I have this friend, who is, in my opinion, very possessive. We've been friends since high school, that means for 12 years. In high school, she had another friend with whom she was hanging out 24/ 7. They were basically neighbours, visiting each other 5 times a day, etc. I was already her friend at that point, but I'm living 50 km away from her place and mostly, I was the one who initiated contact at that point. She considered this other friend "her best friend" back then.
A couple of years later, this other friend got a job in another country and moved away. She also got a boyfriend and they barely kept any contact. They were not close anymore so she started telling me, that I'm her best friend now and so on. I'm not very sociable person and I tell her a lot of my private stuff (not everything though, I didn't tell her about camming for example), that I don't tell my other acquaintances, because I don't really see them as friends. So I can also consider her as best friend.
The problem is, that she wants to hang out with me a lot more than I'm willing to, at least at certain times. She wants us to see each other at least once every 2 weeks (+ hours long calls+ msg in the meantime), which was fine until now because I was only camming, but now I might get a job in my field for 8 hours a day (and I want to keep camming part time), so I told her, that we may have to cut down our meetings to once per month and 1 longer call per week. That got her very offended, she said that I will still have plenty of time on weekends and that I should take time, because friends are the most important thing in the world.
This got me angry as I remembered that the same problem appeared 2 years ago, when I had been sick for 3 months with an unknown illness, I was having fever of 103 degrees, nausea, vomiting, sore throat. I was also in the hospital because of dehydration. She was offended because I didn't call her for 3 weeks (I was barely alive) and couldn't visit her so she was sooo bored at home. Also she said that she knows that I wasn't that ill. WTF??
What got me mad even more, was that she told a male acquaintance of ours (who was asking about me) that I'm not interested in a serious relationship. I'm not bothered by the fact that she told it to this particular guy, because I'm not interested in him in any way, but just the fact that she said this, without consulting with me first. I never said to her that I don't want a serious relationship! When I asked her about this, she said that it was because I sometimes say that I don't have time to meet her, which means that I don't have time to go on dates either.
In reality, I told her, that I understand love relationship is a priority to people (when you have one), but that I personally don't plan on cutting contact with her in that case. But that maybe you see friends a bit less, specially if you get children or move to another city. She said that I should always put friends first.
At this point I have to tell that I never got offended by similar actions on her side. She has a 8-yro child and when he was a baby, she didn't call me for months. Same happened when she got a new bf or a job (she only had a job for 2 months). I never pressured her in any way.
Now she has been unemployed for 3- 4 years, she doesn't have a serious boyfriend for even longer and she lives with her mother, who pays for food and all the bills and who does most of house work. She told me herself that she doesn't want to work, unless it's something very easy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous that she doesn't have to do anything, that's great for her. But only until she doesn't start complaining how bored she is and how it's my fault that I don't keep her company.
When she said how bored she is, I proposed to her that we start a business together (mine+ her profession), go to dancing class, go out partying and meeting new people.... She said that's too demanding and time consuming, that she can't because of her child. But she can sit somewhere outside for hours (without child) and complain, how she doesn't have any money (she spends all her child support on her clothes and make-up) and how she doesn't have time, while everyone else has tons of time and money, just that they aren't prepared to invest anything in friendships. She likes to mention how karma is a bitch and that everyone who treats her bad gets universe's revenge. (implying on me, too)
She also has a good side, knows how to keep private things I told her for herself, she's also ok if I need some friend chat, but only if I have something to tell her, which is not possible if we talk too often and there is nothing new to talk about and we need to force conversation somehow.
I tried to explain to her, that everyone needs some alone time, some break, specially at some point in their lives, like when she did when she had a child or new bf. But she denied everything and said that she never diminished contact with me.
Any idea on how to keep contact with her, but lower the frequency a bit? I like to go to the beach, or walking, or drink some coffee together... but not like this is my obligation (and getting a long offended message every time that I can't) and her constant complaining isn't making it fun either. This whole thing became kinda stressful for me and I don't know what to do.



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