Results 1 to 21 of 21

Thread: When friends want dances

  1. #1
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Aug 2014
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    379
    Thanks
    1,038
    Thanked 773 Times in 241 Posts

    Default When friends want dances

    A male friend of mine who knows I dance asked me if it would be weird to dance for him because hes thinking of coming in and spending $$. He does have a good deal of money and I know he'd probably buy a champagne room, but I have no trouble selling those anyway and would indeed feel odd dancing for a friend I've known for 7 years (and am not attracted to).

    Has anyone else been asked this by male friends and what did you say? Its not necessarily that dancing for him would be awkward (though maybe a little) but moreso that the flirty attitude I have towards customers is not one I'd want to maintain with him outside of the club. I also dont want to deal with him acting flirty towards me after the dance and thinking that now we have a different type of relationship. He's always been attracted to me which is obvious but he's generally been good about understanding I dont feel the same way.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
    God/dess seashell's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Lucid Dreaming
    Posts
    3,524
    Thanks
    6,585
    Thanked 8,120 Times in 2,627 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    No. Never. Not a chance.

    Mixing business and pleasure is risky, it can affect your earnings and your mental well-being. We're all only human, and most of us turn out to be incapable of separating what happens at the strip club from real life. Men are especially bad at this... they objectify us, see us as naked bodies who give them boners, and treat us as such.

    If you were to dance for your friend, what if he touched you in a way you didn't like? What if he turned out to be a jerk? What if the whole thing was uncomfortable? What if he started treating you differently outside of the club?

    It's a bad situation, and I would stay far away. Even the fact that he asked you for dances sounds shady to me, and I would reevaluate that friendship.

    As for what to say... "No, I don't do that. You're my friend, not my customer. Why do you even want to see me naked, what are you, some kind of creep?"

  3. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to seashell For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Veteran Member Morrigan's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    553
    Thanks
    191
    Thanked 1,197 Times in 409 Posts
    My Mood
    Devilish

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    similar enough but different, I'll periodically do " private shows" so to speak for/with a very select few of my friends... but thats not work, they wont get charged, I do it as a way to express my trust and respect and closeness to them.. so really its done more or less as a personal pleasure emotional thing, I wont allow them to pop in when im " working" two totally utterly different mindsets and i REALLY dont want to have those natural opening up moments when im around and trying to hustle strangers and risk fucking up my game.
    Hatred does not cease by hatred but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

    " What is Reality? An icicle forming in fire."
    -Dogen Zenji

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Morrigan For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    God/dess ScarletKitten's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Hyperspace
    Posts
    2,208
    Thanks
    3,162
    Thanked 6,709 Times in 1,895 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    No fucking way. The whole idea is strange to me. To be honest, I am questioning why you are even considering this. I mean, it's your life. But....do you just really need the money that badly? You say he is your friend of 7 years. If you were hurting for cash that badly, just ask him for some help or to borrow some money. Otherwise.....why are you considering this?

    If you go through with this, I can guarantee you that your friendship with him will be different from that point on. Is that worth it to you? The lines between your everyday reality and your work reality will become blurred, and that is NEVER good. When we go to work, we compartmentalize and keep our identities separate for our own mental health. Once those 2 realities become merged in any way, your mental health is on the line.

    And yeah, if he is attracted to you, this might be his way to play with you. I don't trust his intentions. This whole idea just has disaster written all over it.

    Don't do it. Also, I would start evaluating whether or not you want to keep this guy as your friend or not. If I had a friend who asked to come see me at work and get dances from me, I would freak the fuck out. I wouldn't ever let a friend, boyfriend, fuck buddy, acquaintance, or anyone I knew in my personal life to come see me at work. I don't care how much money they have. I do not let those 2 realities cross, ever. Who I am in real life and the character I play at work are 2 completely different people. The dynamics of my real life relationships would be altered if anyone I knew in real life got dances from me at work.

    Danger, danger, danger. Do not cross.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

  7. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to ScarletKitten For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Aug 2014
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    379
    Thanks
    1,038
    Thanked 773 Times in 241 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    No fucking way. The whole idea is strange to me. To be honest, I am questioning why you are even considering this. I mean, it's your life. But....do you just really need the money that badly? You say he is your friend of 7 years. If you were hurting for cash that badly, just ask him for some help or to borrow some money. Otherwise.....why are you considering this?

    If you go through with this, I can guarantee you that your friendship with him will be different from that point on. Is that worth it to you? The lines between your everyday reality and your work reality will become blurred, and that is NEVER good. When we go to work, we compartmentalize and keep our identities separate for our own mental health. Once those 2 realities become merged in any way, your mental health is on the line.

    And yeah, if he is attracted to you, this might be his way to play with you. I don't trust his intentions. This whole idea just has disaster written all over it.

    Don't do it. Also, I would start evaluating whether or not you want to keep this guy as your friend or not. If I had a friend who asked to come see me at work and get dances from me, I would freak the fuck out. I wouldn't ever let a friend, boyfriend, fuck buddy, acquaintance, or anyone I knew in my personal life to come see me at work. I don't care how much money they have. I do not let those 2 realities cross, ever. Who I am in real life and the character I play at work are 2 completely different people. The dynamics of my real life relationships would be altered if anyone I knew in real life got dances from me at work.

    Danger, danger, danger. Do not cross.
    It's not so much that I'm considering it as I'm just not sure how to say no. Come to think of it, you guys are absolutely right about it being bizarre he even asked. I've been realizing lately that men and women really cant be just friends in most cases, and I didnt wanna see it with this situation that he's probably been waiting this whole time for a chance to swoop in. I've had this same realization with a few other male friends of mine lately so I'm bummed its happening again. Oh well though, lesson learned

  9. #6
    Moderator
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,508
    Thanks
    4,404
    Thanked 3,977 Times in 1,532 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    ^^ I have several long time friends who are women so at least in my case men and women can be friends but not when you ask for dances. To a man, even if you're sitting on your hands, smiling at the dancer's face, making small talk about the time you made pizza dough from scratch, a dance is sexual. It may be art to the dancer, but to a man it evokes sexuality. If you don't know the dancer, you can separate, go home, and forget it. If you see her all the time .... trouble.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Bahuba For This Useful Post:


  11. #7
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    219
    Thanks
    281
    Thanked 495 Times in 158 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Hell once he asks about it you might as well go ahead and do it and make money off him because he wasn't a friend to start with. He was just a dude waiting for his chance with you and if you don't see that potential with him there's really no reason to keep him around now. The cats outta the bag.

  12. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to BobbleHead For This Useful Post:


  13. #8
    Veteran Member KALIN's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2015
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    344
    Thanks
    993
    Thanked 522 Times in 231 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    If it's a close friend....I wouldn't do it.

    If it's a friend you're not super close with, I'd go for it if the friend won't out you to people u don't want them to

  14. #9
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    100
    Thanks
    418
    Thanked 61 Times in 22 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    I have been a serial RIL. If I had a friend and saw her dance, my romantic/sexual feelings would escalate through the roof. For some guys, stripping can trick our biology. If I was interested in a woman irl, I would talk to her, maybe have lunch with her, and eventually start dating. By the time she's sitting in my lap naked, our relationship would be quite advanced. In a strip club, even though I've paid for that to happen, in the past it has felt like much more. I think dancing for your friend would harm your friendship.

    As for where your friendship stands now, I would wait and see. I have had women friends that I've been sexually attracted to, but was content with the way things were. When you tell him you won't dance for him, your friend may just drop it and continue as before.
    Last edited by lastone; 07-09-2017 at 10:11 AM. Reason: Correct spelling

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lastone For This Useful Post:


  16. #10
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Why not take his money? After all, it's not like he's going to be your friend forever anyway. Girls who have male "friends" at 20 almost never have them by the time they reach 30. That's because most male friends are really hanging around because of some feeling of attraction. Eventually they all melt away as they do one or more of the following: (1) eventually admit their feelings and get rejected; (2) settle down with someone else; or (3) realize that they are utterly friend zoned and just give up hope. A girl investing a lot of emotion in a male friend is almost always wasting her time unless she sees him as a potential BF in the future.

    Too often young girls don't understand this because they assume that men think the way they do, but we don't. Men don't have the emotional nuances that women have, like a "friend zone." For a guy, if she is good enough to spend time with, it is almost always because she is good enough to fuck. Ever wonder why ugly 250 lb heffers never seem to have male friends hanging around?

    But ok, let's assume that you're not ready yet to accept these generalizations. Often girls in their 20s with male friends from high school need to learn these lessons for themselves. The simple fact that this guy wants to pay you to get in his lap should tell you everything that you need to know about how HE views you. Why in the world would he do that if he wasn't attracted to you? He wouldn't, so you might as well take his money now, especially since you do not reciprocate his feelings. Eventually he is just going to go away anyway.

    Anyway, just my fwiw.

  17. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  18. #11
    God/dess baer45's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    3,004
    Thanks
    1,769
    Thanked 5,118 Times in 2,209 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Don't do it.
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




  19. #12
    God/dess WendiStarr's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7,027
    Thanks
    10,650
    Thanked 22,084 Times in 6,140 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Oh, gosh. I wouldn't do it. Ime, guy friends who are aware of you being a stripper, webcam model, escort, dominatrix or any kind of sex worker, will either try to get freebies, be really cheap, or get obsessive/stalkerish. I've had friendships ruined over guy friends finding out. I've had former guy friends try to blackmail me. One actually subscribed to a website that I had just to be able to have the nude pictures which he sent to my mom and stepdad. One went as far to even try to get me arrested on false allegations. It can be hard to keep friendship platonic once they that you're a stripper. I'd be careful with him if I were you. He could have questionable intentions.

  20. The Following User Says Thank You to WendiStarr For This Useful Post:


  21. #13
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    He is simply tired of being in the "Friend Zone" and want it to be a booty call zone or more. He is more than willing to risk the friendship for sex. Rick Dugan is totally correct.

    Men with stripppers as friends are always being pestered by their other male friends as to why ya'll ain't fucking too.

    You might as well make that money. Otherwise, he will wait to make that move when you are drunk or very sick. You want to be in control when he does & not in a situation where you are not physically well. Sadly, way to many of us have lived this in our 20s & by our 30s know better.

  22. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  23. #14
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Why not take his money? After all, it's not like he's going to be your friend forever anyway. Girls who have male "friends" at 20 almost never have them by the time they reach 30. That's because most male friends are really hanging around because of some feeling of attraction. Eventually they all melt away as they do one or more of the following: (1) eventually admit their feelings and get rejected; (2) settle down with someone else; or (3) realize that they are utterly friend zoned and just give up hope. A girl investing a lot of emotion in a male friend is almost always wasting her time unless she sees him as a potential BF in the future.

    Too often young girls don't understand this because they assume that men think the way they do, but we don't. Men don't have the emotional nuances that women have, like a "friend zone." For a guy, if she is good enough to spend time with, it is almost always because she is good enough to fuck. Ever wonder why ugly 250 lb heffers never seem to have male friends hanging around?

    But ok, let's assume that you're not ready yet to accept these generalizations. Often girls in their 20s with male friends from high school need to learn these lessons for themselves. The simple fact that this guy wants to pay you to get in his lap should tell you everything that you need to know about how HE views you. Why in the world would he do that if he wasn't attracted to you? He wouldn't, so you might as well take his money now, especially since you do not reciprocate his feelings. Eventually he is just going to go away anyway.

    Anyway, just my fwiw.
    Yes, Rick even 250 pound ugly girls have male friends that hang around in hopes of getting laid. Just not as many or as publicly for the most part, but they exist.

    Men do not hang around women in the name of friendship, especially pretty ones. Don't care if you have been besties for years. He just told you what he really wants. I give him props for being honest.

  24. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  25. #15
    Senior Member msjoiparker's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Internet
    Posts
    155
    Thanks
    27
    Thanked 91 Times in 55 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    I would fall back. The fact that y'all have been friends that long and he's asking you that ONLY NOW means hes BEEN watching and plotting

  26. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to msjoiparker For This Useful Post:


  27. #16
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    198
    Thanks
    250
    Thanked 241 Times in 121 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    I'm not a fan of mixing business with friends. Just seems like nothing really good can come from this if you're already going to do well.

  28. The Following User Says Thank You to Randi Starr For This Useful Post:


  29. #17
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    571
    Thanks
    107
    Thanked 445 Times in 203 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    For all the people that say men and women cannot be friends I say bulshit. However, the fact that he wants to have you danced for him specifically he's not a great sign. If he simply wanted to come in and hang out at the club maybe I used to do that with a lot of my dancer friends and especially my girlfriends. But to want to go from friend to customer isn't really voting very well for the Friendship side

  30. #18
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,853 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Quote Originally Posted by pinups4 View Post
    For all the people that say men and women cannot be friends I say bulshit. However, the fact that he wants to have you danced for him specifically he's not a great sign. If he simply wanted to come in and hang out at the club maybe I used to do that with a lot of my dancer friends and especially my girlfriends. But to want to go from friend to customer isn't really voting very well for the Friendship side

    Friends don't ask if they can see you half naked & dancing sexy in front of them.
    You go hang out with your girlfriends while they work at a strip club? Do they come to work with you & hang out too?

    Even when I worked at normal clubs, friends who came to hang out usually meant they wanted free drinks. Demanded to much of my time chatting away with me & pissed off management.

    When you work at a club, stripper or not, you are there to work NOT hang out with friends or boyfriends. Say if you sold cars, of course a friend might stop by to say hello. But if they test drive lots of cars & take up your day by just visiting the boss would get mad. Just because it is a club & anyone can come in & have fun doesn't mean that it isn't a JOB, that it's unprofessional & distracting to have boyfriends or friends who come in to just hang out.

    It is crossing boundaries of friendship & respect that you are at work.

    As a stripper I saw many of boyfriends of the other ladies who came in & hang out. Always considered it unprofessional to allow their men to do it. Those men did it almost nightly to keep an eye on whether or not she was cheating on him. The fights & arguments started by those men was unprofessional & put their personal private business out there for everyone to see. Customers always feel uncomfortable getting a dance when the boyfriends is there giving them the evil eye the entire time.

    Unprofessional cause I'd see those same guys flirt & fuck the other dancers. Causing all kinds of drama that could have been prevented if everyone didn't bring their Boyfriend to work with them every night. I can't think of a single boyfriend of those girls who didn't fuck the other gals in 12 years of dancing.

    Rarely did those boyfriends ever keep a good job for long, cause going to the club everynight till 2am made them too tired to work the next day. And being at the club to watch over her was more important.

    Men are notorious for becoming friends with hot girls for one reason. Hopes that one day it will lead to sex.

  31. #19
    Featured Member Starling's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2011
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,511
    Thanks
    2,450
    Thanked 2,081 Times in 874 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    When I first read the title I thought WTF?

    I was actually asked something like this by a friend years ago. Maybe not in those exact words. We are no longer friends.

  32. #20
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,947
    Thanks
    2,845
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Regardless of the business you are in, it is a good idea not to do business with friends or relatives.

  33. The Following User Says Thank You to slowpoke For This Useful Post:


  34. #21
    Featured Member Cashmere Star's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2013
    Location
    cloud9
    Posts
    825
    Thanks
    1,518
    Thanked 1,549 Times in 575 Posts

    Default Re: When friends want dances

    Depends how you define 'friend' and the level/circle that your "friend" is in. I wouldn't dance for my childhood friends who've known me since I was a kid, and they would never dare ask me because they value our friendship more than any sexual thrill. Sure, they might've wondered what I look like naked but they have enough sense, self respect, and respect for me to know better. This is the big question that you AND the other guy have to answer: do you value the friendship more than the sexual thrill/potential money?

    Then, I also have "friends" who are more like acquaintances, I hang out with them, I think they're generally good people, but I don't hold them in the same regard as my long-time friends and I don't have that deep love and respect for them that I have for my childhood friends. I *might* make an arrangement with them if they are good people otherwise, with the understanding that this will affect our friendship. I'll have to sit down and talk with them, and straighten out the expectations. If they're too stupid and immature to have a proper conversation with me about this, this isn't a person you want around you for any reason anyway. Ever.

    Being a sex worker (or any underdog in society) is strangely a good bullshit filter for us. A good way to tell who is a shitbag or not is if they ask you for sex/dances/other thrills/a relationship once they find out you're a sex worker. A man who respects himself isn't going to just go after any thrill, and a man who respects you won't just ask for shit or think you're "available because you're a sex worker". If he does, he's got that madonna/whore complex going on and go around doing shitty things like be openly racist or call women "females" (speaking of this, I have NEVER met a guy who is decent and also happen to call women "females" in a non-military context. The "its a military thing" is a bullshit excuse because military people say "males and females" not "men/guys and females" it's all about the context).

    I've had a couple acquaintances who, once I told them I was a stripper, still treated me the same (no matter what they really thought underneath) and didn't ask for a dance/relationship and didn't pester me for more info about my dancing. They were in general the type to have a good head on their shoulder and a sense of reason, and they didn't ask me for sexual favors OUT OF RESPECT, even though I would not have minded arranging something with them. I've also had a couple guys (WHO AREN'T MY FRIENDS, THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE IN PROXIMITY) try to go after me once they found out I am a dancer, and they were usually doing badly in life, making stupid choices despite all the opportunities thrown at them, no sense of responsibility, blame everyone but themselves, lying and hustling, bad credit/a lot of debt. Constant pattern, every time, no exceptions yet.

    It's funny, because the guys who have self respect and wouldn't ask are the ones who you should ever be open to having arrangements with, while the guys who DO ask are definitely the ones you should run screaming from.


    Weekly earning target: $1000
    Saving for: school, traveling, rainy day fund

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 84
    Last Post: 06-12-2014, 01:17 AM
  2. When friends are not your friends anymore bc your a dancer.
    By LaceyLuv304 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 06-09-2014, 10:47 PM
  3. Deja Vu in Ypsilanti; lap dances and stage dances
    By Laurisa in forum Industry Insight
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-18-2010, 07:45 PM
  4. Private party for friends of friends
    By SpecialK in forum Private Party Dancing
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 12-04-2008, 03:26 AM
  5. Isn't it ironic? Stripper friends/normal friends
    By cutey5032 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-10-2008, 02:46 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •