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Thread: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

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    Sad Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    I don't know exactly what to say. Tonight I did a dance for a dude that went horribly. He shoved almost his whole hand down my throat, wrestled my hand onto his dick and tried to put it in my ass. I stopped him but I feel horrible for letting this happen and I absolutely hate myself because after I was so in shock that I didn't report him to the bouncers or do anything about it. I know I messed up here, I should have been more aware and active in preventing this but I really don't know what to do. I should have known because he took me back to an area of the dance room where security can't see.
    Has anyone else had something like this happen? How should I have handled this? I'm upset and terrified and I feel like I'm to blame here.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    You are never to blame. You can't make someone assault you.
    Take a self defense class.
    Keep in mind those high heels are a weapon.

    Call a rape crises center or hotline. They will be able to help you sort through all these emotions. The roller coaster ride for them are just beginning.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    I think you can still report it to management. They need to be aware there is a surveillance dead spot and slick ass customers probably know this. And maybe they know who that dude is so they can ban him from entering the premises.

    Don't blame yourself. He's the deviant.

    Sorry that you had to go through something like that.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    He caught you by surprise. This piece of shit's actions aren't your fault, ever. Have him banned.

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    Arrow Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    I think you can still report it to management. They need to be aware there is a surveillance dead spot and slick ass customers probably know this. And maybe they know who that dude is so they can ban him from entering the premises.

    Don't blame yourself. He's the deviant.

    Sorry that you had to go through something like that.
    I'm so sorry to hear, of course you are NOT to blame in any way..he took advantage of you.
    Agree w/ Sam, Ms P.
    Take care of yourself, I have a sticky at the top of page in Ladies Only, "Thru Rapist Eyes", please read that as well, when you can.
    Take care & hugs
    Rape/Sexual Assualt Crisis Hotline: 1 800-656-4673


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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    This is not your fault. Regardless of where he wanted his dance done, you should never "have to know" that someone is going to try to violate you without permission. It sounds like you did what you could in the moment. I agree with calling a crisis hotline to talk about your emotions, maybe find a local support group if you feel comfortable with that, and if you think they will back you up, you can still tell management. If they are not understanding or won't ban the guy, find a new club so you don't have to see him again. Take some time off if you feel scared to go back to dancing for awhile - sort through your emotions. I'm so sorry this happened.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    Agree with what everyone had to say.Its not your fault at all.Infact you are very brave for fighting back.Thank you so much for sharing with us.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    Aurora's idea about support group is excellent.
    Really sexual assault's about control & power.
    Wrongfully so, people tend to feel shamed


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    But also, try to find and feel out if an organization/group is used to and/or open to working with people in the adult industry. Most respectable hotlines and support centers should not discriminate, but sadly, some still do. And the last thing you want is to talk to people who are going to reiterate that this was somehow your fault because of your job. That's bullshit. If you get that sense from anyone, disengage with them and find a more supportive place.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    I am SO sorry this happened to you and like everyone has said, this is NOT your fault in any way! No one should be put in a situation where they are being abused or taken advantage of. You did not warrant the assault in any way.

    I too was assaulted at work during a VIP dance...it happened a year ago and the piece of shit I danced for was being kind of rough, scratching me and being all grabby. I told him "be gentle!" thinking he would listen to my calm warning. But he ended up biting my nipple hard! I screamed at the top of my lungs and was like "why would you do that?!?" He stupidly responded "I'm sorry I didnt mean to inflict pain on you..." what a dumb scumbag! I grabbed his hands and pinned them down and did not let him touch me at all for the remainder of the dance. Looking back, I wish I would have ended the dance. I wish I would have punched him in the throat after he did that. But no one goes to work expecting to put up a fight and they should not have to. I did not want to make it any worse than it already was. And you probably didn't either.

    Definitely seek some sort of therapy or seek out helpful resources in order to help you with your healing process. Dont keep it bottled up inside! And definitely let your club managers know about this incident and the piece of shit who did this to you to prevent it from happening again. You have to be aggressive right from the start in asserting your boundaries and never be with anyone who seems pushy or aggressive! Trust your instincts and protect yourself.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    No, it's NEVER your fault if someone assaults you. You can and should still report him, he's gonna try to pull that shit again whether on you or another dancer. People like him is the reason why everyone loses - the dancers, the customers, the bouncers, everyone.

    This is why always get paid first, and if the customer becomes rude, snap at them and if they don't get their shit together in a couple seconds, just walk out and get the bouncer to kick them out. I've had a couple guys kicked out before.


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    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    What would "future you" want you to do right now?




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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    Thank you all so so much for the reassurance and encouragement. I'm definitely going to try to talk to someone and also report him at the club so that he doesn't do this to another girl. And I think I'm going to take a week or so off. The management where I work is good but I don't think I can set foot in there for a little while.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    Babe, That guy is suffering from some SERIOUS psychological problems that have nothing to do with you. You did nothing to cause this and it isn't your fault.

    Unfortunately, you're pretty much guaranteed to encounter sick fucks like that in this industry. They think a club is a place to act out their hostilities against women.

    I had something similar happen once. A guy tried to restrain my arms with one hand, while reaching around with his other in an attempt to fist my ass. This happened out in the open, in the middle of a so-called upscale club, in plain view of tons of other customers and staff. Naturally, it was a bunch of waitresses and dancers who broke it up. The so-called male customers and bouncers didn't do a damn thing. Eventually a manager came by to escort the guy out, while lecturing him on how that behavior could have landed me a prostitution charge had a cop seen it. Never mind that he could have gotten an assault or rape charge!

    Clubs usually WON'T have your back regarding these matters bc they're more interested in sweeping problems under the rug so they don't get shut down. And cops are known for ignoring dancers who call them anyway. Had it not been for the latter, I would have called 911 on the spot.

    I'm still pissed off that douche tried to do that. You really need to watch your back and think fast when it comes to dancing bc crazy shit can happen when you least expect it.

    I hope you're healing ok. Sorry to hear you experienced this.
    Last edited by swaggerleigh; 08-13-2017 at 04:20 AM.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    ^Like she said, I've only ever been defended by dancers and waitresses, never bouncers. Definitely never customers.

    It's NOT your fault, EVER. Unless you literally ask someone to do that to you, they imposed THEIR will onto you. Sadly, we work in an industry where it is common for men to prey on us, so yes, it is important to walk away immediately, shout for help, or physically defend yourself if need be. Clubs are supposed to protect us from these scumbags, but as we all know, that doesn't always happen.

    I've been assaulted multiple times, and it still affects me, months/years later. I've had a couple guys grab my neck aggressively, and I couldn't bring myself to wear anything tight around my neck for a long time after that. I'd definitely recommend reading up on this subject and empowering yourself, or talking to someone you trust/a counselor. Your mindset currently seems to be putting the blame on yourself, and that is not healthy, nor is it going to help you in the future if you continue stripping.

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    Default Re: Assaulted at work. Was it my fault?

    Quote Originally Posted by rayonstilts View Post
    I don't know exactly what to say. Tonight I did a dance for a dude that went horribly. He shoved almost his whole hand down my throat, wrestled my hand onto his dick and tried to put it in my ass. I stopped him but I feel horrible for letting this happen and I absolutely hate myself because after I was so in shock that I didn't report him to the bouncers or do anything about it. I know I messed up here, I should have been more aware and active in preventing this but I really don't know what to do. I should have known because he took me back to an area of the dance room where security can't see.
    Has anyone else had something like this happen? How should I have handled this? I'm upset and terrified and I feel like I'm to blame here.
    I am so sorry this happened to you. Terrifying.

    You are not at fault, nor are you ever, ever to blame! He was the one responsible for his actions. Not you. Do not blame yourself.

    It is normal to feel in shock when something like this happens.

    If ypu see him again, alert management and bouncers. Call a sexual assault hotline or find a support group friendly towards adult entertainers. You can have him banned from the club and if there is video, you'll have extra ammo if you want to press charges.

    Take time off and take excellent care of yourself. Sending hugs.

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