).

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    God/dess seashell's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    I also have a hard time with this. It's easier to say no to strangers, than to friends. But you have to think of your reasoning behind saying no... you're just standing up for yourself. You're not letting someone treat you like a doormat. You're acknowledging the value of your time, privacy, money, etc. There's nothing wrong with saying no.

    I once had to tell my roommate/close friend that our other friend couldn't come live at our apartment for free. There just wasn't enough space for her, and I was already having problems with the current roommate. But we were all friends, and it was REALLY hard to say no. I wound up rehearsing the conversation, then sitting her down to talk to her, and it was the most assertive I'd ever been around her. She let me talk for about two minutes, then was like "Fine! Sheesh, it's not that big of a deal." Things were awkward for a little while after that, lol. But we were still friends, and the problem was solved.

    So, just decide what you want to say, bite the bullet, and say it. You can also run it by us.

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    Senior Member bunnydoll's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    I have a huge problem with this, especially when it comes to sex. which is ridiculous considering my job

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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    I understand the fear of not wanting to make someone upset or mad. But you have to get out of this bad habit of putting yourself in a bad place just to please others. It's impossible to please every single person all the time. Someone is bound to get disappointed sooner or later, and you know what? It's totally fine. That's life. Life is disappointing. People move on.

    You can say "no" but still be nice about it. Say something like, "Oh, I don't think that is a good idea. I'm really sorry. I would love to, but ________." Or in your bf's case, just tell her yourself that he doesn't want to, if he doesn't.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Moderator Genoveve's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    This is something almost everyone struggles with. I'm not a people-pleaser at all but even I will have issues with telling someone nice who means well 'no' if they catch me on the spot. Our society conditions us to be polite to each other no matter what.

    The more you say yes to people the more they will keep encroaching. I guarantee you that the people in your life regard you as someone who's very agreeable and who they know will do what they want, and so they keep asking. If you start making it not-so-easy for them to get you to do stuff they will stop asking, because then it will become an uncomfortable and unsuccessful experience for them.

    My landlady and her husband would come by my house so fucking often knocking on my door for random stuff even though I told them repeatedly that I work from home and can't be disturbed. Their intentions were always really nice, they're really sweet old people but they were too old to wrap their head around the idea of me needing to be undisturbed let alone even remembering it(they're REALLY old) so finally I had to just stop answering the door. I had to let them start experiencing knocking on my door, standing there for a few minutes and getting no response whatsoever before having to go back home and sure enough they stopped stopping by.

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    Veteran Member nattyfetish's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    You are so right Genoveve, the more i say yes the more they seem to take advantage of it. Like seriosly ! I am the girl that is always there somehow. You simply rock girls ! Every and each of your advice. We all have problems in sayin no but some have a harder time than others. I think it all depends on your personality ? And circumstances. I barely have any friends left cause i focus so much into working and plans rather than be social. So the few persons left in my life, i try to keep around me by pleasing them way too much ? and beeing afraid that sayin no might make us grow apart.

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    Moderator PhatGirlDynomite!!!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    An insightful read on how to say NO Why No Is My New Favorite Word By Jacque Amadi

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    Featured Member Ifyouseekamy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    I think a lot of people have that problem. True friends will love your no as much as they love your yes. Easier said than done.

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    Featured Member wish's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't know how to say NO

    I'm practicing saying no more often. I'm happier and most people really don't care as much as you've convinced yourself they do. The people who will blow up over you saying no are bullies and who needs them.

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