Apologies for the pretty long post. I just feel like I need to write about this.
Moved to another state two years ago and left everyone behind. Enrolled in college, and my fiance (25) decided to enroll the semester after. He befriended a girl - (lets call her Tara) in one of his classes, and the second the semester ended, his phone started to blow up. (side note about Tara, she has been in a relationship for 6 years and is 22.)
At first, I didn't really know how to respond. For someone that very rarely texts or calls people, him taking a new leaf on this girl caught me kind of off guard. While we were away on vacation, it would be from the second he woke up - to the second he fell asleep. I was happy that he found someone he could talk to, but I think the constant communication rubbed me the wrong way. Of course, I responded negatively to the whole thing because I am a sucky female, and kind of assumed that she had intentions further then just a platonic friendship.
Fast forward a few days later and I ask politely to see his messages. I didn't like what I found.
"Just get a passport and we'll go to canada." - him
"You're a craft beer because craft beers are my favorite." - her
"Buy me something pretty while you're there" - her
"Can you get an STD from anal? Asking for a friend :X" - her
My first blow up was him inviting her to a different country without even saying a peep about it. I kind of lost it with that one. The rest of what I shared, I declared a pretty bold judgement that she is an attention whore. Let me continue.
She made it pretty well-known to him that her home life "sucks," her dad "beats her and calls her a bitch," her dad that "beats her" also "laid her off" from her landscaping job and now she can't pay for college, and the list continues.
Okay - maybe these things are true and they are absolutely horrible. I just find it hard to comprehend why she pulled these cards when her getting abused clearly isn't happening now (she lives with her Grandma.) And, personally, I've had a pretty shitty upbringing. When I am just getting to know someone after having a class with them, I can't say these are things that I'd just broadcast to someone. To me, it just seems like she's looking for a white knight since her boyfriend clearly isn't giving her the feedback and attention she needs. I COULD BE WRONG. Maybe she copes with this kind of stuff differently and maybe she has to talk about it.
Side note- Tara was reluctant to meet me, but I did wind up meeting her with her boyfriend and my fiance. I don't feel threatened by her appearence, but her clear lack of emotional boundaries.
She made a suicide threat last week. Her exact words were, "Nobody will come drive to my aunts house to keep me company." At first, fiance declined. But - I feel like she must've said something to guilt him into going - and he went.
He is well aware of my feelings of the situation and I'm holding true on my words of calling her an attention whore. But - I wanted feedback from you ladies to see if I did cross boundaries and if I am truly in the wrong. We have been fighting about this for a month. He claims that they are friends. I get that men and women can be platonic friends. I do understand that. But there's something nagging at me, something that I can't seem to let go of. No - I do not want my fiance to myself. I want him to go out and have friends and etc. And yes - I do trust him. I feel like the underlying feeling is uncertainty of her.
Side note- Tara cheated on her boyfriend a year ago.
I'm sorry this is choppy - there's alot to say about it, and I'm not the best at organizing my thoughts.



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I suspect that you may be discounting this angle a bit too quickly. Emotional and physical needs get entwined all the time and he is spending a lot of emotional energy on her. The only reason for this is that she is giving him something he feels that he needs (whether it's attention, something else, both, whatever). Honestly, I think that you need to force him to make a decision - either her or you. This isn't junior high and he doesn't need female friends when he is in a relationship with one. If he picks her, then you know everything you need to.


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