Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

  1. #1
    Senior Member LegoMoney's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    118
    Thanks
    256
    Thanked 380 Times in 96 Posts

    Default GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

    Hey, ladies! It's been a minute since I've been on here. I haven't danced in about a year. I had burnout, and decided to just rely on my meager vanilla job earnings instead.

    (Sorry this is long, its an easy read tho lol)

    Basically, I wanna know, how do you get your shit together after taking a couple of losses? I've been struggling with organizing my life and just getting back on track. I'm very close to finishing grad school which will provide a much needed pay increase. I also need to pay back some very past due bills, lose about 20lbs, and save up some money. However, I have been struggling with extreme depression lately. Like, extreme. I just broke up with a boyfriend. He was rich, and the relationship lasted a decent amount of time, so it ending devastated me.

    My self-esteem took a huge hit. He wouldn't commit to the relationship fully, so I left. Now, I feel "less than." Like, not good enough for high quality men. I have found myself picking apart every bit of my appearance, comparing myself to other women, and basically finding every reason in the world to consider myself an ugly, bum, unachieving bitch. The breakup happened about two weeks ago. I've grieved and self-medicated with weed (alot) and alcohol.

    The problem is, I can't do this forever. I need to get back on my shit. I need to study, and eat right, and hit the gym, and stack money, etc. to be the best I can be. But, I have no motivation. I feel like a failure at everything. I'm so broke. I've recently moved in with my mentally abusive ex out of necessity. He's controlling and contributes to my self esteem issues. I can tell he only values me for my looks, but when he's angry with me, he says little things about black women (he's black too, wtf...) and me personally to bring me down. I really need to stay here, plus he gives me a bit of money. But, clearly, this isn't a good situation for my mental health.

    The plan is to try and focus hard on my studies to increase my vanilla earnings, return to stripping and dance in a lucrative city, and stack up a bit til the end of the year so I can leave my crazy ex. Also, I just turned 28 so that whole "aging.... you should be farther in life, etc." mindset is affecting me, and both of my BFF's just got married. Marriage isn't something that I want for myself right now, but it definitely makes you feel like shit for still dating fuckboys.

    This was the only place I could turn to I feel. Like, you guys are awesome at planning, and setting and achieving goals, and removing yourself from shitty situations. Do you guys have any tips? Motivational stories of how you picked yourself up? Advice on how to feel better so I can get some shit done in my life?? I used to be so hungry for my own personal development, but I've lost it.

    Thanks...
    "I'm trying to get Boston George and Diego money/And stack it all up like Lego money....."

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LegoMoney For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Featured Member WendiStarr's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2013
    Location
    midwest
    Posts
    788
    Thanks
    622
    Thanked 1,713 Times in 597 Posts

    Default Re: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

    I was at rock bottom a few years ago. I was homeless, working just to pay for a room at a motel and food for my daughter, who was 2 at the time and I. Don't underestimate the power of your mind. If you keep telling yourself something negative you're going to be stuck in a negative thinking pattern and that can make you feel physically ill. It's normal to feel sad after a breakup. It's okay to cry, get mad, whatever you need to let it out. If you want to lose weight you can take small steps at first like going for daily walks or something fun like a dance class. I had leftover baby belly fat and felt fat and ugly. You could get a dvd to workout with if you feel self-conscious. I did that too. Working out can improve your mood. Come up with a fitness goal and keep with it. What motivates you best? Think of that. As for the breakup, you will feel better in time. You should be proud of yourself for being almost done with grad school. I don't like to hear that you're staying with an abusive ex out of necessity, as you say. Abusive people are very toxic and have a negative effect on you, both emotionally and physically. I feel like you need to get away from that in order to heal yourself. Don't listen to any of the mean things that he says. Shitty people who feel low about themselves will try to make you feel that way about yourself, too. Just know that when you're at a low point in your life things can only get better from here. If you need to write positive affirmations and put them on your mirror or somewhere in your room where you can see them do it. You are strong. You can persevere. You can get through this.

  4. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to WendiStarr For This Useful Post:


  5. #3
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    3,505
    Thanks
    5,789
    Thanked 6,093 Times in 2,433 Posts

    Default Re: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

    I can elaborate on this later but what really works for me is a mental pep talk, and being my own "Drill Sargeant." If I need to work out, I talk myself into it mentally. If I need to do something important, I make sure it gets done by X day.

    Once you're grown up you only have yourself to take to task for not caring for yourself.

    Also not letting your personal space be cluttered. It's good for maintaining mental health to have a clean, organized living space.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVsr...k&spfreload=10
    "They're a bit strange in Los Angeles" Duckie, "NCIS"I've walked in L.A.. It was to my car, so I could drive in L.A..













  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  7. #4
    Featured Member seashell's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Your Wildest Dreams
    Posts
    1,970
    Thanks
    2,828
    Thanked 3,379 Times in 1,273 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

    I feel ya. Just know that it WILL get better. Last year, I left my wealthy corporate executive boyfriend of 4 years (we'd been living together, had pets together, he called me his wife, etc.), had to quit my full-time job due to mental health issues, and I was absolutely devastated. I had no money, I had to go live with my mom, and I was having health problems. I made a few threads about it. Worst year of my life.

    But I did eventually get my shit together. What mattered most to me was getting my own living space... it sounds like that's what you need, as well. (Seriously, do NOT underestimate the power of mental/emotional abuse... you should get out ASAP.) I started stripping and camming, while working very hard to hide it from my mom, and I saved up enough money to move out on my own and get job training for another career. I went through patches of having very little money, but thankfully, sex work has always been there to help me pay my bills. Before last year, I really felt depressed about my history of sex work... and now I am honestly SO grateful that it exists. I has been life-changing in the most positive way.

    I'd advise you to make small goals. For example, in the Camming Connection subforum, there is a thread on making $500+ a week. That's an excellent goal to get you started with saving enough money to move out. I don't see any reason why you couldn't save up $1000, find an apartment with roommates on Craigslist in a city where you can strip, and move out. Whatever obstacles you think you have... they're probably not as big as they appear.

    You could also do what some of us do, and be a traveling stripper/camgirl. You can stay at hostels and strip, or rent a home for a few days on AirBnB and cam (this is riskier, since you're relying on another person's wifi, but it's doable). Depending on what city you're in, you could even work in a brick-and-mortar cam studio. Get on BoleynModels daily pay, and bam, you've got money. You can do sexting on a site like Phrendly if you're worried about your ex-bf hearing you cam.

    Finally, I want to add that you shouldn't feel down about yourself, or unwanted. You're a hot single girl now, and you'll probably be shocked at how many suitors will come out of the woodwork.

    I hope that helps. This is what I did when I was really desperate, and it worked for me.

  8. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to seashell For This Useful Post:


  9. #5
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    3,505
    Thanks
    5,789
    Thanked 6,093 Times in 2,433 Posts

    Default Re: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

    First advice- reddit . com has several subreddits with advice on finances, lifestyle and health. Check them out.

    2nd bit of advice- the most valuable sentence I can say to you is......Remove all sentimentality when you make decisions.

    Most of us, even the best of us, have made gross mistakes due to emotional circumstances. Could be as little as getting into a fight over nothing, or allowing a relative to drain money away from us......You are the Captain of your ship, the master of your fate. Act like it.

    Financial advice- I have a rule that I don't pay over X amount for [insert object or service.] Helps with impulse spending.

    Also make yourself use credit cards ONLY for emergencies. Example- when your refrigerator breaks down for good...that's an emergency. A vacation to Cancun? That's not an emergency.

    Examine your spending through the lense of how and why you spend, not the end result ("It made me happy" "I had to have it" "I look good in it.")
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVsr...k&spfreload=10
    "They're a bit strange in Los Angeles" Duckie, "NCIS"I've walked in L.A.. It was to my car, so I could drive in L.A..













  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  11. #6
    Senior Member LegoMoney's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    118
    Thanks
    256
    Thanked 380 Times in 96 Posts

    Default Re: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

    Thank you, Ladies!!!! This really helps. I've been trying to focus on me and just taking one day at a time. There was an awesome post here by PinkPopcorn, I think. I couldn't "like" it cuz I wasn't signed in at the time. Not sure where it went, but I read it and it made me feel better instantly. Thanks!!!!!!!' <3
    "I'm trying to get Boston George and Diego money/And stack it all up like Lego money....."

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to LegoMoney For This Useful Post:


  13. #7
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    165
    Thanks
    381
    Thanked 214 Times in 94 Posts
    My Mood
    Cheeky

    Default Re: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Stories, Tips, and Advice

    My best friend told me I had to get out! You can't live with an abuser and be successful. I understand. It was really hard to put my mental health first. I wanted so bad to split the rent and save money and get my deposit back, but it wasn't until I moved out I started to heal. I started going to CoDa meetings. They are a godsend. I'm hoping to get a sponsor soon. I understand, you met your needs in the moment the best way you knew how. No one can judge for you that, but seriously love you gotta put first things first. Self-care is the most important thing right now. I don't know if you ever read Masclow's hierarchy of needs, but our first need is basic stuff like food, water, air. After that, we need safety and security. At the very top is self actualization. We can't be the best version of ourselves while living with a toxic person. I know babe! My heart goes out to you! I would seriously look at getting your own place ASAP and check out a CoDa meeting. Once you get your own place, then you can have the emotional energy to be a high achiever until then take it one day at a time.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; Today at 01:08 AM.

Similar Threads

  1. BBW tips please? Let's hear some stories from the front lines!
    By SweetKiwiGirl in forum Camming Connection
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-11-2015, 09:50 PM
  2. Need advice for getting better tips in the VIP
    By Alexis81 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-02-2012, 08:09 PM
  3. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 03-06-2012, 11:34 AM
  4. The HAIR Thread: Tips, tricks, and horror stories
    By FiendishGyrator in forum Body Business
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-12-2011, 05:47 AM
  5. Replies: 7
    Last Post: 09-11-2006, 03:05 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •