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Thread: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Think

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    Default Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Think

    Ok so i'm new to this site. Ive posted on TUSCL site and just to let you know....nobody over there has a good opinion of this site and they warn guys like me about coming here. But i'm giving you a chance so please at least be respectful. I have a lot of respect for the industry and what the girls do and I never look for extras or illegal OTC kinda stuff.

    I am in a crazy situation with a lovely dancer who I have madly fallen in love with, she knows but currently i'm almost friendzoned...whilst still being a regular (by choice not at her request)
    I used to ask if it was a scam but I have tested her and we've had so many deep conversations (almost arguments) that I truly believe something is going on. Im just looking for advice on whats likely to happen next and what I should do.

    its VERY long but honestly....if you arent gonna read EVERY detail, just kindly stay quiet because you need to know the facts. Also bare in mind that this tiny little UK club and the way things work in the States are like fire and ice...very different. Here goes....






    I'm 20 and she is 24. I have been seeing her at work for 8 months (5 as a huge regular). I am in both nights each weekend. I used to spend big for my age and occupation whilst everything was professional and a fantasy. She then escalated things personally and my spending didn't overly change, she has only gained hassle from me by doing so.


    I simply cannot get her out of my mind. I have never felt this way or had a connection like this with anyone. I'm shy around new people and girls in particular but I can just be so relaxed with her now. (Although thats taken time. I used to be very shy and timid around her and we often look back and joke about it) I have her real name and we have chatted on Facebook daily since February (Coincidentally just after she broke up with her most recent ex boyfriend) The FaceBook stuff is just friendly conversations, shes never asked me to visit the club or mentioned dancing or spenditure. We have had a few lengthy phone calls too. Its not always me making the moves, she'll often popup and ask me how my day has been or something like that without me initiating things.


    We're in the UK, its a tiny gentlemen's club. Very cleanly ran, no drugs, extras, etc. (Trust me, I may as well live in that place) everybody knows everybody in my small town. I see the manager buying groceries almost daily. Whenever I attend the club now, i'll literally sit and chat for upto 30mins before even paying for anything. And its all mega personal stuff. I know everything about her, her family, her finances to the nearest pound and her past. I ask personal questions but she'll often give me deep info without me asking. She really trusts me.


    Me and my friends are next door in a regular nightclub every weekend and she often goes there for the final hour before close. We have bought eachother many drinks and have kissed...usually hidden away in a corner because other girls are present and are eager to stab her in the back. We often share a taxi home and get out at our own apartments separately as a way to save money and make sure we get home safely. I lost my wallet once and was staying out of town. She leant me a pretty good sum of money at 5am so that I could get home. I paid her back and when I leant her money next month...she did the same. We have also exchanged birthday gifts. She has many times told me to save my money for another night rather than buying tonnes of lapdances whilst i've been drunk and rich after a casino visit.


    She has recently been to my place and met my parents. She used to work in the beauty industry so she has just done my Sister's hair and makeup for her highschool prom. Other stylists quoted us £150 but she is doing it or free. It was great and so professional. She spent the entire day at my house making it perfect and used some of the most expensive brands and equipment. If anybody knew she was involved with me like this....she would be done. My parents were surprised at how lovely and well mannered she was. She truly is a sweetheart but doesn't take any shit. She also invited me to her place for the first time 2 weeks ago so that I could see her new paint and carpets in her apartment. We sunbathed on her roof and she made me lunch. She said she trusts me enough not to tell anyone.


    I told her that I was falling in love with her last month and I gave her permission to laugh at me because its so stupid and unrealistic. I said "You probably think i'm lovely but will never see me in that way" she then got pretty upset. She hates when I put myself down, she says she likes me and cares deeply about me. She often reassures me and tells me to stop overthinking little things, something that I do a lot. I do worry about her. She hates me calling myself "A regular" or "Customer"


    She said I would be "Perfect for her" but she is simply not looking for a boyfriend right now. I've said things like "As if you'd date a guy with my looks" and she again got quite upset and told me about one of her exes who had long hair and missing teeth but she was with him because he he was a lovely guy. She constantly reminds me that its out of our control who we fall in love with and that you simply never know whats around the corner.


    She has Bi-Polar mental disorder and her most recent ex verbally abused her frequently. She has lived alone since the day she turned 18, 6 years ago and is VERY independant and stubborn, she has days where she just needs to be given space. And suffers mood swings frequently with her illness. Her Mothers boyfriend would beat her as a child and eventually set the family home on fire, leaving her to save her 3 younger sisters from the blaze even though she was just a child herself. But her life is in order now, she doesn't have many luxuries but cares very deeply about her Mom, Sister's and Dog. She is clean, just gets by and is a lovely young woman. Her Mother is also aware of me.


    She knows that I fully respect and understand her job more than most guys and loves that about me, I 100% do not see her as a sexual object at all. Obviously I want her in my bed but I would rather do a million other romantic things with her before that.


    I've been told "I just don't want you to wait around for me and miss out on other opportunities and fun because of me" but I have never had luck with girls and nobody else is on my scene so i'm happy to wait. When we look in eachothers eyes we just both smile and giggle. It was never like that a few months ago. We truly have grown closer and closer. My dances are often longer because she "Just loves dancing for me"
    And that is clear, im like her happy place. She is sitting alone in the club looking sad then all of a sudden I come in and its like a break for her, a friendly and respectable caring face. I went on holiday last week and ended up coming home 1 day early. I planned on visiting the club as soon as I got back and when I did, she was shocked and seemed so happy. (Best part was, she said "I really miss you, I've had an awful day and need someone to talk to" via text whilst I was in the taxi at the airport WITHOUT knowing that I was coming home early) so she was truly delighted and shocked to see me.


    Overall does anybody seriously think that One day I could hold her in my arms and call her mine? Obviously the whole "not being ready" thing could be a gentle letdown but she is a 10/10 and EVERYBODY'S friend in our town, but has been single for 4 months.
    With the style of person that she is and the way she's been treated in the past, you can genuinely see why she may not want love right now.


    I got a little bit pushy the other day. (I didn't mean it like THAT) but she felt like I was forcing her to make a decision and got a little bit upset. She said "You know I view you in that way and could be with you but I'm just not ready right now. If I got with anyone without being ready...it simply wouldnt be real or fair on them. I'll know when I am. You just can't push these things. I have so much going on with my family and in my head. But one day i'll be ready and of course i'll let you know"

    We had a very serious conversation the next night. Her divorced parents have been fighting and she is stuck in the middle of it, they've phoned her whilst she's in the middle of work etc. And a customer at work touched her inappropriately (we have strict hands to the side, no touching rules). She really confided in me and seemed like she'd had enough. She was so tired and felt low. She went into great deal about her Bi-Polar disorder and explained to me in huge detail what it would be like if we were to be together due to her illness and how it affects her. I was advised to google it before we next see each other. She also said my younger age and low experience with women would be great because she isn't sexy all the time and hates guys who assume she is always ready for sex because of her job. She made it clear that i'd no longer be allowed in the club if we dated and teased that she could then give me free dances on her apartment rooftop. She wants to quit stripping in about 2 years and maybe move into Sex Phone Line work or Webcamming and apparently i'm the only person who knows of this. Its almost like she was testing me and giving me a final checklist to see if we were compatible.

    Sorry for probably wasting 5 hours of your lives. Shoutout to the warriers who got to the end. Any feedback and comments are welcome. Don't just scream Pathetic Loser, Scam, etc

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Welcome to SW, Harry. I have been in your situation. Several times. I'm going to give you a longer reply soon, but don't have the time right now.


    You seem to anticipate some negative and maybe abrasive replies to your post, and that may well happen. Don't get upset or defensive. Just read them and think about what they say. Remember, dancers deal with guys like us falling in love with them all the time, and it can get quite irritating for them sometimes.

    I'm not going to tell you to give up on your dancer friend, because you won't. You are head over heels in love, and that won't stop by just turning off a switch. But you have some concerns, or you would not have posted here. I know from experience that you may be in for s rough ride. Take care of yourself. I'll post more later.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    I am going to respond as if I believe this story, which honestly comes across as horribly scripted and cliched...

    I had to skim through the last half, but from what I've read, you're done. You're so far in the friend zone that a rocket ship wouldn't get you out If something was going to happen, it would have by now. I think you already know this or else you wouldn't be doing the self put down - sympathy play that is solely designed to make yourself feel better by getting her to give you positive attention.

    Just because she takes her clothes off for a living doesn't mean that she is any more emotionally or even sexually available than any other girl that looks like her. If she is out of your league in any other setting, then she is still out of your league if you happen to meet her in a strip club. None of the rest of anything you posted above matters, not even a little. Now maybe she enjoys some level of friendship with you, but IMHO random dudes on the street have a better chance of getting romantic with her than you do.

    I guess the question now is how long you want to keep acting like her club mascot. At some point, you will hopefully find enough male pride and self respect to re-focus your energy on something more productive. A 20 year old guy shouldn't be spending all of his time in strip clubs anyway. Maybe it's time to hit the gym, work extra hours and do other things that improve your life and eligibility among women who you could have a shot with.

    Good luck.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    I could barely get thru the 1st sentence, sorry.
    Good luck tho, hopefully don't anything extreme
    She most likely isn't seeing you as anything more than a customer.
    We get LOTS of these posts


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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Wow it has been a few months since the last 'does she love me' thread

    does anyone find it an odd coincidence that 'The Gong Show' just came back on the air?

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Dude. Wtf?!?

    First you come on asking to be respectful but you type out a whole cotdamn book. Condense please or pay a therapist.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    I would like to add something as well to thread. Frankly, she hanging out with you because you are the only game in town. Why do I say that? Because you are giving her money, friendship, and advice. Sometimes, certain sex workers do not want to hustle a whole bunch guys if they have one paying white knight under their belts. You guys live in a small town and she has an hard time cultivated regulars in your small town. So, you are her magical knight that she can throw all of her problems on and give tons of money. Dude, just stay out of the strip clubs until you gain more experience with women because this is not working for you.
    Wolves may lurk in every guise / Now as then, 'tis simple truth / Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Dude. Wtf?!?

    First you come on asking to be respectful but you type out a whole cotdamn book. Condense please or pay a therapist.
    Yea. Cliffs Notes pls.


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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    If she wanted to date you/ was in love with you , you would already be dating. She has your number bro lol....
    As for the becoming friends as you two clearly are , why not just enjoy that?
    Why do you want to try to morphe your role in each other's lives into something that is not organic nor the original premise of you two even interacting?

    I think you have become obsessed ...borderline delusional...enjoy your friendship with the nice stripper and realize that people do exactly what they want and if she wanted you she would be doing u lol




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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Quote Originally Posted by oldster View Post
    Wow it has been a few months since the last 'does she love me' thread

    does anyone find it an odd coincidence that 'The Gong Show' just came back on the air?
    Oldster just won the internets LOL!
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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Yea Harry I think your in the "super" friend zone buddy. Especially since shes older than you and Youre 20.

    Just play it cool and like Rick said, work on or find some goals (not saying that Youre currently not just speculation) Be busy and productive. She'll like that Youre not thinking of her 24/7.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Hello again, Harry. I've thought a lot about you since I last wrote. I've been in your situation four times. The first time I think I was just taken in by a romantic hustle. The other 3 times there was a real connection, but obviously not enough, although once I was actually engaged.

    If you decide to hang on for a while, take care of yourself. First and foremost, do NOT put yourself down when you are with her. She says she doesn't like when you do that, and she is not kidding. Nothing can drain a relationship like having to prop someone all the time. It will be draining to her and will move from irritating to downright obnoxious. If you can't respect yourself, neither can she.

    Second, do not make her your whole life. Rick suggested other activities. I would add make sure some of those activities involve other people. Join a club or a church. Participate in team sports. Socialize with people from your work or school. That will help you to not over focus on her. If your relationship sours, your network of friends will get you through.

    This might not work out. She is going through a crisis and counts heavily on your support. When the crisis subsides, her attraction to you may lessen. I've had that happen.

    One thing to remember is that strip clubs can trick your perceptions, especially if you are socially awkward. If you saw a woman at work that interested you, you might start sitting next to her at lunch. Eventually you might ask her to meet you for tea or coffee. If that works you will start dating. By the time she is sitting on your lap half naked, the relationship would be quite advanced. A strip club reverses that order. Even though you paid for that to happen, on an instinctual level some men can react like it's much more.

    Finally, if the relationship fails, avoid bitterness and despair. Don't blame her and don't blame yourself. It happened. Learn from it and move on.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    I got all the way to "I'm 20..."

    Don't take anything seriously for at least 10 more years.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    This thread could include the cure for cancer, but I wouldn't know because he lost me at "But i'm giving you a chance so please at least be respectful"

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Harry, you are definitely in the friend zone. No doubt about it. Spend less time around her. Find other people to be around and other interests to pursue to get your mind off her so much. If you continue being around her so much, you will only be thinking about her. That will drive you crazy, to want someone, but can't have her. Limit your time around her now, and try to find another woman who would want to date you or just spend time on yourself and your life. Otherwise, you will wake up someday, and figure out what a fool you were.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    I've had many of men string me along emotionally just to get sex from me. All is fair in love & war, right?

    You are 20, if you are lucky you might find true love quickly or not. Life is an adventure.

    The person you need to ask this is her. Just be straight & ask her, no matter what the answer is at least you will know.'

    This is nothing new, does she love me or my money OR does she love me or love me not.

    There is a very old fashioned way to figure it out. Pick a flower then pull off a petal & alternate; does she love me -does she not & see which one is the last.

    When she is at work, it is her job to hustle. She cant sit with you for any length to time for no money to prove that she does. Just like she can't go to your job & visit with you an hour or two while on the clock.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    FWIW quit seeing her in the club, be glad you're friends, do things you both enjoy and quit worrying about it.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Stop seeing her in the club, giving her money and reassess. My guess would be that once you stop handing her $$ you won't be such good friends anymore. Sorry to break it to you man.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Let's say you told me the exact same story except that you're not buying lap-dances from her. Then I'd say, obviously you're unrequitedly in love with someone who thinks of you as a friend. The fact that you are buying lap-dances from her doesn't really make it substantially different, except that it certainly does make it at least possible that it's all an act to scam money out of you.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Quote Originally Posted by Gizmo64 View Post
    Let's say you told me the exact same story except that you're not buying lap-dances from her. Then I'd say, obviously you're unrequitedly in love with someone who thinks of you as a friend. The fact that you are buying lap-dances from her doesn't really make it substantially different, except that it certainly does make it at least possible that it's all an act to scam money out of you.
    NOT a scam, she is giving him exactly what he wanted. Men go to strip clubs to feel special, they buy dances & flirt. She flirts back & makes him feel like a top dog. Men go in there for a ego boost & to see some tits & ass.

    Neither party has the best of intentions. Go up to any attractive woman in a normal club, ask her to get naked & rub on your body for $20 & see what happens........... More than likely, she would think that you are a creep.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    NOT a scam, she is giving him exactly what he wanted. Men go to strip clubs to feel special, they buy dances & flirt. She flirts back & makes him feel like a top dog. Men go in there for a ego boost & to see some tits & ass.

    Neither party has the best of intentions. Go up to any attractive woman in a normal club, ask her to get naked & rub on your body for $20 & see what happens........... More than likely, she would think that you are a creep.
    Yep, sure. I suppose my use of the word "scam" is not a very good choice of word since I don't really have any reason to believe that she is misleading him in any way about what's going on. However, I'd say he definitely needs to think more clearly about what's going on.

    Speaking to the OP: The situation you describe in your OP, apart from the factor of your being her regular customer at the strip club, is clearly the situation of a young man unrequitedly in love with a close female friend. The best approach to that kind of situation is to hang out with your mates at the pub and try to get a perspective on the situation. You want her, she definitely knows you're in love with her, any time she has any kind of romantic interest in you she'll definitely let you know. From your post I see absolutely no evidence of any romantic interest from her at all.

    On the whole, I would recommend following the rule: do not buy lap-dances from strippers you're in love with. I've done it before and it's not a good idea, it'll hurt your wallet very badly. If you think you've fallen in love with a stripper, then stay out of the club where she works altogether.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    He is 20 years old, he is going to have lots of crushes & heart breaks from all kinds of women.. As we all do at that age.

    No one forced you to spend money that you didn't want too. NO one goes through life without scars in the love department.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    Yep. You are absolutely right. I'm attempting to give him advice which I hope will be useful. I obviously can't really know all that much about the situation he's describing because I don't know the woman involved. That's why I think he'd be better off discussing the situation with people who are mutual friends of theirs.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    If you're from a small town then it sounds like you are one of her regulars and she's going to try to keep your around. Strippers have to hustle harder in small towns. The whole meeting the parents thing sounds strange but I guess different hustles for different areas. Sorry to tell you but you're probably in the friend zone. If a person really, truly wanted to be in a relationship with someone, they would. People make up all kinds of bs excuses but it's true.

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    Default Re: Crazy Love Situation Ongoing. Honestly Please Read It All. It's Not What You Thin

    They let a 20 year old in a bar?

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