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Thread: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

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    Default Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    Background to story. Guy I went to school with and grew up with always liked me. I just am not into him and have told him that. He's doing really well for himself now because he's smart and graduated last fall and making good money with a computer company.

    I noticed on facebook he's been hanging out with somebody we both went to school with and I know for a fact she is a gold digger and complete trash. She's already got 1 child from a guy who I never thought she'd get with but also who has money.

    I ended up seeing her out at a dance club last weekend dancing with guys and I actually got a picture but it's some what hard to make out but you can clearly see the outfit she's wearing.

    I feel like I should randomly get him the picture I sent. I don't think he'll believe me because I hurt him (even though I was honest). But if I sent the pic of her to him and told him she's only into for the money I'm wondering if I could some how protect him idk.

    If it doesn't work it doesn't work but at least I tried?

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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    Well sad thing is when you try to warn people about someone they are about to get involved with it's rare that they listen or come to their senses.

    I'd still very discreetly (you don't want her to know what you are doing or come off like a hater or cockblocker) warn him because if/when shit hits the fan at least he can't say like hey why didn't you warn me.

    Or maybe you can hook him up with someone you think would be good for him as a distraction away from that other woman
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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    I would tell him the examples of her behavior that worries you, but without going into calling her names or pointing fingers. Examples of her behavior are FACTS THAT HAPPEN that your friend can't argue about, while he can argue with you about whether she fits the definition of a user/golddigger. Whether she's trash is really your opinion at the end. We're all trash/golddiggers/whores/whatever in someone's eyes and standards.

    When you're talking to him, try to make it less about her ("she is a golddigger and complete trash! look at what she does!") and more about how you want him to find someone who deserves him and really loves him for him, and how he deserves the best and how you will be there for him to talk to if he's having any problems.


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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    Solid advice. Yes usually you can't help someone who is in "love". Casually bringing up concerns or acidentally bringing up you saw her at the club are ways to bring it up.

    I don't get involved in people's business-Unless it's a best friend. Because usually people have to see it to believe it anyways.

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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    If he is your friend, I'd just outright say what you are thinking.
    " In the past she seems to have dated for money plus she has a child and you don't " ect
    .... Add some tact .... I haven't had coffee .
    It sounds like he could do better so there isn't anything wrong with subtly mentioning it.

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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    I'd share an opinion but IMO if he's willing to look beyond her having a kid + a rep as a gold digger then his mind might not change.

    Guys are shrewder about women than they let on but they DO wanna buy into the "fantasy" of women wanting them. If she is pushing the right buttons he will let it keep happening.

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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    I think there's no harm in sharing what you know about her, in a casual and fact-based way. The picture might be too much/too accusatory. It's true that people tend to make their own mistakes rather than listening to outside advice, but if you're his friend, you might as well try.

    Also, it's possible that he just wants a hookup and doesn't care about her issues.

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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    Thanks for the feedback. Haven't had a chance to talk to him in person and I think that's the right move versus text.

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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    If you say something bad about a girl he likes, you are implying several negative things: (a) the only reason a hot girl like that is with him is because of his money, (b) he is too stupid to realize it on his own, and (c) he's better off being alone. Even assuming these are all true, he may not want to hear it. His ego might make him defensive.

    I would approach it like this - start with flattery and be subtle in your warning: "That's a hot woman you are dating! You go, dog! She may not be marriage material and you got to watch your wallet with her and keep her on a short leash,... but dude, she's got a banging body!"

    Also, you assume he doesn't know she's a gold digger. Maybe, he is smarter than you give him credit for. He could be spending a little money on her and getting back plenty of bang for his buck. Nothing wrong with that, as long as he knows what the deal is. Some dudes go around flashing money, and then act surprised when the only women they attract are gold diggers.

    If you are really concerned about him, just ask him, "So what's up with you and Jane?" If he says, "We're sleeping together, but, it's just casual." then, you have little to worry about. If he says, "Oh my God, I love her! I'm saving up to buy her a $15,000 engagement ring!" then, more drastic and immediate intervention is required.
    Last edited by jack0177057; 05-10-2017 at 08:32 AM.
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    Default Re: Would you tell an old friend your opinion on somebody he likes?

    Just my opinion not to disagree with the above but if he is a shy guy type he will think you like him if you get too involved. I would do it like another dude would do it, tell him straight and don't hold back. Then I wouldn't try to fix his feelings, just giving him the info is gift enough. He's a big boy what he does with it is his business. If you let him pick himself up and he keeps going after her, then what you say will color his views a bit and perhaps he won't get rinsed.
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